Like A Dance

by Amarissia

A five-part series. A terrible trauma alters Zack Fair's life forever, and shakes the bond of trust he shares with his mentor. Rated serious M.

3. Even The Shadows

Same warnings apply, and let me repeat the one about mush, 'cause if you can't stomach it, this is soooo not your series. Also, there will be more angst. Yes, those of you who know me are shocked, aren't you?

Very happy to see that new readers are finding and enjoying this story, and that those who have read it already still like it. Love ya guys! If I ever own FFVII, I promise I'll share it with you.

EVEN THE SHADOWS
Part Three of the "Like A Dance" Series

Sephiroth never had to be told to be quiet; he made no noise in movement unless he wished to. Angeal had not expected to hear him, but he was surprised to realize that his attention had been so completely focused on Zack that he did not sense his friend enter the apartment, had no idea the general had arrived until the door silently swung open. Sephiroth stepped into the spare bedroom and took in the sight before him, cocking his head quizzically to see his stoic friend protectively clutching the sleeping form of his young student.

Angeal could almost hear Sephiroth's unnervingly intelligent brain crank into action, trying to find an explanation. Angeal holding someone, Zack Fair keeping still, Angeal's eyes wet and blazing with emotion. Error, does not compute. Without waiting for an invitation, Sephiroth glided closer and sat down on the foot of the bed, somehow not disturbing the mattress at all.

"What has happened?" he asked calmly, failing to hide his concern for his best friend and glancing at the 3rd Class. He'd met Fair a few times, but more importantly, he knew that Angeal lived for this kid. Whatever bad thing had transpired, Zack was at the center of it.

Angeal's mouth opened, then closed. Hesitation looked foreign on him, like the dress of a distant land. If he tried to be vague or delicate about this, the words would choke him forever. He hadn't delayed drawing Zack's splinter, why do so with his own?

"Genesis and Lazard raped him."

Nothing changed in Sephiroth's face. The rhythm of his blinking went on undisturbed, his mouth remained a neutral line. Under the watchful eye of Hojo, Sephiroth had learned to keep his feelings locked up tight. But after several long seconds, the general turned his head ever so slightly and looked at Fair, the most promising of his Class, huddled against his teacher like a child. Sephiroth's hand on the blankets slowly curled into a fist that trembled for a moment, and he did not speak until he had unclenched it.

"You are certain?"

"Yes."

"Do you have any proof?"

"I don't need it. I'm going to kill them both. I could use your advice on how to go about it. You're the master strategist."

Sephiroth's lips pressed together tightly. "You think that will fix him?"

"No, I think it will stop them!" Angeal whispered angrily.

"So this has nothing to do with your anger? You feel it so rarely, you don't know what to do with it."

"Don't psyochoanalyze this, Seph. Help me or don't."

"You know I will help you. Just not in the way you're asking."

Angeal's eyes lit up with mako green. "You don't think they deserve to die? I've told you my suspicions of Genesis, this isn't the first time, it won't be the last unless I - "

"Murder a fellow 1st and a ShinRa executive in cold blood," Sephiroth finished. "And how would you defend this act? Rveal what they did to Fair?"

"No!" Angeal's arms enveloped the boy more tightly, though he didn't seem to realize this. "I won't subject him to that."

"You'd prefer to subject him to the loss of his mentor? Angeal, I would use all the power and influence I have for you, but even if by some miracle you were allowed to remain in SOLDIER and keep your rank, you'd be banished to some miserable outpost. And they would not let you take the best 3rd we have with you."

Angeal seemed to stop breathing. He gazed down at Zack, whose face was mostly hidden in his shirt, and slowly passed his open hand over the boy's soft spikes. Sephiroth let his words sink in before he spoke again.

"You are not thinking clearly, Angeal. But you know that Fair needs you, now more than ever."

"He needs to feel safe, and he never will with them around."

The general thought for a moment. "He needs time."

"What are you thinking, Seph?"

"A temporary transfer. To Wutai."

Angeal began to follow his train of thought. "To Anzen?"

"Yes."

In the far north of the Wutaian empire, cut off by a border of dense forest, the village of Anzen was of key importance to ShinRa. During the Wutai War, an overzealous commander had given orders to burn the town as an example, and Sephiroth, already an intimidating figure at fourteen, had stopped this just in time. The grateful villagers eagerly accepted Sephiroth's generous terms for surrender, and consequently Anzen suffered much less than the other settlements of Wutai. Through all the flare-ups of resistance that followed, Anzen was the one place in the empire that remained genuinely friendly toward ShinRa, its isolation protecting it from the wrath of the rest of Wutai.

Angeal had never been there himself, but he knew the town by reputation, a lovely and peaceful place, where the only day-to-day problem was monsters. ShinRa regularly kept two or three SOLDIERs stationed there to deal with this, keeping up good relations with the villagers and keeping a necessary foothold in northern Wutai. These were often young SOLDIERs still learning the ropes, for two reasons. First, because Anzen's fiends were mostly low-level. And second, because according to village tradition, all people under eighteen were considered children, and children were never to be harmed under any circumstances, not even the child of an enemy. A village elder had told Sephiroth, once, that he was relieved the soon-to-be general had come to make peace, because the men and women of Anzen would sooner have fallen than raise arms against a child. Even one who seemed to be a demon with glowing eyes and a sword taller than himself.

Anzen did seem like the perfect place for Zack to recover. Still, though Zack was his primary concern...

"What about the next time this happens?"

Sephiroth was prepared. "We make it clear to Genesis that it does not. I will keep watch while you are gone. One more transgression, and I will help you in the way that you first requested."

Angeal looked hesitant. Zack stirred a little in his sleep, making a soft whimper and clutching the commander's sweater in his fingers, snuggling closer into the hold that represented safety. There was no question what was most important here. Angeal nodded.

zazazaz

Sephiroth had promised to use his influence to speed their transfer, but even Angeal was surprised to get a phone call from him only hours later, informing him that they were scheduled to depart in two days. When Angeal protested that he couldn't finish up his work and delegate his responsibilities that quickly, Sephiroth said "I will handle all that. For now, Fair is your only responsibility."

Still, it left Zack little time to adjust to the idea. Angeal waited until the evening to tell him, after he'd finally been persuaded to eat a little. The old Zack would have grumbled about the short notice, the distance from Midgar, the separation from his friends. This Zack merely nodded. Wondering if the boy was worried about Genesis and Lazard, Angeal told him about Sephiroth's promise to watch them, and what would happen if they did it again. Zack looked down and mumbled something.

"What was that?"

"Don't want anyone to die," Zack whispered dully.

You're too good for ShinRa, Angeal thought, but what he said was "I know, Pup. Genesis will be given a warning first." He didn't share his opinion that Genesis - reckless, defiant, unstable - might ignore the warning altogether and refuse to pass it on to his partner. Somewhat guiltily, Angeal thought So much the better, then I can kill them.

"What about classes?" Zack asked, still not sounding like he much cared.

As Angeal's apprentice, Zack had Angeal as his primary instructor, but he still attended most of the lessons that all cadets and SOLDIERs of his age did. He was the best of his class in all of them, and that said a lot about his intelligence, as Zack was so easily distracted in group settings. That was one of the reasons he had been given to Angeal, because his potential was too great to risk losing him to his attention span. Angeal had been uncertain about the arrangement at first, but in a way his life had begun anew at that first meeting, that first sight of pale blue eyes smiling cheerfully up at him.

I'll fix him, I'll make him that way again, I've got to.

"We'll have your reading and assignments sent to us in Anzen. I'll make sure you don't fall behind."

"Okay. When should I start packing?"

"Why don't we get that out of the way now? I'll go with you." Angeal smiled faintly to see the relief in Zack's eyes. "Besides, you're staying here until we leave, so you'll need your things. And if you don't want to see anyone, I can tell Kunsei about our trip and he can let the other 3rds know."

Zack let out a deep breath and looked down as his eyes threatened to fill. "Thank you. For everything."

Angeal's first impulse was to say that none of this would be necessary if he'd been a better and more careful mentor, but such a thing would only upset the boy. He settled for running his hand over the spiky hair, pleased that Zack moved closer and not further away.

"Everything's going to be all right," Angeal said softly, hoping his determination to make it so would be enough.

zazazaz

Zack didn't sleep well that night. Angeal periodically went to the guest room to check on him, and twice found the boy tossing and whimpering and had to wake him to stop the nightmare. The third time, Zack was awake and bleary-eyed, and merely shook his head, though Angeal had not asked a question. Acting on instinct, wondering if it was right, Angeal sat down against the headboard and gently drew Zack to his chest. He adjusted him and made him comfortable, then tucked a blanket around him and began to pet the silky black spikes.

"Sleep, Puppy. I've got you."

The trembling was barely noticeable at first, but it slowly became stronger. Zack willingly put his arms around Angeal's neck, but at the same time he began to cry into Angeal's T-shirt. The commander tried rocking him gently, rubbing his back, but every gesture of affection seemed to make it worse.

"Zack, talk to me."

"I'm sorry," the answer came in a heaving rush. "I'm sorry for putting you through this and being a baby, I'm a SOLDIER, I shouldn't be scared but I can't - even the shadows - and it's dark, I hate when it's dark..."

"Pup," Angeal said firmly, speaking over the cracking sounds his heart was making. "You have nothing to be sorry for. You are no trouble to me, you never have been. I look after you because I love you, remember, not because I have to. And you are not being a baby. If I had endured what you did, I think I would feel and behave just as you are."

The sobs began to ease off, the trembling diminish. "R-Really?"

"You're strong, Zack. And you are not broken, even if you feel that way. We're going to get you better. It's not work or trouble for me to be with you. Any time you're afraid, day or night, I'll be with you. I'll never leave you in the dark alone."

Zack made a choking noise and tightened his arms around his mentor, nuzzling the broad chest with his face, which seemed to comfort him. "I love you too," he whispered. "I'm sorry but...will you stay?"

"Every night, if you want. I'm quite comfortable." It wasn't really a lie. The headboard was hard, but as a SOLDIER he'd slept in much worse places, and getting to hold Zack's warm body and keep him safe more than made up for it.

Going on instinct again, Angeal placed a few soft kisses into the boy's sweet-smelling hair, smiling to feel Zack sigh and relax a little more with each. Zack drifted into a peaceful sleep over the next few minutes, only stirring to snuggle closer or unconsciously touch his teacher's hair. Angeal stayed awake for a while, pondering the knife in his heart and the unhelpful twist it kept taking.

zazazaz

Angeal wouldn't admit to himself that he was actually enjoying Zack's clinging, mentally insisting that it was only the boy's calmness when they were close that made him happy. As the helicopter that would take them to Wutai lifted off, they were forced to sit opposite each other and buckled in until a certain altitude was reached, and though they were separated only by a few feet, Angeal could sense Zack's unease. As soon as the pilot - one of two Turks aboard - gave the signal that seatbelts could be removed, Zack practically flew to Angeal's side.

Zack's fear of heights as a kid had left him as a cadet, when he had been made to confront and conquer it, but the general state of fear that he was living in seemed to bring back childhood phobias. Strangers, the dark, unfamiliar noises, being alone. Angeal felt him trembling, so he put an arm around the boy and held him close, thinking that Zack's friends would hardly recognize him at the moment, this behavior was so unlike him. If the bald, dark-skinned Turk noticed Commander Hewley cuddling his pale student he made no sign of it, and Tseng, though too perceptive for Angeal's comfort, said nothing either.

The two choppers (there was one behind as an escort, carrying some of the luggage) landed just outside the entrance to the village, in a wide, man-made clearing that had been created for just that purpose. Zack stayed close to Angeal as they stepped out, though he was careful not to touch around other people, and stared at the ground while Angeal thanked Tseng and directed the army escorts to deliver their bags to the ShinRa House. This was the traditional residence of SOLDIERs stationed in Anzen, an attractive four-bedroom on the edge of the village. It was said to be very comfortable (especially as Anzen was the one place in Wutai that had electric power, courtesy of ShinRa) and Angeal was pleased to learn that it had a large garden as well. He had always held the opinion that tilling the soil was good for the soul, and thought such an activity might benefit Zack.

The villagers, always curious about visitors, came out of their homes and shops to watch the entourage pass through. They were greeted courteously and all smiled back, but kept a polite distance. Angeal noticed with some puzzlement that for a place so safe for children, there didn't seem to be many, not even for such a small town. Maybe that was why so many were looking at Zack. Kindly, but the boy still seemed uncomfortable and kept his eyes fixed on his boots. Angeal knew it was tradition in Wutai for new residents to be visited by a village's most prominent citizens, and wondered if Zack would be up for that.

The ShinRa House had only been vacated in the last few days, so it was ready for occupation at once. It had a calm, pleasant atmosphere, and though Zack was also made nervous by unfamiliar places, he would surely like it once he got used to it. They would be alone here, after all, except for the few hours each week the cleaning woman would be there, and if Angeal's presence was what Zack needed, he would have it. Every minute of every day, if necessary.

The Turks quickly checked the living room's computer console to make sure its link to ShinRa headquarters was working properly, then took their leave, reminding the commander of his obligation to check in with the company at regular intervals. Tseng looked one more time at Lieutenant Fair and seemed to want to say something, but he merely nodded and gave the order to move out. As the party headed back to the helicopters, they could be heard distributing small gifts to the onlookers, a gesture of ShinRa's good will. When the noise at last subsided and all was quiet, Angeal went to Zack and touched his shoulder. The boy immediately stepped closer into the hug that was waiting for him.

"It's going to be okay."

A soft knock sounded at the door, and Zack flinched. Damn, Angeal thought.

"Someone dropping by to welcome us, no doubt. You don't have to stay, okay? I'll introduce you and you can go to your room, all right?"

Zack nodded and reluctantly let go, standing stiffly as Angeal crossed the room and opened the door. The benevolent face of an elderly man greeted him with a respectful bow. The stranger appeared wizened, but he moved with surprising agility as Angeal invited him in. He was dressed simply, as Anzen natives usually were, but he wore a peculiar head-piece with black feathers dangling from it, and carried a staff adorned with odd carvings and pieces of brightly-colored stones. Angeal had read enough about Anzen, and knew enough about Wutai, to guess that this was the village elder, the people's spiritual leader. Angeal addressed him as such with the proper title, and the man shook his head and spoke perfectly in the Common Tongue used by ShinRa and most other places.

"We aren't so formal here. Please call me Taikan, as everyone does."

"A pleasure to meet you. I'm Commander Angeal Hewley, 1st Class SOLDIER. This is my student Lieutenant Zack Fair, 3rd Class. We also prefer to be called by our given names."

Taikan shook Angeal's hand warmly, then turned to the boy who was nervously approaching, and a sympathetic expression came over his wrinkled face. "You don't need to come close if you'd prefer not to, child," he said gently.

A week ago Zack would have pouted and protested being addressed by that word, but now he stopped and looked timidly at the dark eyes observing him. Angeal looked back and forth between them and determined that there was no harm in the old man's gaze, or at least no intended harm. It did, however, worry him that it was probing, that it seemed to see right into the boy. Zack must have had the same concern, because he looked away and began to tremble.

"Zack, why don't you get started unpacking?"

He nodded and left the room a bit too quickly to be casual. Taikan watched him go sadly, and at first declined an offer of tea, only accepting when Angeal insisted. Angeal was impeccably well-mannered by nature, but he was also curious about this important and revered figure of the community. Village elders not only mediated disputes, performed weddings and often acted as leaders, they also served as a village's connection to its patron god, and were reputed to perform magic without the aid of materia. Angeal hoped to know this man better...and he couldn't deny that Taikan's presence seemed to carry with it a sense of well-being.

"We are always glad to meet SOLDIERs," Taikan said as he accepted a cup of tea and bowed his thanks. "Our nation as a whole would not agree with this attitude, but here we believe that our god sent ShinRa to protect us during the war. You see, otherwise we in Anzen would have certainly been taken over by a more aggressive village."

Angeal nodded. "I'm a friend of Sephiroth's. I've heard about his effort to preserve this village that led to the peace between us."

The elder smiled fondly. "Such a polite boy. My countrymen may call him a demon, but we found him to be quite reasonable and pleasant. There's great power in that one, perhaps even too much for any one person to carry. I hope he uses it for good...but he is your friend, you say? I hope he's well."

"He is, yes. It was Sephiroth's suggestion that Zack and I transfer here."

"He knows that this is a place of refuge, and of healing," Taikan said thoughtfully. "The wounded know that better than anyone."

Angeal had never thought of Sephiroth that way, though it seemed appropriate, given the years of Hojo's control and the distancing effect of his reputation. "This is an ideal setting for young SOLDIERs to gain field experience without distraction or danger worse than they can handle," he said unconvincingly.

"I would like us to be friends, Angeal, and I have no wish to pry or meddle where it is not my place to do so. But it is my gift and my curse to see what most people cannot. That boy has been hurt very badly. You brought him here to restore his spirit."

The commander kept his expression neutral, though his hands shook, forcing him to set his teacup down. "Can you see what happened to him?"

"Not clearly, no. Though knowing the cruelties of man against man, I believe I can guess," Taikan sighed. "It is terrible to see so bright a soul diminished. The gods do not forgive the willful harming of the young and innocent. Nor do you, I sense."

"Zack is...important to me," Angeal admitted.

"Your heart is a good one, and the bond between you and the child is strong. In this place, I believe you may recall him to the life he led before he was hurt. But, after you are settled, perhaps you will consider letting me help him as well. The mind does not heal as readily as the body, but I have some skill in treating both."

"I will consider your offer. Thank you."

Taikan stood and bowed again. "I must go. I'm sure you have much to do."

"One more question, if you don't mind. I noticed there are very few children here."

The elder heaved a weary, old-man sigh. "True. Our peaceful ways are not exciting enough for many of the young ones, and they leave as soon as they can care for themselves. And some of them..."

Taikan trailed off here, and a dark shadow crossed his face. As curious as Angeal was about what he'd begun to say, he couldn't press so obviously painful an issue. Probably an illness or an accident, he told himself, and bid the elder good-day.

zazazaz

Zack went to bed before his teacher that first night. Angeal went to check on him a few minutes later, and found the boy staring out the window, shivering.

"Puppy?"

"Shadows," Zack whispered. He was standing in the frosty glow cast by the moon, which made his fair skin a softly luminescent white. He looked so pure. So lost. So...

Angeal switched on the dim bedside lamp, and Zack instinctively turned to the warm golden light. He smiled weakly.

"Is that to keep the shadows away?"

"No. That is what I am for." Angeal took what was becoming a very familiar position against the headboard. It was cushioned, that was a nice surprise. "Come here."

Zack was hesitant as he shuffled closer, embarrassed that he needed so much comfort. But he allowed himself to be drawn to Angeal's chest (so wide, so easy to hide in) and a blanket to be tucked around them. Angeal could feel the kid's weariness and pain as he carded the silky black spikes through his fingers.

"Angeal? Will I always be like this?"

"No, Pup, no. You just need time. You'll feel safe again. This place is safe, and I won't let anything happen to you."

"What if I don't...what if I can never sleep alone again?"

Angeal wrapped the blanket more securely around him. "Then you will never sleep alone again."

"Why do you care about me?" The voice, though dull, was not self-deprecating but curious.

"I don't know. I can't understand anyone who doesn't love you."

Wetness on his T-shirt, in the spot Zack's eyes were pressed to. "You don't...know."

"Know what?"

"I called him your name. I n-needed to...it hurt, and...he made his voice like yours, and..."

"Oh, Puppy." Angeal pressed his lips to the top of Zack's head. "None of that was your fault."

"He said I could pretend...to make it easier..."

"If doing that made it a little easier, then I'm glad you did it."

Zack let out a frustrated, heartbroken wail. "I couldn't! I couldn't make you part of that! He kept saying you would be gentle, make it nice, I didn't want it to be nice - "

"It's all right." Angeal half-expected Zack to fight him, to channel this anger, and would have let him release that. But the boy only clung.

"But I kept seeing your face, it wouldn't go away he wouldn't stop - "

Angeal cupped the back of his head as Zack sobbed, tightening the other arm around him like a forcefield to keep out the world that was full of hurting. The planet that had continued its orbit, unconcerned, while this precious boy was held down and violated by a man who masqueraded as Zack's protector. The shadows cast by dangers that Zack's mind saw everywhere now.

"I wanted it to keep hurting, but...but..."

Angeal understood. "You came. I know. And that was not your fault."

Zack's breathing was so erratic that he was nearly convulsing with the effort to inhale and exhale. Angeal remembered the pressure points he had learned with his survival skills and went to them, trying each for a few seconds and finding the best result at the small of the teenager's back. A few moments of firm massaging with his strongest fingers pushed the excess oxygen out of Zack's lungs, and his drained face fell, exhausted, into Angeal's warmth.

"Puppy," the commander said, blinking a growing mist from his eyes, "there is nothing you can tell me that will make me blame you for what they did."

"When I could see you," Zack whispered, nearly asleep, "it was easier..."

As soon as the boy was still and quiet, Angeal tucked the lolling head under his chin and wept, shaking with the cries he dared not utter aloud.

zazazaz

The first few days were spent familiarizing themselves with Anzen and its surrounding area. To the north, beyond the farmers' fields and orchards, the lush green ended in a rocky, barren coast. To the south, east and west was the forest, some of it only a pleasant wood, some as impenetrable as a jungle. Zack said it reminded him a little of Gongaga, only with different kinds of plants, and Angeal took that as a good omen. They quickly found a clearing on the far side of a babbling brook that was large enough to spar in, and Angeal was careful to ask Taikan for permission, thinking it might be a holy place.

"The gods dwell everywhere here," was the answer. "But that place is not forbidden. It was cleared years ago...use it. The land would like to be used for something good."

Angeal had thought of questioning this strange answer, but Taikan shifted the subject to ask about Zack. Angeal had not yet relayed Taikan's offer to the boy, wanting to give him time to settle and uncertain how he would react to the elder's perception. He was being over-careful with Zack in general, insisting they work together against even the weakest fiends, and keeping their spars short, often stopping to show interest (real or feigned) in a peculiar bush or flower. Zack was typically eager to keep fighting, but often he showed no reaction, or merely stared glumly at whatever Angeal showed him.

During one such break, Zack wandered over to the stream and dipped his fingers in it, watching how the disturbance broke up his already-distorted reflection. The mud beneath the shallow water had a pleasant, silky smooth feel to it. He pushed his fingers deeper and felt something roundish and smooth. The flowing water washed it clean as he lifted his hand back into the air, and he stared at it curiously.

"What do you have there, Pup?" Zack turned to show him, and Angeal saw that it was a shiny, bright stone of a pale blue he was very fond of. It glistened like a gem in the sunlight. "Ah. Pretty."

"What do you think it is?"

"I don't know, I've never seen a rock like that before. We could ask Taikan. He might know."

He was pleased to see Zack nod without much hesitation. As they passed through the village on their way to the elder's home, faces that were becoming familiar to Angeal were everywhere, and he was able to greet many by name. It had become common for strangers to cheerfully introduce themselves and offer their thanks to ShinRa for continuing to protect the village. Zack always stayed behind Angeal during these meetings, murmuring a quick hello and occasionally summoning up a vague smile. The natives always looked at him kindly, and though Angeal suspected the village women wanted very badly to pinch the boy's cheek or pat his head, they all kept a respectful distance. Angeal wondered if Taikan had told them to do this, or if they were all just perceptive enough to see that it was necessary. Even the village doctor who handled mako injections for the stationed SOLDIERs moved very slowly in Zack's presence, touching him as little as possible and making no comment about the boy's mentor keeping an arm around him during the procedure.

Taikan was delighted to see the, gesturing them into the shelter of thick-leaved trees where he had been sitting in mediation putside the small house. A brightly-colored blanket patterned with images from the planet and the sky was spread out over the ground, and he insisted they join him on it for tea. The drink was cool and flavored with something like mint, and both SOLDIERs felt its calming effect as they drank.

"I hope we're not disturbing you, Taikan - "

"Not at all!"

" - but Zack found something interesting in the brook and we wondered if you could identify it."

The 3rd shyly placed the stone on the blanket and quickly drew his hand back. Taikan peered at it with a surprised chuckle.

"Ah, a Leviathan's Tear! You don't see many of these, certainly not in the wild anymore." He smiled at Zack, who timidly looked up and seemed to relax a bit. "There's a story that explains. Would you like to hear it?"

Zack turned for permission to Angeal, who nodded. "Yes, please."

"All right. You may know that Leviathan is not only the patron god of Anzen, but the guardian deity of all Wutai. Long, long ago, in the time of our earliest ancestors, the god Leviathan walked in a human form, just like you and me. He was a great wizard who shunned the company of his fellow gods to observe the ways of men, and he traveled all over, helping all who asked his assistance.

"But these other gods were offended by Leviathan's refusal to live among them, and as they listened to the planet, all they could hear was praise for Leviathan, not for any of them. They became jealous, and decided to curse him as punishment for stealing the worship of their followers away. They came upon him sleeping, and changed Leviathan into a beast of fearsome proportions, enormous and scaly, the form of a great and terrifying serpent.

"When Leviathan awoke, he did not realize, at first, what had happened. Even the gods, you see, cannot change a man's heart. Though a monster on the outside, the divine wizard was still the same in his caring for humanity and his good intentions. But men are, sadly, all too often unable to see past the skin. They shunned Leviathan as he had once shunned his own kind, and ran in terror whenever he approached."

A tear trickled down Zack's cheek. He was lost in the story and didn't seem to notice it.

"Don't worry, all was not lost. One day Leviathan emerged from the sea where he had taken to hiding, and saw a young fisherman patiently holding out a line and waiting for a bite. Leviathan didn't wish to frighten the human or scare his catches away, but the young man did not seem at all afraid. That intrigued Leviathan, so he crept quietly onto the sand and sat beside him. To his astonishment, the fisherman turned and spoke pleasantly to him, remarking on the warmth of the day and the fine breeze that whirled along the coast.

"It had been a long time since Leviathan had spoken to anyone, but he shyly struck up a conversation, and the man and the god were soon chatting and laughing like old friends. At last, Leviathan could stand it no longer and asked, 'Why do you not run away like the others? Does not my appearance repulse you?'

"The fisherman seemed surprised and answered, 'My friend, I have been blind since birth. But I do not need to see to know that so good a heart as yours could never repulse me, whatever the form that conceals it.'

"To test what the man claimed, Leviathan restored his sight with the touch of a scaly claw, and the fisherman thanked him, showing no sign of fear or disgust as he looked upon Leviathan for the first time. The two remained the best of friends for all the man's long life, and after his death, Leviathan became the protector of his descendants and the nation they grew into. The nation of Wutai."

Zack smiled at the happy ending, and looked directly into the elder's eyes for the first time, his anxiety temporarily forgotten. Taikan held up the blue stone so it glistened in the afternoon sun.

"While Leviathan was alone and friendless, he wept many tears, and it is said that they hardened into this rare stone at the moment his solitude was ended. Those who find them by chance are favored by the god, and most especially this particular stone, I think."

He held it out to them and pointed to something neither SOLDIER had noticed, a tiny hole that ran through the rock at its narrowest end. "Clearly it is meant to be worn as a talisman, possibly for good luck, possibly for healing, whatever is needed. If you like, I can thread a string of leather through the hole so you may wear it around your neck."

Zack nodded, and the old man went into the house for a moment. When he returned, his fingers - more nimble than they looked - slipped the leather thong through the stone easily and tied its ends securely together. He placed the necklace on the blanket, and Zack retrieved and put it on, touching it with wonder.

"Thank you," he said, with more life in his voice than Angeal had heard since Genesis and Lazard took it away.

"You are very welcome, young one. Keep it close to you. Leviathan's domain is water, the healing element. He will guide you where you are meant to go, when you are ready." Taikan smiled. "Until then, I hope you and Angeal will visit me again. Either of you are welcome here at any time."

Zack squeezed the charm tightly, and its vivid blue seemed to return some of the vitality and color to his eyes. "Okay."

zazazaz

A few months passed, and under Angeal's watchful gaze, Zack seemed to be growing stronger. He had begun to spar with the same eagerness and determination that had made him stand out to Angeal in the first place, he ate more regularly and had even put on some more muscle weight, and it was safe once again to let him fight increasingly tougher monsters on his own. At the same time, his classwork and Angeal's reports of his skill continued to be excellent, and Angeal was confident that he could soon recommend elevation to 2nd Class. Zack still rarely liked to be alone, but he stopped hiding timidly behind Angeal when they walked in the village, and sometimes he even said hello first to someone they passed by.

Angeal knew his own presence and care were the main supports holding Zack up, but was also quite certain that Zack's visits to Taikan were helping him too. He accompanied him now and then, listening unobtrusively as the elder told fantastic tales that had been preserved in Anzen for generations. Before Zack left each time, Taikan touched his head in blessing, and Angeal wondered if there was some healing magic in the gesture. Certainly Zack always seemed relieved and relaxed when he left Taikan, thoughtfully fingering the protective talisman he wore around his neck.

He never took it off, not even while sleeping. Angeal knew this because their nighttime routine had not changed. The dark still made Zack nervous, and Angeal was in no hurry to give up the confident and protective feeling he had when the boy slept peacefully in his arms. Besides, the nightmares still came sometimes, and if they were very violent, it was necessary that Zack be woken and then eased back to sleep. The ones that didn't cause thrashing and screaming, only crying and soft whimpers, could usually be banished by a few soft words or a touch. Angeal's hand would make its familiar petting motion over Zack's hair, and he would instantly quiet and go limp again.

Angeal had no trouble sleeping in this position, though Zack's close proximity often necessitated a hasty dash to the privacy of a shower first thing in the morning. The commander remained determined to protect Zack from feelings that would certainly drive him away, or at least set him back in his healing. The boy's admission that it had helped him to imagine Angeal in Genesis's place meant nothing. Angeal knew he represented love and safety for Zack, the two things he had cried for the most beneath Genesis's hands. He was resolved to put Zack's half-awake confession out of his mind, and then it happened.

Angeal woke in the night to feel Zack moving restlessly, whining softly and puppy-like. He whispered "Ssh, it's all right" and ran his hand over the spikes mussed by sleep and tossing. The fear drained from Zack's expression, but there was some other anxiety in its place now, one Angeal couldn't identify, and the noises didn't stop, just changed. Zack was breathing heavily, but he didn't seem panicked.

"No," Zack moaned softly, not making the word a plea as he had the other times, but sounding more like he used to when Angeal woke him up early or made him quit a VR program before he wanted to.

"I'm here, Pup, it's just you and me."

The boy was shivering. Angeal quickly took the blanket off to wrap him better, and froze for a moment as he looked down. Zack's T-shirt had slid up his body in his sleep, exposing a strip of taut, creamy white skin, but even that couldn't hold Angeal's wide eyes for long. Below it, a noticable bulge was stretching the black boxers, legs moving restlessly around it, closer to stimulate it, then abruptly spreading as though in shame.

Oh fuck fuck fuck. Angeal ordered himself to stay calm. Maybe it would go away on its own. If not, Zack's dream didn't seem to be upsetting him, quite the opposite. (Angeal hurriedly continued his reasoning before he could become entranced by the slight flush of the boy's cheeks, and oh Gaia, the way he was moving.) The dream could carry through to its natural conclusion, a perfectly normal phenomenon for a teenaged boy, after all. In the morning, Zack would be embarrassed and hope his mentor hadn't noticed, and Angeal would say nothing, and never think again about this sight that was making his throat dry. Excellent plan.

Except that Zack was waking up, tilting his face and blinking sleepily at Angeal. "What..." he mumbled, confused.

"Ssh, it's still late. Close your eyes," the commander said desperately. "You need to sleep."

He began to rock, knowing from experience that the motion worked, but it was too late. With horror filling up those exquisite eyes, Zack looked down, and because the blanket was still in Angeal's frozen hand, he saw. He must have felt it first, but it was the sight that set him shaking, slowly turning his head from side to side in a refusal to accept this.

"Oh no, no no no - "

"Pup, it's okay, it's normal, it just happens - "

"No," Zack sobbed, fisting Angeal's shirt with both hands and burying his face in it. "No no no bad bad bad bad..."

"It's not bad," Angeal said gently, speaking a little louder to be heard. "It doesn't mean anything, it can happen during a nightmare too."

"I can't I can't I can't..."

Petting still, trying to reassure, Angeal took a moment to realize what this meant. Though he was by Zack's side day and night, he had assumed that Zack did what all boys his age did in the bathroom. Rape or no, he was sixteen, it was to be expected. But this reaction...had he really not masturbated once in all these months? Not even gotten stiff?

Zack's arms had hooked around Angeal's neck, and his body was awkwardly twisted to keep his arousal from touching his mentor. The boy wept hysterically against the nearest shoulder, trying to hide from himself. Angeal quickly put his fingers to the usual pressure point and massaged firmly, and Zack jumped under the touch, hypersensitive and wriggling though he was trying desperately to stay still. It helped with the mounting panic, but that left Zack with a feeling he wanted even less, and his muscles were quivering with it. Angeal's heart sank. It was not going to go away.

"Pup," he said as steadily as he could, "this has not changed. You have not changed. This is a normal thing."

"I just want it to go away make it go away," Zack wailed pitifully.

"You know how to make it go away," Angeal said gently. "Do you want me to leave the room?"

A long, keening cry burst out of the boy's mouth, he held onto the bigger body in terror, and Angeal cursed himself for the question and knew he would not, could not, let Zack go through a moment of this alone. No matter what happened.

"Don't leave me don't leave me I'm sorry I'm sorry," Zack babbled in a string of rushed pleas.

"Ssh, I won't leave, I promise. I'll stay right here. Puppy...you can do this. I'll hold on to you, okay?"

"It's bad, it's not safe..."

"It's not bad, nothing about you is bad. And you're safe. This is safe. Nothing bad will happen, and you'll feel better."

"Angeal," the boy wept, "it...hurts..."

That was the last straw. Angeal knew this was wrong, it might cause further damage, it was especially unforgivable because part of him wanted it. But Zack's insistence that this - something he was supposed to enjoy - was bad, the thought of him going through hormone-ridden months without release, and now actually physically hurting from the need he was afraid to tend to...Angeal couldn't stand it another second. He couldn't jerk Zack off himself, that would make him hardly better than the monsters who started this, but there was another option.

"Puppy, do you trust me?"

"Y-Yes," the boy gasped, without hesitation.

With his heart breaking but his mind made up, Angeal took Zack's hand and guided it between his legs, positioned the fingers to grip the swollen organ through the fabric. Zack let out another wail, but he clung tighter, the only struggle a shifting that the arm around him easily subdued. Angeal's hand remained in place, holding the boy's as it twitched. Was that refusal? He couldn't bear to think so.

"It's okay, it'll be okay. Let me show you."

Angeal moved Zack's hand to make the first stroke. He wasn't sure if the cry that followed was from pleasure or fear, but it was definitely needy. Zack couldn't press himself any closer, but he was trying anyway, like he was trying to escape the betrayal of his own body by fleeing into his teacher's. Angeal wanted to get this over with, for Zack's sake, but he could not do this roughly or hastily. He was determined to show his puppy gentleness, to remind him that this was supposed to feel good. That the intention behind it was everything, and however afraid Zack was, it was of what had happened to him before, not what was happening now.

"Angeal..." Zack groaned as his hand was made to squeeze before the strokes continued. "I...can't..."

"You can, Pup. Think about whatever helps. I promise, it won't be wrong."

"Angeeeeeal..."

"No one can pollute this, Zack. No one can pollute you. I love you. Let me help you remember how this is supposed to be."

Zack's hand was relaxed now, allowing Angeal's to cover and guide it. The pressure was still there, it was growing, in fact, but now there was a release in sight. The boy moaned with pleasure, and the dampness from his open mouth went Angeal's shirt and made his skin tingle. His fingers tightened around Zack's, making them curl more closely around the hot, pulsing length, making them stroke faster. Zack began to thrust into his own hand, and by extension into Angeal's, letting his head tilt back and his pink lips fall into a round 'O'.

"Unh, unh, unh, unh..."

His eyelids were fluttering, the muscles of the flat stomach shaking under Angeal's steadying arm. Zack was giving himself to this completely, in total abandon, having somehow raced past the fear and into a place where pleasure was safe again. Angeal brought their hands to the swollen head, made Zack's palm thrust against it once, twice...

"What are you thinking of?" the 1st whispered, not meaning to speak aloud.

"ANGEAL!" the boy shouted in ecstasy, and slumped unconscious in his embrace, with their hands full of wet fabric and the question either not heard, or answered.

Two more to go, are you up for it?