The lyrics at the beginning are from the Linkin Park song "Faint", sigh weren't Hybrid Theory and Meteora such brilliant albums? Really, there was some serious tuneage there, but Minutes To Midnight is pants in comparison.

As always, to everyone, thanks for the feedback, it's much loved.

I've split this part into two because I'm very lazy, that's why it only looks like a semi-part.

Chapter 11a

I am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints but I can't help the fact
That everybody can see these scars
I am what I want you to want, what I want you to feel
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you
To just believe this is real

I listen to the soft green rubber soles of my shoes softly beating against the pavement as I continue to both track Ashley and purposely add over an hour to my journey. She abruptly stops in front of a designer store and I force my body to a standstill as well, trying to blend in with my surroundings, I turn to face the shop I'm loitering outside of… Steph's Erotic Cakes, The Dirtiest Pastries This Side of Amsterdam. Oh that's brilliant…. hrmm, I wonder if they sell funnel cake…. I can't see any, just a Victoria sponge in the shape of an…. Oh that's disgusting!

I glance to my left and luckily Ashley has moved on, swiftly moving away from the patisserie I resume my hobby; stalking my ex-best friend. Maybe I should be seeing a therapist, stalking isn't really the healthiest thing to be top of my list of hobbies. I internally shrug and pause in front of another store as Ashley does likewise several doors up the road. She's looking at shoes and I'm looking at stuffed sheep? Oh, it's Jo's Toy Warehouse and huzzah there's a special on cuddly livestock this week. Why is this shop just up the road from the dirty bakery? What is wrong with LA!

I turn away from the shop window to once again resume following Ashley, she really does look beautiful today, she's just wearing a pair of hip-hugging jeans and a simple… oh fuck she's looking at me. What do I do, what do I do?!

"Spencer?" her face scrunches up in confusion, obviously she hasn't forgotten that I live nowhere near here.

She repeats herself as she advances towards me, oh crap, oh crap.

"Uh, hi." I manage to squeak out and lamely wave at her. Congratulations Carlin, you've started squeaking.

She smiles and comes to a halt just in front of me, "What are you doing here?"

Sigh, such a good question it's such a shame that the truth would find me the owner of a shiny new restraining order. "Um," I'm squeaking again, my eyes darting around, searching for a valid excuse, "I, uh," I can see a life-size cut-out of Superman in an open doorway just in front of me, sadly I don't want to tell Ashley that I frequent Chloe's Comics after school. "Well as soon as I got home I realised that," my eyes are still darting around, there has to be something believable somewhere… bingo! "I had some serious cravings for waffles, er, I mean pancakes so…" I clumsily gesture towards the IHOP across the street and weakly smile at her.

She follows my signal and then looks back at me, "IHOP?"

I cough nervously, "Exactly, you know, it's the nearest so, um, yeah, pancakes," the faux smile I wear starting to make my cheeks hurt.

"Okay," she smiles warmly at me, my insides starting to melt, "anyway I better get home before my parents think I've been kidnapped," she emits a soft laugh, "but it was nice seeing you Spence'."

"You, uh you too, it was uh, good." I stumble and trip over my words with a lack of ease that you'd equate with a lobotomy patient.

Ashley turns and walks away, quickly sending another genuine smile over her shoulder before disappearing around a corner and I'm left standing along, smiling like a fool. She called me Spence'…