2 – Tea at Remus'

Lily slowly raised her hand and knocked silently at the door. Seconds afterwards, the door opened to reveal Remus, looking as tired as always. At first he seemed surprised to see her, but next he smiled slightly at her.

"Hey…" he said.

"Hi…"

Seconds passed. It was three weeks after Lily had left Platform 9 ¾ and had gone home. She had felt bad for the way she treated Remus, and had decided to apologize. It had been the worst three weeks she had ever lived through. On the first nights she didn't sleep at all and she cried all the time. She knew she had to talk to Remus just to try to feel a bit better, and now she stood there, speechless.

"Look," she said, not exactly knowing what to say and how to express her feelings. "I'm really sorry about what happened on the train. I just wasn't in the mood to talk there."

Remus nodded "It's okay. I understand."

"Thank you," Lily said in a small voice.

More silent seconds passed.

"So. Err…" Remus said and cleared his throat. "Want to come inside and have some tea or something?"

Lily nodded. "I could use that."

Remus smiled and let her inside. She dropped her cloak on a chair and sat down on the couch in the living room. Remus walked into the kitchen and started to move around, while a lot of noise came from the clicking of several things inside.

He was back a couple of minutes later. Lily took the teapot without a word and poured some tea into her cup. Remus took the teapot after her and poured some in his cup too. He sat the pot down and looked at her with concerned eyes.

"Lily, how are you feeling?"

Lily had her cup halfway up to her mouth but stopped. She slowly lowered the cup and looked back at Remus. He was looking at her with clear concern, pity and sympathy in his gaze. If she didn't pull herself together, it was possible she'd start to cry again.

"I'm fine," she said, lying and forcing a smile to her lips.

Remus smiled slightly. "'Fine'; the secret password for 'not fine'," he said. "But I won't go further into it."

"Thanks," Lily said and she truly meant it. "I really don't feel like talking about it."

Remus nodded and took a sip of his tea, Lily had put hers back on the table without drinking it. She noticed how searching Remus' gaze was. He clearly was looking for any sign of weakness from her, like waiting for her to break down, telling him how she really felt. But she wouldn't let him win. At last, Remus gave her a slight smile.

"James is devastated you know," he said while looking down. "Or at least he was last time I saw him."

Lily frowned. "When was that?"

She didn't know why she asked. Two weeks ago she wouldn't have cared about James and would have started to cry if someone mentioned him, but she had always found it easy to talk to Remus about hard subjects she couldn't talk to others about. She trusted him and was comfortable around him.

"Two weeks ago," Remus answered. "Sirius said he didn't go outside the house until sometime last week, only to get some chips at the local store. But it's improving."

Lily sighed deeply. "I know you think I should go and talk things out, but I'm not ready. You didn't see the gaze he sent me with his eyes."

"No I didn't. And that's why I'm not going to lecture you," he said. "You're able to take your own decisions, even though how stupid I think they are. I can't imagine how it is to you, but I can try."

"It means a lot to me that you at least try to understand me," Lily replied.

Remus smiled. "Well, I try my hardest. I just wish there was someth-"

The door in the hall to the outside burst open and someone entered the house, trudging towards the living room and then stuck his head inside.

"Hey Moony," grinned the figure of Sirius Black. "Prongs and I figured we could use a couple of butterbeers before the full-"

He stopped talking at the sight of Lily and an unpleasant silence filled the living room as Sirius looked at Lily open-mouthed and Lily looked back at Sirius, shocked. Several silent seconds passed and Lily felt her stomach hurt suddenly as the door slammed open once more.

"Padfoot, I parked your motorbike behind the house," called the voice of James Potter.

Lily's worst fear had been confirmed; along with Sirius came James. He stepped up behind Sirius, smiling, but looking tired at the same time. It clearly had been a couple of rough weeks for him too.

"Moony! How are you? Peter's on his way. Ready for-" He too stopped talking at the sight of Lily in the couch.

Lily had looked from Sirius to James and the two of them were now staring at each other. She felt how her breath slowly got stuck in her throat as none of them looked away. She felt everything from before the last three weeks come back to her with a big wave of pain. She remembered the fight at Hogsmeade station; she remembered the gaze James had sent her before they stormed apart there and she remembered the blond girl at King's Cross, and she had to fight not to let the tears fall from her eyes into her cheeks.

After what seemed like several years, Sirius cleared up his throat. "Well, this is awkward," he said.

"I should go," Lily said and got up. "Thanks for the tea, Remus."

"Lily, wait!" Remus said and got up.

She sent him a faint smile and turned, letting her untouched tea stand on the table. "Really," she said tearfully.

She grabbed her cloak from the chair, feeling hot tears in her eyes, and pushed her way past Sirius and then she just needed to go past James. She took a deep silent breath, looking down.

"Lily…" James whispered as she walked past him. "I…"

She didn't turn, but dried the hot tear of her cheek, hoping James had not noticed. She pulled her cloak over her shoulders and opened the door to the outside and stormed out, finally letting her tears fall more freely from her eyes.

She ran down the sidewalk and only stopped several streets away, where she collapsed on a bench with her face in her hands. She began to sob uncontrollably. She had never felt worse in her whole life; she had lost James. That was it, but it was enough to make her feel as if she was being torn apart on the inside.

And the blond girl on the platform! James had seemed so happy with her. Lily sobbed even harder. Losing James was enough to make her want to die, but to a blond girl with a body and face like a supermodel! She was that kind of girl Lily had always thought James should be with. It was in the genes. Good-looking, popular and rolling in money, a perfect match!

But the worst was his eyes. They bore themselves into hers even though it was several minutes ago they had for real. Lily gave a huge sob as she remembered his eyes, and the hate they had shown towards her at the station. She couldn't bear it.

By the end of August Lily had not yet dared to visit Remus again. She was afraid of running into James again and had chosen to just stay away. Yet she could not prevent people from visiting her. Only a week ago Sirius had been there to say hello. It had only been for half an hour, but Lily felt her mood lifted after it. Remus had also been by one day. He stayed a little longer and apologized for the sudden interruption James and Sirius had caused that day at his house. But Lily had not yet seen her best friend: Alice Steins. She had written a couple of owls to her and told her about the break-up with James, but it wasn't the same as talking to her face to face. Alice had promised to come and visit Lily one day. She was only waiting for that day to come when it did.

Someone knocked softly at the door and Lily looked up from the newspaper she was reading. She walked out in the hall and opened the door.

"Lily!" Alice squealed and flung her arms around Lily's neck.

"Hi Alice!" Lily greeted. "Finally I see you after such a long time!"

"How are you?"

"Better," Lily said while nodding.

"What happened?" Alice asked with a sad face. "Frank told me what James said, but I wanted to hear it straight from you."

Lily nodded and began to tell her everything. Of course Alice had heard the rest of the story Lily had not told her. Frank and she had been a year above Lily at Hogwarts, and Frank had been one of James' good friends from childhood and on the Quidditch team as well, and they talked a lot, just like Lily and Alice did.

"But you were like the most perfect couple…" Alice said slowly as Lily had finished.

"Alice!" Lily said and raised a hand. "Please. Don't start on that."

She had gotten tears in her eyes as she told the story. Alice gave Lily another hug.

"You'll be fine," she whispered into her ear.

"Yeah," Lily said and nodded as they broke the hug. "But please tell me what's up. You seam so… happy!"

"Oh," said Alice casually. "It's just a little thing called a wedding."

"You-?"

"Yes!" Alice squealed excited.

"Oh, that's fantastic! I knew it had to happen soon!" Lily said and Alice just grinned at her. "So when is it?"

"Soon," Alice said and handed Lily an envelope with the invitation. "October 16th."

"That's soon, but wonderful!"

"We just really wanted it to be before winter."

"It is fine but-" Lily said but stopped; she had just spotted the next envelope in Alice's hand. "He's coming too?"

Alice nodded slowly. Lily couldn't drag her eyes away from the name 'James Potter', on the envelope. It would be like a living hell to see him again. And he'd probably bring that blond girl as a date…

"Lily, promise me to be there. Even though James is coming too!" Alice almost begged.

"Of course Alice!" Lily said. "I wouldn't miss your wedding for anything in the world."

And she meant it. James was not a big enough reason to ruin her best friend's wedding. She smiled widely.

"Good…" Alice said. "Because I was actually going to… I was going to ask you to be my maid of honor!"

"What?" Lily asked stunned. "Really?"

Alice nodded. "Yeah…"

Lily was about to give Alice a huge hug but stopped. "Please tell me James is not going to be Frank's best man!"

"No, no! That'll be Frank's brother, George."

Lily nodded. "It'll be great."

"Yeah it will. I-" Alice looked at her watch. "Oh, sorry Lily. I've got to go. Frank and I want to deliver the rest of them together." She raised the envelopes slightly.

"It's okay."

"And one last thing: what are you doing in two days?"

Lily shrugged. "Nothing."

"Come buy my dress with me. You as my maid of honor should come," Alice grinned.

"Of course," Lily hurried to say.

"Great! Bye for now. See you later!"

Lily and Alice hugged one last time before Alice disapparated and left Lily with a happier feeling than the one she had had for weeks. Even the fact that James would be at the wedding couldn't ruin it all.