Severus Notices

It is like being tortured with the cruciatus curse, every moment of the day. It is like having your heart ripped in two – not once, but repeatedly. Severus is faced with it every second of everyday, and he doesn't see how he can't notice it. Notice them.

He sees them over at the Gryffindor table – Potter sits at the far end, his right hand lifting a goblet of pumpkin juice to his lips, and his left resting on the table casually…a little too casually. He grins and shakes his head at Black, who is shoveling eggs into his mouth at top speed. Potter's left hand, no longer casually resting on the table, has found Lily's right hand. Lily…

Severus' stomach does an unpleasant flip, but he cannot turn away. Not now that he has seen her. Not now that he has seen her with her small hand wrapped around Potter's big, calloused one. Not now that he has seen her lean over and kiss Potter's cheek… Potter grins slowly, touching his cheek.

Severus remembers the times Lily used to come to him, annoyed and angry. He remembers her telling him the many ways in which Potter had ticked her off… and he wonders how that hatred she'd had for Potter has now changed into this… this hand-holding and – and kissing. But the answer is right there, in front of him. The answer had always been there, in front of Severus' very own eyes. He sees it even when he closes his eyes…she never did hate him…

……………………………………………………………………………………..

It is their fourth year. She is sitting at the desk by the window in the library, her head bent over a huge book, her index finger feverishly following the line she is reading. Severus takes advantage of this moment to look at her. He sighs softly, and approaches her.

"Hello, Lily," He says when he is close enough.

"Oh, hello, Sev…" she says absentmindedly, not even looking up from her book.

"What's this?" Severus asks, pulling up a chair next to her and pointing at her book.

She finally looks up and says sighing, "Defense…" She bites her lower lip. "I am determined to do well on the exam."

"You always do well," Severus says encouragingly.

She rolls her eyes. "No, I don't, Sev, and this isn't just about doing well." She looks at him pointedly. "It's about doing better than Potter." She sighs again. "Every year he gets the highest, and I am inevitably behind by one or two points…and how is it that he manages to throw a party with his friends a day before the exam and not study, and still beat me?"

She looks over at the other side of the library, where Lupin sits reading just like Lily, while Potter and Black stand behind him, trying to mess up the order of the books on the stand.

Potter flicks his wand once, and all the books on the shelf rearrange themselves. Potter grins at Black, and they high five each other.

"I mean, look at him," Lily says, disgusted. "How does he manage to act like a baboon, and still be one of the cleverest wizards in our class?"

"Cleverest?" Severus asks incredulously. "Potter? Clever? Those two words should never be in the same sentence."

Lily shoots him a look and says, "Oh, come on, Sev, he might be big headed, but everyone knows that the guy is intelligent…no, no, don't look at me like that, Sev, he's still every bit as annoying as a mosquito, and at least, I don't go around thinking that he's handsome like Mary… she swears by the moon that he has the finest cheek bones and the dreamiest eyes." Lily snorts and glances over at Potter again. "I tell her that he's very normal – tall, but very normal…"

She goes back to her book, leaving a befuddled Severus.

A moment later, Severus says quietly to Lily, "So, you think Potter is clever and tall?"

Either she doesn't hear him, or she chooses not to answer him. But when Severus gets up to leave, he sees her steal a glance at Potter again, a ghost of a smile evident on her face. This time, Potter catches Lily looking at him and grins. Her smile fades, and she quickly returns to her book.

Severus thinks he is going to be sick…

……………………………………………………………………………………..

He saw it then, and he sees it now. Here they are, sitting next to each other, staring at each other. Potter is still holding onto Lily's hand, and it is nauseating.

It's like Black has just read Severus' mind (which doesn't happen often, mind you), when he says, looking from Potter to Lily, "Please don't tell me you're going to feed each other now, because honestly, there's only so much my stomach can take at seven in the morning."

Although the Slytherin table is a few tables away from the Gryffindor table, Severus can hear Black clearly because the Great Hall is almost empty at this hour.

Potter grins at Black, and tightens his grip on Lily's hand.

"Morning sickness started already, Sirius?" Lily asks, hiding a smile. "How far are you along?"

Potter laughs loudly, while Black grumbles, "Oy! Better watch your girlfriend, Potter."

She always did have a great sense of humor, Severus thinks smiling.

"Well, I'm off to Ancient Runes." Lily says, getting up. She picks up her bag, ruffles Potter's hair, and says to Black half-giggling, "'Bye, Grumpy, and let me know if it's a boy or a girl."

"Yeah, yeah…" Black says, smiling now.

Lily turns to leave, when Potter tugs on her bag, pulling her back to her seat. He turns her around, pulling her to him.

"'Bye." He whispers, and then kisses her.

Severus watches, and wishes he could turn away.

She kisses him back. Black whistles, and then yells, "Hey, Lovebirds, break it up! McGonagall doesn't look too happy over at the faculty table."

Severus gets up, abandoning his untouched breakfast. As he walks out of the Great Hall, he wonders if he'll ever stop seeing them.

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