CHAPTER 2 – What ever gets you through today

Brooke spins around in front of the big mirror, smiling contentedly at her own reflection. She looks like a million bucks and she knows it. The short denim-skirt doesn't cover much more than her cheer-uniform had done a little while ago. And with the strappy highhealed sandals her golden legs seems to go on for ever. She ties the halter-necked top in the back and gently detangles her hair that's flowing down her back in loose curls.

Rachel, being seated by the vanity putting on make-up, gasps for air.

"I can't breathe in here… there's no room with Brooke's enormous ego!"

"Oh come on Rach" she laughs back. "Don't hate! You look really good. Just not as good as me."

Rachel just rolls her eyes in a 'you're stupid' kind of way and she smiles cheekily towards her and downs the last sip from the drink that she's already served herself. People will be arriving soon but she's pretty much done with her make-over and she feels prepared. Tonight she will go back to being her old self. The Brooke who doesn't do relationships and who calls the shots. The Brooke on top.
She pours another drink for herself and then serves Rachel one before raising her glass.

"What should we drink to?"

Rachel thinks. "Boys?"

"No, boys are so last season" she says, still admiring her self in the mirror.

"Then how about to being young and gorgeous?"

"That I'll drink to any day!"

The doorbell sounds and the girls hear Mouth's voice from downstairs.

"Rachel! I'm here with the sound equipment… Where do you want me to put it?"

"Just put it up out by the pool. We'll be right there…"

After a final touch on her make-up Brooke runs down the stairs and hugs Mouth warmly. The speaker's are going to have to come up soon she thinks, because people have already started parking in the street.

It's still warm in the evenings although the autumn is here to stay and Brooke sits down next to Mouth on the patio, enjoying the soft breeze. People are scattered all around the pool and inside the house, and it looks like a good turn-out. She's tired from walking around being the perfect hostess and she stretches out her long legs in front of her, thinking that it has been more fun then she'd remembered to innocently flirt with who ever she liked.

"This party is actually alright" she tells Mouth happily and he nods and smiles at her.

"It's nice to see you happy. You've been kind of distant lately…"

"I'm fine Mouth. It's just been a hectic period. I'll be back to the cheery little old me in no time!"

She gives him a huge smile, dimples in full effect, and leans in closer to whisper in his ear.

"You wanna know a secret though? I think I'm a bit tipsy…"

Nathan walks up the driveway and before Mouth has any chance to answer her last remark she jumps up. And with an even bigger smile she shouts;

"Tudor-husband! Good game!!"

"Thank's Davis, I did my best."

"Of course you did. You ARE the best!"

She laughs and gives him a hug before pulling him with her towards the entrance.

"I know Tudor-wife isn't coming, but be calm! You have me, and I'm going to make it my personal mission to see to it that you have a good time! Come on, let's get you a drink!"

Nathan laughs sheepishly towards Mouth and she hears him whisper a playful "Help!" before being dragged into the house.
Walking into the living room on the way to the kitchen she passes Peyton without giving her a single glance.

"Just great", she thinks. "Lucas must be here somewhere…"

"Hey Luke! Where's the keg?"

The party has been going on for a couple of hours and the booze is flowing. Even though Lucas doesn't know the guy who's shouting out the question he smiles and points out the direction towards the kitchen. There are lots of people at this party that he's never seen before. Mostly guys, but then again Rachel and Brooke knew more people then anyone else he could think of.

Peyton is sitting on the couch next to him talking vividly to some girl about music and he suddenly feels an urge to get out of the crammed up living-room and get out for some air. He walks out on the patio and finds Mouth sprawled out on a sun-bed.

"Hey Mouth" he says and offers him his hand. Mouth takes it and smiles, looking like he might be slightly drunk.

"Hey Luke. You having fun?"

"Yea, it's alright I guess. The music is kind of bad…"

"I know… Brooke paid some DJ from some collage to play. She said she wanted me to be able to party, not just stand in the DJ-booth all night."

They both laugh as a Justin Timberlake-song starts playing from the speakers.

"Cheers to pop!" Mouth raises a plastic glass to Lucas. "Anyway, she says that I need to socialize more so she's pouring alcohol down my throat every time she sees me…"

"Well, that's nice of her. So is that why you're hiding out here?"

His voice turns out a little more sarcastic than he planned for and Mouth looks at him strangely.

"Um, no. Actually that IS nice of her to want to hang out with me instead of having me work. Brooke is a nice person, you know. You seem to have forgotten that… And for your information, I'm not hiding from her. She was just out her a little while ago. She just went inside to get Nathan a drink."

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Brooke has left Nathan inside and is heading back out to find Mouth and bring him into the kitchen as well. Bevin had come up with the crazy idea to play 'twister' and she wants Mouth to join them. But he's not were she left him moments ago. Instead Lucas is now sitting on the sunbed and looks up when she walks towards him.

"Have you seen Mouth" she asks and he looks surprised that she's talking to him.

"Yeah, he was just here. I think he was going to go find Gigi…"

She turns to go back inside but his voice stops her.

"Brooke… Can we talk?"

She sighs inwardly ant turns to look at him again. He looks sad and she figures that she is still sober enough to be able to talk to him a while without getting emotional so she nods.

"Okay… about what?"

"I miss you soo much Brooke… I know you said when you broke up with me that you couldn't do it anymore but you also said that you still love me… And if you do, then why can't we give this one more try?"

He still sitting down but when she shakes her head slowly he gets up on his feet.

"Why? You know that we are great together. We're like yin and yang, you pick me up, I hold you down… It was you who said all those things. How come you suddenly changed your mind?

She's trying to figure out how much of the things he's saying that are sincere. If he's just saying the things he knows that she wants to hear. But he looks truthful, even a little desperate to be honest. So she extends her hand to him.

"Come on Broody… walk with me in the garden."

He takes her hand in his and they slowly walk past the big turquoise pool down towards the rosebushes. She doesn't talk and he walks silently beside her as if he understands that he shouldn't push this. She stops at a bench and they sit before she finally says;

"You know Luke… I have this problem… I've never met a person that makes me feel both as bad and as good as you do. But the thing is that it ruins my life. On a good day, being with you makes me walk on clouds. But most days you make me so insecure…"

She looks at him to see if he understands but he looks confused.

"I really loved you. Maybe I will always love you. But you keep prioritizing everybody else before us… You say you miss me, but you miss my body Lucas. You miss the sexy Brooke Davis that takes you out on late night adventures and that can give you a great lay. You don't miss ME."

"That's not true Brooke! I DO miss you. But you keep blowing everything out of proportion. I have to prioritize Peyton. She's had such a ruff time this last year and she's my friend."

He looks at her like she's being childish and she starts to grasp that this isn't going were she hoped. Lucas is never going to understand.

"I know she's your friend. Hell, she used to be my BEST friend but I was your girlfriend. That should count for something, right?"

Lucas suddenly looks annoyed. He shifts on the bench and looks over at the house.

"Of course it counted. But every time Peyton was in the same room as us you acted like we were going to lie to you or cheat behind your back."

She is angry now. But still she keeps the calm face and the cold emotionless voice. "You know why?" she says looking straight into his eyes. "Because you lied to me before and it almost killed me. And that's why I've been avoiding you since we broke up. Because even if I felt anything for you now I would resort to any means necessary to protect myself for ending up in that position again."

Lucas sighs loudly.

"But I'm not going to lie to you. Brooke, listen to me, I'm not going to hurt you this time!"

"And you know why? Because I'm not going to let you in. You don't get to have me. Not my body, and sure as hell not my heart. I don't want you anymore Luke! You had your chance and we're done."

The tears are burning in her eyes threatening to spill onto her cheeks and she doesn't want to give him the pleasure of knowing that his ignorance has gotten to her that much. So she walks off, leaving him on the bench under the rosebushes. And he doesn't call after her either.

Nathan puts down his empty beer bottle on the kitchen-table and laughs at Skills who's trying to turn Bevin upside-down. The party is actually okay, even without Haley, but he's kind of drunk now and he had promised himself to take it easy tonight. "I'm blaming Brooke and her vodka-shots" he thinks. At least Rachel hasn't bugged him tonight as she had done at most of the latest parties.
Come to think about it, he hasn't seen either Brooke or Rachel in a while now. Last time he had seen Brooke was little after the shot-happening here in the kitchen. She had gone to get Mouth but she never came back and then a couple of minutes later he had seen her through the window. She had been talking to Lucas in the garden, actually looking rather friendly. And after her not even acknowledging Lucas for the last month this was a big change.

Himself and Haley had waited for Brooke to crash through the floor after hers and Lucas' strange break-up, and to become raging and emotional as usual. But apart from her slapping Peyton that one time she had almost behaved like neither her and Lucas' or her friendship with Peyton had ever happened. Almost.

She had of course told both him and Haley about the kiss in the library, yet he could feel that there were lots that she didn't tell. And knowing Brooke those 'other' things were probably the bigger issue. It just seems strange to him that Brooke isn't telling. Brooke, who was usually over-sharing.

Instead Lucas had been the one moping, trying to get back at Brookes good side. Nothing had worked though; she had hardly offered him as much as a 'hello'.

He walks around in the house for a while trying to find her, suddenly curious about hearing what's gotten her back on speaking terms with his brother. And finally he finds her standing by her self in a corner, holding a bottle of vodka in her hand.

She looks drunk, drunker then he's seen her in a long time, maybe even since beginning of junior year, and she looks lonely.
He can see that she is watching something intensely and when he follows her stare he sees Lucas and Peyton just outside the open balcony-doors. They're laughing and talking, heads close together, and he feels so sorry for Brooke. The last month can't have been easy for her, he knows that. She has been holding up great, but tonight it seems like her mask is cracking. Her facial expression is still cold and nonchalant but her eyes are giving her away. Even Nathan can see she's sad and he is drunk himself.

"You shouldn't be drinking that Brooke…" he says walking up to her and calmly taking the bottle out of her hand.

"And why is that?" Her voice is a bit slurry and she seems kind of spaced out. Not the usual drunk and happy Brooke, more like she's really somewhere else.

"Because you're going to feel bad later."

She looks at him strangely, suddenly very much back in focus. "Whatever gets you through the day, right Nate?" she says raising her eyebrow as if really waiting for him to answer, but then she turns and walks out towards the pool.

He stays behind, watching her as she goes, and he remembers the day long ago when he had said the exact same words to her.
They couldn't have been more then eleven or twelve and he had downed almost half a bottle of his dad's whiskey in order to numb his feelings of inadequacy towards his father. Brooke had found him in the bushes behind school, drunk beyond recognition, and she had helped him home to her house and taken care of him best as she knew how. She hadn't told on him but when he sobered up she had asked him why and he had simply answered;

"I just didn't want to feel anymore."

She had looked at him questionably and asked; "And you can fix that with alcohol?"

"Whatever gets me through today Brookie…" he had laughed "whatever gets me through today."

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