The Suffering

Disclaimer: Still don't own Degrassi. This chapter's title is an AFI song.

A/N: Once again, thanks for all the great reviews! I doubt there's gonna be much Palex interaction in this chapter, if any, but I promise this won't be a boring chapter! And get ready for the funeral, that'll be coming up in a few chapters.

Chapter IV: Affliction

October 20, 2007

The Del Rossi/Michalchuk/Nash Household

Marco was lying on top of the bed cuddling with Dylan and listening to the argument down the hallway in their guest bedroom- or trying to listen. To both Marco and his boyfriend's surprise, it was rather quiet. They couldn't hear anything from the girls. Dylan knew how much Paige enjoyed a good argument and was wondering how much longer it would be before she started shouting. Marco was thinking similar to Dylan, only he was thinking about Alex. She hadn't become one of Degrassi's bad asses to sit back and talk calmly with the girl who had cut her out of her life five years earlier. Marco leaned forward slightly. He was straining his ears for a sound, but nothing was coming down the hallway to him.

"It's quiet…." Marco stated.

"Too quiet," Dylan agreed, trying not to laugh.

"Shut up, I'm serious!" Marco giggled. "You know how Alex and Paige are; they should be at each other's throats by now. Unless Alex already got to her throat…"

"Or maybe they kissed and made up… literally."

"Get out of here with that! I've always wondered what if, but it will never work."

"Don't be so surprised, Marco. I never did tell you what Paige thought about the whole thing, did I?"

"I was her best guy friend; I think I would have known everything."

"Her best straight guy friend," Dylan smirked at the younger boy. "As I recall, it took you another year to finally let out what you and I both knew…"

"You knew? But, if you knew, why didn't you ever…"

"It wasn't my place, Marco. That's the kind of thing you have to find out yourself."

"Stop changing to subject!" Marco whined. "I like gossip, so spill. What did Paige really think about the Alex situation?"

Spinner gave Paige a hug and told her he would call her sometime this week. Jimmy waved goodbye and she thanked Spinner's mom for the ride home. As she walked up the driveway to her house, she felt like both the best and worst person in the world. She felt like the best person, because things with Spinner were off to a good start, yet she felt like the worst person because she had hurt Alex. Granted the two had only been friends for a few months, but Paige had wanted their friendship to be a long one.

She walked inside the house and noticed her older brother Dylan stretched across the couch talking on the phone. A sad smiled played across her face. Her brother was a junior in high school, and was openly gay. Not that Paige minded any of that; it was just that looking at her brother just then made her think of Alex. It made her think of what she had said and the hurt look on her face when Paige had purposely called Spinner her boyfriend. She hadn't meant for it to hurt Alex so much- after all, that was her best friend and she did love her. She just wasn't sure if she loved Alex the way she knew Alex loved her. She couldn't love Alex that way- not after what her parents went through at first with Dylan. Not to mention she had never liked a girl that way.

"Heyyyyyy sis," Dylan had gotten off the phone and sat up. He patted the seat next to him. "Are you, Marco and Alex still coming to my hockey game tonight?"

Paige flinched at the mention of Alex's name. "No, I don't think they can. I know Alex can't…"

He noticed his sister tense up, but chose not to say anything. "Are you sure about that? I mean, weren't you guys just at the mall?"

"Yeah uh… Alex has um… a test and uh… Marco got in trouble because he didn't clean his room." It was a bad lie, and they both knew it.

"Oh," Dylan decided to let the lie pass. "So did Marco's mom get a new van? That one looked different."

"No, no, that was just a rental."

"Ok… Paige… what's up?" He looked at her with concern in his eyes.

"Nothing… just… I… Dylan, how did you know you were gay?" She suddenly blurted out.

"Paige, are you…?" He let the question hang in the air.

"Oh! No! It's not me. No, of course not," She got defensive.

"I trust you wouldn't lie to me about something like that of all things. And to answer your question, it was just a feeling, you know? Sort of the way you feel when you look at guys. I feel that too instead of feeling it when I look at girls."

"Oh…" she furrowed her brow in thought. "Can you… feel it about both?"

"Yeah, you can," he nodded. "And there's nothing wrong with that, you know."

"Alex likes me and it scares the shit out of me and I heard her tell Marco she loved me and I ran, Dylan, I ran like hell. I ran right into Spinner and Jimmy and I jumped on Spinner just to prove to myself that I would have him, and not Alex. Dylan, though, I think I might just like her back, only a little. But I can't! I like Spinner! I like him so much, Alex is messing this up for me!" Paige seemed to say this all in one breath.

Dylan looked at his sister. His expression wasn't one of disgust or annoyance, and it wasn't even surprise. His look was one of understanding. He wrapped his arms around his baby sister and pulled her into a quick hug where she broke down on his shoulder crying. All he had to do was hold her.

Marco inhaled slowly when Dylan finished telling him about Paige's fears about Alex's revelation. The more he thought about it, the more it made sense to him. He remembered the times when he would hang out with Paige after she stopped speaking to Alex. He had asked her countless times about fixing things with Alex. She would always ignore him, or change the subject, but now that he thought about, he did remember how her eyes would sparkle a little any time her name came up. He had never stopped to think that maybe she felt something for Alex, too.

The hallway was still quiet, but now they heard muffled footsteps quickly moving along the carpet to their room. The footsteps stopped and then started up again, but this time the sound faded away. A few minutes later, they heard the door slam shut. Marco and Dylan both exchanged curious glances. They had both assumed things were going well considering they hadn't heard anything. But the quick footsteps and slamming door was making them think otherwise. Marco got up and hurried out of the room. Down the hallway through the open guest bedroom door, he could only see feet hanging over the edge of the bed and hear muffled crying. He knocked on the door and peeked inside the room, surprised to see that Paige was crying.

She stopped and looked up at him. "Hi Marco," she sniffled.

"Paige," he walked over to her. "What's the matter? It was so quiet; I thought everything was going good."

"I let her go again," she shook her head. "She basically knew that I had liked her so I told her to get out. Now I won't see her again until the funeral, and I know she won't give me the chance to explain anything."

Marco stared at his friend. "She knew you liked her then… Do you still?"

"I… well… It's kind of… Yes." She nodded.

"Then don't worry, I'll take care of this."

October 20, 2007

The Ravine

Alex snatched up a beer from the cooler and headed towards the table- towards Jay. She sat down next to him and opened the can. He looked over at her in surprise but only nodded before going back to his own drink. The two sat there in a comfortable silence drinking their beers and taking everything in. He was the first to finish his, and the noise his can made when he crushed it broke the silence.

"Want me to get you another?" He asked, standing up.

"Sure, I had a hard morning..."

"I could tell by the way you came charging in here just now."

He came back after a minute with two cans of beer. He set hers down in front of her and opened it. He opened his and took a long drink before sitting down again. Once again, they drank in silence. This time, however, it was Alex who broke the silence.

"Jay, do you remember what I said when I broke up with you?"

"Oh god, don't remind me…"

"I can't believe you!" Alex shouted. "You hook up with every slut in the ravine and give me a STD yet here you are at my apartment door wanting to watch TV and hang out like old times!"

"Sorry," Jay said lowly. "Lexi… you know I still lo-"

"Shut up," she cut him off. "I don't even want to hear it. Things will never be like the old times, Jay, because in the old times, I didn't even know you."

"Yeah, and you know I didn't mean that far back. I meant when we first starting dating… minus all of the making out in my car and other relationship stuff. Unless… you know… that window is always open for you."

"You come over here wanting to just be friends and you're already offering to hook up. What part of 'you gave me a STD' do you not get?"

He rolled his eyes at her and walked inside the apartment. The TV was on a soccer match and Chad, Alex's mother's boyfriend, was passed out in the arm chair while Emily, her mother, was cleaning up the beer bottles at his feet. She smiled up at Jay and motioned for him to have a seat on the couch. He took a seat and Alex grudgingly joined him.

"You know, Lexi, I don't get why you're making such a big deal about the ravine girls. I mean, you weren't exactly 100 together when we were going out."

Alex looked up at Jay in shock but said nothing.

"I'm not stupid; I know you had someone else on the side. Was it old Seany boy?"

"No, Jay, it wasn't Sean. I never had anyone on the side. I didn't cheat."

"You wanted to, I could tell."

"Yeah, well you would know that cheating feeling."

"Just tell me who it was that you liked all that time."

"Why, so you can go be all bad ass and jump them? Its ancient history, Jay, things will never happen there, because if they could have happened, I would have never went out with you in the first place."

"Lexi, just tell me who it is."

"It was Paige, Jay, my best friend; or ex-best friend. She freaked out on me when I told her and you know we don't talk now."

He nodded in understanding. "You and high maintenance queen bitch, eh? Wow, so not only did you want to get with a girl, but you had to pick their queen!"

She punched him in the arm. "I just said she won't talk to me. We haven't talked since grade nine."

"So that's why you went out with me, because your little girlfriend told you no? So I was just… your cover?" He tried to sound hurt, but his smirk gave him away.

"You're such an asshole. Remind me why I agreed to be friends with you again?"

Jay had zoned out, remembering when Alex had admitted to him that the entire time they were going out she had always lusted after Paige. He shook his head, and held back a laugh. He wasn't sure what he thought was funnier- the fact that Alex liked Paige or the fact that he never in a million years would have pegged Alex as a lesbian. He looked at her and cleared his throat.

"Yeah, you liked queen bee Paige," he said with an eye roll. "So what,"

"I still do," she said sighing.

"Yeah… and? Why don't you quit pussyfooting around go talk to her. You're still friends with Del Faggot, right? Go ask him for her number, call her up, and you tell her what you told me that day."

"I did tell her!" She snapped at him. "JT is dead, okay, do you remember last night? Those Lakehurst idiots killed him and then I left?"

"Yeah, where the fuck were you? Do you have any idea…? I thought those guys… I drove around half the night looking for you."

"Well I ran to Marco's house. I needed someone to talk to, so I told them everything about the party and… I don't remember. I guess someone called Paige, and she showed up, because I woke up this morning to hear her screaming about how I'm in her bed or something."

Jay chuckled. "Yeah, and I bet you liked that. Not talking to her in ages and then waking up to have her in bed with you."

"Shut the fuck up… Anyway, no, I talked to her and I confronted her about the whole thing and then I just threw it out there, you know, I was like 'what was the big deal, did you like me or something?' and she flipped out on me so I was just like 'fuck it' and left."

"She likes you, Lexi," He nodded. "She wouldn't have thrown a little bitch fit if she didn't. She never would've stopped talking to you in the first place, too."

"Jay, you're-" she stopped and looked at him, her eyes wide. "For once, I think you might be right!"

"I know I am. Listen, I may have fucked you over in our relationship… and plenty of other chicks... but I know about this sort of stuff. You need to go back and talk to her. And hey, you know I still-"

She cut him off again. "I know you do, Jay, and I love you too, but not the way you love me. And I'm sorry for cutting you off, but I never want to hear you say that again, because I know you mean it differently."

"Let me guess," he smirked, "you only want to hear that from Paige."

"You need to go back to being wrong." She stood up and gave him a hug. "I'm gonna go, I've got people to talk to."

Alex was walking away from the ravine when her cell phone rang. It was Marco.

"Yeah," She said when she answered it.

"Alex, where are you? Can you come meet me up at the Dot?"

"Sure, I'll be there in five minutes."

"Great, I'll see you then. Bye," He hung up.

A/N: Well I'm starting school soon, so I dunno how often I can update now... but yeah, review and lemme know if I should continue this or not.