Well hello! This is Chapter Four of The Many Deaths of Wedding Peach. I hope you are all very excited!
:ahem: and now it is time for flamer's corner:
"How could U kill her. You need a question mark here, pal… i H8 U. U r evil. How could u. We will get u for this. I am evil. Admittedly so. And you really need to tone down the chatspeak. It's not impressive, and doesn't make me want to listen to you. Wedding Peach's fans will unite to destroy u. HAH. I'd like to see you TRY. Wedding Peach is notn crap. Oh really? Pish. You've seen all the evidence of the crap-ness. U evil hellish being MEEEEEP! THAT'S ME!"
Well, now we're done with that… onto the DEATH!
Chapter Four: Death by Stampeding Wildebeests.
The long amber grasses of the plains of Africa moved back and fourth in the warm breeze. The zebras grazed, the lions slept, the warthogs rolled about in the mud. A cheetah was doggedly chasing an antelope. Off in the distance, you could see a magnificent herd of elephants drinking at a watering hole, and closer, a tall, majestic giraffe stripped the leaves off the top of an acacia tree with its long, purple tongue.
A perfect day in the Serengeti plains.
Or so it would seem.
Not too far off, in a sunbleached green jeep, living hell was about to overtake the peaceful serenity of Africa. That's right…
Momoko was on vacation.
"Daddeeeee!" cried the pink haired teen, "Turn up the AC!"
Momoko's father rolled his eyes as he looked in the rear view mirror at his daughter. "Momoko, there is no AC in this jeep. Now, sit down and be quiet."
"But DAAADEEEE! I'm HOT!" Momoko whined, then realized what she had just said, "Ooooh, yes! I am hot. I'm a HOTTIE!"
Her father contemplated suicide for the fifteenth time that car ride. He could crash into a big tree… make it seem like an accident, kill himself and the devil-child. His family might even get insured for it… but no. He had to film the rare herd of wildebeests. It was rumored they had near-human intelligence, and could communicate with humans. Imagine the footage!
An idea filled the unfortunate father's head. His face, which a moment ago, had been the epitome of frustration and despair, broke into a wide, slightly evil grin.
The car came to a stop on the dusty road. They were finally there. He could see the wildebeests herding, their red, evil eyes glittering. He shivered slightly, but then opened the door to let his daughter out of the car.
Momoko and the African heat were not a good match. She had dressed herself in her "Safari super-fun outfit," but the heat had made her sweat all over it. Most people, when they sweat, give off a rather nasty scent… but Momoko was in a class all her own. Waves of putrid body odor inundated Momoko's father, making him almost keel over. When he had been in the car, the stench of his daughter had been washed into the back, and he had attributed the whiffs of the nasty thing to car farts or the animals who lived around here… not so.
His daughter smelt like a dead thing that had rolled in a mixture of vomit and poo, then had run to the most polluted river in the whole wide world, collected the water in the place where the pollution was at its worst, and used it as perfume. He almost fainted, but knew if he were to do that, he would certainly die. He held his breath as his daughter got out of the car, almost choking on the scent.
"Momoko…" he spluttered, "Go get the camera from the back of the car."
He caught a glimpse of her. The week of Africa had NOT done her good. Without her usual supply of "Putrid Princess Precious Pink" hair dye, her hair had about an inch of mousy brown, before erupting into greasy strands of pink.
He no longer had the mental stamina to look at her. He fled, slowing only when the wildebeests looked threatened.
This particular herd of wildebeests had been let out from the lab of a rather insane scientist. Yes. The author of this work of fiction did breed them for the exact purpose of destroying Momoko, but we'll get to that later…
The head wildebeest was a stunning specimen, with glowing red eyes, fangs, and horns unnaturally sharp. Momoko's father walked slowly up to it, bowing at her consummate might.
"Please…" murmured Momoko's father to the wildebeest, "Please, I want to live…" he broke off, "But my daughter… she is driving me to do the unthinkable."
The head wildebeest glared at him, red eyes shining in the African light. It's soulful demonic eyes seemed to be saying to Momoko's father, "What will you give me if I get rid of your daughter for you?"
He gazed straight at it and said with deep conviction, "My soul. I will give you my soul."
The wildebeest pawed the ground in acceptance.
"DAADDIIIE! GUESS WHAT?" Momoko's voice erupted from about a hundred yards behind him, squeaky and perky and hellish as ever, "TEEHEE! YOUR CAMERA IS FUN TO PLAY WITH!"
The wildebeest looked back at Momoko's father, as if asking, "Is that her?"
Momoko's father gave the slightest nod.
In a few seconds, the entire herd of wildebeests had galvanized into movement. They ran quickly, their razor sharp hooves digging into the ground. Faster and faster they ran.
He stood still and watched as his daughter went from waving at the pretty animals…
To running away…
To screaming in fear…
To screaming in pain…
To being nothing but a pancake.
By the time the wildebeests had finished running, she was about an inch thick.
Then the buzzards came, and after that there was nothing left at all.
Since there were no remains, it was impossible for poor, grief-stricken Momoko's father to hold a funeral… not that he could. He was too busy being a servant of darkness. And no one would have come anyways…
There was a service held, however. Yami Goku, Pointy Objects, Fanged Goddess of Doom, Yami and Hikaru Kaiume, roni the fish, Rikku SWiRLS, and Evilcherryblossom-chan all had a very special service for our favorite love angel…
"DING, DONG THE (B)WITCH IS DEAD,
THE WICKED (B)WITCH, THE STUPID (B)WITCH,
DING, DONG, THE WICKED (B)WITCH IS DEAAAD!"
Yes. A very moving ceremony. That also involved dances on the spot where she died.
The End.
Well! You wanted longer, I gave you longer!
Look forward to Chapter 5: Death by the Elements!