Disclaimer: Nothing has changed; I still own nothing, except for the mistakes.

Chapter 6

That is what you are

It had been three weeks since Ziva killed Amin to save Tony's life, but he was still mad and confused. Even Ziva was confused, she knew Amin wanted to kill Tony for something that she said one of the nights that she spent with him at the bar, but she never thought that he was going to do it, she was drunk, and no matter how hard she tried, she could not remember having ask him to kill her husband, definitely, the word "kill" never came up, but again, she had only recovered her memory a couple of weeks ago, so, she could not trust her memories, not yet.

At NCIS everyone was angry at Ziva, especially Abby, she could not believe that her friend and partner ask a terrorist to kill her own husband.

When Ziva tried to talk to Ducky, the man who was always there for her, she immediately read the dissapointment in his eyes, Ziva decided against and left.

Tony did not talk to her, at all. And she missed him already, she needed him to tell her something, anything; but he did not even wanted to look at her. After all, everything was said between the two of them the very same night of the incident, whilst Gibbs and McGee were processing the scene.

Three weeks earlier

"How could you do that Ziva, I knew you were angry, but asking a stranger, a terrorist to get rid of me…." Tony was raising his voice. Anger was overtaking him.

"It is not what you think Tony, I did not ASK him to kill you, I just…I don't know"

"What do you mean by 'you don't know'? Come on Ziva of course you do, it is just that may be you don't know how to explain"

"Tony I love you, I would have never wanted anything bad happen to you"

"You love me? then why is that man's dead body a few meters away from my cottage, with a sniper rifle? Oh yes I know! he came here to hunt some bears, right?, except that there are no any bears here Ziva, just the two of us and he was not aiming at you"

"Tony please…I swear, I...I love you, this was a mistake, Tony please, trust me"

"I love you too Ziva, at least I used to love the old Ziva, the one who was my partner, my friend, but now, I cannot trust you, not any more. Years ago you changed, now you've become a stranger and truth be told, I do not know if I love you anymore, I do not even know if I feel something right now Ziva, except for anger and disappointment. I don't know if I'm going to forgive you, but I know for sure that I'm never going to trust you anymore. It is much better if we leave things the way they are right now. Maybe we were never meant to be together. Sometimes love is not enough and you were right when you said that what happened to our little girl was a test, it was indeed, but we failed it Ziva, we did long time ago, but we did not want to accept it; or I should say, I was the one who did not accept it. I was the one who wanted to be with you, no matter what. I was wrong wasn't it. God...You haven't even told me where did you met this guy?"

"Tony, things are not the way it seems, I was working undercover, Amin was my contact, I was trying to infiltrate into a local terrorist cell that have been trying to sell some weapons to Hamas in order to become part of them, and I swear, I did not ask him to kill you, I just.."

"You just what?"

"I just said that sometimes I wish you were dead, instead of my little girl".

"You know what Ziva, I don't know why I am surprised, you killed your brother, your flesh and blood, what was I expecting?

"How dare you?, you know why I had to do it. I still feel bad for what I did, but he was going to kill Gibbs…"

"I know that Ziva, and I understand, but that is who you are, what I am saying is that you are an assassin you were trained to kill and if you were capable of murdering a man that you loved, a man that belong to your family…well I guess you can kill anyone, can't you?, an assassin after all.

And then Tony left, and she stayed behind, crying and feeling lost like a little girl as she slid her body down the trunk and sat on the grass, for a moment everything disappeared, the police, Gibbs, McGee, everything was silent, the only sounds that could be heard were her sobs.

Gibbs and Jen were talking about the case at NCIS headquarters.

"I cannot believe it Jethro, three weeks and those men are still free. Amin was not working alone, he was only the contact, we need to catch them before they sell those weapons and they convince Hamas that they are good assets, we cannot let that happen".

"What do you want to do director, the only thing you can do is sending Ziva again, but it's too risky, how is she going to explain Amin's dead, or that she did not make contact for about six weeks…I.."

"Do not worry about me Gibbs, I will find a way to convince them that everything is fine and that I want to cooperate with them by betraying my agency"

"Ziva, listen to me, I know that the situation is not easy, but you do not have to do it", Gibbs told her. "We are going to find them".

"Yes I do, that is my job and the reason why I came here in the first place. I started this and I am going to finish it. I'm going back to the bar tonight and I won't leave until I get something. Do not be worried about me. I know what I'm doing". She said that without making eye contact and she left.

"I don't know Jethro, I'm worried that she's going to be reckless and deliberately put herself in danger"

"Why do you say that, she's a very good agent and…"

"Tony filed for the divorce, the papers were delivered yesterday"

"Oh!, what did she say?, have she sing them yet?"

"Nothing, she just look at them and said that she'll sign them later. But there is something wrong, I mean, she does not sleep, she barely eats. Not to mention the rings under her eyes, she's tired all the time".

"Then don't send her, tell her that she's suspended, I don't know, anything"

"She's not going to listen to me, she never listen to anyone, she's so stubborn…"

"The I guess somebody needs to talk to DiNozzo before it is too late. Don't worry Jen, I'll send McGee to look after her tonight, everything is going to be ok, I won't lose another child."

At the bullpen, Ziva grabbed her gear and headed to the elevator without lsaying a word, Tony was looking at her, but this time she did not notice his glance. She was exhausted indeed and worried about her encounter with Amin's associates later that night. Gibbs was right, what was she going to tell them, she did not even knew anyone, Amin was her contact and now he was dead, she needed to came up with a plan and finish the job, even if that meant losing her life in the line of duty.

A few minutes after she left.

"Ehm…Tony, can I ask you something"

"What?" Tony answered, raising his voice.

"I do not know Tony, but I don't think Ziva is doing ok, she looks like"

"Like what McMeddler?"

"Like if she was sick Tony", I'm kind of worried about her.

"Don't be, maybe the remorse is killing her. I don't know and I cannot care less, so stop asking stupid questions and get back to your business"

"You really don't care DiNozzo?", Gibbs' voice came from behind. "To my office, now!"

Tony stood up and jumped into the elevator

"What the hell is going on with you DiNozzo, you said you loved that woman, I remember when she first came in, you were nervous all the time, always bothering her, always trying to be near; even when you were working undercover with The Frog's daughter…and now, after all you two have been through"

"She wanted me dead boss"

"She was drunk DiNozzo, she was talking to the wrong man and said something she should have never said, that does not mean that she was being serious"

"But…"

"No buts, we've been through this conversation before. Do you still love her?"

"I do not know boss, I thought I did but now…"

"What changed?"

"God.." Tony said rubbing his hands over his face. "What if she was cheating me with Amin"

Gibbs head slapped him really hard. "You do not believe that DiNozzo, do you?"

"No, it's just that... I still cannot believe what she did"

"You still have not answer my question"

"Which one, if I still love her or what changed?"

"I know the answer to the first one and you should too"

"She's a different woman boss, when she lost her memory, my old Ziva came back, but then, she disappeared again"

"Everybody changes DiNozzo, you have changed too. The question is, did you marry her only for the good times?, if you did, then you're wrong. But I know you did not, because of everything you two have been through, so?"

"The problem lies in the fact that I don't trust her anymore boss, and that does not have anything to do with love or forgiveness"

"She's not ok DiNozzo, you can see that. The director and I are worried about her"

"I know boss, and I'm worried too, but there's nothing I can do. I'm sorry boss"

With that Tony left the elevator.

"I hope that by the time you realise that you're making a mistake it is not too late, DiNozzo"

Tony sighed and made his way back to his desk.

That night at the bar, Ziva was drinking mineral water, she did not want to get drunk and screw things up. She had been patiently waiting for the last four hours. She was determined to not leave the bar until she got something. Suddenly, a tall blonde man sit by her side.

"Good evening officer David"

"Do I know you?"

"No, you don't, but we know you"

"Yes?, is that good or bad"

"It all depends, it is good for us but very bad for you"

"Why so?"

"Because we know you killed Amin"

"He was a taridor", Ziva answered quickly, looking into the blond man's eyes with no hesitation.

"I do not think so, but I do not care either. The thing is that we know that you are never going to betray NCIS as you made us think before, that was why we decided to kill your husband, but then, we found out that you kill one of Hamas' most important officers and this wonderful idea came into our minds, why are we worried about trying to become part of Hamas by selling them weapons that might not be appealing to them when we can earn their trust by turning them in nothing more and nothing less than Ziva David, ex Mossad office, former NCIS agent and Ariel Haswari's murderer". The blond man said, drawing his gun and aiming at Ziva.

Thanks for reading it. Have a nice week.