The Suffering

Disclaimer: So I still don't own Degrassi. I never will. Chapter Title Song is by From First To Last.

A/N: I'm so mad!!!!!! Last night I finally started writing this chapter and I got halfway done with it when my stupid computer died and didn't auto save the story! Now I gotta sit here and try and remember everything and then add to it. Anyways, sorry for my lack of updates, but volleyball practice consumed my life as soon as school started. Hopefully now I can go back to updating this regularly. Thanks to everyone for sticking through it with me!

Chapter V: Heroine

October 20, 2007

The Dot

All this time Paige liked her and I never even knew. I had always wondered what if, but I never saw it coming. I just hope Alex won't be stubborn about it. That girl has so much pride, I know it's gonna be hard for her to go talk to Paige. Not to mention she might not want to believe me when I say that Paige likes her. I know she won't believe me; she's tired of putting herself out there and being hurt in relationships. And she definitely won't trust Paige…

Marco's mind was a mess. He knew he had a lot of work to do if he was going to try and get Alex and Paige together. For Paige, she was finally coming to terms with liking Alex, but she had no idea Alex still liked her. As for Alex, she loved Paige but would forever see her as the girl who gave up on her. He certainly had his work cut out, but he was certain that as soon as he had a plan in motion, things would work out smoothly.

"Marco," Alex called out from the front of the diner.

Marco turned around and saw Alex in the doorway. His face fell. Her clothes were rumpled, which was expected considering she drunkenly crashed in his house last night, but the circles under her eyes and her glazed expression were fresh. It was obvious to him that she had been at the ravine drinking and probably smoking with Jay. He was her comfort in times like this. As much as Marco didn't want to admit it, he may have to swallow everything and go to Jay for help. Sighing, he raised a hand and wearily waved towards Alex.

She found him, and took a seat across from him. "Hi, what's going on?"

"Alex, you look…" he took his time to observe her. "Let me guess, you and Jay smoked a fatty and had a few beers?"

"A couple beers, no fatty," she smirked. "How did you know?"

"The smell… the glazed look in your eyes… What are you running away from, Paige? Why should she scare you?"

"She doesn't scare me, Marco. She hates me, I hate her."

"That's a lie and you know it. What's wrong with you, Alex? Paige likes you. Suck up all that pride and just go talk to her."

"You and Jay must be talking." She shook her head. "Maybe Paige does like me, it's not like it's going to matter. She's up there at Banting with people who don't come from the trailer park. She can find someone who won't hold her back."

"She needs you. She needs you now more than ever."

"What, she needs me just because some kid she was friends with died?" Alex paused and glared right back at the people glaring at her loud statement. "I'm not going to run to her right now just to be her shoulder to cry on. I'm not her tissue or something. She can't just use me to dry off her tears and then throw me aside after the funeral to run back to Banting."

"She won't do that to you. Yeah, she has to go back to school, but do you think she'll just forget about you?"

"She didn't have a problem doing that before."

"It's different this time, Alex. Why can't you see it?"

"You don't know, Marco! You don't get it! I'm not ever crawling to Paige Michalchuk. She's never going to get that satisfaction. I'd rather be miserable without her than crawl back to her to set myself up to be hurt again." Alex jumped up.

Marco, too, got up. "You won't be miserable with her. Stop trying to scare yourself out of being with her. Now listen, I have a plan and it's going to work, and you're going to be thanking me for it later."

"Whatever, I don't have time for this shit. Jay and the ravine are waiting for me. If Paige wants me, she can come have me."

Without waiting for Marco to try and convince her otherwise, Alex was gone. As soon as she exited the diner, she took off in a run in the direction she came from. Why was everyone so hell bent on her and Paige getting together? I'm not worth it. I'm a broken home girl, she has the perfect life; she's perfect. Perfect girls don't fall for broken home girls. Perfect girls don't fall for girls at all. Alex kept running, trying to clear her head. As much as she wanted to believe Jay and Marco, she couldn't bring herself to admit it. Paige had hurt her once already by choosing not to talk to her and they definitely hadn't had a good meeting that morning. There was no way Alex was going to swallow her words and come back to Paige, tail between her legs, apologizing and begging for her love. She just wasn't that sort of girl.

"Hey, hot stuff!" An unfamiliar voice called out to Alex. "Wanna earn a bracelet?"

Alex rolled her eyes in disgust, thinking about Jay. "Not even, but have you seen Jay around here?"

"Jay…Hogart! No… yeah… well, he… If you get in the van, I'll tell you."

She walked up the guy and suddenly, without warning, ran into him and had him pinned against the van. "Listen," she smiled sweetly. "I suggest you tell me where Jay is if you ever want to get any action in this van again."

"Alright, alright, he ain't here. You just missed him by a couple minutes. Now, what do you say about us going into that van?"

October 20, 2007

The Del Rossi/Michalchuk/Nash Household

The doorbell rang, and Paige's heart was suddenly in her throat. She hoped to God that it was Alex at the door so she could apologize and admit how right she was and how horrible she felt for putting Alex through so much hell. The doorbell rang again, and Paige suddenly realized she was still sitting on the edge of the bed where she had been sitting for the past hour since talking to Marco. The doorbell rang a third time. She assumed that Dylan had either left with Marco, or had fallen back asleep since, from experience, she knew Dylan could sleep through anything. She also figured that Ellie had left or just didn't feel like dealing with anyone.

The doorbell didn't need to ring a fourth time; Paige had already sped to the door. Her palms were sweaty and she was starting to shake. She knew what she had to say to Alex, she just didn't know how she would do it. She took a deep breath and opened the door. The person on the other side of the door certainly wasn't Alex, but it may as well have been. She didn't know whether she wanted to be disgusted or relieved at the visitor. The visitor was none other than Jay Hogart, and with him around, Alex was probably close behind.

"Jay Hogart… do you know my brother and his boyfriend live here?" She said, adding emphasis to the word boyfriend.

"Paige Michalchuk… do you see them here answering the door to their house?"

"What do you want, Jay?"

"I know this sounds crazy coming from me of all people, but I want to talk to you. And hey, don't give me that surprised look, I'm not gonna try anything. I know you're batting for the home team now and you wanna hit a home run with Alex."

She shuddered; how would he know that? "You're disgusting."

"That I may be, but I'm right."

"Go back to the ravine. Don't you have some slut in a van you can go fuck?"

"Don't you have a girl you want to be with who wants to be with you that you need to talk to?"

"She can come here and talk to me. You're her friend; if it bothers you so much, why don't you go tell her to talk to me."

"Why do you think I'm here in the first place? You think I didn't hear about you and Alex's little meeting this morning? Why did you go and bullshit her like that, huh? How hard is it to just tell a girl you like her and hit it?"

"First off, I have some manners. I'm not gonna just say, 'hey, Alex, I like you! Let's fuck!' Secondly, I can't go up to her and admit how wrong I was."

"You and Lexi are so much alike… It's disgusting. Both of you need to get it through your heads that it doesn't matter who was wrong or right. What happened in the past is the past. You have a beautiful girl in your grasp and you're gonna go and fuck it up for the second time because you're perfect and you can't be wrong? Lexi is too good for you. You should be thankful she's even giving you a shot after how you treated her in high school. If I were her-"

"Shut up!" She screamed and shoved him. "I get it, ok? I'm scum, I'm horrible. I treated Alex like shit and I need to talk to her. IT'S NOT THAT EASY FOR ME! I'll talk to her when I'm ready and not when everyone says I'm ready! Now get out!"

"Whoa, feisty," he smirked and backed up. "I'm going, I'm going. Just remember this- Lexi may not be perfect like you, she's far from it, but I know she's not gonna wait around forever for you. By the time you're ready to talk to her, it might be too late."

Paige slammed the door without even bothering to respond to Jay's comments. As much as she hated to admit it, he was right. If Alex was still the same way she was in grade nine when they last talked, she would still be as stubborn as ever. She flopped down on the couch and covered her face in her hands. Once again today, she had been reduced to tears. And once again, it was all her fault. Jay's right; I need to get over myself and just talk to her, because I know she's still stubborn. I know she won't come off her high horse and talk to me. I know she wants me to come crying to her. I should call her…

She leaned across the couch for the phone and picked it up. She reached towards the numbers but then stopped. It suddenly dawned on her that she didn't know Alex's number. How stupid of her, she doesn't talk to the girl in years and suddenly expects to know her number. She sighed in frustration and wiped a stray tear from her cheek. She felt completely helpless since she was going to call Alex and give in. But for some reason, it didn't feel like a defeat to her. She wasn't losing by calling Alex, she was going a girlfriend. Or so she hoped… I have to go out there and find her. I don't know where to look, but I'll find her. Paige jumped up and headed for the door- she was on a mission.

Unknown to Paige, Jay was still on the doorstep. He had been in the process of leaving when his cell phone went off. He hadn't recognized the number, but being at the ravine every day meant a lot of girls had his number. Answering it, he had expected someone begging him to come down to the ravine for a party, but the call he received instead was one he was completely unprepared for.

"Yeah, Jay Hogart here…" he answered the call.

"Jay Hogart, do you know a Miss Alexandria Nunez?" The voice on the other end was a female voice, but he didn't know who it was.

"Yeah, that's my…" he stopped. What was she to him now? "I know her. What about her?"

"Well, I hope you're calm or seated right now, because what I'm about to tell you may come as shock to you."

A/N: Oh snap! Cliffhanger! I'm back now and I hope this chapter made up for my serious lack in updates. I dunno though, I'm not too satisfied with this chapter, myself. I feel as if I could have done so much more with it. What did you guys think of Jay stepping in and speaking to Paige for Alex? At first I was going to leave it up to Marco or Ellie to talk to her, but then I figured it would be nice to see Jay do something like that. But yeah, leave comments and tell me if this new chapter was any good or if I should just give up on this story.