A/N

Wow… quite a lot of people are watching this. Prepare to be totally let down.

Hope

I couldn't believe it.

All my hopes… all my dreams for so long had rested on finding Yuki. And now he was here… and he was so broken. He whimpered in his sleep, rolling over onto one side. His lifeless eyes flickered behind his lids, trapped in the dreamworld yet again I always wanted him to leave. I ran the cloth soothingly across his forehead and played with his hair softly, removing the sweat from his brow with gentle motions. I was burning inside, tears pricking at the back of my eyes, hot heat burning them with fire in my throat. I just wanted my Yuki back, but I knew that it was impossible. I'd lost him. But this Yuki… he needed my help, god save him, he needed a friend. He hadn't woken up in the two days since I'd brought him here, trapped in this fever-like state. He tossed and writhed and clutched at me desperately; often his eyes would open and he'd stare at me with those white surfaces and a terrible scream would tear through – I thought he was waking up – but then he'd drop back down again and silence, hot silence would return.

Rubbing the cloth over his brow, keeping him cool… it gave me a lot of time to think about what I'd done before. I didn't love him. I didn't so much as fancy him. I'd come to find him because he was my friend – no, not even that. I'd come to find him because he was better than me. So much better than me. I was a coward. I couldn't run. He'd not abandoned his friends, he'd broken away; made himself a better life. And by turning up here I was trying to drag him back. It wasn't fair on him, but I'd… I hadn't missed him so much as burnt with guilt.

Without Yuki, Akito broke. I hadn't seen him in months – not just from being on the run, trying to find Yuki – whenever I went back to pick up on my leads again, start again (countless times) in my desperate search it had always been the same. Hatori and Kureno by his doorway, just sitting there. Painfully silent. Shigure was nowhere to be seen. No one blamed me, but no one bothered to look for him. They felt… betrayed. Like Yuki had dishonoured the family. Only Aaya offered me tea, asked me how I was doing. If Yuki could see him like that – just how much he was worrying – I think he might have finally understood how much he just wanted to be his big brother. I'd never had a sibling – hell, I'd never even had a family – and I wish I could say I knew how he was feeling, but I didn't. But the pain I saw in him – not in his eyes, per se, but in the way he acted, or didn't act – that I knew. That I felt. Everyone felt that little bit worse with him gone.

Everytime I went back, I felt that no one would have even cared if I'd been the one who'd gone.

Tohru… Oh God, Tohru… she… she broke. I can't… I can't describe it. She was such a happy person, all the time, all the fucking time, and she'd just learnt to depend on Yuki… too much… too much. When he went she died inside. I had Hatori wipe her memories. It wasn't my decision to make, but I was the only one left. She didn't even have us to be her friends anymore.

He was getting worse.

It was the second night since I'd found him (not counting the one I'd taken him home and fucked him in) when I knew something was wrong. It had been niggling at me that this wasn't really an ordinaryfever; before they'd never been like that. His legs were convulsing now, and his heartbeat was racing. Something hit me, like a terrible punch to the gut. I flipped his arm over and stared at the bruises; I ran a finger across them. "Oh Yuki," I gasped, fishing for my phone. This was way out of my league. I hit speed dial, Hatori picking up much quicker than I expected. "Hatori, it's me," I said quickly.

"I gathered that," he said quietly.

"It's Yuki – yeah, I found him – look, I think he's a heroin addict and he's in withdrawal and I don't know what to do – "

"Kyo, calm down, you're no good to him if you're panicking. What's happening?"

I took in a deep, choking breath. "His legs are shaking and his heartbeat's high and he's freezing cold and there are these bruises on his arm – "

"Oh shit," Hatori gasped. "How long has he been with you?"

"About two days," I sobbed.

"Shit," Hatori muttered. I heard him fumbling for his car keys. "I'm coming, where are you?"

I started to blurt an address when Yuki gave a sudden spasm beside me and lay very still. I yelled, dropping the phone and hurrying back over to the bed. This is where I wished I'd paid more attention in biology! What was it now? I began to pump uselessly with one hand, other hand scrabbling for my phone. I jammed it under my ear. "Hatori, he's arresting – he's not breathing – "

"Calm down, Kyo! Place your hands on his chest and pump, count them out loud!" I did so, tears streaming down my face. "Now breathe into his mouth!" I let out a stream of shaky breath. This was much more horrible than Western films; Yuki was getting colder under my fingers.

"Nothing happened!" I screamed at Hatori.

"Do it again!" We waited in horrific silence as I repeated myself twice more before Yuki coughed and spluttered again. I sobbed, pulling him in close. "Where are you?" Hatori asked into my ear. I muttered an address, rocking Yuki in my arms. "Keep him warm, I'm on my way."

I kissed his forehead softly, moving backwards and forwards with tears streaming down my face. "I didn't want this for you," I whispered, hugging him tightly. "I would have given anything to stop you being this."

I don't know whether he heard me.

I sat with him all night, keeping him wrapped up, murmuring sweet words into his ear, reassuring him it would be okay when I knew I had nothing to give him. But… the way everything was hurting… I knew this feeling from before. I leant down and kissed his forehead softly, meaningfully. My chest felt incredibly full, burning with worry and anger and… love for him. He… he was becoming a friend. And I think I was okay with that, because I knew he'd need someone here for him now. I casually fiddled with a strand of hair across his forehead, watching the sweat trickle down.

That night was the longest night of my life.

The spasms were the worst; the sudden clenching and contortions of his muscles that I'd have to control by grabbing onto him and holding him still in case he did himself damage. He'd always been stronger than me, but these were just feeble, pathetic. The fact that he beat at my chest with no strength at all hurt more than his blows ever had; I swear, after that night I thought I could never, ever cry again.

It was about half past four when Hatori finally pulled up; I heard him bolt up the stairs and bang on the door. I walked over and let him in before going back to Yuki, sitting beside him on the bed. He was quiet now, simply sleeping. His chest rose and fall with a gentle wheeze that made me want to cry from relief; a handful of dreadful hours ago I didn't think I'd even see him breathe again. Hatori squatted down beside him and rolled him over gently; I stood awkwardly to one side, one hand grasping the opposite arm as he ran a finger over the bruises, checked his heartrate, breathing and temperature. He finally looked up at me with a relieved sigh; I could see the bags under his eyes, he must have been driving all night. "I think the worst's over," he murmured. "Normally people don't arrest, but with his weak chest…" We both turned back to look at him for a moment; I was perched on the bed, and I ran a finger softly across his forehead. "I've taken some blood samples so I can better evaluate the damage," he continued, "but it's clear from the extent of his withdrawal symptoms he's quite far in." Hatori sighed, looking back over to him. "How did we drive you to this?"

"There's something else," I croaked, hugging myself tighter. Hatori looked at me, his eyes dull and sad. "He's blind."

Hatori's eyebrows raised, and he fiddled in his pocket, producing a small torch. He gently lifted one of Yuki's eyelids, and I couldn't bear to look at the cloudy eyes again; I glanced down at his hand, lying still on top of the duvet. "There's a mild level of responsiveness," Hatori said finally, slipping his torch back into his pocket and making a note with his pen.

"There's hope," I said softly.

Hatori smiled up at me. "I suppose," he said slowly. "There's hope." Hope and Sohma seemed to be two estranged words we hadn't heard for a horribly long time. He straightened up with a sigh, bones crackling as he shook out. "Like I said, I think the worst's over. Generally the 48 hour period is the worst. You should get some sleep," he said to me, eyes regarding me with mild concern. I felt the heaviness in my bones; my body was shattered but I couldn't put my mind to rest. I looked at Yuki for a moment, hesitating. "It's okay," Hatori murmured softly. "He's safe."

I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment before opening them and looking at him again. "You go get yourself booked in a room," I said to him. "You'll need to drive with those samples tomorrow." He nodded and gathered his things, and with one last look at Yuki walked quietly out of the door. I rolled my shoulders, feeling the weight settle on my body. I gently moved the covers and crawled into the bed with him; his body was radiating heat. I moved in closer and just held him close and was glad to be alive.

A/N

Nice bit of angst to keep the bunnies happy.