Hey everyone! I know that it's been a little while since I last updated, but it's after work and late so I decided that I would get this new chapter posted for everyone to read. :D:D My cousin was over, so I started last night after she went to bed, then I got distracted and couldn't finish. xD So I post it now! Lol. Well thank you all for reading and reviewing, you all make me very happy. I'm glad that you all like it, or at least I HOPE you like it. :3
So I don't know if this song fits or not with this chapter. I can't really remember the song from my CD. My brain's really dead right now. Lol. So if it doesn't fit, then I'm really sorry, I just really hope it does fit. It's 18th Floor Balcony by Blue October. :D:D Please Enjoy!
… means lyrics
-- means switching point of views
Preemptive Strike
Jensuke hadn't moved after he had spoken. He was still there, almost… taunting me. It felt like… he was telling me on how screwed I was without speaking a word.
"I know how you feel for him Nina… even if you do not. That bond is not one of friendship for you. Instead, you love him," the demon almost mused into my ear, "It's rather sad."
Sesshoumaru meant everything to me. He was the only person in my life with the power to destroy my entire being completely. He was my only reality.
"You can pretend to understand Jensuke, but I'm sure that you will not," I snapped coldly as I pulled my shoulders out of his hold and stood to face him, "A bastard like you never would."
"Defiant… Even at the end. I can't wait to see what you'll be like in captivity."
Our blood red eyes locked together; his holding amusement and mine hate. His long black hair was tied back in a low ponytail and his bangs were short. He wore black and blue armor over a red hoari. There was no sword since he did not need one.
"I'll be seeing you in hell," I growled, stepping backwards towards the cliff.
'The water won't be so friendly… just like last time.'
"I wouldn't do that Nina," Jensuke mused, "You wouldn't want him to be left alone again, now would you?"
My eyes widened slightly at his words. Had Sesshoumaru truly been alone the entire time? Did he not have company?
…
I close my eyes and I smile
Knowing that everything is alright
To the core
So close that door
Is this happening?
…
Jensuke came forward and placed a hand on my cheek with a smirk on his face.
"Be a good girl until I come for you in four days from this hour. Until then…"
A fist collided with my stomach and the air was knocked out of me completely. Jensuke caught me before tossing me beside my low burning fire.
"That will be a pain you will live with."
With those last words, Jensuke was gone, and everything went black.
Eight years ago…
A year had passed since the day in the rain that held abandonment. I still couldn't believe that that was what he wanted. In my mind, I believed that he was just kidding… that he still needed me at least a little bit. I had hope… because of him. There was no other reason.
It was a sunny day and was warm instead of cool. His family was well kept in… at least his mother was anyway. His father took him out on good days for training with some guards. On sunny days, I waited in the trees and kept track of who came out or went into the castle. He usually did at some point. When he did, I would wave to him before receiving a cold glance and nothing more. On rainy days, I waited anyway with hopes that maybe he would come outside… he only had once.
As I sat behind my bush, I waited with come excitement. I was always happy just seeing him, even from a distance. I had yet to be caught, and was sure that I never would be. That was at least until a voice sounded from behind me.
"What are you doing here, peasant?" a man asked from behind me.
My body went rigid before I looked backwards with my blue eyes. 'Uh oh… I've been caught.'
"Uh… nothing?" I said nervously, almost asking him if that was what I was doing.
It was a guard making his rounds. 'I must have made some noise when I came here… Oh darn it.'
A spear was pointed to my throat; making my heart pound in my chest.
"Should I just kill a vermin like you?"
"So I'm vermin now?" I asked rather coldly.
"Why you-"
"Leave her," another voice sounded from ahead of me, "She's not worth the time."
My heart sank at both the tone and the words.
"Master Sesshoumaru?" the guard questioned.
"A half breed is not worth being killed. Leave her," the voice stated again.
'Is that really how he feels? Does he truly think that I'm not worth the light of day?'
"I don't need your sympathy," I murmured, getting to my feet and walking around the guard.
My feet began to run somewhere – where I did not know – and before I knew it, I had found myself sitting behind our home hut.
That had been what made me start to doubt him.
Present
When I finally came to, I found myself lying in the same position as before. I was on my side with my arms in front of me. I had definitely been thrown. 'What the hell… is wrong with that bastard?' I asked myself as I placed a cool hand on my forehead.
"So you're awake," his voice caught my attention.
'He's back.' At hearing Sesshoumaru's voice, I sat up almost immediately. Seeing him was certainly welcoming. He did come back and he looked as good as he always did.
"No, you know I'm still asleep," I said almost sarcastically but jokingly.
"Of course you are," he stated as he looked out over the ocean.
The waves were calm again with the lack of wind. The sound was soothing. 'I wonder if he can smell Jensuke's scent… Or if the wind blew the scent away…' The thought almost made me worry. Sesshoumaru would be furious if he knew.
"I am, you just can't tell," I told him with a slight smirk.
"Then why would you be sitting if you were sleeping?" he asked, cocking a brow as he turned his golden orbs on me.
"Damn, I've been caught," I laughed slightly.
"It appears so," he stated before making his way over to me.
His footsteps were light on the ground; even in his boot like shoes. Why he wore them… I would never understand. Barefoot was the only way for me. If I had been told to be proper and wear something on my feet, I would have told them to 'screw off' and walk away.
Sesshoumaru had his face tilted downward; why I did not know. He wasn't taking his gaze off me and inside… I enjoyed that. 'I wonder how he feels… He probably doesn't feel remotely close to how I feel… I'm probably just a child now.' Inwardly, I laughed at the thought. Now that I really thought about it, there really was a large age difference.
"Hey Sesshoumaru," I started thoughtfully.
"Mm?"
"When we were younger… how come you became my friend?" I wondered curiously.
He seemed to smirk slightly at the question. Why was the question so funny?
"Such a childish question," he mused, shaking his head slightly, "but I suppose that it was because you were so different… You were intriguing to me."
Intriguing? Was that possible? For the lords to be curious about those who lived under them?
"A seven year old half bred female can be intriguing to a fourteen year old pure blooded demon?" I questioned his logic.
It just didn't seem right.
"It appears so," he stated simply.
"Yeah, all right," I laughed with doubt.
'There must be more to it then that… I'm not intriguing.'
…
My breath is on your hair
I'm unaware
That you opened the blinds and let the city in
God, you held my hand
And we stand
Just taking in everything.
And I knew it from the start
So my arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep
Here we are
On this 18th floor balcony.
We're both flying away.
…
While I wasn't paying attention, fingers took hold of my chin and pulled my head up slightly. Our eyes met and there was nothing happening except the stare.
"You know," I laughed, "I don't remember those marks ever being on your face."
"They haven't been there," he stated, his voice even, "They came shortly after you left and disappeared… I thought that because of them I would not be recognizable to you… Apparently I wasn't."
My eyebrows furrowed slightly at the thought. I never really thought about his appearance being any difference than it was. I assumed that I didn't want it to be. 'I think I like him this way more…'
"It doesn't make you look that different," I said with a shrug, attempting to get my chin free.
That ended in failure.
"Then why could you not believe I was who I said I was?" Sesshoumaru challenged with a slight smirk.
I couldn't answer; causing me to blush slightly with my loss. 'If I had of known that you would look that way when you got older… then I would have never left the village at all…'
--
He looked at her curiously, wondering what thoughts were going through her mind. He wondered if she had someone so close to her heart… like she was to him. If she had not left… then he would have surely chosen her for is mate.
"I may not approve of what you have done to yourself," he began with a kind of gentleness that he had never felt before, "but it has caused you to become quite a sight, Nina."
Inside, he smiled when he saw her blush deepen. That meant that she enjoyed the compliment… If only she had understood how protective he was of her… Of how much she truly meant to him.
"I think you're… crazy," she said quietly, moving her blood red eyes away from his golden ones.
"You may not believe it… but I certainly do," he told her as he bent down and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.
How he wished he could have done that elsewhere…but he knew he was not permitted. He had another matter to deal with before he could truly explain everything of her abandonment. There was more… but it needed to wait a little while longer… She deserved at least that much. In fact… he believed that after all he had done to her, she still deserved more.
As he pulled away and released her chin, he could feel her confusion. Did she feel the same as he? Or was her heart set on someone else instead?
"W-why did you do that?" she asked with a slightly cocked brow.
"Of course… you may be too young for such things… to understand properly," he stated with a rather low tone, his eyes serious, "But once this matter is properly dealt with, then I will explain many things to you."
He couldn't understand her expression. It was like what he had done had hurt her in a way… that he had caused her pain. That thought led him to wonder. Did she have feelings for another? If that was the case… what would have been the reason in finding him again after nine years? He wished he could just ask his questions and make her his… Though the true problem needed to be gone.
--
I looked up at the lord with confusion as he placed a kiss on my forehead. It felt so right… but made me question him a little. What did that little kiss mean? Was it a farewell? Or did he feel the same as I did for him? Was that even possible?
"W-why… Why did you do that?" I questioned, blushing through my confusion.
I didn't understand… it simply made no sense at all.
"You could be too young to understand," his tone serious, "Once this matter is fully taken care of… then I shall fully explain."
'What matter? Am I a bother to him? A thorn in his side?' The way Sesshoumaru said it made it seem like something else was happening… something I didn't even have the chance to know about.
I didn't notice that Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed slightly. I was caught in thought as he knelt down to look at me with a scrutinizing gaze.
"Nina, who was here last night?" his tone was almost threatening with his eyes.
'Oh no… he picked up the scent…' I could feel me heart beat increase at the thought. If Sesshoumaru knew… he wouldn't be happy at all. He couldn't know.
"A stray demon came through," I said with a slight shrug, "He left on his own."
I wasn't lying… just bending the actual truth.
"That was no stray demon," he stated rather coldly, "By the scent of him… he had power and intent."
"Well he left, so that's really all that matters," I stated, looking to the side to look at the slow moving waves on the ocean.
'I wonder what he would say if I told him the complete truth… that I was giving up my life and freedom to save his soul.' I smiled slightly at the thought. I thought it was rather ironic how I would still do anything for him even through my betrayal. 'I guess love truly is blind.'
…
So we talked about moms and dads
About family pasts
Just getting to know where we came from
Our hearts were on display
For all to see
I can't believe this is happening to me
And I raised my hand as if to show you that I was yours
That I was so yours for the taking
I'm so yours for the taking
That's when I felt the wind pick up
I grabbed the rail while choking up
These words to say and then you kissed me...
…
I could believe that my heart truly did yearn for Sesshoumaru. Even after all this time, he still meant everything. He was the only person I had. I wasn't about to lose him to a heartless bastard or a demon that already had my human soul. That would never happen.
Sesshoumaru watched me intently for a moment before standing to his full height. There was definitely something he wasn't telling me. When we were younger, I could tell that there was a problem when he was constantly silent. At least when things were normal he would have said a few things and laughed a little. Would that still be the case now?
"Hey Sesshoumaru…" I started, my red eyes falling to the ground instead of his face.
"Mm?"
"Is there… something bothering you?" I wondered with a slightly cocked brow.
For a few moments things were silent and then he turned away from me.
"Why do you ask?" he questioned with a tone I didn't really understand.
"You're not really saying anything."
"Things have changed in the last nine years," he stated simply.
"Yeah," I murmured, staring at the ground, "You get used to never saying anything."
--
When she had asked that question, he needed to turn away. There was something wrong. There was much wrong. There was something telling him that Nina would be taken away from him… that he would lose her again. The demon that came the night before in his leave, was the demon that had taken her soul away. He could feel it in the pit of his stomach. There was much that was not right at the moment. He had another matter to deal with beforehand… how could he keep watch on her as well?
He knew that now he had found her again, he needed her with his entire being. Nina would be his and no others. That was what he wished anyway; he hoped for it. Ever since he had to abandon her, he knew that it had to be her… that he loved her.
--
It was mid afternoon as we sat in silence. The sun was in the mid sky, bringing its light and cool warmth. The wind was barely blowing and the waves below the cliff were actually calm for the most part. As I lay on my back, I had my eyes closed with my legs over the edge. Sesshoumaru was sitting against a tree in the shade. 'Oh I wonder where that fish did go. That fish, that fish, that fishy oh.' I thought with severe boredom. Bad things happened when I got bored.
"I'll be back," I said with a sigh as I got to my feet.
"Where are you going?" his voice questioned from behind me.
My red eyes stared down at the waves below, watching their calmness.
"Down to the water," I stated with a smirk.
"I don't think you will," he stated, moving slightly.
Looking back at Sesshoumaru, I grinned widely.
"Well I'm bored," I mused, "So I think I will."
Before Sesshoumaru could reach me, I leapt off the top of the cliff side . There was a slight updraft against my feet as I went further away from the rocky cliff.
I knew that things would be fine. Sesshoumaru saved me before when he didn't know who I was. Now that he knew me, I was sure that he would do that same thing with less of a hesitance. This way, I was able to have my fun and be saved with assurance. I knew that he would definitely jump in after me. At least… I hoped he would. If he didn't, I would surely be a goner.
…
I knew it from the start
So my arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep
Here we are
On this 18th floor balcony...
We're both flying away.
And I'll try to sleep
To keep you in my dreams
'til I can bring you home with me
I'll try to sleep
And when I do I'll keep you in my... dreams
…
My feet hit the water first before my entire body was consumed by the water. I could feel myself being pushed forward by the waves… and I was sinking towards the bottom. 'This was what my life was like… constantly sinking into nothingness…'
Ever since I had left the village nine years ago, I felt my heart was disappearing slowly. It felt like I was slowly sinking into numbness. But now… I had a reason to be lifted… to not be numb anymore. I could finally feel right again.
A hand took hold of my wrist; tightly gripping it. 'How does he seem to know where I am?' I was pulled to the surface before his strong arm tightened around my waist.
"What the hell are you thinking?" Sesshoumaru growled at me, pulling me out of the water.
"But I was bored," I stated with slightly furrowed eyebrows, "I had to do something."
"Not that," he nearly spat at me.
"Admit it," I laughed with a wide grin, "You care."
At first he didn't answer… but then he tossed me to the shore and pinned me to the cliff wall.
"Never test my desires by doing something so foolish," he threatened me, his claws tightening on my shoulders, "Otherwise you will find yourself in a position you do not desire to be in."
"Is it wrong to see if a friend truly cares if you're alive or not? Especially when you know if you ask and you won't get an answer?" I asked, glaring rather coldly towards him.
'Is this how he does things? Threaten people or kill them to get his point across?' My teeth clenched together slightly at the thought. Was he truly such an angry person like I had become? 'My best friend… what have you become?' My eyes were cold as I stared at him. He was not the only one that could be intimidating.
"Is that truly a necessity?" he asked me; eyes narrowing slightly, "to know… to physically see that I care about your life?"
"It would be nice to see once in a while from someone," I hissed rather darkly, "Do you know what is it like to be completely alone for nine full years?"
I felt Sesshoumaru's grip loosen slightly. I knew that he cared. It showed time and time again. I hadn't tried to prove anything. I was just bored.
"No," he stated rather quietly, "I suppose I do not."
At those words, it almost felt like my heart had stopped. He wasn't alone out here… there was someone else here with him. The thought of him being with someone else truly tortured me. I did not come out here – searching – to walk away and be completely alone. 'I don't know what I would do if that was truly the case… I'm tired of sinking into nothingness…'
…
I knew it from the start
So my arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep
So here we are
On this 18th floor balcony, yeah
I knew it from the start
My arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
No, we're not going to sleep
Here we are
On this 18th floor balcony... we're both..
Flying away
…
I dropped my gaze away from Sesshoumaru at his words. His golden orbs watched me rather intently at my actions. 'What would I do?' I knew that things wouldn't work out if we ever tried anything. In four days I would be confined to servitude… There would be nothing after that point.
"Can we go now?" I asked rather quietly, "Or am I still being threatened?"
"No… You can go," he almost whispered.
Somehow Sesshoumaru almost looked sad to me. I didn't understand why the subject would bother him. Yes, I had been alone and he had not. What made that sad? How was that sad?
"I wasn't trying to prove anything Sesshoumaru," I explained as I turned my back to him.
"Then what were you trying to do?" he questioned from behind me.
"I really was just bored."
--
He wondered what had caused her to look away from him. She looked like she was hurt somehow… or ashamed in some way. Could it have been what he desired? That she truly had no one else? That she only had him?
No… that seemed rather hopeful. It could have been the truth, but it could have also been that it was only she that had been alone. It was the truth that he had not been completely alone. There was a place he always went back to from time to time after he paused from waiting. It was only in the thought that she would not come to the ocean… That she would not have been hopeful on that childhood dream that he acted as he had.
He didn't know how to solve his dilemma. He knew what he wanted and what he needed to do, but not how to properly solve it. One would have to understand while the other would have to accept…
He didn't know how to tell Nina that there was already a female in his life… and that Nina was the one he truly loved and desired.
End of Chapter 4
Hey again! So, how did you all like it? Was it good? Did the song fit? I really can't tell. o.O Oh well, lol, so long as you all liked it. That's what really matters to me. :D:D I'm really liking this fanfic, I'm having fun with it and can't wait to do the next chapter. It's gunna be my favorite chapter! Yay! So please R&R and I'll try to update as soon as I get the chance to. :3 thank you for reading!