Secret Desires & Fears (Intro)
Timing: Just after Kartik's brother's death ('A Great and Terrible Beauty' pg. 15)
My name is Kartik, I am of the Rakshana. After my brother Amar's passing I have decided to keep a log of my thoughts and dreams that I feel should be written.
I see this as the wisest thing to do as I have now learned that there is more to life then meets the eye, Amar's death has shown me that more than anything that I had been 'told'. I know as well as the girl must know, that my brother, and her mother, did not die the way that others make it out to be.
For now I shall keep this journal and write anything I feel needs to be written, as akward as I may feel doing this.
No matter how helpful this may or may not turn out to be for me, it could be used against me in the future if it ever fell into the wrong hands. I shall hide it well.
K-1
Timing: Shortly after he warned Gemma to 'close her mind' ('A Great and Terrible Beauty' pg. 79-82).
The first dream I tell of, I do not see from my own eyes, but Amar's. I am him in this dream of mine.
I'm rushing along back in India. I seem to be looking out for something or someone. I seem to be following a lady. The girl's mother, no doubt. She's looking for someone. Strands of her red hair peek out from the bun she has it in. I follow her into a shop. Dry herbs hang from the roof of it.
I glance around anxiously, the mood is anything but calm. My hand grips a dagger, I hold it tightly as blood races through my veins. I raise it slowly, it is my only hope of defense against what might lurk in the shadows. Even if this idea is futile, it is something. I strain my ears, trying to hear any noise that may warn me before I am possibly swallowed whole.
I notice something moving in the shadow of a corner. I grip the dagger harder, my eyes buldging with fear that I do not even attempt to hide.
The creature of shadow makes a hissing sound as it uncoils, my heart beats faster. I steal a glance towards the woman then back at the thing. It grows considerably larger as it comes out from its hiding spot. I can hear moans and cries from inside of it. From its victims?
Before I can think I'm running towards it, I don't fully understand why, but I am.
Suddenly I wake to find myself siting straight up, sweat forming on my brow. My heart beat begins to slow to its normal pace as I realize that it was only a dream. I take a small sigh of relief and lie back.
For all I know, that may have been the way Amar died, it seems to fit with the scene of Gemma's mother.
I can not deny that a part of me hurts from the idea, he was my brother after all. It is impossible not to think of him at times, though I know it was surely his destiny. He followed it as I shall follow mine, which I hope is different from Amar's...
Now I realize... I was not Amar in my dream, but myself. And Mrs. Doyle was not Mrs. Doyle, or at least not that Mrs. Doyle. It was Gemma. I see this as a message, a subconcious warning.
If the girl fails to do as I infrom her to do, if I fail to keep her away from the realms, I may share the same fate as my brother and she may share her mother's...