Author's note: After way too long I'm finally updating this. And since it's late at night and i really want to get this up, i'm skipping the personal thank you's. But know that i LOVE LOVE LOVE all your reviews...

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CHAPTER 10 – You should have lied

It doesn't matter
that you had the courage to tell me…

"He always lets me walk off…" Brooke thinks as she walks barefoot where the water drowns the sand. "He never follows me and yet I come back to him every time… like a little well-trained dog."

And she doesn't even become embarrassed by her own behavior anymore. But she should, because she has crawled in the gravel for him so many times and every time it always ends the same; she loves him with all her heart, giving him all of her, mind body and soul, and he turns his attention to Peyton. Every time.

The smell of the ocean swirls around her, its cool breezes ruffling her hair and the crashing of waves mingles with the sound of the seagulls. In the almost complete darkness she keeps replaying his words in her head, one by one, and every word he had uttered cuts like a knife. Even if he had probably meant well.

"I picked you Brooke. I fought for you…"

But he never had and she hates that she can't make it feel any better. She hates the fact that he can get under her skin so easily. And tonight at the Rivercourt had proven that once again. She had come there to see him, hoping that he would be there like he often was after a good game. She wanted to talk to him and once again throw herself in the gravel at his feet. But then he asked her why she had avoided him, and the notion that he actually didn't know that instead made her explain. Although he still didn't understand of course. He never would.

She thought about going straight to the party after her talk with Lucas. Half a bottle of vodka and around fifty drunken teenagers did seem to be the easiest way to drown the whole encounter. But as she drove off, Nathan's voice popped up inside her head;

"Don't do this again! You and alcohol don't go well together B… it makes you… well…"

She knows the end of the sentence, even though Nathan didn't say it last night. And that's why she has decided against drinking tonight. Too much is on her mind right now and last night had gotten a little out of control. So instead she had just parked her car by the promenade and walked down here, the beach that held so many memories. And as the Scott's beach-house comes into view she sits herself down. She buries her toes in the damp cold sand and takes a deep breathe. She needs a couple of minutes of alone-time before meeting the crowd at Bevin's house.

She looks out over the ocean but there's only darkness. She is glad that Nathan is back in her life as her friend but it also clarifies something else for her; she misses Lucas. Misses him with every fiber of her being. He had hurt her and left her hanging so many times in the last year and a half but sitting here alone on their beach she realizes that even though he would probably always love Peyton more, even though she herself was never enough for him, her heart isn't complete without him. The problem is that none of this matters, because she can never be with him again. If she would her heart would never recover.

She sighs and fills her hands with soft grains of sand, letting them trickle out between her fingers. And then she finally allows for the tears, that she's been holding in ever since the bus-ride, to come pouring out.

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Lucas turns the corner of Main Street and onto Oleander Drive. The streets are empty and the only light comes from far between set streetlights. But in his mind he actually wishes that it was even darker. That way he might not be able to see the flashing images' of Brooke by the table at the Rivercourt, the images that keeps passing by in his head like a slide-show. Dark green eyes full of honesty and pain, the smile she forced in order to not seem weak in front of him, and that ironic dimple on her right cheek that came out not only when she laughed, but also when she was about to cry… The left dimple never did that, only the right.

He hesitates outside of the white house that he has just entered without knocking so many times. He knows that if Peyton is home she will be alone, but it's still almost midnight and she will surely be surprised to see him. And even though he is pretty set on what to say to her, it still feels awkward to come over here this late.

He lifts his hand and knocks on the door. Seconds pass and no sounds are heard from inside so he knocks again, a little harder this time, before finally giving in to just feeling the doorknob. It's locked. He backs up a few steps to look up at her window and this time he notices that it's dark in there. It would be weird if she was sleeping, even on a Wednesday night, because she usually never went to sleep before one o'clock. And especially tonight when there was a party going on and…

"Damn it…" he whispers when realizing. Peyton is at the party too of course. He gives the stones in her driveway an annoyed kick before turning and heading back in the same direction he had come. He had hoped to talk to Peyton before seeing Brooke again but now it seems he won't be that lucky. And thinking about the last weeks, he almost laughs at the thought of having something going his way.

"Why would it?" he thinks as he jogs back towards Bevin's house. Things hadn't been good since Brooke dumped him.

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Peyton sits on Bevin's front-porch drinking beer with some of the girls from the squad. The night has been good so far and since Brooke hasn't been around she gets to enjoy the company of Theresa and the other girls that otherwise keeps a distance from her. Since it was Brooke's squad they all had their loyalty towards the brunette first and foremost.

She's laughing at something Carly just said when she sees Lucas coming up the driveway. Unconsciously she smiles, thinking that the night can't get any better. If now Brooke would just stay away…

But Lucas doesn't smile back at her. Instead he waves, but with a serious face.

"Hey Peyt… Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Yeah, sure…"

She hands her cup of beer to Theresa and walks down the few steps before following him into the garden.

"Hey Luke, what's up with you?" she asks a little hesitant when he stops and sits by the table outside the gazebo. "Has something happened?"

"Well not really… but I need to talk to you about Brooke."

At first she feels the butterflies swarm inside her. Maybe this is the moment that he will tell her that he is finally over Brooke once and for all. And then he looks up and meets her eyes.

"I love you Peyton, you know that don't you?..."

She almost looses her breath. This is exactly how she pictured it, in a beautiful garden at night, just the two of them. But then he continues. "…and it sucks that it has to be this way… but I miss Brooke SO much. And I need to get her back. That's why I can't hang out with you as much as I have…"

He probably keeps on talking but she stops listening and inwardly curses Brooke. The girl had everything she wants… Life just isn't fair.

If she could get Lucas to hate her former friend in that moment she would do anything, but even she can see that it's no use. His eyes sparkle by the pure mention of her name.

They talk for a little while more and she mechanically declares that she is fine with not seeing him for a while. "Anything for you and Brooke, Lucas… I just want you to be happy…"

But she really just wants to scream.

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After spending half an hour at the beach, Brooke enters the loud party and heads straight to the livingroom. She's cold and tired and she's not here to hang out or dance, just to check in with Nathan, Haley and Rachel before she heads home to sleep. However bad things has been lately, she still has an image to uphold, and to not make an appearance at a party as big as this one would just give people a chance to gossip.

Lately she has heard several girls on the squad complaining behind her back that she had somewhat 'retracted socially' and she really doesn't want to tackle the whole 'you've been drifting'-scenario again. Last year, when her dad's company had gone bankrupt and she had lived at Karen's house, she had to defend herself every time she missed a social gathering. Then it had been because she had to work and didn't have time, and this time she just didn't feel up to it, but never the less, people relayed on her presence.

She looks around for her friends in the swaying sea of people and finally she spots Nathan's dark head of hair over by the door to the diningroom. She pushes herself over in his direction, stopping a few times on the way to say hi to familiar faces, and when she finally reaches him she leans on him thankfully.

"Hey B" he says smiling and puts his arm around her shoulders. "I started to think you wouldn't come… Where have you been?"

She sighs and shakes her head with out looking at him.

"Don't ask. And I'm not staying, I'm just her for the social head-count. As soon as I've been seen by enough people I'm out of here…"

She still leans towards his shoulder but he puts his hand under her chin, forcing her to look up. When she does, he looks at her questioning.

"What's up Brooke? You look like you've been crying…"

Self-consciously she pulls away from his hands grip. She hasn't thought it was that evident. Sure, she had spilled a couple of tears, or actually more than that, but she had after all redone her make-up in the car after leaving the dark beach. And she thought the she had eliminated all signs of weakness, otherwise she would never have set foot inside the doors of this party. And Nathan probably sees that she is made uncomfortable by his statement because he smiles and gently squeezes her with the arm that is still wrapped around her.

"Don't worry, everybody in here is too drunk to notice. And you do a good job of covering it up, but this is me Brooke… so just tell me what happened."

"I talked to Lucas" she says and scans the room. "I needed to tell him a few things to try and get closure and now I just feel a little empty I guess…"

Nathan is just about to say something to that when Rachel comes over. She looks pissed off and she stomps up to Brooke with a drink in her hand. Before even saying 'hi' she hands her the cup, hissing "Drink this quickly and then come with me."

"I'm not drinking tonight…" Brooke answers confused "I have my car…" But Rachel is persistent.

"Then take a cab. Drink! I need you in the kitchen."

"Why?"

Rachel rolls her eyes impatiently. "Because Peyton is in there, being a lying bitch and telling everybody who wants to listen that you're a bad friend."

"What? No…"

She shakes her head in confusion. Okay, she and Peyton hadn't really talked in a long time now but Rachel has to be wrong about this. After all, Peyton could never say that, not even after their on and off fighting for the last month. She had done everything for her blonde former best friend her whole life, and Peyton was the one who had betrayed their friendship.

"No? Then how about this?" Rachel says with her eyebrow raised "Peyton just told Theresa that you were a self-centered bitch for not even asking how she was coping after that Derek-thing. AND she said that the only reason you clung to Lucas for as long as you did was because you didn't want Lucas with her…"

The red plastic mug in Brooke's hand suddenly makes more sense than anything else and she takes a swig at it, downing all of the content in one go. Then she crumples it in her hand and throws it on the floor. Nathan's arm is still around her in a protective way but she shrugs it off and without a word she heads towards the kitchen. Rachel is right behind her and in the corner of her eye she sees Nathan coming along as well. But she doesn't really care.

"Get out of my way loser!" she scoffs and pushes a freshman to the side so that she can enter the door to the kitchen, and when she sees the curly blonde leaned towards the counter, all the pent up anger from the last months just comes crashing.

"What am I hearing?" she hisses and walks up close to Peyton, almost knocking over Bevin in the process. "Are you actually so stupid that you're bad-mouthing me in front of Rachel now?"

Peyton smirks but a flash of insecurity is evident on her face.

"Hi Brooke… What are you talking about?"

"You know what! If you have something to say about me, at least do it to my face!"

Peyton squirms a little and sips her drink before clearing her throat, probably a little taken aback by Brooke's outburst.

"I did say it to your face, remember?" she then says more secure. "I was completely honest this time… That's what you're so pissed about, right? You just didn't like hearing the truth."

In her head Brooke slowly counts to ten. "You mean when you told me that you LOVED my boyfriend a month back? Or do you mean when you stated that I didn't?"

She pierces her eyes into Peyton's and at first her former friend looks back, but then Peyton turns her eyes to the floor. Somehow, Peyton's cowardness just gets her even more angry.

"Listen backstabber! Isn't that enough?" she continues. "Isn't it enough that you had me break up with him? You know me better than anyone and you knew that my insecurities would go off the chart when you were all 'honest' with me… Now you have to stand here and talk shit about me to my friends too? What the hell Peyton?!"

Hurt and anger burns in her chest but at least she's grateful that her eyes are dry. The blonde girl in front of her doesn't really seem sure what to do anymore and when Peyton talks again her voice is almost soft.

"Brooke… okay listen, let's not fight in here. I've told you a hundred times that I never meant to hurt you… But since I didn't tell you the first time, I just wanted to let you know the truth."

The truth. What was that really? That hers and Peyton's friendship never had been worth anything and that she had her heart broken twice over a boy that never loved her back? Or was the truth that it was all her own fault? For not being enough for him, for always pushing him to hang out with Peyton, for breaking up with him…

"You should have lied…" she says, suddenly tired and beaten, and she reaches for a bottle of tequila standing next to her on the sink. She is already so messed up emotionally from the talk with Lucas earlier, and now her resolution of not drinking just feels impossible.

"What?"

Peyton looks confused.

"Exactly what I said Sawyer. You should have kept your mouth shut or just straight up lied… the only reason you told me was to get some of the guilt off your chest and to hopefully have me back away from him… And you got what you wished for." She takes a couple of gulps straight from the liquor-bottle. "So why are you still here? Shouldn't you be trailing after him somewhere?"

Now the slight insecurity on Peyton's face is mixed with guilt. "For what it's worth Brooke, I never did go after him… And I didn't tell him how I felt either."

"That doesn't really matter. I don't care if you died of the guilt of keeping your feelings a secret. You should have done that for me because we were best friends, remember? But now, once the truth is out, you can't take it back. That is the dangerous thing with it, didn't you know?"

She drinks a few more gulps from the bottle and as the liquid burns her throat her emotions gets numb. A hand softly touches her lower back but she knows it's Nathan and she doesn't turn. Even while she swallows the tequila her eyes are still pasted to Peyton's face.

"I'm standing here looking at someone who actually doesn't know that she blew it" she thinks as she sees all the emotions run across the curly blonde's face. Peyton never had a good poker-face and now was no exception. And just when she gets ready to turn and leave Peyton standing there, her ex best friend smirks;

"I just don't know why you're so angry Brooke. From what I've heard, you're busy screwing Mr. Chavez… For someone pretending to be heartbroken, you move pretty quickly. It must be the old slut in you, huh?"

Before she even has the time to think about what she's doing her right hand slaps Peyton hard across the face. So hard that Peyton stumbles and has to grab on to the counter not to fall.

The blonde holds a hand to her already blushing cheek but strangely enough she smiles wickedly and Brooke sees her look at something behind her back.

Curiously she turns, and that's when she realizes that the hand on her lower back hadn't belonged to Nathan. It was Lucas.

"Luke…" she almost whispers. "How long have you been standing there?"

But Lucas doesn't answer. He just looks hurt.

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Nathan stands in the doorway to the terrace, watching Brooke and Lucas who bicker in a corner of the livingroom. Brooke looks broken and Lucas angry and Brooke clings to her plastic cup with alcohol like if it it's a lifeline. Nathan keeps begging silently that Lucas won't mess this up. That he will realize what he needs to do now, but so far it seems like that won't happen.

"How could you do that Brooke?" he hears Lucas say in a harsh voice. "You broke up with me to screw a teacher?! I was in love with you, you knew that, and you ran off with Mr. Chavez?! Don't you have any conscience?"

Brooke looks back at him disbelievingly.

"How can you even ask me that Lucas? Where the hell was your conscience when you were with Peyton? If you were so in love with me, then how come it didn't scream out to you, huh?"

Nathan can see clearly that she is frustrated and that she is on the verge of leaving this conversation and Lucas almost stumbles on the words when he tries to get them out quickly.

"It did Brooke! But I was so lost the first time, and the second time Peyton was bleeding to death… That was a completely different situation than this one."

"The second time?" Brooke scoffs. The SECOND time?! Are you hearing yourself?"

Nathan sighs and walks out into the garden.

--

Lucas does hear how stupid it sounds and suddenly the thing with her sleeping with the English-teacher kind of fades in comparison. But he still feels confused. This night just kept twisting and turning and nothing seemed to turn out like he thought or planned. He had seen how his brother just rolled his eyes over by the terrace and he figures that Nathan has the information that he desperately needs to understand this mess, but it's not like he can ask Brooke to wait… He mentally hits himself for not listening to what Nathan came to tell him that Saturday down by the Rivercourt.

"I went to Peyton's house to talk to her after you left the Rivercourt…" he starts, not sure how he's going to explain. "I wanted to clear some things with her… to tell her that you are the one that I've picked…"

He isn't allowed to finish. Instead Brooke raises an eyebrow. "You know that you're being tragic now, right?!"

"And what the hell do you mean by that?"

"Oh, Come on Lucas!" she spits. "I'm tired of you're fake love-speeches and the way you seem to think that you can just pick and choose however you want. That crap you're pulling only works in romantic movies! And do you know what they don't show after they fade out in those movies? The brokenhearted girl throwing her drink in the tragic guy's face before walking away!"

She lifts the plastic cup as if to make the threat happen, but then she lowers it again and smirks.

"You're not worth it" she hisses. Instead she downs the rest of the content and throws the now empty cup on the floor before turning away. And he's not sure, but he thinks he can see a tears sliding down her cheek as she walks towards the door.

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Author's note: Please don't kill me… it will get better. But Mark just screws things up and unlike him I don't think that BL-fans are idiots. So to do this in a realistic way, I need some more time…