Title: "With Bloodshot Eyes, I Watch You Sleeping"
Disclaimer: Blah blah, Tommy Lynch, blah blah, The-N, blah blah, broke bum, blah and all that repetitive jazz blah.
Rating: NC-17/R/18 – sex, adult themes and all that shibaziboodle
Summary: It's an AU fic, you know the type; Ashley is the most popular girl in school and Spencer is a loner – a stalkerish loner. I'm starting it off as a one-shot, but if enough people like it, then I'll develop it.
Author's Note: I've had this idea in my head for years – it originally popped up in conjunction with a completely different fandom – and yet I've put off writing it for so long, meh.
Feedback: Ehhh, it's always lovely to receive, whether it's a page long (yes, I'm looking at you Boris) or a quick few words, it's just nice to know that someone is reading the drivel that I write.
Reality Bending: Even though Ashley has a car and can drive, she walks home after school almost everyday – so lets just imagine that LA is the safest place in the world for a scantily clad sixteen-year-old girl to be walking around alone, in the dark.
Songs: The title is from the Bullet For My Valentine song "Tears Don't Fall" and the lyrics used at the beginning are from Aqualung's "Strange And Beautiful".
Chapter 1
I've been watching your world from afar,
I've been trying to be where you are,
And I've been secretly falling apart, unseen.
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,
You turn every head but you don't see me.
I watch her, I follow her; I stalk her. And she has no idea.
That's sort of obvious though, if she knew I'd be probably be dead by now.
Maybe I should explain a little, we used to be best friends, almost inseparable. Almost. Things changed, as they always do, the world shifted around us and she grew up to be the most popular girl in school, head cheerlead, dating the captain of the basketball team, friends with the entire student body, the original all-American girl. And what about me? Put simply, I didn't. The more popular she got, the more I began to sink into the background, my face and my identity slipping into the darkness of obsolescence, Spencer Carlin was just another faceless student at King High, lost to loneliness and spat on by apathy.
My former best friend hasn't acknowledged my presence in years, but just as Ashley started to forget about me, I could never forget about her and my feelings for the brunette got stronger and stronger, my need to be around her grew and my thoughts and drives became monopolized by her.
She says a quick goodbye to Madison and starts to walk off of the school grounds, I watch as the latina speeds off in her Mercedes convertible before I begin to tail Ashley, the sun has already set and the walk back to Ashley's mansion will be filled with darkness. Not that I mind, I'll still be able to see her, to follow her with no problem, I've walked along the same roads so many times, I think I know the way to Ashley's house better than she does by now.
She stops abruptly to flex her knee a little, and I duck into an alleyway – I probably don't need to be doing my best James Bond impression, but I like to ham my own stealthyness up – I hope her knee is okay, I saw her injure it earlier during a cheer practice, one of the male cheerleaders with more teeth than brain cells didn't catch her when he was supposed to and she tumbled to the ground. I wanted to kick the bastard in the balls for that, I obviously couldn't come out of my hiding spot to inflict pain on the moron, but at least Madison started swearing at him in Spanish. I peer around the corner and she's started walking again, I compose myself and go back to my normal routine of following her, it's nothing short of a miracle that after all these years she hasn't caught me once.
The streets are unusually quiet today and the lack of hustle and bustle has a relaxing quality to it, sure there are still people around, but considerably less than there usually is. We're coming up to a set of traffic lights so I start to slow down, my steps becoming more languid until I'm sure that she's cleared the Pelican Crossing, I wouldn't want to slip up and pop up beside her as she waits for the little green man to appear.
I sigh inwardly, we're coming to the end of our shared journey, and Ashley will be out of my sight for over fifteen hours, the thought immediately depresses me. Although I'm sure she'll make her usual appearance in my dreams, her unsaid words ghosting over my flesh, her lips just out of reach, my body longing to come back into contact with hers, for just one more night. It's worse over the holidays, I can go days, even weeks without seeing her, and it kills me inside. When she's not around, my life looses all its' meaning, my days are wasted laying in bed imagining what she's doing, who she's with and how long the monotonous torture will last.
Ashley turns right into a residential road and I continue to follow her, we're now literally two minutes from her abode, the realization crushes me. She stops in front of a large oak tree and just stares at its' expanse, her eyes tracing over each branch. She's done this before, I assume the tree holds some significance for her, maybe a childhood memory that she doesn't want to let go off; a reminder of a carefree time, maybe it takes her back to a moment shared with her father, I don't know. My beautiful angel turns on her heel and continues down the road towards her house, throwing the tree one more wistful glance before rounding the corner. This is my cue to leave and head back to my modest home. Goodnight Ashley.
I sit at my desk idly drumming my fingers on my thighs, why do history assignments have to be so boring? I turn my attention back to my monitor, Google staring back at me, a blur of words covering the screen, this is crap. Sighing heavily, I start spinning my desk chair around, taking in a panoramic view of my bedroom as I do. I wonder what Ashley's room looks like these days, I wonder if she's redecorated since I was last in the comforting confines of her bedroom, if she still has the same bed that we used to sleep in.
I spin my chair back 'round so I'm facing my computer once more, letting out an audible grunt I start skimming over the page of search results, hoping to find what I'm looking for.
"Hey Spencer."
My eyes go wide and my hands push against my desk so that my chair spins to face the direction of a voice that I'd know anywhere. Ashley pops into my eye line as I slam my feet on the ground, stopping my chair from turning anymore, she's here, in my room, looking as beautiful as ever, my mouth feels dry as I gulp, the sound resonating throughout my otherwise silent room.
I try to reply, try to say hello back, but my futility makes my words sound like a squeak and I begin to blush, painfully aware of her deliberate steps towards me. Ashley glances back at my closed bedroom door before she pulls the corner of her bottom lip into her mouth, the pink flesh getting locked between her teeth. My bedroom is dark but I can make out every little mark and freckle on her exposed flesh, her hips swaying as she sashays towards me, my pulse quickening.
"I know," her voice is thick as she speaks, "I know you watch me."
Oh fuck, oh fuckity fuck, she's going to kill me, she's going to…. Hey, why's she smiling like that?
She's in front of me now, towering over my sitting form, the delicious scent of her perfume making my head spin. I watch as she bites down on her lower lip once more, the simple action painfully arousing, her body shifting, she leans down, her face inches from mine.
Her deep brown eyes lock with mine as she speaks again, "I've known for so long," she pauses her eyes dipping to my lips, her face moving closer to my own; oh please for the love of God, let her kiss me.
She lets a sly grin wash over her face before straddling my hips; I let out a surprised squeak, our new proximity driving me mad. Her lips are next to my ear as she starts to talk once more, her warm breath dancing over the shell of my ear, "And is makes me so," she pauses again, to capture my left wrist in her palm, the gentle heat from her hand spreading more heat throughout my nervous body.
I feel her open and close her mouth next to my ear, the sound of her breathing only fuelling my rapidly growing desire. She tugs on my wrist, my hand following her movements, between her parted legs, my fingers skim over her velvety thighs as her hands guides my own further up, pressing the palm of my hand against the triangle of heat between her legs, I let out another small gasp as I find out she's not wearing any underwear.
"Wet." As Ashley finishes, giving my hand one final tug before pressing my fingers against her opening.
Oh... Oh God.
She releases my hand from her gentle grip, her hips gently rocking, urging me to touch her, but I'm frozen, the shock of the situation paralysing me, I want to move, I desperately want to move, to touch her, to pleasure her, but I can't move a muscle.
Her warm tongue runs against the length of my ear and I think I'm going to faint, "Please Spencer," her voice is raspy and full of want, "touch me."
Her hips rock a little more, trying to push my fingers into her, mustering up al my strength, I do as we both want and push two digits into her burning heat, she emits a pleased gasp and I let out a low moan, my fingers fitting inside of her so perfectly.
I quickly lose myself in the sensation of being inside of Ashley Davies, she rests her head in the crook of my neck as her hips press down, drawing my fingers deeper into her, another plea swiftly passes over her parted lips, getting lost near my collarbone.
The awkward position we're both in causing no uncomfort as I begin thrusting my fingers in and out of her, her soft gasps and gentle moans making the world around us spin. I pause to shift in my seat, careful not to throw Ashley off of my lap, and her lips find mine, it's better than I've ever dreamed it could be. Her soft tongue slowly running over my own, both her hands tangling in my hair, pushing our faces together, her hips finding her desired pace to rock against still moving hand. She moans into my mouth and I reply by kissing her harder, my tongue lashing against hers. Her moans and throaty groans only making my fingers pound into her with more urgency, I pull my mouth from hers, sucking much needed oxygen to my lungs. She catches my bottom lip in between her teeth and bites down before gently sucking the swelling flesh into her mouth, I moan once more.
Ashley frees my lip from her teeth and pushes her face back down, back into the crook of my neck, gasping "Harder, harder" as her teeth sink into my neck. I groan as I comply, my fingers surging into her with renewed need, her teeth sinking lower as I do, another groan rumbling in my throat.
I keep my free hand on her back, making sure she's in the best position, my right hand locked firmly between her legs, fingers pounding into her with all my might. Her body fidgets, head moving to my shoulder, her torso pressing into my own, words leaving her lips, muted by my shoulder. She pulls back, gasping, "I'm, I'm, oh fuck."
My eyes widen, oh fuck.
"I'm going to, oh God, please Spencer, please." Her voice is laced with desire and exigency, she starts panting my name against my shoulder, her walls tightening around my fingers…
I bolt up in bed, my body covered in sweat, her name a dull cry on my lips. Breathing hard, I look around my room; it's empty. She's not here and she never was, I lie back down, my t-shirt slicked to my skin, it felt so real, I wanted it to be real. I close my eyes and I'm painfully aware of the burning ache between my legs, sighing I roll onto my side and fix my gaze on my desk chair. I wanted her to be with me so much. My fingers are already past the elastic waistband of my shorts before I can register them, I picture Ashley next to me, she's kneeling by my bed, berating me for touching myself whilst thinking about her. I'm inside of myself, but I imagine I'm back inside of Ashley, her throaty moans urging me on, begging me to continue. Her voice is liquid silk in my ear as she begs me to push her over the brink, our bodies moving in sync.
Thursdays are always slow, and today seems to be no exception and it's not even nine yet, the mass of students grumble and groan as they all find somewhere to sit in King's grand assembly hall. The clashing of shoes against wood is soon drowned out by hundreds of separate conversations, the sea of chatter forever droning.
I've luckily manage to squeeze myself into the top left of the building, no one behind me, no one to the left of me and a large gap between myself and a small group of preppy girls to my right.
The headmaster appears onstage behind a small podium and with a lot of cajoling, the hall falls victim to silence, Mr. Eliot bleating on about things with no relevance to anyone. Today sucks.
"And as a special treat, King High's very own cheer squad are going to perform their latest cheer for you." Mr. Cheeseface says before walking off stage, as a chorus of wolf whistles emanates from a large group of boys at the front of the gym.
I roll my eyes at them, and stop slouching in my seat, trying to get the best view of the stage, it's not long before short green skirts and tight green tops fill the stage. Ashley stands at the front, looking genuinely happy to be there as the music starts up and the squad bursts into life, flips, spins and other gymnastic moves colouring the large stage.
Maybe today won't be so bad after all.
I'm out and about, well not really, but I am out and in a club. Grey to be exact. Why? Well, Ashley is here, that's why. She's the only reason why I'd venture into a place like this, I don't have anything against clubs, but I don't have anyone to go with, so I usually steer clear, not tonight though. It's not the first time I've been here either, Ashley comes here quite a bit, so naturally I follow.
I bob my head to the music and drink orange juice, tucked away in a dark corner where I can't be seen, my eyes glued to Ashley, as ever. She's straightened her hair tonight and she looks stunning, but then again, she always does; my beautiful angel.
I growl into my glass as I watch Aiden pull her into him, they're on the dance floor and I hate it, I hate that she's with him. They've been dating for a few months and I've loathed every second of it, doesn't he know that she's meant to be with me? He whispers something to her, and her soft giggles float along the music to reach my ears, I'm the one that should be making her laugh, damnit! It's not long before he begins tugging on her arm, pulling her towards the toilets, my blood boils as I quickly follow them, unseen by all.
"Please Ash, for me, I promise I'll be quick." I roll my eyes, boys are so romantic.
Aiden produces a small foil square from his back pocket and waves it about in front of her face, he sounds like a whinny child begging him mother for a new Action Man, my head ducks back behind the wall as he waits for Ashley's response.
"Aid', look I…." She sounds unsure, her heart's not in it. Ha! Score one; Spencer!
"C'mon Ash', you know you'll love it." God, he's got to be kidding right, I can't see his face, but I bet he's giving her his best puppy dog look.
She nods slowly, shoulders slumped in defeat, I can't look away as he pushes her skirt up and his trousers down. My head slings back behind the wall as I hear a pained gasp push over her lips, gulping softly, I watch their reflection in a nearby mirror. Her chin is rested on his shoulder, eyes downcast as he beings to push in and out of her, I want to stop him, to round the corner and pull him out of her, to shout and kick at him, warning him never to go near my Ashley again. I don't though. I just watch the spectacle. It doesn't last long, and soon he slumps against her, muttering how much he loves her and that it was amazing. She just nods against his shoulder.
I hate him.
I'm not crazy, if that's what you're thinking. I'm not delusional, I don't want to kill her and steal her life or anything like that. I'm not on drugs and I don't need to be, my mental health is just fine, I don't need to be locked up; I wouldn't hurt a fly.
I just want Ashley to be happy, I want to make her happy, I want to protect her. I want her and I want her to want me. I know it will never happen though.
She forgot about me a long time ago, but I could never forget about her, so now I just watch.
I watch her, I follow her; I stalk her. I love her.