Authors note: I love the reviews! And i would love to give you all personal responses right here, but then i'd never get this chapter up (and i have to, because otherwise people will kill me for not going back to concentrating on Girl Behind The Red Door LOL).
This chapter is mostly about the diffrent friendships but there will be more Brucas-interaction in the next one. Promise.
Please tell me what you think.

/Lynn

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CHAPTER 5 – Smile like you mean it

It is weird, Lucas thinks. He doesn't know anyone who can look as cold as Brooke Davis. And he doesn't know anyone who can look as hurt or as heartbroken either. Actually, the faces she has are almost uncountable. All the way from that amazing smile with those huge dimples to that look that could probably kill. All the little variations, like the raised eyebrow or the little smirk or the wide eyes she gets when she's nervous or surprised. And the squint she does with her beautiful green eyes when she gets annoyed…

But the way she looks at him now is by far the worst. Because standing there in the bathroom door she gives him the look of someone who's just given up.

"Brooke…"

He knows what she must be thinking. But she had just heard the last part of the conversation. He has to explain to her that he was talking about the friendship he and Peyton shares, nothing else. And he needs to talk to her about yesterday too. Because he feels that there was so much more he should have said at the bench by the rosebushes.

He takes a step towards her but Nathan grabs his arm and holds him as she turns and disappears back into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. He rips himself free of Nathan's grip but this time Haley, his Haley, blocks the way. And she shakes her head at him.

"Luke… Nathan is right. Just don't… You'll only make it worse." She grabs her jacket that's hanging over a chair by the door and says "Come on; let's go for a walk… I need to talk to you."

Unwillingly he follows her but not without glancing at the closed door one more time. He gets that Haley doesn't want him and Nathan to keep fighting, and he knows that she's protecting Brooke, but still he has this strange feeling that he's slowly being pushed out of all of their lives.

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Brooke sits on the bathroom floor leaning her head against the cold bathtub. The knock on the door is soft and she closes her eyes and tries to block out the sound. Minutes ago she'd heard the entrance door close and she figures that it isn't Lucas standing on the other side. But it doesn't matter, she just wants to be alone. The tears keep streaming down her cheeks and she swallows hard.
This was finally it. Lucas has admitted his feelings and made his choice and even though it's been evident for quite some time where his heart's been, it just hurts so badly.

"I didn't mean to hurt you Brooke…"
"It doesn't really matter Lucas… 'cause in the end it all hurts the same…"

But it doesn't hurt the same though. The end hurts even more.
The knocking gets louder and she can hear a voice saying; "Open the door Brooke… Otherwise I have to get the key…"

It's Nathan. Haley is probably standing next to him, both of them being all worried about her. Reluctantly she wipes most of the tears of her face and secures the towel around her body.

"Brooke! Open the door!"

"Just a second…"

She takes a couple of deep breaths and one glance in the mirror tells her that she's not going to be able to lie about how much Lucas' words has hurt her. But she hears the tone in Nathans voice. Knowing him she is very aware that he'll kick in the door if she doesn't open it soon. So she gets up and does, and he looks at her for a while before stepping into her makeshift safe haven of the clinkered bathroom. She waits for Haley to come in after him but she doesn't.

"Where's Haley?"

Her voice cracks into a sob and she wants to make herself disappear in thin air. They all have to be so tired of her by now. Of her moping, crying and recent coldness. But she wants Tudorwife. She wants Hales. She misses her friend and needs her to talk her through this. Haley is always so level-headed, something Brooke never is, and she regrets that she didn't talk to Haley earlier when she had the chance. But she not used to being weak in front of her, at least not like this.

"She took Lucas out of here" Nathan says softly, "She'll be back to comfort you soon."

He wraps his big arms around her and holds her. And in contrast to last night she's now sober and aware of the softness in the hug, the big-brotherly love of his that had been so evident when they were younger. And silently she wonders why they ever drifted apart.

"Don't hug me Nate…" she breathes "if you do I'm gonna start bawling again…"

"Go ahead Davis. Cry all you want. It just makes you human. And I'm not letting go of you until Haley comes back to take over…"

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Haley watches Lucas kick little stones and gravel around him as they walk down Main street. The silence between them is tense, and she knows he's feeling hurt about the fact that she had so clearly taken Nathans and Brookes side over his.

She and Lucas have been best friends for as long as she can remember. She can easily picture him as the little blond boy next to her when she was skipping home from kindergarten. Or the way he had carried his basketball under one arm and her books under the other when they started school. Lucas has been her knight in shining armor for so many years and they have gone through so much together. When she was younger she had even thought that they would end up married one day, and maybe that's what's making it so hard for her to admit to herself that he no longer is the Lucas she used to know. She still loves him as a friend and she owes him for a lot of things. But truthfully he's changed.

"What happened to you Luke?" she says.

"What do you mean?"

She stops and looks him straight into those blue eyes. The wind shuffles through his hair and he squints in that typical Lucas' kind of way. At least he looks the same.

"You used to have this great heart. You used to be the one standing up for the weaker guy… You were always straight-forward with stuff, and honest. You always used to be honest."

"I'm still honest!"

"No, you're not! And sometimes I feel like I don't even know you anymore Luke…"

She looks away but she can still see him pulling his hand through his hair as he always does when feeling pressured or insecure.

"You're my best friend Hales… Don't say that. Not even my mom knows me better than you. I miss you and life was much simpler when it was just you and me…"

The laugh that comes out of her mouth is dry. She remembers the exact day when both their lives started to change. It was the day Lucas joined the Tree Hill Ravens and made that winning score in his first game. Brooke had told her once about hiding in Lucas' car that night half naked, and she had also told her what she had asked Lucas;

"How many moments in life can you point to and say 'that's when it all changed'?"

According to Brooke Lucas had asked "What changed?" and Brooke answered; "Everything." Brooke obviously had no idea of how right she would be.

"Okay…" she says and takes a step towards him. "If you still are the honest guy I know, then truthfully, why do you keep on hurting Brooke? Huh?"

"God, Haley!! Tell me I'm not hearing this. You KNOW that me kissing Peyton that day in the library didn't mean anything!"

"I didn't say it did. I asked you about Brooke. NOT Peyton. I mean, I get the whole bleeding to death-scenario, so Peyton kind of gets a free pass, but you weren't bleeding to death, right? And with the history you and Brooke have, you should have known that keeping it from her would just dig you a deeper hole."

She sighs and listens to the sound of the seagulls for a moment before continuing;

"But you have changed. You suddenly think that sneaking around with Peyton is okay again, and may I remind you, she's still the same Peyton that you cheated on Brooke with before. The weirdest thing is that you seem to think that you have the right and that Brooke's being unreasonable. Like as if the sun rises and sets on YOUR ass. But hey, guess what… it doesn't!"

Her voice is sarcastic and he starts to look angry now. "It doesn't rise and set on Brooke's ass either, so why the hell are you notoriously taking her side? She comes crying and suddenly you don't care about our friendship. I mean, you haven't really been around lately to hear my side of the story!"

My god, she thinks, when did Lucas Scott, her Lucas, become such a complete idiot?
She shakes her head at him, not knowing what to say since he's not hearing her anyway. And she thinks back to the night of the ToyBoy Auction their junior year. She had been angry at Lucas for holding her to a higher standard then everybody else, expecting her to be flawless. But that had just been how he was, and back then she knew that deep down he meant well.
Now all of a sudden he seems to have turned the whole double-standard back on himself, thinking that he was the flawless one. The one who could do no wrong.

Sighing, she says "Get over yourself!" and starts to walk away from him. But then she stops and turns. "Oh, and that thing sticking out of your mouth, that would be your foot!"

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Nathan stands there holding Brooke until he finally feels her start sobbing against his chest. He rubs her bare back and hums, "Let it out B… it's gonna be okay…"
He knows this kind of crying. The tense sobs come first, the ones he knows she's trying to hold back. Then the tears start flowing, wetting through his t-shirt, and he holds her even closer.

Before last night there had been a long time since he listened to Brooke cry like this. He counts down the seconds until her crying will get uncontrollable and tries to remember when the last time had been. It hadn't been over a boy, he thinks. Brooke didn't used to cry over boys. At least not before Lucas.
As long as he can remember boys had been commodities to Brooke and she would never let them get close enough to hurt her. She played with them, sure, and she'd let them swarm around her for a while, but then she usually dropped them.

No, Brooke crying like this usually had to do with her parents.

In his head he counts; five, four, three, two… And reaching one, he feels the tensing of her shoulders go away and she leans her whole body-weight on him while crying her heart out. Brooke used to cry this way when she had let her guard down and had let someone she loved fool her. When she felt dumb. And he remembers.

"Brooke, let's go down to the burning boat" he said and grabbed his sweater from couch. But Brooke shakes her head.

"I can't. Daddy's picking me up in half an hour. I'm flying with him and mom to Paris over the weekend.

She smiles happily and he knows how much this means to her.

"Um, that's great Brooke! I know how much you've missed them".

"Yeah, I really have. Daddy says that we'll make up for them being away most of the summer. It's gonna be great!"

She giddily jumps up from the sofa and he shrugs smiling. "Okay, I'm gonna get going. But call me and tell me about it when you get back."

She promises to do so and he walks out the house and on down to the beach to meet their friends.

Hours later he walks the same way back to his own house and that's when he sees the little brunette girl sitting on her front porch next to her oversized luggage. He looks at his watch. 12 pm. Why was she still sitting there?

"Brooke!" he calls out and she looks up. "Why haven't you left yet?"

He walks up to her and she just stares into the distance. He's only fourteen but he's still able to feel the loneliness that surrounds her.

"They never came?" he asks and sits down beside her. She shakes her head and leans her head on his shoulder so he puts his arm around her. She lets out a tense sob and silently he counts down in his head. Ten, nine, eight…

As she starts to cry he realizes how much he hates when people hurt Brooke.

He remembers. It's been four years since she cried like this with him. And he still hates when people hurt her. Even more so in this moment.In some way he understands that Lucas isn't solely responsible for putting Brooke in this state, because Lucas has no idea how scared Brooke is of the things surrounding the word love. Lucas doesn't really know to what extant that Brooke actually guards her heart. But what pisses Nathan off so much is that Lucas didn't bother to know it either.
After spending months of talking about how much he loved Brooke, Lucas still didn't see the girl that had been his girlfriend, he didn't know her. And Nathan finds this strange. To him it is easy to see that Brooke has been feeling bad for a long time.

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Haley walks back into the apartment and she hears the crying long before even entering the bathroom. She sees Nathan holding Brooke and his eyes tell her to get over there. So she does. And she peals Brooke off of her tired husband and takes over.At first she afraid that Brooke will shut her out but she doesn't. She just clings on to Haley and continues crying. Nathan kisses both their heads, and over Brookes shoulder Haley can see him go over to the desk in the livingroom and grab his car-keys. Seconds later he's out the door. And Haley is pretty sure that she knows where her husband is going.

A while later Brooke slowly starts to calm down. And after giving the brunette some sweats to wear Haley goes back into the kitchen to make some fresh coffee. Their breakfast is still on the table, untouched.
Brooke walks in and sits down with a tired smile and Haley smiles back and strokes her over the hair.

"Are you okay?"

Brooke sits down and answers; "Yeah, I'm okay…" and Haley sighs softly.

"No you're not Tigger. Lucas is an asshole but I assure you, he's not in love with Peyton. He loves you."

"This is not about Luke…" Brooke keeps maintaining the half-smile but looks down into the kitchen table. "You know I told you I had this thing with Nick… or uhm… I mean mr Chavez. Well he kind of cheated on me the other night, with one of MY catwalk models… so…"

Haley watches her and shakes her head. Yeah, she knows about Brooke screwing their English teacher. And she feels bad that he had been an asshole to her too, on top of the whole heartbreak with Lucas. But she has never heard Brooke cry like before in the bathroom and she knows that a week-long fling would never be the reason for that.

"If you want to lie to me Brooke, then you should at least try to smile like you mean it…" she says. "I'm not stupid you know, and I'm hurt that you think I know you so badly."

Brooke's smile fades.

"Okay, the truth? I'm breaking inside Hales… and I don't know how to make it better."

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