Hey everyone! I know that it's kind of been a while since I last updated but school's over now! And that means that I can write all I want this summer and update a lot more. :3 That makes me really happy. Lol. I'm sorry that this chapter isn't as long as the last one but I hope that it's still good enough for you all. :D Thank you to all of those who have read and reviewed so far. You all make me really happy. I hope that you all enjoy my new chapter. :3
… means lyrics
-- means switching point of views
Pent-Up
I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I had to look away from Sesshoumaru. He wasn't being fair to her… and that upset me a lot. Were we both just being selfish? Had we been that way the entire time? 'I think that we have…' My face became solemn slightly and then I felt his hand touch my cheek gently.
"What do you mean Nina?" Sesshoumaru asked me with a quiet tone.
I knocked his hand away from my face and looked at him with furrowed brows.
"What about her Sesshoumaru?" I asked with a slightly raised tone, "She could love you and you would break her heart just like that?"
Of course I could be angry. If he would do that to me then I would have been completely heartbroken… I wouldn't want that for anyone.
"I cannot help it if I have been after you since I was fourteen; that I believed that you had died in that eight year time frame," he told me rather sternly; almost coldly.
My eyes widened slightly. Eight years… he had known her for a year…
"And that makes it mine?" I asked with furrowed brows, "How is that my fault that you pushed me away? How the hell was I supposed to know what you were doing?"
I was seething now, which meant that I wasn't about to fight fair.
"I never said that Nina," he told me.
"Well that's what you're implying!" I hissed, taking a step away from him.
He grabbed my wrist tightly before pulling me back to him. He embraced me tightly and I started to struggle against him.
"Damn it! Let me go Sesshoumaru!"
The demon lord's grip tightened all the more at my words. 'What is he doing? What… what is he thinking?' My hands grabbed his sides in an attempt to push him away; my claws digging slightly into his skin.
"You say that you love me," he murmured, "Yet you're denying my feelings in return. Are you truly that concerned about how she feels when she hears the news?"
His voice was quiet and… questioning. Didn't he care at all?
"It's not fair to her Sesshoumaru," I told him, still trying to push away from him, "What if she loves you and you're breaking her heart? What if… what if you do to her exactly what you did to me?"
--
When he heard her say that… it almost felt like his heart had stopped. He had never thought of that; that he might cause someone else the same kind of pain. He just assumed that it didn't matter because he loved the younger girl in front of him. She was all that had mattered to him. The day he met her, he knew that she would be special… that she would change everything for him.
At the thought, he almost found himself laughing to himself. She was such a child then. Yet at the same time, she was as grown up as he. She had known how to defend and kill for herself. She didn't need to depend on others.
As he felt her struggle against him, he rested his head on the top of hers. This moment in the rain would be different from the last. He would not abandon her. He refused to.
"Stop!" she hissed again, pushing against his sides.
His blood was on her claws… they were digging into his skin as they tried to push him away.
"You're right, Nina," he murmured to her, closing his eyes, "I'm not being fair to her."
"I know you're not," she stated rather coldly.
"But I have also not been fair to you," he continued, "Nor to myself."
Her struggles stopped for a moment at his words and he could tell that he had caught her attention.
"I did not wish to mate with that human female, and I still do not. I suppose she was only chosen because she was royalty," he explained, furrowing his brows slightly.
If his mother had known that, it would have made her pleased. She always had hated his little half bred friend.
--
I stopped struggling against him, loosening my grip on his sides. He had let me hurt him… I could smell his blood even through the rain. 'Why would he do that?' I was confused as I looked up at him. This woman… she was a princess?
"You mean… she's not your mate?" I questioned with a cocked brow.
"I have yet to touch her in such a way," he stated, his tone almost insulted, "Her words have been spoken… She had wished for such a thing, but I needed to know, so I refused."
My eyes were rather solemn as my brows furrowed. 'She wants him… but for what reason? She is so willing… but is it for love? Or does she only want him to bring peace between the western demons and humans?' I was confused and it made me wonder… who wouldn't be?
"Do you hate them?" I asked quietly, "the humans?"
I had been human once… would that mean that he partially hated me as well?
"I did not hate you, Nina," he stated rather gently, "but they are a filthy race… a weak race. They are like vermin taking over one's home."
His voice was thoughtful with his words.
My mother had been human and my father the demon. We had been poor, just like anyone else in the village. There were many of us though, living in that same village. Naturally we had been resented; my father and I. My mother was welcome anywhere, while my father and I weren't. It had been simple to just wander around the forest and the outskirts of the village. If no one could find you, then they couldn't bother you.
Sesshoumaru's arms released me and I backed away a bit. My red eyes were solemn as they looked at the ground. Until I knew that this other woman wouldn't care, then I didn't want to intrude on their relationship. 'I'm not going to let someone else get hurt. It's not like… I can be with him anyway…' I only had one more day… that wasn't a very long time for anything.
…
I lost a piece of my in you;
I think I left it in your arms.
I forget the reasons I got scared,
But remembered that I cared quite a lot.
You see but lately I've been on my own.
Yeah one, but one by choice.
You see, that's a first for me,
And now I realize for once,
It's just me.
It's just me.
It's just me.
…
Through the pouring rain, I sat down against a tree trunk that was a little ways away.
"What are you doing Nina?" he asked me.
"Ending the conversation," I stated emotionlessly, "I'm tired, so we'll finish talking in the morning."
It was tired of hearing the same conversation. I needed something else running through my head that wouldn't make me get lost. After nine years… this was the most exciting time that ever happened to me.
--
He stood there and watched her as she closed her eyes. When had she become such a demanding child? When did she realize that she had a right to demand or want things? She had always stayed quiet when she wished for something. Her family had been poor, so she never asked for anything because she knew she couldn't have it.
Ten years ago…
They sat outside together, watching the starry night sky. She was propped up on her elbows as she leaned back and looked up. He loved to be with her like this… just sitting together at night. She meant so much to him… he swore that if he had to, he would die for her.
"Sesshoumaru?" he voice broke through the night's silence.
"Hm?" he replied as he lay on his back.
"What do you want the most?" she asked; her tone serious.
His golden orbs widened slightly at the question. She had never asked such a question to him… nor had anyone.
He knew what he wanted and what he hated. He wished that she wouldn't rush into a fight; that she wouldn't attack and get hurt anymore. He hated seeing her get wounded in any way.
"To be able to spend more time with you within each day," he murmured as he looked towards her slightly smiling face.
"That would be nice," she agreed with a smile.
"What about you, Nina?" he questioned.
She seemed to grin at the question and he didn't know why. Sometimes she made him wonder.
"I want to see the ocean," she admitted rather quietly, "I bet it's really nice there."
"It probably smells bad," he murmured.
He didn't want to have the smell of salt burning his nose.
"Maybe," she laughed, "You never know."
Nina's voice sounded almost sad with those words and he had caught it all. It was what she wanted – the only thing she had ever told him willingly – and he had basically said that he wouldn't go with her.
"How about we go together Nina?" he asked with a light tone.
He needed her to be happy. He wouldn't stand for her to be sad.
"Would you want that?" he continued curiously.
…
And I'll find a way to make it,
There's no one left to stop me.
Here I go.
Can we take it from the top?
So why so long?
So sad, I wanna be strong.
Don't try to take this from me.
I've already spent my life living half undone.
So why so lone?
So sad, I wanna be strong.
Don't try to take this from me
I've already spent my life living half undone.
…
He had drawn her attention with surprise in her eyes.
"I wouldn't want to go anywhere without you beside me," she agreed with a wide smile.
He watched her fall onto her back beside him. Her hand took a gentle grasp on a small lock of his soft silver hair.
"I think it would be just like you," she whispered, "the ocean…"
Her blue eyes stared up into the endless sky. They didn't widen as he took hold of her hand. He did it often. Then he pulled the soft skin to his lips before gently kissing the top of her wrist.
"One day Nina," he promised, "We'll see it one day."
Present
He remembered that day so clearly in his mind. It was a favorite out of many. Silently, he made his way to beside her and sat down against the trunk. He wished that things were still that simple; so easy. She had never been hurt by him until the day he had left her… but now she knew why. It was his feelings for her that made him push himself away. He would have lived alone if it meant that she would be safe.
Now… now he was just afraid that she was going to do the same to him.
--
Morning seemed to come too fast. I didn't want to open my eyes… if I opened them then I knew that this would be my last day with him. I didn't want it to be my last day… I wanted to stay with him, but what choice did I have? Give Jensuke Sesshoumaru's one and only soul to balance out my human one? Or become a servant to save Sesshoumaru's one and only soul? Naturally I would choose the latter.
My head was leaning to the right and was resting against something sturdy. 'What is that?' I wondered with confusion. I couldn't do it; I couldn't open my eyes to ruin it. I didn't want to wake up yet.
"You can open you r eyes, Nina," his voice broke through the morning silence.
'No… I don't want to…' Slowly, I opened my blood red eyes and saw the blurry trees in front of me.
The sun was out – I noticed – and it was drying the wet trees and short grass. 'Why id his voice so close?' I wondered with even more confusion. The morning was never really a good time for me.
"How tired are you?" he asked me, his voice gentle.
"It's morning," I stated with slightly furrowed brows, "You know that it's my enemy."
"Of course it is," he mused rather quietly.
I lifted my head and looked to see what my head had been resting on. I saw pale red flowers and silver hair… 'Was that? No… it can't be…'
Before I could react, I felt his hand on my cheek and he seemed to pull me closer to him.
"What are you-"
His lips cut me off as they claimed mine rather gently. 'What is he doing? He has to stop!' My hands pushed off his chest to break the kiss and he had surprisingly let me.
"Stop doing that!" I hissed, using the back of my right hand to wipe away the feeling.
Of course it was still there… burning my lips with desire.
"My sincere apologies," he apologized without regret in his tone.
'Such a bad liar…' I pulled away from him and got to my feet.
…
I've been talking to my aunts and uncles, mom and dad again.
I've been finding that I have what this world calls friends.
I've tried to push them all away,
They push bad and wanna stay
And that's one good thing I have.
I'm gunna feel peace in me,
I'm gunna feel at home
…
I didn't know what to do. This was my last day with him… what was there to do?
"You can't keep doing that," I murmured, turning my head away from him, "I'm not going to continue being selfish."
There seemed to be a slight chuckle from him before his arm wrapped around the front of my waist.
"What have you ever been selfish?" he questioned, holding me against him tightly.
"A lot since quite recently," I muttered mostly to myself.
"It seems that I have been far more selfish than you," he whispered into my ear.
"You're bad at lying."
"I refuse to lower myself to such standards," he stated rather coldly.
I had been selfish in wanting Sesshoumaru. I had loved him as of late and I didn't want to let him go. But I knew – I knew all too well – that he couldn't do this to that princess… It wasn't right. What was right seemed to be more important than what I wanted.
My blood red eyes stared forward as I looked into the trees. I couldn't look at him. I didn't want to lose. 'I have to get away from him… I can't do this…'
"Why are you so persistent?" I asked him through narrowed eyes, "You know that it's wrong… that we can't be together. You have made a promise to be with her, and I suggest that you don't break it."
My tone was cold as I pulled away from him. I wouldn't last the day… I needed to get away now. 'I can't do it… I can't take it… the pain is hard to bear…' I clenched my teeth slightly at the thought. This wasn't fair in any way. Nine years apart… six days together… Had it all been worth it at all? Had I been worth it at all?
"Where are you going?" his voice asked from behind me.
…
I'm gunna make this cloud above me disappear, be gone.
I wanna feet a punch inside, my heart beat on the floor.
I don't wanna hurt no more.
Yeah it's just me.
It's just me
And I'll find a way to make it.
There's no one left to stop me.
Here I go, can we take it from the top?
…
I hadn't realized that my feet had already started to move.
"I need a walk," I murmured solemnly, "I don't know when I'll come back."
I bit my lip as I could sense his confusion.
"Nina-"
"Goodbye Sesshoumaru," I whispered before walking deeper into the forest.
--
He didn't understand. He didn't know why she had said it that way… like he was never going to see her again. He wanted to follow her… to grab her and make her stay with him. It really did seem like she was going away forever.
His feet wouldn't move… he couldn't make them go after her.
"Nina…" he whispered, eyebrows furrowing slightly.
Would she come back? Would he be able to see her again? Would she be the same the next time he got to see her?
Or… had all this waiting been for nothing? Nine years apart… six days together… He didn't think that such circumstances were fair for them. Didn't they deserve their own happiness? To share it with one another?
So many questions flowed through his mind in those few moments and her knew that he was alone once again. He didn't know if she would really come back to him… He needed to wait a few days before leaving. Things would be set straight.
--
I walked through the trees and out of the corner of my eye I could see Jensuke standing there. His arms were crossed as her leaned against a tree trunk with a smirk on his face.
"That was very well done, Nina," Jensuke laughed, "I must say that I am surprised at you."
"Shut up," I stated as I walked by him.
'He has no idea how bad it was… How could he ever understand?' He came up behind me and took hold of my shoulders to stop me.
"You must be in pain. I can feel your heart clenching… it must be just as bad for you," Jensuke mused into my ear, "I wonder how he must feel… How betrayed he must feel. Or what kind of thoughts are going through his head."
My jaw clenched tightly at his words. Why was he such a bastard?
"Shut up!" I growled as I bared my fangs hatefully.
Jensuke chuckled into my ear darkly.
"Come now little Nina. We shall go play a game."
It had only been a week since I had admitted to my servitude to Jensuke. It was sad to me, but rather worth it. Sesshoumaru was alive and that was all that mattered… no matter how much suffering I was going through.
Jensuke had me running errand after errand for him. My claws were ever more stained with the blood of others. It was bad before… but now it was ten times worse. I had to go into a village every day and night. I had just come back from a village and dry blood was all over my claws. Dry splatters and streams were on my cheeks.
"A monster," I murmured, narrowing my eyes as I sat in my dark chamber.
The door was locked and there was no escape for me. I knew that well enough.
My blood red eyes looked up at the ceiling as the silence surrounded me. There were a few others under the will of Jensuke, but they did their work willingly. I was against my will, but it was still a fair exchange. 'You're nothing but a monster in this hateful place… I belong here because of all the things I have done.'
The silence was like frozen torture; a constant reminder that I was alone again. I hated it. I had enjoyed being with Sesshoumaru but not just because I loved him… but because he was my best friend and that meant that I wasn't alone anymore. This last week changed that considerably. I was alone then and now… what was left of me anymore? Where had everything inside me gone?
Where was the Remorse? The Guilt? Where had my conscience gone? When had I lost it?
…
So why so long?
So sad, I wanna be strong
Don't try to take her from me.
I've already spent my life living half undone.
So why so long?
So sad, I wanna be strong.
Don't try to take her from me.
I've already spent my life living half undone.
I used to be the one who won before.
I used to smile but don't no more.
I'm living just to watch it all go by.
…
Or more importantly… when would I get it back?
End of Chapter 6
Hey again! So, did you all like it? Did the song fit? I hope that it did. xD Lol. Thanks again for reading, please R&R and I'll try to update as soon as I can. :3