The Suffering

Disclaimer: I think it goes without saying that I don't, and never will, own Degrassi. The chapter of this story is an amazing song by Avenged Sevenfold.

A/N: Hello everyone! As always, thanks for the reviews! So sorry I haven't updated this in forever, but I just wasn't feeling any good ideas for the next chapter. I mean yeah, I had wrote some stuff, but it was all crap and I'd rather take a while and finally churn out a good chapter than update this story religiously with poor chapters. Anyways, enjoy this chapter! I had a good time writing this chapter and I really like it. I hope you guys like it, too and this makes up for my lack of updates lately.

And a few things are different, but like I said before, not everything is happening in here as it happened on the show.

Chapter III: Sidewinder

October 20, 2007

The Del Rossi/Michalchuk/Nash Household

Paige stared after Marco's quickly retreating figure, her mouth open in shock. She quickly shut her mouth and turned around to face Alex. Blue-green eyes met brown ones, and they stood that way for a brief moment before Paige broke the stare. She looked down at her shoes and tried to think of something to say. There wasn't really anything she could say. Sorry definitely wouldn't cut things with Alex. If anything, saying sorry would get her a worse tongue-lashing than if she just kept quiet. She snuck a quick glance at Alex and found herself lost in thought.

To Paige, Alex looked completely different from her last decent memory of her. She had let her hair grow and had ditched the wife beaters and baggy jeans for more fitting clothes. On the outside, she definitely looked a lot different from how she did in ninth grade, but Paige wondered if she was still the same girl she had been friends with. Somehow, she doubted it. After she overheard Alex admitting her feelings for her, Paige had distanced herself as far as possible from her, quickly jumping into a relationship with Spinner. She had never originally wanted to push Alex away, considering that her older brother was gay, but she just wanted Alex to get the message that she was dating a boy and would never be into her. Somehow, though, everything had changed.

Degrassi Boys Soccer Conditioning
3-6PM in the east wing weight room
Starting on February 10th for all boys
See Coach Armstrong for more info.

"You're going to do soccer, right?" Paige said, standing on her tip toes and resting her head on Spinner's shoulder to read the sign.

"Yeah, definitely, you know I'm gonna be the star of the freshman team, and you'll be cheering me on." He smiled at her effort to make conversation even though he knew she didn't really care about soccer.

"You're going to be my soccer stud!" She said with a laugh, hugging him.

He hugged her back but then frowned. "Paige, that starts tomorrow. That means we can't do that much hanging out now until the weekend. But hey, on the plus side, Marco can stop calling you all the time because you'll have more time to spend with him and Alex."

"Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I haven't hung out with Marco in forever! We only ever talk on the phone or online these days!" She chose to ignore his mention of Alex.

Spinner noticed how Paige didn't mention Alex, but he didn't think anything of it. He had noticed that the two didn't talk during school, but he just figured they did all of their hanging out on the weekends or spent half the night on the phone. In a way, he felt bad that Paige was spending more time with him than with her best friends, but at the same time he didn't, because he was her boyfriend.

Paige came out of her memory and frowned slightly. She had finally thought of something to say, but she wasn't sure exactly how to say it. She looked over at Alex and opened her mouth to speak, but found that the girl was now staring out the window. Alex seemed to be lost in her thoughts about how the girls had drifted so far apart.

Hey! Degrassi girls! Do you have panther pride?
If so, be sure to try out for the spring Spirit Squad!
Tryouts will be on February 11th in the main gym at 3
See Coach Morales (Room 314) for more information
NOTE: Fall/Winter cheerleaders still need to try out

"Spirit squad, are they serious?" Alex snorted and looked over at Marco. "I can't see why anyone would want to do that."

"You would look hot out there shaking your ass." A voice said from behind both her and Marco. The voice belonged to Jay Hogart.

"Leave it to Mr. Held-Back-A-Year to make that comment." Marco said rolling his eyes.

"Better I'm chasing pussy than dick, Del Faggot. Just come out and admit it to everyone already." Jay smirked then smiled at Alex. "You think about doing it. With your looks, you could get a whole lot more guys to have school spirit. And you know... I've always wanted a cheerleader girlfriend."

Alex's grin widened, but she quickly stopped smiling, remembering that Paige had talked about joining the spring Spirit Squad back when they had still been friends. "You know," she looked up at Jay. "If you want to date me, all you have to do is ask. But I guess you won't, because sorry to disappoint you, but I'll never be a cheerleader."

"I'm full of surprises… I'll catch you later." Jay gave Marco a quick shove before winking at Alex and walking away.

"Tell me you're not considering joining Spirit Squad just so he'll date you? Alex, he's disgusting and you could do so much better." Marco said brushing himself off.

"I'm not joining Spirit Squad, Marco," she sighed. "Not because of him though, but because Paige is doing it, remember? She won't give me the time of day anymore. I wish she would though. Then I could have my best friend back, be on the squad with her, and have a boyfriend."

"Oh jeeez, don't date him! As for Paige, every time I try to talk to her about you, she changes the subject."

"Figures…"

"It's weird though. She does this thing… where she'll stop and it seems like she wants to say something about you, but then she doesn't."

Alex sighed and realized that maybe, if she hadn't fallen for Jay, things would have been different. She turned away from the window and looked over at Paige who had an all too familiar look on her face. Alex knew that as her "I have something to say but don't know the right way to say it" look. She also knew it as the last look Paige had ever really given her. She looked at Paige expectantly, waiting to hear what weak form of apology she would throw out.

"Alex," Paige started. "I need to talk to you and need to tell you something and I need you to just listen to me, ok?"

Alex nodded. She had a feeling this was going to turn into yet another long-winded "feel sorry for me" sob story that Paige was so good at.

"You were my best friend in freshman year… well… half of freshman year. And then I joined the Spirit Squad, and you started dating Jay, and we started drifting apart." She stopped suddenly, realizing her mistake. "Wait, no, forget that. We didn't start drifting because of Spirit Squad. We started drifting because you liked me." She stopped again. "I don't mean it like that, Alex, it's not your fault at all, I swear. It was just that there was all that pressure of Dylan being the gay one in the family and my parents having to handle all of that. I couldn't turn around and put the same sort of pressure on them. I know it doesn't mean anything to you, but I'm sorry."

Alex looked at Paige blankly and then laughed. "Right, of course, it's always about you Paige. You had to completely stop talking to me because you couldn't put any stress on your parents. Well, if you were so straight and so in love with Spinner, why did it matter that I liked you, huh? Me liking you wouldn't have put any stress on your parents unless you had liked me back." She spit out the last few words.

Alex sat down on the bed and looked up at Paige, allowing what she just said to soak in. She was surprised Paige hadn't had some sort of quick retort to her comment. Paige herself was surprised that she didn't have a comeback to what Alex had said. She knew deep down that Alex was right. Having a girl like her wouldn't have given her parents any stress. It's not like she would go home and tell her parents her best friend loved her. It was the other thing Alex said that had troubled her- the possibility that she had, if even for a few seconds, ever thought of Alex as more than a friend.

The thought of liking Alex scared Paige. Besides the obvious fact that her parents would have had the initial shock and stress to deal with, she just couldn't see herself liking a girl in that way. She then thought about Dylan. For a brief moment, the thought of being gay running in the family went through her mind, but she shook her head, deciding otherwise. She was straight. She had dated Spinner and… Her mind went blank and then she remembered that she had also dated Matt, or Mr. O as the students had called him. The only person I've dated beside Spinner was a teacher! He doesn't really count! So I've only had one boyfriend… ever… but that doesn't mean anything. Or, it means nothing for Alex, anyway. It can't… She thought to herself.

"Paige?" Alex said, breaking her train of thought. "How unlike you, I was expecting a snappy putdown by now."

"That's your problem," Paige snapped back suddenly. "You expect a lot of things from me. Like how you expected me to like you!"

"I didn't expect anything from you." She said hotly. "After I realized I didn't like you, the only thing I expected was for you to be a waste of my time and I guess you proved me right there." She stood up and walked out of the room, pushing past Paige.

"Lexi…" Paige stopped suddenly, and Alex did, too. Paige hadn't used that name for her since they had stopped talking. "Alex," she mumbled, sounding embarrassed. "That's it? You're just going to walk away from this like you do with everything else?"

Alex turned around and faced her. "What other choice do I have? Paige, even when I was going out with Jay, it just didn't feel right. It didn't feel right because I knew I should have been with you. But no, I couldn't have you then and apparently, I still can't have you now."

Paige sighed, feeling defeated. "That's what you-" She stopped suddenly. "Maybe you should just go. I mean… or maybe you can… forget it."

Alex stared at Paige, debating whether or not she wanted to challenge what she had just said. She decided against it and walked out of the room. She was going to tell Marco she was leaving, but assumed he would figure it out. When Paige heard the front door slam she collapsed on the bed not really knowing how to feel. She started crying, only to be interrupted a few minutes later by a knock on the door.

A/N: Sorry if the ending seemed a little unfinished or whatever to some of you. It's just that I had originally put something else, but then I decided that I should just cut it where I have it so this chapter didn't get too long. Oh, and I'm well aware that boy's soccer season is in the fall (or, it is here anyway) but since in the prologue I had had Alex and Paige's falling out in January I just figured "whatever" and went with it. So you know the deal. Comment away even if it's a bad review. Constructive criticism never killed anyone. And I'll try and do updates more often!