Chapter Ten: The Truth (Even If It Hurts Me)

They were soon back in the kitchen, Ana sat on the counter beside the stove, watching Sawyer cook.

She was amazed by the person she saw before her. Sawyer was nothing like who he'd seemed to be on the island. He'd been so straight forward with her it still made her head spin if she thought too hard about it. So far they'd had no secrets from each other…except the one she couldn't—wouldn't?—bring herself to tell him: about Danny, the baby, how she'd wound up on that damned Oceanic flight in the first place.

It wasn't that she didn't bwant/b to tell him, she did. But the thought of her darkest secrets being exposed scared the hell out of her, regardless of how much the man claimed to love her or how much she knew she loved him.

And then it happened.

They were at Ana's place a few blocks away and had just walked through the door. Ana was flipping through the mail from the last few days and Sawyer had wandered off somewhere in the house, feeling it out.

"Ana? Where you at, chica?" she'd heard Sawyer calling her but hadn't made a mental connection that he was talking to her. The feeling of his hands on her arms brought her out of her trance.

"You alright, muchacha?" The envelope Ana held in her hand on top of all the other mail, had evidently rendered her speechless. Realising this, Sawyer took the stack of mail from Ana's hands, leading her to the room he'd figured was the den, sitting down with her on the couch, Ana leaning into his chest, curling up against him.

They'd been sitting there for nearly an hour, the entire time Ana was fighting herself mentally over how she'd tell Sawyer. Then she spoke.

"When you asked me…if I'd ever thought about having kids…" Ana said, her voice rough. "Before the crash, I was shot… when a man named Jason McCormack tricked me into letting him reach for his student ID. He reached for his gun instead and shot me…four times in the chest. Obviously, I survived, but lost my unborn child. Danny is—was—my boyfriend at the time." She laughed sarcastically before continuing.

"After, I took counseling sessions for months. I felt she was the type of person who was better off alone. He…asked what it felt like to hold a gun in my hand again—after target practice at the firing range; "very good." Shrink finally came to believe that I was fine to be back on the force and returned my badge.

I received a warm welcome from all of her colleagues with the exception of my mom. I was eager to get back on the streets and was angered when my mother gave me a desk job." Ana sighed, "I…used emotional blackmail to get what I wanted and insisted that she put me up for a transfer but she backed down from the argument and gave her the car.

I was finally back in my element when I went on patrol with my partner Big Mike. Instead of the usual route, we went through Westwood. The fact that I was fine to be back on the job was questioned after we responded to a domestic call involving a young couple.

Shawna and Travis were in the middle of a violent break-up which was disturbing their neighbors. During the argument Shawna was holding a crying baby. I was still haunted by my shooting, became increasingly worried about the safety of the baby until it was too much for me. I pointed my gun and forced Travis on to the ground, after which Mike ordered me to holster my weapon.

Back at the station, I tried to justify my actions to Mike, who was still angry. Detective Raggs popped in again and told me they had gotten my guy, referring to Jason McCormack. When asked to identify him, I denied that I knew the guy. Ma was sure I was lying, but had to let the man go.

The next week, I was drinking at the same bar as Jason McCormack. When he left I followed him to his car. I called his name to get his attention, then yelled to him, "I was pregnant!" before shooting him three times in the chest. When Jason fell to the ground, I shot him three more times." Sawyer cringed hearing this, but beginning to understand why Ana was the way she was.

"When I arrived at work the next day, I was confronted by my mother, who asked me where I had been the night before. Teresa took me to the morgue where Jason's body lay. When Teresa told me she knew what I did, my immediately turned in my badge and took a job as an Airport Security Guard but it didn't give her any thrill.

'S where I met Christian Shephard while taking a break at the airport bar. He told me this…story of his conflict with his son and that he was flying to Sydney to try and escape him.

After I told him she was an ex-cop, Christian asked me if I wanted to go with him as he needed protection in Sydney. After I reluctantly agreed, Christian made them give each other fake names. I called him Tom and Christian called me Sarah.

In Sydney, Christian and I did nothing for four days but drink until Christian randomly knocked on my hotel door in the middle of the night telling me that it was time for him to use my protection. Christian directed me to a small house in the suburbs and told me to stay in the car. He knocked on the door and a woman answered. She seemed shocked to see him and an argument began involving Christian wanting to see his daughter. I saw that the argument was getting out of control and pulled Christian from the house and back into the car." Ana sighed, slumping back against the armrest of the couch.

"I got tired of Christian's constant drinking and when he made remarks on my body, it was the last straw. I stopped the car we were traveling in and confronted him; told him that my name was Ana Lucia and asked him who the woman was. He wouldn't give me an answer and I got even more frustrated. Christian pointed out the cocktail bar that I stopped in front of and claimed it was "fate" that brought them to the bar. He asked if I wanted to have a last drink with him but I refused and attempted to stop Christian from entering, hoping that he might want to go back to the U.S with me. He declined and opened the car door, accidentally hitting a man with it.

Later, at the check-in desk of the airport, I overheard Jack talking about burying his father. I sat next to Jack in one of the airport bars and we started to talk. I introduced herself and we shared a drink. I told Jack that I wasn't very good on airplanes and was annoyed at being stuck at the back of the plane in seat 42F; told Jack we'd have the next drink on the plane and walked off to answer my telephone.

On the phone was my mother. I told her that I wanted to come home and wanted everything to be alright. She noted down what flight she was on and promised me that she'd be there when I landed. I hung up the phone and then boarded the flight."

"You didn't have to tell me all that, Ana…"

"I wanted—I needed to, James."