Still with me?
-
White.
All I see is white. My eyes hurt, so I close them.
My head hurts. Where am I?
I remember…
I remember falling. I definitely remember that.
I can't move.
Try to open my eyes again. I can only squint, the light is too bright. I can't make anything out, only white. Thudding; footsteps I think, coming towards me. A creak, and the sound of a door closing, the tiny bolt clicking into its grove.
I can't feel my body.
I catch a glimpse of blurry figure, walking in my direction.
God?
Force my eyes open
The figure slowly comes to focus.
Am I dead?
No. It's a doctor.
-
Spinal cord injury causes myelapothy. Lost? That's when there's irreparable damage to the white matter, or myelinated fiber tracts that carry sensation, and motor skill signals from the brain to the rest of the body, and vice versa.
Sonic fell three stories, and landed on the back of his neck. He's lucky he's alive, but he suffers from a trauma induced spinal cord injury. This means we won't ever be able to feel anything, or move anything below the neck again. This is how Sonic was paralyzed.
"You obviously can't take care of yourself."
A splash of ugly truth hits me in the face. I turn away, and pretend it's not real.
"I can and I will"
"You can't and you won't. Normally in situations like this we would administer you to a home of sorts, but you're very lucky to have a friend to take care of you."
"What?"
"I said you're very lucky to have a friend to"
"Who?"
He pauses, and looks at the paper clipped to the clear plastic clipboard.
"Amy Rose."
Oh god. Oh fuck.
My worst nightmare has just been realized.
-
"Are you hungry?"
"No."
"Thirsty?"
"No."
"Do you need anything?"
"I'm fine"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes!"
A pause.
"Okay, then… I guess I'll just leave you alone."
And Sonic just stares at the wall. The blank white wall.
-
"Would you like a back message?"
"I can't fucking feel anything Amy."
That's when she started to cry. That's when it all came out.
"What?"
Sonic was annoyed. Sonic didn't need this shit. Sonic didn't want it, either.
"What?"
"I'm trying so hard." She sniffled, and let out another sob. "I don't know what to do."
"What the hell are you blathering about?"
"You!" She wiped some snot from her nose with her thin green woolen sweater. "I just want to make you happy."
"Happy? Happy? How the fuck am I supposed to be happy?"
This evoked more sobbing from Amy, as she buried her eyes into her wrists, her fingers curling up over her brow.
"Do you have any idea what I'm going through?"
"I know!" A loud snort, as she wipes away her tears with the green fabric on her sleeve. "I'm sorry, I'm so selfish I just…"
She got up from the couch and walked over to Sonic. She knelt before him, and hugged his legs, her voice breaking out in high pitched fragments.
"If you need anything, you just let me know, okay? Anything at all."
"Aw, Amy."
And Sonic felt bad. A sigh escaped his lips as he looked down at her. He hated her. He resented her for making him feel this way.
But he was helpless.
-
And there she is, changing my shit bag. A colostomy bag, they call it.
I'm watching her change my shit, and I can't help but start crying.
Kill me.
-
"Amy?"
"Yeah?"
A moment of silence.
"Thanks." He finally managed to spurt out. " I just wanted to thank you for everything, and well… just thanks."
This was the best that Amy Rose had felt in a while. She was shocked; completely speechless, searching for the right response.
"Your welcome?"
-
Suddenly the boat rocks and I'm jolted forward out of my wheelchair. Time stops and all I can think about are the warnings the others gave me. More scared than I ever have been in my life my body springs forward into the drink.
The water hits me like an avalanche of freezing cold hysteria. Only now do I realize how fucked I am, so I start screaming. And halfway into me scream, I'm screaming a scream that can't be heard. I'm only spewing forth bubbles as I sink like a stone. I'm so scared I can't help it, I know I should be conserving air, but I just… I
I'm scared.
-
"What the fuck just happened?"
-
Looking up at the surface, dragging by my own deadweight, the light leaks through the water like a beam from heaven. Suddenly there's a black figure descending this link between universes. An angel, maybe. My angel.
I always thought in a situation like this that my life would flash before my eyes. Instead I think about life. I think about my friends. I think about Amy. I think about what matters and it breaks my heart knowing I'm going to lose them. But at the same time they are going to lose me; a burden.
So, staring up at the black figures getting ready to take me back up to meet my maker, I decide I'm ready. I take a deep breath and the rough salt water fills my lungs, an extremely painful choking sensation and then black clouds interrupt my vision and…
I can't see through the darkness.
-
I'm okay...
I'm really okay. For the first time in years.
For the last time ever.