Chapter 3
Disclaimer:
Jim: We do not own any of Sega or any of Sonic Team characters. Nor any other video game characters we may mention. The only character we own i-
muffled voice: LIEZ!! WE DO OWN SONIC TEAM!! WE'RE BILLIONAIRES!!
Jim: SHUTUP! reveals Will gagged and tied to a chair I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU MESS UP THE DISCLAIMER THIS TIME!!
Will: NEVAAAA!!
Jim: SHUTUP OR ELSE I'LL LOCK YOU IN A CLOSET WITH MICHAEL JACKSON AND LOTS OF "MY LITTLE PONIES"!!
Will: shuts up immediately
Jim: Good…now the only character we own is Wispball.
When Knuckles turned around, he found…NOTHING! Well, other than the mob of players noticing that he was a boss with plenty of EPICZ, or, really good items/armor/weapons. The mob of players started charging toward Knuckles. Yet instead of running away like 99.999999999 of Earth's population, Knuckles decided to go 1 vs. 100. "Stay back! I have knuckles!" said Knuckles. The players then all took out their brass knuckles they save for fist fights when they're bored. "Uh, crap…" said Knuckles. All the players charged at Knuckles with their fists. Still, Knuckles didn't know how to run and he charged straight at the mob. Today, on this site, an epic battle would be fought; one man against 100 WoW players with no life. Now, that battle will be written down on this paper. Or rather, typed onto this laptop. They were both charging right at each other, fists drawn. Suddenly, they all raised their fists to strike down the red echidna. When they all swung at Knuckles' head, since they couldn't swing anywhere else thanks to game physics, Knuckles curled into a spin dash and went under them all, and couldn't stop rolling for some reason. Thus, he accidentally ran away. The WoW players tried mounting their rides and chased after him, but he was going WAY too fast.
Hours later, Knuckles unrolled and found himself near these city gates with lots of guards and giant statues of apparently famous heroes (Stormwind). "Well, this place looks relatively peaceful compared to that forest I was in." Of course, this was WoW, so as soon as Knuckles stepped in, the npc guards attacked and the players started wailing on him for his EPICZ! To escape, Knux dug an intricate tunnel in the earth to attempt to get away, and by intricate I mean a straight hole down to hell, literally. Of course Knuckles dug into hell, but hung on to the ceiling and dug back out in a different direction. That day, about 200 players fell into the hole and into hell. No, not molten core where ragnaros; that giant flaming boss with a big ass hammer, is. No, I mean the real thing. Well, the virtual hell anyways. Why Blizzard programmed it in? That's where they trap all of the hackers' characters. Many characters were deleted and accounts closed that day, since there was no way to get out of there once you were in. Knuckles was an exception, as he could climb out. After he got out, he looked around and found himself in…Ironforge!...again! Once again, all the players rushed him; casting spells shooting arrows and
whacking him with maces. Right before Knuckles got completely pwned, a portal appeared in front of him absorbing all of the attacks, and one huge "OW! YOU HIT ME SO NOW YOU DIIIIIIEEE!!" emitted from it. Out came Shadow the Hedgehog, apparently unscathed (with some bruises and cuts under the fur, but he's too badass to let anyone know that he actually got hurt). "CHAOS…BLAST!" and..well…you should know what happened. If you don't, then you fail as a Sonic fan (if you aren't, then disregard that), but here's an explanation anyways! Shadow "exploded" with red chaos energy, destroying and killing EVERYTHING in a 2 mile radius. Of course Shadow remained unscathed, but everyone/thing around him was dead and/or destroyed. Everyone on that server disconnected, and Blizzard was conducting server maintenance.
"What the hell!?" said Shadow. Everything around him and knuckles turned into cyberspace. It was all black, with random lines of various colors all around him. "Screw this! CHAOS…BLAST!" he screamed, destroying everything yet again. Far away, some Blizzard employee's computer was fried. "Ultimate Lifeform Destruction virus detected!" came from the World of Warcraft Mainframe. Delete virus? Y/N
Y
Suddenly, swarms of what looked like bugs started chasing after Shadow. "Fuck you! CHAOS…BLAST!" he yelled, killing everything in sight…again. Eventually they got around to fixing WoW and started the server back up. "OMG!! THEY'RE BACK! CHAOS…BL-"
"Hey Shadow, the portal's right there." Knuckles interrupted. "Oh…" they both walked through the portal, but right after Shadow ran back in. "You know…Chaos Blast's getting really repetitive. Let's try something else! CHAOS…CONTROL!!" Everything froze, and Shadow took all their weapons and killed them with their respective weapons. Impaled through the head for anything sharp, shot at point-blank range for guns, bows, or crossbows, and totally crushed bodies for anything blunt but heavy, and stuffed through the throat for everything else like wands or staves. As soon as Shadow stepped through the portal and Chaos Control ended, screams were heard behind him, accompanied by Shadow's laughing. Although, those weren't screams of pain and agony. No, it was the screams of WoW nerds at the sight of searing gorge instead of the usual graveyard near Ironforge, which meant an EXTREMELY LONG WALK BACK to resurrect. Mostly, because when Blizzard rebooted the server, they forgot to fix the graveyards at and around Ironforge. Sucks to be them!
Meanwhile, a Night Elf level 70 male World of Warcraft Hunter named Wispball was taking a vacation in the Mushroom Kingdom. He decided to go walk around town looking for some interesting things to buy. He walked into a dark alleyway, ignoring all the signs that said "Turn Back!" "Dead Man Walking!" "GOING IN HERE IS WORSE THAN BEING IN THE SAME BEDROOM WITH MICHAEL JACKSON!"(Though he did twitch a bit at the last one.) Eventually, he reached a "Koopa Shop". Inside, there were 2 koopas fighting over the last cookie. Soon as they say Wisp, they stopped. One of the Koopas took the pause to steal the cookie though, and put on a fake smile. "Hello! Do you need any help?" they chanted in unison, which creeped the hell out of Wisp. "Uh…yeah…got anything interesting?" "Well, we have this here bottomless bag of gold!" one of the Koopas held out a small brown bag, turned it around, and a huge pile of gold poured out onto the floor. "It's also light and portable!" said Koopa 1. "GIMME!!" screamed Wisp. "Sure, for all of your gold, and if you try to steal it, it won't work anymore."
He proposed. "Oh…well then, let me get my wallet out and I'll just-"He pulled out his gun and shot him in the face! He snatched the bag, but suddenly it turned black, and when he turned it over, no gold poured out. Koopa 2 took it from his hands, ate his cookie now that Koopa 1 was dead, and the bag turned brown again. He made an "I told you" face at Wisp, and held out his palm for the gold. "Bah, fine." Said Wisp, and paid all of his gold. He got the bag, and it worked again! Of course, Wisp didn't really like the fact that Koopa made him go through all that trouble for a test of trust, and BOOM! Shot him in the face with a shotgun. With his anger vented, he left to go blow all his gold. Well, as much gold as he could. He went into another alleyway, and found a Shady Dealer, and happened to be another Koopa. "Hey, got anything interesting? I got tons of cash to blow," said Wisp, while pouring out a small mountain of gold. "Oh? I see you've gotten yourself one of those rare bottomless bags of gold. Well then, I got some very good deals for you." He said, while showing Wisp in. "Here, we have some extremely legendary armor. Once worn, it makes you totally invincible, and has a feature where you can turn on/off the ability to reflect anything that is meant to hurt you back one thousand times as hard. There is also a bracelet to be worn with it that generates a shield with adjustable size that has the same effect, in the case that you have a group," explained Koopa. "Hey, what's that shiny thing over there?" Wispball asked. "Oh, that? That's just a Chaos Emerald. Definitely not as awesome and mighty as this armor here," said Koopa. "Oh, well then I'll take all of your armor then," proposed Wisp as he poured out small mountains of gold. "Well, actually, at the rate you're pouring out that there gold, it'll take approximately…one month to pour out enough gold to pay for all of this gear. Of course, there should be a slot on there to make the gold pour out faster, or some similar effect." Looking around the bag, Wisp found this slot that said: insert Chaos Emerald here. "Well then…I'll take that Chaos Emerald first then," said Wisp. He bought it for that small mountain of gold, and inserted it into the bag. Some gold spilled out, spelling "Chaos Control.", and suddenly there was a bright flash of green chaos light, and a huge mountain of gold was laid out before them. "SOLD!" said Koopa, and Wisp was now officially the most overpowered WoW character ever.
"Hey Koopa, do you have any extremely overpowered weapons to match my extremely overpowered armor?" asked Wisp. "No, but I may have other items of interest in stock later. Problem is, my shop is constantly moving every day, so it may be hard to find me. Then again, that's why I have this here business card. Just burn it, and it'll teleport you back to my shop. I'll give you another one every time you come see me." He handed over a white card with a Koopa shell printed on it. "Well, that sucks. Now I'm stuck with this legendary Leeroy Jenkins sword of Chuck Norris, and it's pre-expansion so now it's pretty much worthless! Too bad, I mean it used to kick ass pre-expansion. Well anyway, see ya." Wisp walked out of the shop, looked back, and saw a green flash of light signaling Chaos Control. When it was gone, the Koopa Shop was…still there! "Heh heh," said Koopa, coming out of the shop, "I'm going to need that Chaos Emerald back, since I need it to teleport my shop more than a centimeter to get from city to city instantly. Here, I'll give you this teleporter for it that's powered by Chaos Energy. Of course, it has a battery that can store it included, so you won't need that Chaos Emerald, since you're much easier to teleport than this entire store. "They traded, and Koopa left, leaving Wisp to enjoy the rest of his vacation. As he came out of the alleyway, a mugger tried to stab him. He heard a loud boom, and his arm was suddenly blown off. While he was screaming like crazy, Wisp poked his head, and he 'sploded. Explosions ftw!! He saw a poster covered with fresh blood, and the Mushroom Kingdom was hosting a fighting tournament apparently. "Well, I don't really care about the prizes, but I do feel like fighting!
Especially with this new extremely overpowered armor I just got. Hm…and maybe I can find a use for the Chaos Emerald prize.
Elsewhere, Sonic was still running around looking for a bodyguard. "Hmm…I've looked all over Mobius, Station Square, and Central City…where should I look next?" He saw a poster nearby that said "Ultimate fighting tournament taking place in the Mushroom Kingdom! Grand Prize winner has a choice of a Chaos Emerald or the amount of money that it is worth! Sign up at Princess Peach's castle!". "Alright! Maybe I can find a bodyguard there, and steal a Chaos Emerald while I'm at it!" A kid looked at Sonic strangely, shocked that the national hero would actually steal. Sonic saw the kid, and to silence him, slowly pulled out a gun from out of his quills…
One of the newest, brand-named water guns that is. He gave it to the kid and told him to keep his mouth shut about what he just heard, and to tell everyone that Sonic gave him the water gun for helping him run an errand, involving getting candy for Tails.
A/N: Will: Wow, that's the longest chapter we've ever written. Also, I'd usually force Jim to say some comments, but he's not here right now, so I'll just choke him for you readers to make up for it.
Next Chapter: The tournament! And Tails starts to show signs of an addiction to candy!