Author's note: Time for another update. :) I know its been a while but I was in LA for about two weeks visiting friends and I honestly didn't get any writing done there. I hope you like this though, and KNOW that I am in love with every single review.

This title and lyrics are from a song called 'I shall Belive' with Sheryl Crow and the chapter goes out to Cami and my little tutor-girl Casey.

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CHAPTER 13 – Don't give up on me

Come to me now
And lay your hands over me
Even if it's a lie
Say it will be alright
And I shall believe

When Lucas wakes up it's already 9 o'clock and he silently curses for over-sleeping. In all the commotion last night he had forgotten to set the alarm-clock and now he's almost an hour late for school.

He turns in the bed to find that he's alone and seeing that Brooke's things are gone he sighs. In true Brooke Davis-fashion she has of course already left, sneaking out like a thief in the night, and only a small dent in the mattress beside him tells him that having her there hadn't been a dream. This is not the first time. She used to disappear just like this in the beginning when they first started dating, always leaving him feeling a bit confused when he woke up. But this morning he's not really confused, on the contrary he's actually not surprised at all. And he should have expected her to just wait for him to fall asleep before she left him without a word. But then he sees the message from her on the nightstand. A note written in her loopy handwriting on a piece of his note-book paper. And it simply holds two words;

Thank you.

He reads it several times and even if it's not a complicated message he's not sure how to interpret it. Knowing Brooke he's sure that she doesn't mean 'thank you for bringing me home' or even 'thank you for taking care of me'… No, in fact he's sure that even though 'thank you' should be a positive thing, this is not a positive message…

Shuffling out of bed and into the shower he thinks about the events last night. As usual nothing had gone the way he planned, or the way he hoped. After leaving the bar and putting the still sleeping Brooke in the backseat, Nathan had decided that driving Brooke home to Rachel's house was a bad idea. Rachel was probably not even home yet, and neither himself nor Nathan wanted to leave her alone when she was as drunk as she was. So Nathan had driven here instead. His mother is away visiting relatives and it just seemed easier than waking up a pregnant Haley at almost 4 am. Although after the way Nathan had tried keeping Brooke away from him the last couple of weeks, he is still surprised that his brother had been okay leaving her with him when she was almost unconscious.

He and Nathan had had another heated discussion in the car on the way back when Nathan kept pulling over to the side of the road to check that Brooke was breathing, even though he, who was sitting in the backseat with her, kept telling Nathan that she was alright. And finally he just snapped;

"I'm not an idiot Nate, I CAN take care of Brooke, you know! I'm telling you she's fine! She's just drunk…"

Nathan started the car back up and cursed between his teeth before looking at him in the rearview mirror.

"You think?! Are you forgetting the reason that she is in this shape, huh?"

He opened his mouth to yell back at Nathan but remembered that Brooke was still beside him, so he lowered his voice even more.

"I never meant to hurt her and what happened tonight was just a big misunderstanding… I know that if Brooke only allowed me to explain we can sort all this shit out."

The last part he wasn't so sure of, but he was tired of having Nathan placing blame. He just wanted to make everything okay but when he stroked Brooke over the hair he could see Nathan rolling his eyes in the mirror.

"Sure, I believe that when I see it…

And then Nathan had told him that if he ever hurt Brooke again, in any way, he would knock his teeth out.

He had been pretty annoyed by Nathan's immature threats but on a sidenote he was still pleased. Because in some strange way it had also been his brother's way of telling him that he would give him one last chance at earning Brooke's trust back, and that as long as he treated her well, Nathan wouldn't interfere.

So Nathan dropped them off, after making him promise to call if anything happened, and he carried Brooke inside and put her in his bed. And for the first hour she had just slept peacefully and he had sat in his chair watching her. But then she started dreaming, and from the looks of it not pleasant dreams either. She tossed and turned, seemingly unable to get comfortable and when she called his name he simply laid down beside her in an effort to make her feel safe.

From there on, things just kind of went overboard…

Brooke's hand sneaked in under his t-shirt and as she trailed the skin on his chest he stopped breathing for a second just by the mere feel of her touch. Then she whispered "just hold me…" into the darkness, just loud enough for him to hear it, and she felt so small in his arms when she nuzzled closer to him. With just that first touch she made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up and he was amazed at the effect she still had on him. Even drunk of her ass, with her make-up smudged and her hair and clothes in a mess, she only had to put a hand on his skin in order to make him shiver and his heart to beat twice as fast.

At first he hesitated, but he heard the urgency in her voice and he couldn't deny her the safety she asked for. Honestly, he had always been bad at denying her things. So he wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on the top of her head. Her body formed itself after his and holding her felt so familiar that it was like being thrown back in time, apart from the fact that she smelled like she has taken a bath in tequila.

Unwillingly he let out a breath between clenched teeth and softly mumbled "I've got you… don't worry" while rubbing her back in soothing motions. And moments later he could hear her breathing even out. It had been so long since he got to hold her like this. Since she spontaneously touched him.

"Pretty girl…" he whispered and ran his fingers through her tangled chocolate waves, "Do you even understand how worried I was?"

She answered by snuggling closer to him and buried her head in the crook of his neck, and he softly continued; "I know I upset you… but driving drunk Brooke? …you of all people should know better…"

"Don't lecture me…" she whispered silently, her voice still sounding weak and small, and without even looking at her he knew that she was biting her lower lip. She always did when she felt guilty. He wasn't really lecturing her, he just wanted her to know that what she had done was really dangerous and to somehow explain to her that he was sorry for upsetting her. But at least she stayed close to him and she didn't remove her hand from its place over his heart.

Silently he wondered what she would say when she woke up in the morning. She wouldn't ask him to hold her, that was for sure… so in an effort to savor the moment he held her a little tighter.

She then mumbled something that he couldn't make out but she lied so close that he could feel her lips moving towards the skin of his neck. He shivered again and closed his eyes, feeling slightly guilty that her touch felt so good, and he kept running his fingers slowly through her silky hair.

The tiredness was creeping in over him too now. Sleepily he thought that whatever the morning would bring, holding Brooke like this would be enough to have him smiling for days… but it would also make it so much harder for him not to be able to do this when ever he wanted to.

And since he was so sure she was sleeping by now he was surprised when she moved again in his arms, this time to caress his skin softly with her hand that was still under his shirt. At first he thought it was just her moving in her sleep but the caress didn't stop there. Her hand traveled his body slowly, down his torso, over his stomach and down towards the waistline of his jeans.

"Brooke…" he whispered breathlessly. "What are you doing?"

In the darkness he couldn't see her face but he felt her eyes on him. And then, before he even saw it coming, her lips met his. Hot, sweet and soft against his own. And for the first second he hesitated, thinking that nothing in kissing a drunk Brooke was right, but just the mere feeling of her so close to him had already thrown him off, and her kiss just made him turn on the autopilot. Close out his guilt.

She never answered him, she just deepened the kiss, and within seconds he met her tongue greedily. Her hands moved almost feverishly on him and soon she started tugging at his shirt. The little bells of warning were still ringing in the back of his mind but he let her pull the t-shirt over his head and crashed his lips back on hers. Up until then he hadn't really touched her. Not more than the arm that was still wrapped around her from before, but now he couldn't restrain himself any longer and he pulled her closer, feeling her thigh stroke up against his. Without thinking his hand found its way down and followed her naked smooth leg up under the tiny skirt she was still wearing.

His head was spinning from the feel of her peach-soft skin and when she let out that little breathless moan of pleasure that he loved so much, he almost choked. He had missed this so much. Just to touch her and to hear her breathing in his ear. His lips found the delicate skin on her neck and he let his tongue trail it up towards her earlobe. She turned her head to the side, giving him easier access and then started to unzip his jeans. And his hands, that had now found their way up to her breasts, stopped. Something still told him that doing this was wrong. She was supposed to want him as much as he wanted her, and since he knew she was still drunk he felt guilty.

"I love you Brooke…" he whispered and grabbed her wrists to stop her from going any further. "I've never stopped loving you… but this is wrong. Do you understand that?"

She didn't answer. Instead she fought lose from his grip and kept trying to undress him. But he wouldn't let her.

"I want this as much as you… but I want it when you're sober" he said sadly and raised his head. "You don't know what you're doing right now…"

Honestly he wasn't even sure if there was any point having this discussion with her. It was obvious that she still wasn't sober and he also knew she was hurt and somewhat emotional. But he wanted her to understand that this, him pushing her away like this, had nothing to do with his feelings for her. And it was definitely not that he didn't want her… God, he wanted nothing but to grab her, get her naked and devour her entire body with his hands, lips and tongue. Just having her close drove him close to madness, and in his head he was fighting an internal battle with himself.

His left hand was still holding Brooke's wrist in a firm grip, keeping her from undressing him further, but his right hand lived a life of its own and kept caressing her skin.

"Why don't you want me?" she whispered, hurt evident in her voice as if she hadn't heard a word of what he just said. "Don't you even want my body anymore? I thought that was the only hold on you that I had left…"

"Don't say that" he answered, saddened that she still thought that. "I've told you countless times lately; I love you. I want you back. But I can't sleep with you if you're going to regret this in the morning. I've hurt you enough…"

Carefully he brushed away stray hair from her face and wished that the room wasn't so dark. He needed to see her face, needed her eyes to tell him what she was thinking. But she just sighed in the darkness, a sigh that was so far from the earlier sound of pleasure that he felt physical pain when hearing it, and he pulled her closer again in an effort to show her that none of this meant that he wasn't here for her.

She let him hold her, but the connection between them seemed to have disappeared and he kissed her softly one more time. And that's when he felt that her cheeks were wet with tears.

Silently she whispered something, he couldn't hear it clearly though, but it sounded like 'I've never been enough for you…'

And he just kept quiet because he really didn't know what else to say.

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For the first time in ages Brooke Davis has walked to school. Rachel had already left when she got home and since her car was still parked somewhere outside some bar she really hadn't had a choice.

And now, when she enters the school-corridor merely an hour late, she is really starting to regret coming at all. Because the first face she sees is Nathan's face and the look on it is stern.

The last bell is sounding, telling the students that it's time to hurry off to second period, but Nathan lingers, leaning towards the locker next to hers while she puts her bag away and takes out what she needs for Algebra.

"I didn't think that you would show up today" he says with a nonchalant tone, and his eyes that scans her appearance tells her that he's wondering if she's even sober enough to be here.

"I can't really afford to miss any more classes… I'm already flunking Calculus and as long as Nick… I mean, Mr. Chavez teaches English Lit I guess I'll be seeing an F on my report-card in that class too."

She roams around in her locker much longer than she needs to in hopes that Nathan will leave for class. She doesn't want to meet his eyes and she is way too tired for a long lecture from him about last night. But Nathan stays put and she really should have known he would since he's almost even more stubborn than herself. And when she finally looks up and closes her locker, his eyes are a little softer.

"So… how are you feeling?" he asks and takes her books from her as they start walking.

"Honestly?"

"Yes Brooke. Honestly."

She laughs dryly before saying; "Like my tongue is wearing a sweater…" and Nathan raises an eyebrow. "What? A sweater?"

"Yeah, a knitted wool-sweater… and my head is about to explode… but I know what you're going to say. I only have myself to blame… Just suck it up, right?"

Nathan just rolls his eyes at her comment and pulls her into a sideways hug. He seems a little apprehensive, like as if he's thinking that she will yell at him or something, and she knows why. So she cuts him off before he has a chance to answer.

"I'm also feeling like the most stupid person on earth. Seriously Nate, how could you leave me with Luke last night? Huh? Was that my punishment for getting drunk?"

Nathan winces a little and sighs.

"Well, would you rather have had me wake up Haley? She would have yelled at your drunk ass until your ears fell off and you know it…"

She shrugs now and for some reason tears pool in her eyes. She wants to go back home and sleep. She's hung-over beyond what she ever thought possible and she wants to throw her arms around Nathan's neck and cry for hours, but if she's ever going to pull through a whole day of school, then that isn't really an option. So instead she goes into defensive mode.

"At least then I wouldn't have made a complete fool of myself" she hisses and turns her gaze to the floor. "You just shouldn't have left me with him, Nate. That wasn't fair of you…"

The corridor is empty now and Nathan softly grabs her arm to stop her. "Why B? He really wanted to take care of you, and I mean it, it really seemed like the best option since Karen was away and Rachel wasn't home…"

When she still won't look at him he grabs her other arm too and turns her towards him. "What happened Brooke? He promised that he would just keep an eye on you while you slept the alcohol off and then he would drive you home before school…"

Now it's her time to roll her eyes as she thinks 'I wish…' And then, with a quick wipe with her sleeve, she dries away the tears that are threatening to fall and stubbornly stares at the dark-haired boy.

"Maybe he would have if I hadn't acted like a completely desperate slut and begged him to sleep with me…"

In seconds Nathan's face goes from concerned to furious. "He SLEPT with you?!" he yells and his voice booms in the empty hallway. "What the HELL?!"

The echo of his loud voice hasn't even died down before she yells back; "No he didn't! That's the problem, okay?!" The tears come pouring out now, unstoppable, and she covers her face in her hands, sobbing; "But being the stupid, stupid girl I always am, I really wanted him to…"

Behind her she hears someone take a deep breath and she spins around. Lucas is standing a couple of feet away, looking like he has no clue what to do. And it all just gets too much for her. So before neither of the Scott-brothers has a chance to stop her, she runs into the nearest bathroom and locks the door.

She slides down and leans her back towards the cold clinker-wall with hot salty tears running down her cheeks. And she feels ashamed. The way he pushed her away last night had hurt so much, but now when she's sober she starts to realize how desperate she must have looked in his eyes.

Her memories from the night before are vague at best. Blurry memories of Nathan yelling at Lucas in a car passes by in her head like pieces of a puzzle, even though she can't remember what he was yelling about. She can't remember how she ended up in Lucas' bed but she does remember being in Lucas' arms… and she distinctly remembered him saying;

"I love you Brooke. I've never stopped loving you…"

The only problem is that past experiences has taught her that his 'I love you's' usually doesn't mean a thing.

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Lucas just stands rooted in the same spot looking confused and Nathan isn't sure what just went down. From what he understands, his blonde brother has for once done the right thing when he didn't take advantage of Brooke, but Brooke seems sadder then ever so there must be some information here that he has missed.

"What the hell happened last night, Luke?" he asks and looks at the door that Brooke has just slammed shut. "I thought you said that you wouldn't hurt her again?"

Lucas sighs and takes an apprehensive step towards the girls bathroom before seemingly changing his mind and stopping again.

"I have to talk to her Nathan…" he mumbles. "She doesn't understand that I just didn't want her to do something that she would regret. I didn't want her to hate me even more than she already does…"

Seeing the sad puppy-dog look on Lucas' face Nathan rolls his eyes and sighs. For the millionth time lately he's confronted by the total miscommunication between his brother and Brooke and he suddenly feels so tired. Why can't they talk like ordinary people? Just tell each other what they felt and clear all this shit up…

He had just been about to follow Brooke but now he shrugs and nods in the direction of the door. "Then go Luke. You're on your own in this one, but remember what I said last night. Crush her and I'll make you pay for it, okay?"

His brother nods and Nathan sees him walk over and open the door. He's probably going to regret making this decision later. Leaving Brooke and Lucas alone to deal with their problems hadn't really worked out so well lately. But as he himself hurries of to his algebra-class he tries to push those thoughts to the back of his brain. He has to let them sort this out and he has his own problems. College, basketball and trying to figure out how to support Haley and their baby. And there is also the 'small' detail of his mom being in rehab… God, when did life get so fucking complicated?

"The last thing I need is even more fighting between Brooke and Lucas" he thinks as he turns the hallway corner. Under his arm he still carries Brooke's algebra-books and he stops for a second and shoves them into his bag. If he knows her correctly she won't be using them. Because if he knows her correctly she will not be seen in any classes today, maybe not even for the rest of the week.

"Damn it…" he curses and adds 'Brooke maybe flunking out of high school' to the long list of worries.

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I'm broken in two
And I know you're on to me
That I only come home
When I'm so all alone
But I do believe

Brooke can hear Lucas on the other side of the door to the small bathroom-stall where she is hiding. He has stopped begging her to open the door and now he just seems to silently wait her out. Now and again she can hear him sigh or change his position and she picks up her phone to check what time it is. Thirteen minutes to ten. If he didn't leave soon he would miss the entire second period and probably even be late for their English-class. A class that she herself is planning on skipping. With her still pounding hang-over and the catastrophic start of this day she can't even think about having Nick's eyes bore holes into her head for an hour.

She puts the phone back into her purse and then she hears him stand up. Footsteps sound in the empty space and then a door opens and closes. She breathes out and quickly gets to her feet. If she leaves now, then no one except for Lucas and Nathan would even know she had been here at all.

Open the door
And show me your face tonight
I know it's true
No one heals me like you
And you hold the key

With a quick motion she gets the door unlocked and walks out to the big mirror over the sinks. She looks like a complete mess, with bloodshot eyes and mascara running on her cheeks. She turns on the faucet and leans down to wash away the trace of tears. The cold water is refreshing but when she stands up and opens her eyes again she can't help but to let out a small scream. Lucas face meets her in the mirror. He's standing right behind her and he's watching her closely, looking worried.

"You didn't leave" she says, stating the obvious, and he shakes his head.

"No…"

Kind of annoyed that she has fallen for the oldest trick in the book she swings the purse over her shoulder and starts to leave. But Lucas stands in the way of the door and it doesn't look like he's planning on moving anytime soon.

"Brooke…" he tries and reaches for her but she takes a step back, all too well aware that his touch would be lethal for her already crumbling walls.

"Can we please not talk about it? I feel stupid enough as it is…" she mumbles and keeps her eyes to the floor but it doesn't really make a difference. She has looked into his blue eyes so many times that she can see them even if she has her own eyes closed. And he just waits until she finally looks up anyway.

"Why would you feel stupid?" he asks softly when she raises her head. "Didn't you hear what I said last night?"

He takes another step towards her and this time she doesn't back up. There isn't anywhere to go since she is almost backed up towards the wall already. He lifts his hand and touches her cheek. His fingertips feel warm against her skin and she sighs.

"I heard you clearly… I just don't know what to believe Lucas. Lately, everything you say is later taken back or you just prove the complete opposite with your actions…"

Although she can feel her face turning red with embarrassment she still continues; "Like last night… you say you love me and want to be with me, but still you didn't want to touch me? How should I interpret that, huh?"

Tears threaten to fall again and she swallows hard. It's painful to open herself up to him, this blond boy that still holds her heart in such a grip, and she hates that she can't act tougher. 'Where has the old version of me gone?' she thinks and squeezes her eyes shut for a second in order to stop the tears. 'Why can't I just be the bitch I used to be?'

"You should interpret it like this…" Lucas says and she opens her eyes again. He is leaning in closer and with his hand still softly placed on her cheek, he plants a soft kiss on her lips. And the second his lips meet hers she can feel her knees going weak and she knows that she has to leave. Yet she doesn't.

"Don't…" she whimpers and leans towards the cold wall behind her for support. "Don't kiss me unless you really mean it…"

He leans in again, his blue eyes looking straight into hers, and she feels almost hypnotized. Like in slow-motion she sees him lick his lips and she shivers.

"I mean it" he whispers just an inch away from her face. "You don't even understand how much I mean it… I just want to make sure that you mean it too. I mean you broke up with me, remember?"

Without thinking she finds herself nodding. Then, in the corner of the girls bathroom, just as the bell signals that the second period has ended, he kisses her again. And when his tongue finds hers she feels so weak that she has to wrap her arms around him on order not to fall.

Never again
would I turn away from you
I'm so heavy tonight
But your love is alright
And I do believe

And she can't help but wonder what the hell she just got herself into…

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe
And I shall believe

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Author's note: Please tell me what you thought. Lots of BL-love /Lynn