That's A Tree As Big As Me

It was like a million bad jokes come to life. A Hindu, a Christian and a Jew entered a Christmas tree park…

They watched Molly run up to the first tree at the entrance of the tree lot. Her breath formed clouds of frost as she screamed with joy. Walking into the enclosure, Mohinder couldn't help but wonder why it was surrounded by a six foot tall fence, lined by curling barbwire. It felt like a tree prison. To his right, he took in the sight of a perfectly good evergreen pine being sprayed until it resembled a soggy sugar confection. Pointing at the poor tree, he asked, "What are they doing that for? Just decoration?"

With a shrug, Matt glanced at the fake snow covered tree in question. "As I understand it, they do that to make the tree less flammable."

His eyes suddenly open, he asked, "Are they very flammable?"

"From what I hear – They can be. Oh yeah, even in L.A., we used to get several calls a year over trees that caught on fire."

Crossing his arms over his chest, Mohinder stared at all the trees that were beginning to look curiously like roman candles. "Matthew, in your experience, are Christmas trees dangerous? Is there any way to make them less hazardous?"

"I don't really know a whole lot about Christmas trees except that there seems to be at least one in every mall and, of course, what I've learned from television." Looking at Mohinder's narrow eyes, he explained, "I'm Jewish. We don't do trees. We do Menorahs and candles."

His lips forming a tight circle, Mohinder replied, "Oh. Then, I guess we better follow Molly very closely."

Finding the girl in question, they started to walk after her. After a couple seconds, Mohinder asked, "Would you like a Menorah?"

"Excuse me?"

Stopping in his tracks, he turned to Matt and repeated, "Would you like a Menorah? It occurs to me that we've been so wrapped up in giving Molly a Christmas that we've completely overlooked providing for your faith as well."

"No. I don't need a Menorah. Holidays like these are more for the kids anyway. Our kid happens to be Christian so I'm happy doing Christmas." Scanning the park for Molly, he continued, "Besides, I haven't been in a temple in years. Not since my Mother died."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know that your Mother was dead."

Finding Molly, Matt smiled sadly. "Yeah. Six years now. Cancer."

"My condolences," whispered Mohinder as he placed his hand on Matt shoulder.

Placing his hand over Mohinder's, Matt continued, "It's okay. We did the full Shiva already."

"Shiva?"

"It's a time of mourning. Very structured. You say Kaddish – the mourner's prayer. You remember the deceased."

Nodding, Mohinder closed his eyes. "I did a very similar thing when my Father died. My Mother raised me in the Hindu faith. My Father didn't believe in much save his work, but after his death I spread his ashes and chanted the required verses. I don't practice the faith much myself, but I felt compelled to do it."

"I understand. It's like you feel a need to pull out all the stops. Give them everything they'll need whether they would have wanted it or not."

Opening his eyes, Mohinder looked in Matt's eyes and sighed, "Precisely."

Suddenly, they went very still. With a jerk, they stepped back from each other. Looking everywhere, but at each other, stray thoughts entered Matt's mind. 'What just happened? Why was he holding my hand? I should never have touched him.' Flinching, he forced the jumbled thoughts from his mind, realizing immediately that they did not all belong to him. Searching for a diversion, they quickly zeroed in on Molly. Reacting first, Matt shouted, "Hey Molly, wait up."

Glancing at Mohinder, he shrugged in Molly's direction. Walking away, he called out without looking back. "Let's go. We don't want to keep her waiting."

Approaching her, they saw the toothy grin she flashed at them as she displayed her find. Six feet in height, three and a half feet in diameter, her desired tree loomed before them.

Tilting his head back, Mohinder observed, "I'm not even sure that will fit in the apartment."

With a whistle, Matt agreed, "Man, that's a tree as big as me."

Then, Matt got pinched. It took a moment to register the sensation that balanced between a tickle and a needle prick on his arm. Glancing to the left, he saw the culprit – Mohinder with his eyes softly closed, his right hand up with fingers crossed.

"What was that?"

Opening his eyes, Mohinder blushed. "Sorry. It's a thing I learned as a boy. Whenever someone makes a rhyme without thinking, you rush to be the first to pinch the poet and make a wish."

With a hint of laughter, Matt shook off the awkwardness of only a moment ago. "You're a piece of work, y'know that, right?"

Clapping her hands, Molly chimed in, "I like it. Can I try?"

Wrapping an arm around her, Mohinder answered, "Of course, but you have to wait until it happens spontaneously. Okay?"

A bit crestfallen, Molly quickly recovered with a sly grin. "Well, if I can't play right now, then can I at least get to have this tree. Isn't it magnificent? It would make the perfect Christmas tree. Please. Please. Please."

Instantly, Matt and Mohinder's eyes met. Nodding in unison, they said, "Sure."

Jumping up and down, Molly squealed, "I'll go get the lot manager. You two stay here and guard the tree. Don't let anyone else take it while I'm gone."

At a full run, she disappeared toward the entrance. Matt started to raise an arm, almost ordered her to come back. Halfway there, he stopped and let his arm fall limply. Looking back at the tree, he said, "I guess this is our tree. You like it?"

"I think it's huge."

"Yeah, but do you like it?"

Smiling at Matt, he replied, "Yes, after all, it is as big as you."

Punching Mohinder softly in the arm, Matt hissed, "Idiot. I should kick your ass."

"Language."

"Ahh, she's not here. It doesn't count."

With a soft laugh, Mohinder responded, "That's one way to look at it."

They chuckled lightly. Standing there, they said nothing for a couple minutes. Pounding their heels into the asphalt, they could feel the cold creeping up their spines. Turning to his left, Matt asked, "Would you like to go to a party?"

"What?" replied Mohinder while struggling with a sudden cough.

"Look, the department is throwing a Christmas party. Apparently, my precinct takes these things very seriously. Everyone's talking about what they're going to wear and who they're bringing. Initially, I was going to skip it, but my boss made me aware the other day that my absence is not an option. So, I thought maybe you and Molly would like to go."

"Sure," he replied. "Just tell me when and where."

His smile spreading wider, Matt said, "Great. Thanks. You're a life saver."

"It's my pleasure," replied Mohinder as he returned the smile. Looking past Matt, he saw Molly return with a large man dressed in blue overalls. Nodding in her direction, he remarked, "Look at how happy this makes her."

"Yeah, but I have one question."

"What's that?"

"How are we getting this home?"