The Suffering

Disclaimer: Hah. As if I could afford to own Degrassi. The song title of this chapter belongs to Chiodos.

A/N: I have to apologize. It has been way too long, and I don't really have a legit excuse for why I haven't updated this. I mean, I could blame it on trying to balance school, track practice and the school musical, but I won't. I was just lazy and uninspired. I had to sit here just now and read this entire story to remember where I was even going with it. Hopefully this chapter will make up for the long absence. But if it sucks, tell me about it! I want this story to be enjoyable for you guys.

Chapter VII: Lexington

October 20, 2007

Toronto General Hospital

Man, you gotta love nurses. Those asses bouncing down the hallway in those tight white pants… Maybe I can get one of them to give me a quick cure for this boner I'm popping. Hey, Lexi and Paige can't be the only ones getting some action today. Jay smiled, slightly at his perverted thoughts, but more so at the latest nurse who just walked past him. He couldn't stand all of this. After he had sent Paige into Alex's room, he was more then confident that they had kissed and made up in more ways then one. As much as he was tempted to look in on some girl-on-girl action, he had to give Alex the space she needed. Alex had been pining for Paige for close to five years, and he knew that this moment was one of those sappy, cheesy Lifetime movie reunion moments. He didn't need the sap factor, he just wanted to watch the smut, and, knowing Alex, he would have plenty of opportunities to see just that.

Hogart, you've really outdone yourself this time. Pretty soon you're gonna have to turn in those horns and that tail for a halo and wings. He smirked, imagining himself playing the good guy. The more he thought about it, the more he couldn't see it. Lexi owes me big time for this one. Maybe one day she can convince Blondie to consider a threesome… Jay Hogart may do a good deed to help his friends out when they really needed it, but he definitely wasn't an angel. If anything, he probably had the halo hanging from his horns.

"Jay," An excited voice called out to him.

"Huh, what," He looked around, confused. His face fell- it was only Marco.

"I got Paige's phone call. Where's Alex? Is she doing ok? Is Paige ok? Where are they at? I gotta go talk to them; I can totally hook them up!"

Jay resisted rolling his eyes. "Alex is fine. Paige is fine. They're in Alex's room talking. You don't need to hook them up, I already got that co-" He stopped. "Hey, Del Faggot! Don't go in there, they need to… Fuck!" He swore and shot an angry glance at the door. Leave it to Marco to totally go and screw up a Hallmark moment by being too nosy.

As soon as Jay said they were in the room talking, Marco was flying towards to the door. He was already excited for a reunion of the three amigos. He heard Jay swearing, but didn't really think anything of it. He threw open the door to Alex's room. Paige seemed to jump away from Alex in the same way that a little kid would jump away from the cookie jar. She seemed embarrassed and scared. An uneasy silence filled the room. Although he wasn't looking at Alex, he could just feel her piercing glare burning into him. Something told him that they weren't quite done talking. He began to slowly back out of the room.

"Marco, I'm so glad you got my call!" Paige practically ran over to him.

"Yeah, I did," he gave her a weird look and walked towards Alex, pushing her along with him. "Alex, are you ok?"

"I was doing fine until you just barged in here. Why couldn't you wait outside with Jay?" She was sounding extra irritated.

"Oh," Marco's face fell. "If I was interrupting something, let me just go."

"No," Paige was quick with her response. "In fact, I was just getting ready to leave. You can stay and catch up with her. It was um… I'm happy to know you're ok Alex. I… I… I gotta go." She practically ran from the room.

Alex let out a frustrated sigh and flopped back down on her pillows. She continued to glare at Marco. She likes me! She was so close to telling me. She was gonna say that she loved me… I could feel it. No, stop getting ahead of yourself; Paige was going to tell you that you were absolutely wrong. That she's from the right side of the tracks. That she only likes stupid boys like Spinner. Someone like her could never like someone like you. Jay and Marco and everyone else are full of shit. It's been five years; I'm the only one who can't move on. Alex shook her head, but her thoughts kept racing.

They aren't full of shit, they're absolutely right. Snap out of it, you idiot! Paige Michalchuk loves you and you love her. You want that girl? You need to go after her. How can you let her keep walking out of your life like that? She won't suck up her pride, so you need to suck up yours. Who cares if you were wrong or if she was wrong? You're both gonna be wrong unless someone steps it up and says something!

"Hello, earth to Alex." Marco was waving a hand in front of her face.

"Marco, go get Paige for me. We weren't done talking. In fact, we never even started." She looked determined.

"You don't have to ask me twice." He smiled at her and left the room to go get Paige.

"So, Michalchuk, how did things go in there with Alex?" Jay gave her a knowing smirk.

"Things didn't go anywhere, Marco came charging in there. What the hell, Jay? You knew we had to talk, why would you do something so stupid as to just let him go in there?" Paige's temper started to rise.

"Easy, Blondie, I tried to stop him. Hey, don't give me that look! You're so pissy about it, why didn't you just tell him to back off?"

Paige faltered. She was caught right there. What was she supposed to say? Was she supposed to confess to Jay of all people that she got too scared to admit her feelings at the last minute? She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I thought." Jay shook his head. "You know, you were the one with all that talk about how you were gonna get off your high horse and tell her. I knew you didn't have it in you. You're full of shit, you know that?"

"Fuck you." She glared at him.

"So, if Marco hadn't come in there, what would you have done then? What, would you have pretended your phone went off so you could leave? Is that what you're always gonna do when you get scared? Huh, are you always just gonna leave Alex hanging there like one of your lackeys? Do you think she's always just gonna hang on waiting for you? You know how I said she deserves better than you and she won't always wait around? Yeah, well, you really proved my point just now. I'm gonna go in there and make Marco leave so I can stay with her. That's what you do for someone you love; you stay there with them no matter what. You don't back away like a coward."

Jay headed towards the door, but only after giving Paige what she was pretty sure was the nastiest look someone had ever given her. Part of her just wanted to run up behind him and tackle him, but she knew she wasn't strong enough. The other part of her just wanted to break down and cry. It's now or never, Paige. She told herself. If you don't gather up the courage to tell her now, just forget about it. I don't deserve her if I'm going to act like this. I'm gonna lose her anyway; Jay will make sure of that.

Paige blinked and looked a little confused. Jay was standing in front of her, but this time Marco was with him. That's weird, she thought. I thought big bad Jay was kicking Marco out to stay by Alex's bedside…

"Paige," Marco smiled at her. "Alex wants to talk to you."

"Me? Are you sure?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Of course I'm sure. I heard you guys weren't done talking. Sorry about barging in like that."

"Oh, Marco, don't worry about that, it wasn't anything-" She stopped, feeling Jay glaring at her. "Ok, so it was important. I'm gonna go in there and… I'm gonna… I'm gonna talk to Alex and… I'm gonna tell her what I should have said a long time ago. I can do this."

"You can do it!" Marco echoed her.

Jay, who had been quiet the entire time, put his arm around Paige's shoulder, which was slightly awkward for both of them, and walked her to the door, stopping just a little bit before it. He turned to look at her.

"What is it, Jay?" She said, her patience running thin.

"You know what. You better go in there and tell Alex what you've been saying to me and Marco."

"I will, I can do this."

"Sure, you can do it. I mean, anyone can say that they love someone. It's not a question of if you can do it; it's a question of if you want to."

"I do want to… so badly." She sighed heavily.

"Will you?"

She didn't answer him at first. She didn't trust herself to speak. Finally, she found her voice. "I will. The next time I come out of that room, I'll have a girlfriend."

"Well you'll be in there for a while then."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well first of all, I don't think you can do this. You keep backing out. And even if you do finally get the balls, it's Alex. Do you think she's just going to be all happy and cheerful and just say that she loves you, too? You already know she's going to ask you way too many questions about why you never said anything."

"I… I know she will… and I have answers for her."

"Do you really?" He looked at her coldly.

"Yeah, I really do."

"Why did you walk away?"

"I was scared!"

"Why?"

"I don't know!"

Jay rolled his eyes. "No surprise there. She isn't gonna like that, so you better hope she's too ecstatic to notice your lack of decent answers."

"I have good answers, Jay; they just aren't any of your business. Now, if you wouldn't mind…"

Without waiting for a response from him, she shoved his arm off of her shoulders. He stumbled backwards a little, but he backed away. She took a deep breath. Come on, Paige, you can do this. Suck it up and go in there. Her adrenaline must have kicked in, because what she did next surprised not only her, but Alex as well.

Paige strode through the doorway and all the way over to Alex's bed. She reached out her arms, but instead of grabbing the bedside railing, she grabbed Alex's face. Alex's expression was hard to read. Paige really didn't know what Alex was thinking, so she decided to just go for it before she lost the nerve. She leaned in to close the gap between them and her lips met Alex's. A rush of emotions flooded through Paige and in that moment, she knew. This was exactly what she had always wanted. Why she had tried to push this feeling away for song long was a mystery to her.

"Do you think she's just going to be all happy and cheerful and just say that she loves you, too? You already know she's going to ask you way too many questions about why you never said anything." Jay's words rang through her head. "She isn't gonna like that, so you better hope she's too ecstatic to notice your lack of decent answers."

I'm not going to need answers, she said to Jay's voice in her head. This is what feels right. I don't need to explain myself. She just knows.

Everything had finally dawned on Alex. She had only told Marco to tell Paige to come talk to her; she wasn't expecting any of this. She smiled into the kiss and brought her own hands up to her face, linking her fingers with Paige's. This whole thing still felt so surreal to her.

Maybe I'm dreaming. I mean, I could be lying on this hospital bed hopped up on some pretty strong drugs. I know Paige. She's not the type of girl to do something this spontaneous. But damn, this feels too good for a dream. I can't be dreaming, this is just… it's all too much. I never realized how much I loved her. And I sure as hell didn't think she would love me… not like this.

Alex slowly pulled out of the kiss, but still kept their hands linked. She looked up at Paige and smiled. When she saw Paige's expression, her smile faded. When she looked at Paige, she saw nothing but sadness. The girl's blue-green eyes were already welling up with tears and she was biting her bottom lip, something she had always done when she was nervous. Alex gave her hand a light squeeze. Paige pulled her hands away and rested them on the railing. Alex flopped against her pillows, feeling defeated.

"Alex, I came in here to talk to you." Paige started, feeling more nervous by the second.

"What is there to talk about? I think that said enough."

"No. That didn't say anything."

"Actions speak louder than words, you know."

"Yeah, well, maybe my actions and my words are going in opposite directions."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Paige took a breath. "Ok, you know why I came back in here. We needed to talk. I… I gotta tell you something."

"Paige, you don't have to say anything. I know what you're going to tell me. Come on, that showed me everything."

"No; it didn't."

"What are you trying to tell me?"

"Nothing, nothing at all… Alex, I know you've been dying to hear this for years, so I'll just come out and say it." She took another breath. "I love you."

Alex just started at her. She wanted to believe Paige, she really did, but she had her doubts. Paige had just been crying about her actions and words being different, and then she turns around and tells Alex that she loved her. It didn't really make any sense to her.

"I love you, too. You know I mean it, but did you mean it?"

"I… of course I did."

"Right, of course you did." Alex looked skeptical.

"What?" Paige was quick to catch on to her doubts.

"It's nothing, Paige. It's just like you said- nothing at all."

"No, what's bothering you now? Come on, we both said what we were too proud to admit before. Why do you always have to be so difficult?"

"Because I know you have more to say. I know you meant that you loved me, but something else is bothering you. What is it?"

A tear rolled down Paige's cheek. There were going to be more where that came from. "Alex," she sounded defeated. "I love you, but I don't think I can do this."


A/N: Thanks to all you lovely readers and reviewers out there for waiting so long!! Like I said, don't be afraid to tell me if this sucked. I'm hoping that this is a good chapter and makes up for the big huge gap of no story. But if you don't like it and you're mad that I came back and put this out, let me know. I won't get mad if you would have rather waited longer for something better than this. But if you have a positive review! Lol you know I won't say no to that :