"Like A Dance" has been well-received, despite having been seen before on LiveJournal. I'm very happy to be bringing this to those of you who don't frequent LJ.

Angst behind, and angst ahead. Zack has a tough road ahead of him. Still rated M, though mostly for mush and hurt/comfort in this one. This is basically an excuse for Angeal/Zack cuddling, which I will never get enough of.

I don't own FFVII or any of its incredible slash-able characters.

Thank you to everyone who's reading and reviewing - as always, I love you for it.

BENEATH THE SKIN
Part Two in the "Like A Dance" Series


As he walked the hallway lined with SOLDIER 3rd Class apartments, Angeal Hewley spotted a 3rd he knew and approached him. "Kunsei."

"Commander, sir."

"At ease. Have you seen Zack?"

Kunsei looked surprised. "You didn't know? He's sick."

Angeal frowned. Illness was more common among 3rds than any other class, as their mako level was lowest, but Zack had seemed fine the last time he saw him, the day before yesterday. Stranger than that, it was very unlike the boy to admit he wasn't up to training, it was always Angeal who had to put his foot down when Zack was too tired or unfocused to carry on.

"Sick in what way?"

"I'm not really sure, sir. I saw him a few hours ago and he just didn't look good. I don't think he slept at all. When he got back yesterday, all he said was he didn't feel well."

Angeal scowled with annoyance, though it was not directed at Kunsei. He'd already had words with Lazard when he got back early this morning, concerning his anger that his student had been sent on a mission without his approval. Lazard had apologized profusely, sworn it would not happen again, but aside from admitting that Zack had been sent back early, the executive director could reveal nothing about the assignment. A Turk mission, top-secret, and that made Angeal even more furious. The Turks dealt with matters too underhanded and unpleasant for anyone else...Gaia only knew what awful sights Zack had been exposed to. Exceptional SOLDIER or not, he was just a kid, and really a very innocent one, with a heart that would one day be a hero's but for now just trusted and accepted too easily.

That made Angeal worry. He loved the kid, Zack was like the little brother he'd never had and the son he never would. He couldn't help but be over-protective, even if doing so kept Zack from toughening up as all SOLDIERs did out of necessity. The boy's playfulness and cheer was endearing, as welcome to the stoic commander as rain after a drought, and he didn't want to see that innocence lost.

There was no answer when he knocked at Zack's door. The boy could be sleeping, or perhaps too sick to get up. Angeal went inside and, after a cursory glance around the messy and unoccupied front room, proceeded to the bedroom. He pushed the ajar door open, soundlessly.

Zack was sitting on the bed, legs bent up to his chest, his face hidden in the arms that wrapped around his knees. He was wearing his uniform (only the sword was missing, probably under the bed somewhere, if Angeal knew Zack), but he didn't move as the commander crept inside. Even a 3rd, especially a good one, should have sensed him coming. Could Zack be asleep in that position? He was, he didn't react at all as Angeal carefully sat down.

The boy's spiky black hair was damp, he must have gotten out of the shower a little while ago. Yes, the nearby bathroom door was open, and the air wafting from it was still warm. The water must have been near scalding, Angeal thought, observing his student with increasing worry. He didn't want to wake Zack, but wasn't sure how long he could wait to assure himself that the kid was okay. Angeal carefully put his hand on Zack's hair and began to gently stroke it, willing himself to figure out the right thing to do.

zazaz

Zack was at the center of a vast dark, laying on a table beneath a spotlight that illuminated nothing but his own nude body. He tried to get up, or at least cover himself, but cold hands grabbed his wrists and yanked him back, and he screamed as Genesis's face hovered over him and smiled.

"Ssh, don't worry, Puppy. This time I'll give you what you really want."

Another figure stepped out of the dense shadow, and Zack's eyes flooded with tears of relief. "Angeal!"

"I'm here now, Pup, it's okay." Angeal's voice was soothing, no surprise there, but then he looked past Zack to Genesis, and smiled. "Thank you, old friend. Without you, I might never have known I could do this."

"Any time."

Zack stammered mutely for a few moments, unable to process Angeal's calm, or why he was looking at him like that. "Angeal," he finally whispered, a broken-hearted plea, and Angeal unzipped his pants and lifted Zack's numb legs onto his shoulders.

"It's all right, Pup. I know you want this too. Now I can show you what I always planned for you, what I wanted from you all this time."

"No," Zack begged, dissolving into sobs, "please, it can't be true..."

"Weren't you thinking of me while Genesis broke you in? Didn't that make it easier?" Angeal took the boy's sex in hand and began to massage it. "That means you want this. You want me to love you."

"Not like this," Zack cried, but Angeal was pressing inside already. There was no pain this time, only pleasure, he was being taken much more slowly and gently than Genesis had done. But Genesis was here too, everywhere, inside as Angeal was inside, he would always be there beneath the skin like a virus. Angeal was hushing him, and it felt so good, and yet all Zack could do was close his eyes as tears poured out them, as a familiar hand petted his hair, and -

"Puppy?" Angeal murmured, alarmed by the boy's trembling.

Zack's head snapped up, and before Angeal could speak or get a good look at him, he had scrambled away and was curled up against the bed's headboard in a protective ball. Like he was expecting to be attacked. A nightmare, Angeal guessed, but Zack wasn't shaking it off. Though awake, he didn't seem to realize the danger had passed, and his shoulders continued to quake, accompanied by whimpering noises.

"Zack, you were dreaming. It's all right, it's over."

The boy's breathing began to grow calmer. Angeal reached a hand out toward him, but Zack tensed, so he drew it back.

"Look at me. Please."

It wasn't an order (yet), but only reluctantly, unwillingly, did Zack lift his head out of the cocoon of his arms. The pale eyes that met Angeal's were puffy and red, their blue watery and drowning, and the expression was fearful. Haunted. That face, usually so cheerful and beaming, was ghostly-white and streaked with tears. The boy must have been crying for hours. Having moved past alarm into barely-concealed terror, Angeal instinctively reached for him again, only to have Zack flinch and edge away.

"All right, I won't, I'll stay right here," the commander promised. "Zack, what's happened?"

"Nothing," was the whispered answer. "I was sick...yesterday...but I'm okay now. I'm ready to train."

Angeal shook his head. "You're in no condition. If we're going anywhere, it's to the med lab."

"No! I mean, I'm okay now."

"I don't think you are. Lazard told me you were ill," Angeal said, pausing to frown as Zack flinched again, "but he was not specific. What were your symptoms?"

"I just...felt nauseous," Zack answered uncertainly, sniffling now and then, ducking his head to wipe his face with a tissue. "Like I was gonna throw up, and my head hurt. Maybe one of those twenty-four-hour things. I'm fine now, I just didn't sleep."

"You were dreaming a minute ago. What was your dream about?"

"I don't remember."

Zack was a bad liar. "Did you go to the med lab after the Turks sent you back? Lazard should have made sure..."

There was that flinch again. Had the executive director scolded Zack or shown disappointment in him? That didn't sound like Lazard. But then, this behavior was not at all like Zack.

"No, h-he just said to rest. I'm fine, really."

"Let me feel your head, okay?" The boy stayed still for him, but squeezed his eyes shut and didn't open them until Angeal was finished. "You don't seem to have a fever. Puppy, did something bad happen yesterday?"

Fear froze the glassy blue eyes, fear of being found out. Gaia-damned Turks, Angeal thought furiously, he's never going near them again, whatever orders might say.

"Did you see something on the mission that frightened you?"

The briefest flash of confusion, followed by relief. What could that mean? He had been close to the truth and taken a wrong turn.

"The mission was fine," Zack said unsteadily. "I wasn't there long...I didn't really see...but it was secret, I can't say anything. No one can say anything."

"I can make Tseng talk, if I need to."

"He wasn't there."

"Who was?"

"I didn't know them, I don't remember."

Angeal followed a hunch. "What time did you disembark? Surely that isn't classified, you can tell me. And what method of transportation did you use?"

"We...we were in a hurry, and I was distracted, I don't know."

Zack was avoiding his eyes, shifting restlessly. At this point Angeal was fairly convinced that there had been no mission, or if there had, Zack had not been involved with it at all. Something was being covered up here, but what? If Zack had gotten into trouble, it would have been reported to his mentor without delay. This reluctance and secrecy was so unlike Zack, Angeal was nearly as frustrated with his confusion as he was worried about the kid.

"Puppy," he said gently, "I can find out about this mission if I need to. There wasn't one, was there?"

Zack curled himself up tighter and his eyes began to flood again. Angeal felt like his heart was breaking to watch this. He cared for Zack in many ways (some of which he ignored and tried to suppress), but only now did he realize how much of his own well-being and happiness were tied to the boy's. The last thing he wanted to do was push Zack or upset him further, but he had to get to the bottom of this.

"Tell me what's wrong. Let me help," Angeal said, his voice sounding slightly desperate. "Whatever's happened, I'll fix it."

"Nothing," Zack insisted, pausing to breathe unevenly. "It's nothing. I'm just tired."

Angeal sighed and stood up. "C'mon, Pup."

"Wh-Where? Not the med lab, please..."

"How about Dr. Hollander?" Zack seemed to like Hollander and vice-versa, and Angeal knew he could be trusted.

"No. Please?"

Angeal couldn't say no to that face, even when it wasn't wet and miserable. He thought quickly. He had cleared the day to spend time with Zack, but he had paperwork at his apartment that needed to be done. Mindless busy-work, and good thing, because he knew he wouldn't be able to focus on anything but Zack.

"All right, no doctors..." Yet, Angeal added mentally. "We'll go to my place. You can sleep, watch TV, whatever you want. I just don't want you here by yourself."

Zack nodded at last, but he looked even more unhappy, and that was another thing that didn't make sense. Zack liked Angeal's apartment, he had more than once announced his intention to find at least one baby picture of his gruff mentor. He had stayed over in the spare bedroom a few times after a long day of training; in fact, he was the only one to use that room and had been told to think of it as his own. Angeal was struck by an uncomfortable thought, an incomprehensible one.

Is he afraid to be alone with me?

Zack wiped his face, pulled himself weakly off the bed and followed his teacher out toward the elevator. As they walked, Angeal was careful not to get too close or touch, but he watched the boy carefully, the way he stared at his feet, the way he shuffled forward without the slightest bounce, the way he edged nervously aside whenever they passed someone.

At least it's not only me...but why is he so terrified of being touched? A possibility or two floated into Angeal's mind, too horrible to be contemplated. There had to be another explanation. There had to be.

zazaz

An hour or more later, the paperwork continued to lay untouched on the coffee table. Zack was in the spare bedroom, and so far nothing had been able to convince him to talk, or even to eat or drink anything. Angeal was sitting with the ignored documents, going over his observations of Zack in his head, trying to analytically deduce from his behavior what had happened. It was impossible to keep his own emotions out of it.

Something had happened the previous day, which Zack had then been made to lie about. He must have either been threatened or ordered to keep quiet about it, or both, though he plainly wasn't eager to talk about it anyway. He wasn't sleeping well and was having nightmares. Oddest of all, perhaps, he didn't want even Angeal close to him. Zack had never had the slightest problem being touched by his mentor before. On the contrary, his puppy was affectionate and responded well to affection, being hugged, patted on the back, having his hair ruffled.

Does he know how I feel about him? No, no, I barely understand that myself. He'll never know, not if I can help it. Anyway, that's probably the last thing he needs right now.

The answer that seemed to fit best could not be denied much longer, as hideous and unbearable as it was. Angeal had for years harbored suspicions that there was a highly-ranked sexual abuser in the SOLDIER program, one person whose hidden attentions were behind the many promising young officers' sudden and inexplicable resignations. Angeal had known none of them well, but they had all been teenagers, all trusting and obedient, all pretty.

Like Zack.

Though it hurt him to do it, Angeal had for some time suspected his old friend Genesis, who was unpredictable and violent, who liked younger men, who had been seen watching the former SOLDIERs with an indecipherable expression. He didn't have enough to confront Genesis, but had warned Zack to stay away from him. Angeal had been so careful with Zack, so protective and determined to keep him safe, what if -

He can't bear to be touched. The fact was far from being conclusive, but it felt like proof, and it made Angeal's chest feel like a clenched fist. Without thinking, he got up and went quietly into the spare bedroom.

Zack was curled up on top of the blankets in a ball. He looked so small and alone that Angeal came closer and sat down without even considering that doing so might alarm the boy. But Zack was asleep again, and by the way he was shifting and whimpering, it was clear he was having another nightmare.

"Please don't," Zack cried into the pillow, "he wouldn't, not like this..."

"Who wouldn't, Puppy?" Angeal whispered. "Wouldn't what?"

"Angeal..."

"I'm here."

"Don't talk about Angeal." Eyes still closed, Zack winced as though in pain. "Angeal, no, please!"

The commander couldn't stand this another second. He took Zack by the shoulder and shook him gently, urging him to wake up, telling him it was all right. Sadly but not surprisingly, the moment Zack's eyes opened he huddled against the headboard and tried to shrink out of reach. Instead of backing off this time, Angeal carefully slid closer and smoothed the boy's hair, fighting his own tears and fury as Zack trembled under his hand.

"Puppy, it was only a nightmare. I would never hurt you, I swear. No matter what's happened, no matter what you've been told, I care about you very much and I would never, ever harm you. Please believe me."

Something in his firm, loving voice or the familiar petting seemed to calm Zack a little, and he slowly began to stop shaking, to breathe normally. Beautiful blue eyes looked up to Angeal's, dripping tears and full of sadness and guilt.

"I...know," the boy choked out. "I should have...known...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..."

"It's all right." At last Angeal was allowed to take Zack into his arms and comfort him with the strong, warm embrace that he had always liked. "I promise, everything will be all right."

Zack buried his face in Angeal's sweater and wept softly, feeling at least one weight fall from his shoulders as Angeal held him, cupping the back of his head and running his fingers through the mussed black spikes. Angeal's arms were so safe, his voice so soothing, that finally the endless crying felt like a release, like he was getting out something that couldn't stay in any longer. He loved Angeal...but how did he love Angeal? He didn't want the question or the answer he already knew, but it had been asked, and now it would never go away.

Zack's hands left their grip on the broad shoulders to curl around Angeal's neck. Angeal tucked the boy's head beneath his chin and rocked him slowly, repeating "It's all right" like a mantra, though clearly nothing was all right at the moment. He would fix it, he would move the planet itself if that's what it took to make his apprentice smile again, but to do that, he had to know.

"Pup," he began gently, "someone hurt you, didn't they? And they told you I would do the same?"

A whimper that sounded vaguely affirmative, an increased tension in the muscles that had been relaxing. Angeal rubbed his open hand up and down the boy's back. His next question would be agony for them both, but maybe being quick and direct about it was best. You don't prolong the drawing of a splinter.

"Did...this person rape you, Zack?"

A slight quaking, followed by serious trembling. "Oh, Gaia," Angeal said brokenly, and pressed his face into Zack's hair. He usually didn't allow himself this, as the spring rain scent of the boy's shampoo and the clean smell of his body brought up unhelpful thoughts and images, but Zack nude and willing was the furthest thing from his mind right now. Someone had taken his puppy unwilling, someone had actually dared to touch Zack without permission and wrench away the innocence that Angeal had tried to preserve. How? How could anyone bear the sight of pain in those sweet, trusting eyes?

He let the boy cry for a few minutes, time enough to shove his anger down out of reach of his voice, before he spoke again. "Tell me who it was, Pup. I'll make sure it never happens again."

"I - can't - "

"Ssh, breathe, Zack, it's okay." The boy would hyperventilate if he didn't calm down. Angeal waited until his breathing sounded better. "Did he threaten you?"

"If I don't tell, everything will be all right."

"If you tell me, I promise, I'll make sure he can never get near you again."

"I can't!" Zack wailed. "They'll kill me, or do it again..."

"They? There were two of them?" The teenager clung tighter. This was much better than him jumping away, at least. "Zack, it will not happen again, I will not let anyone hurt you. Puppy, I want to keep you safe, I have to know."

"You'll hate me. You'll give me away."

The defeated whisper stabbed Angeal's heart like a knife. Nearly knocked off balance by the sheer impossibility of such a thing, the commander gently took Zack by the upper arms and lifted him to look at his face. He then held Zack's wet cheeks in his hands and made the boy look into his serious, truthful, unwavering gaze.

"Listen to me, Puppy. What happened was not your fault in any way. Whatever you did, you were made to do, and you are not to blame for any of it. I will never willingly give you to someone else, because I honestly don't know how I would get through a day without you. And no matter what happens, no matter what you do, I could never hate you. I love you. You're everything to me, and you know I do not use such words lightly."

For a moment, Zack looked frozen, and even more frightened. But Angeal's eyes held none of the lust and anger that had burned in Genesis's, none of the lies that Lazard hid behind wire-rimmed glasses. Angeal's eyes were open, honest, incapable of deceit, and they were watching him so tenderly, filled to bursting with the affection that Zack had seen glimpses of so many times. His lips tried to smile, but quivered with sobs that wanted to come out, and Zack threw his arms around Angeal again and pressed his face into the warm, cloth-covered skin between neck and shoulder. Every word had been true, Zack had no doubt of that, and the love and gratitude he felt for Angeal took up so much space inside him that it pushed out some of the sickness and hurt to make room. He should have been out of tears by now, but they came as hard as before.

"I'm sorry," he sobbed. "I love you too, I don't deserve you."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Puppy."

"He made me pretend he was you." The confession came in a hysterical rush. "He made me say your name, and he called me Puppy, and he said you wanted the same thing, that's why you chose me, and he said I should give it to you if I cared about you, and he said he'd tell you what I let him do if I didn't let him do it again after he untied me..."

Angeal closed his eyes for a moment, willing them not to burn green with rage, and swallowed another wave of murderous fury. This would have to be vented at some point, it was poisonous to keep inside, but he would not, could not, let Zack see it. Unforgivable enough that someone had harmed Zack in that way, but making the boy pretend it was his mentor who violated him, making him think he was an accomplice rather than a victim...

"You didn't let him do anything, Pup. There was nothing you could have done. And I chose you because I liked your enthusiasm and energy, and because I knew you would be a great SOLDIER and I wanted to help you become that. I would never do what they did."

"I know. I'm sorry, I should have known - "

"Ssh, it's all right, everything will be all right." Something occurred to Angeal. "Are you still in any pain?"

He felt the boy shake his head. "He Cured me."

"Okay. Were these men you know?"

A slight shift, indicating a reluctance to answer that could only mean yes.

"Please tell me," Angeal said softly into Zack's ear. "Who were they?"

"I don't want you to do anything," Zack pleaded. "I don't want anyone to know. I just want to forget."

As much as Angeal wanted the rapists exposed for what they were and brought to justice, he knew that public knowledge of this and a sensational court martial would do Zack no good and probably cause further damage. Obviously he wouldn't be able to forget, he would have to be helped in order to recover from this, but that could be accomplished without making the boy famous for something he didn't want known. Angeal could inflict his own justice on these monsters, a more satisfying punishment than imprisonment, and protect Zack's privacy at the same time, somehow.

"We don't have to report this," Angeal conceded. "We'll keep it quiet, okay? But I still need to know who they are."

"Angeal," the boy begged him softly, and his resolve wavered, but only for a moment.

"Puppy..." He hated to do this, hated using Zack's heroic heart against him at a time like this, but it had to be done. "I need to stop them. They could be doing the same thing to other 3rds."

Zack froze, and then the trembling started up again. Angeal held him close, knowing the poor kid was agonizing over the thought of Kunsei and his other friends falling victim to the same horror he had himself.

"Ssh, it's okay. Just tell me, and I'll stop them for good."

"But he's your friend," Zack whispered. "You told me not to go near him."

"Genesis." The boy flinched in his embrace, and Angeal mourned briefly for the friend Genesis had once been to him, before casting the bond between them away forever. "I'm so sorry, Puppy. I should have been watching you better."

Clearly that was the wrong thing to say. Zack was getting agitated, his breathing becoming panicked again. "No, not your fault, no - "

"Okay, ssh, I know, it's all right. Not your fault or mine. Only theirs." Angeal felt a sad smile briefly displace his frown. His puppy was protective, too, in his own adorable way. "Who was the other one?"

"Something bad will happen if I tell."

"No it won't, I'll make sure, I'll keep you safe." Angeal was already planning out what he would do in his head, his protective impulses allowed to run free at last. He could have Zack stay here until he felt safe enough to be on his own again, he would decline every mission he couldn't bring the boy on, he would keep Zack by his side every minute of every day. "Trust me, Puppy. I'll make sure he can never touch you again."

"But he could separate us," Zack sniffled.

There were only four people with the power to do such a thing. Sephiroth, who had been with Angeal yesterday and to whom the act of rape was as repugnant as it was to Angeal. President Shinra, who was on vacation in Costa del Sol, and whose tastes were well-known and did not include boys. Vice-President Rufus, who was only a kid himself, and too intimidated by SOLDIERs to be around them without his Turk bodyguards. That left only the kindly executive director, Lazard...the first name Zack had flinched at.

"Was it Lazard, Puppy?"

A flinch again, and a slow, reluctant nod. Angeal didn't need to ask which had pretended to be him, that was surely Genesis, displaying a darkness and cruelty Angeal hadn't thought him capable of.

"It was..." Zack whispered.

"What?" Angeal prompted gently.

"...my first time."

Another knife into the heart, though Angeal wasn't surprised. Zack was beautiful and charming, he attracted no end of attention everywhere he went, but for all that he was more focused (or tried to be, at least) on his work. And Angeal suspected the kid just wasn't made for the casual, acquaintances-with-benefits relationships that were so common in ShinRa. Zack put feeling, a lot of feeling, into everything. He was the type to wait until he was in love, and he had been robbed of that, by men who were supposed to be looking out for him.

"It isn't always like that, Pup," Angeal murmured into the soft black spikes. "I promise."

Zack sniffled in response, an acknowledgment that was neither affirmative nor negative. "What if he separates us?"

"No one is separating us," Angeal said firmly. "Don't worry. I'll take care of everything."

Zack let out a long, slow sigh. It sounded like he was relieved, like he had finally expelled the hysteria he'd been holding back. Angeal lifted the boy's face up, cupping it in his hands and drying the wet skin with his fingers. Zack managed a weak smile and blinked at him tiredly, keeping his eyes open with more and more difficulty each passing moment.

"Do you feel any better?"

An immediate nod, that was good.

"Do you think you can sleep? You look exhausted."

"I'm scared," Zack admitted, looking embarrassed.

"Try," Angeal said, leaning against the headboard and bringing Zack's head back to rest on his shoulder. "I'll stay with you."

Too tired or relieved to wonder if stuff like this was normal between SOLDIERs and their mentors, Zack put his arms around Angeal's neck and let his eyes flutter closed. In a few minutes he was asleep, breathing quietly and peacefully this time. Angeal held his precious student, petting his hair and resisting the impulse to hold him tighter, to keep him in a grip that no one could ever break again. Now that there was no one to see, Angeal let a few tears escape his eyes, each one making him more resolved that Zack would never be hurt like this again.

Once he had composed himself, the commander wiped his face dry, and observed that Zack was deep in a dreamless slumber. Angeal carefully took out his cell phone and texted a short message to Sephiroth. He would need the help of the one best friend he had left.

More to come! If you're new to this series, I'd love to know what you think!