Secret Disires & Fears (G-2)

Timing: In the first book, a little after Kartik 'saw' Pippa ('A Great and Terrible Beauty' pg. 176-177).

I'm at the school. I'm walking around near the forest. I feel neutral. It feels asthough I'm looking for something, heading for an exact destination in my sub concious. I walk swiftly and quickley. I don't look back and I don't try to remember where I'm going. Before I know it, I'm at a cliff. Even though I'm suprised how I got there, I go on silently.

I seem numb to myself now. Now that I think over the dream, it sort of scares me. Nothing that I'd scream at, but more of a silent fear. The idea just seems creepy.

I stop abruptly before taking a step off the cliff. I had stopped walking just in time, but again, I felt no emotion at the point at how quickley I had stopped before falling over the edge of it. Not that It would make much of a difference. It was a dream.

I look down. My eyes seem to zoom in to two people on a beach, a few miles down from where I am. Even with such a huge distance, I can see it close up.

The first I reconize is Kartik. His hair is a bit messy, not that that's really unusual for him, and his shirt is off. I'm getting chills from the memory at this moment as I discribe this to you.

He's laughing. He's laughing with the other figure. I cannot make out the figure yet. Its almost asthough theres a filter there infront of my eyes, so that I cannot make out their face. The person seems to be laughing too. Suddenly they come into focus.

It was Pippa.

I blink, focusing on the two. They're laughing together, what about I have no idea. Here I feel the first emotion that I felt durring the dream, envy. I don't know why, but its coursing through my veins. The two don't notice me peering down at them from my high perch. I want them to, I want them to see me, I don't know why. I change my mind quickley.

I turn around and start to run off, but before I know it I'm falling. Falling into a vast darkness. The wind combs my hair, I must admit, I'm afraid. The jealousy is still there though. The only noises I can hear is their laughter and the wind rushing past my ears.

Then its all black. I'm in a dreamless sleep. I don't remember anything from before. I only remember it when I wake up, slowly, but it seeps back into my memory, if you can call it that much.

I know am slightly nervous of seeing either of the twos faces. Why did I feel so envious in my dream? I feel foolish. If the two ever do like each other, I shouldn't worry about it. It doesn't have anything to do with me. Not anything...

I must retreat back to sleep as Ann is waking. I hope my dreams do not return to the same subject, if I can find sleep again.