Chapter Two

Unexpected

I didn't sleep on our way back to the caves. I couldn't close my eyes. I just... sat there, my hands folded on my lap, overtaken by shock. I pretended to be listening to the meaningless babble on the radio, though in reality didn't hear a word of it. That didn't matter, though. As long as I forced myself to look interested, Mel didn't try to talk to me.

My mind was racing. I was going to have a child. A real, human child. I couldn't quite wrap my head around the fact. After all, I was not a human - only my body was. So how was I supposed to give birth to a human child? To raise it? It was all so confusing. Scary and strange and impossible and... and... perfectly lovely. My heart pounded restlessly in my chest, undecided between the brightest of joys and the most piercing of fears. I clutched my hands to my stomach, not really realising I was doing so until my arms started to ache.

The desert was moving fast behind the windows. It wasn't so dark outside anymore; the first light of the morning was silently creeping over the hills of sand. I was able to see more clearly now. Not that there was anything to see - just the endless cactuses, ocotillos and creosote bushes. And the sand. It was everywhere. Under the Jeep, around us, flying in the air... Had I opened my window, it would've probably choked me.

I glanced at Mel. She was concentrated on driving, not giving me a single look though I turned and twisted in my seat in hopes of finding a better position. It was no use. It wasn't the seat that was making me feel so uncomfortable; it was my head, and everything that went through it.

I would have to tell Ian. Of course I had to. But what would he say? Would he be shocked, like me? Happy? Scared?Angry? That's what I was afraid of. His anger. Losing him. Or maybe he would be disappointed. I'd heard Jared and Brandt talking about it once - that this wasn't the world they'd want to raise a child in. What if Ian felt that way too? I didn't think I could bear to look at him and see a disappointed expression on his face.

"We're here."

I flinched as Mel spoke to me. I had been so wrapped up in my own thoughts, I hadn't even realised that the desert had disappeared around as. There was no light anymore; just the familiar, all-consuming darkness of the caves. The car slowed down and suddenly I forgot all my fears. They were replaced with a new one: In a few minutes, I would have to face Ian. And he surely wouldn't be pleased with me.

The car had barely stopped, when I heard steps outside. Someone was coming at a run. Then the door on my side of the car was wrenched open.

"Where the hell have you been?" a voice, unmistakably belonging to Ian, bellowed.

"I - " That was all I got to say, before he grabbed my hands and pulled me out of the car. His hands squeezed around my tiny shoulders, trying to force me to look at him. I couldn't. Instead, I focused my gaze on Jared, who had gone to Mel and was apparently giving her the same friendly welcome-speech. There were also others there: Jeb, Kyle, Sunny, Brandt, Aaron, Lily. They all looked relieved. I felt a sudden twinge of guilt. How long had they been looking for us?

"I've been worried sick", Ian said and shook my shoulders. "Really! What were you thinking? Disappearing like that?"

"Ian, I - "

"I woke up and you weren't there! Do you even realise how scared I was? For a moment I thought - I thought you had gone to Doc", he finished in a strangled voice.

My cheeks burned with shame. I had known he wouldn't be happy about me leaving - I had even considered the possibility he might be scared... But seeing him like this, this was all different. He looked so sad, and tired, and - and - messed up, like he'd just had there worst shock of his life. I wanted to touch him, to drape my arms around him and assure him that I was still here, I hadn't left him, but I was afraid to move, afraid of the return of his anger.

"I'm sorry", I whispered. That was all I could do.

He shook his head slowly.

"We've been looking all over for you. At first we thought it was just you, that you'd done something - left us - gone back to your world - thrown yourself to the river - "

"Ian!" I exclaimed in horror. "How can you even think that I'd - "

He interrupted me. "But then Jared came and said that Melanie was gone, too. And then we noticed you'd taken the Jeep. Have you any idea how worried we were?"

"I - I know", I muttered ashamed. "I'm sorry. You have every right to shout at me."

"But I don't want to shout at you! Can't you see? I'm just trying to make you realise how badly you scared me!" He shook my shoulders again, this time less carefully. I winced.

"Hey, be careful with her", warned Mel. She was standing on the other side of the car, glaring at Jared, who apparently had tried to reproach her. I envied her. She didn't seem to be ashamed by what we had done; she didn't let Jared make her feel guilty.

Ian glanced at her angrily. "I'm always careful with her!"

"Well, you'd better be even more careful!" Melanie snapped. "We just came from the pharmacy." "Pharmacy? What? Why?" Ian's hands gripped my shoulders even tighter. It almost hurt. "Is there something wrong with you, Wanderer?"

"No", I muttered.

"She took a test", Mel said pointedly.

The men looked confused. "What test?"

"What test?" she exclaimed and rolled her eyes. "Come on! You can't really be that thick! Now, I understand why Wanda didn't... after all, she's an alien, but you guys..."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Ian growled, his expression annoyed.

"She's going to have a baby!"

A deep silence filled the room. Slowly, everyone's head turned in my direction. I could feel their eyes on me. My cheeks started to heat up again. Trust Mel to burst it out like that... when everyone was listening... Then again, I was a bit relieved about not having to tell Ian myself. He was suddenly very quiet beside me, his hands tense on my shoulders. I couldn't bring myself to look at him.

"A baby?" Brandt asked incredulously. "Just one? Wasn't she supposed to burst into million buggers?"

Melanie sighed exasperated. "I'm talking about a human baby. You know, one like you and me? A combination of Wanda's genes and Ian's genes?"

Now all eyes turned to Ian - except mine. I still kept staring at my feet. My heart was beating so loudly, I was sure they had to hear it.

Someone began to laugh.

"Nice one, brother", Kyle commented dryly. "For the first time in years we have access to birth control - and you still manage to knock her up? Good job."

"Shut up, Kyle!" Mel and Jared shouted.

Ian still hadn't said anything.

"We better give Mommy and Daddy some privacy", Jeb decided in a voice that was clearly a command, not a friendly suggestion. "Football in the games room, now!"

I shot a grateful glance at Jeb, who grinned and shrugged as if to say no problem, kid. He winked at me, then shooed everyone out of the room. One by one their voices faded, until we stood in complete silence. Just Ian and I. Just the two of us. Usually, I would have been enthusiastic. Now... My shoes had never looked more interesting.

"Wanda", Ian said, his voice rough with an emotion I couldn't place my finger on. "Wanderer?"

I didn't say anything. Just stared at my shoes.

He took a step closer and placed his hands under my chin, lifting my face until there was no other choice but to look at him. His blue eyes searched my face. What was he looking for? Why didn't he say anything except my name?

"Is it - is it true?" Ian's voice trembled. It had never done it before.

Very slowly, without taking my eyes away from his, I nodded.

There was a long silence. He stared at me, I stared at him. My heart pounded in my chest. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Slowly, so slowly I barely had time to notice it, a smile began to form on his lips, until at last it reached his beautiful blue eyes, embracing them with a shine I had never seen before. He crushed me against his chest and kissed me. A long, deep kiss that made the molten rock move inside my veins again. He moved his lips from my own and began kissing my face - my forehead, my eyes, my cheeks, my jaw... He left a trail of kisses from my neck to my left ear, until he was caressing my hair with his lips. His whole body was trembling, or maybe it was me, or the both of us... It was so hard to be sure. I gripped his shirt, afraid to move, afraid to break this spell.

Ian buried his face in my hair and inhaled.

"God, I love you, Wanderer."

"Wait." Every inch of my body protested, as I pulled away from him, but I had to see his face. I had to know. "Aren't you... Angry?"

"Angry?" he asked with a frown. "God, no!"

It wasn't until then that I realised, that he had tears in his eyes.

"Then why are you crying?" I whispered.

He smiled and caressed my cheek with this thumb.

"Because I'm so happy."

"Happy", I repeated. It felt strange. I had been so worried about so many things, but he was just... Happy. Just happy.

"Yes, happy. You don't even know what it's been like... Before you. I thought I would be alone for the rest of my life. And now I have you, and I love you so much, and we are going to have a family. That's more than I ever hoped for."

At that point I began to cry too.

"Wait a minute", he said, suddenly worried. "Are you happy about this?"

"I'm scared", I whispered, my voice breaking. "But I'm happy too. I want this, Ian. I want to have a family."

"Shh, don't cry." Ian pulled me back in his arms and stroked my back soothingly. "You don't need to be scared. I will take care of you."

"I know."

He held me tightly against his chest, until finally my sobbing came to an end. I was still trembling. There were just too many emotions trapped inside me. The uncontrollable fear, that was now melting away. Nervousness. This was all so new to me. Love - the love that I felt towards Ian, the love that I knew I was going to feel towards our child. It was so strong already, it scared me. None of my earlier host bodies had been able to feel this kind of love. It was so intensive, so unrequited... Even we souls, who loved everybody, could not love anyone like this, like I was going to love our child. How could I not? It was Ian's.

Ian smiled at me. No, he glowed. Then his expression became hesitant.

"Is it - "

"It's in here." I pressed my hand lightly against my stomach. His gaze followed my movement, full of wonder. Then, without another word, he sank on his knees and kissed my stomach.

We stayed there, on the back seat of the Jeep, most of the morning, unwilling to move. We didn't really do anything - just held each other and talked. Every now and then he would lean down to kiss me, or stroke my face with his fingertips. It seemed to me he couldn't stop smiling. Nor could I. I had never been more terrified, but I had also never been happier.

It was only when the nausea came when we finally moved. Ian took me straight to Doc's. On our way, we passed many of our friends. It seemed that news had travelled fast, for every single one of them remembered to congratulate us as we walked by. Jared patted Ian on the back, and Kyle made another inappropriate comment that caused Ian punch him on the arm.

"He is really going to be intolerable for the next nine months", Ian muttered to himself.

I shuddered. Nine months. It was such a long time - at least compared to ours. When we souls "had children", so to speak, the hardest and most time-consuming part was the decision. After it was made, it only took about a day. Sure, that one day was extremely painful, almost intolerable, but still... It was just one day.

Ian knocked on Doc's door and carried me in without waiting for an answer. He put me down on a cot and gave me the litter bin, that I had become so familiar with. I thanked him with a weak smile, before doubling over the bin.

"Well, well", Doc said. He smiled. "I already heard the news. Congratulations, Wanda. You too, Ian."

"Thanks", Ian said. I was too nauseous to do anything but nod.

"I guess you have come to discuss the... practical matters?"

"You're right", confirmed Ian with a grin. "Though it looks like I'll be the one to do all the talking."

Doc smiled in understanding. "Don't worry, one. The morning sickness should pass in a few weeks."

"Few weeks?" I moaned.

"Just try to hang on, it'll be fine", Doc advised. "There's no need for you to worry about anything. I've already delivered one baby here, I know how to handle it."

"So, you think it'll be alright?" Ian asked. "What I mean is, her body is so fragile - and she's so young - "

He glanced at me guiltily, as if he had done something bad to me.

"That might cause some problems", Doc said slowly. He ran his hand through his hair. "But I'm quite sure she'll manage. We'll keep a close eye on her. Should there be an emergency, we can take her to a Healer."

"No!" I shouted. "No Healers!"

Doc looked confused. I knew he didn't understand. The souls were my family; what reasons did I have to be afraid of them?

I swallowed with difficulty.

"I don't want them to see my child. They take children as host bodies, I don't want to - "

"But didn't you say they wouldn't take anyone's child, unless the parents were willing?" Ian asked, reminding me about one certain conversation we had had on a raid.

"No, they wouldn't do that. But... But what if one of them happened to realise who I was?" My lips began to quiver. "That I was living with humans? They would take me out of this body and send me to another world. And then they would surely take my child."

Ian gripped my shoulders. "You are right. No Healers", he said in a decisive tone.

"There will probably be no need for it", Doc tried to console me. "You are going to do just fine. We'll keep an eye on you, and I'll check you regularly. All the women here can help you, give you advice..."

He looked at me with sympathy.

"This must all be very new to you."

I nodded. "It is."

"Don't worry, it will all work out just fine. There is no one who could take better care of you than Ian."

"That's true", Ian murmured in my ear. "I'll take care of you."

Our news where the topic of gossip throughout the day. Wherever we went, people were talking about it (with the exception of Jared, who was still sulking because Mel had sneaked out on him and spent the whole day breaking rocks alone on the field). Lily and Trudy found my pregnancy wonderful. Heidi was wondering aloud, what our child would look like. Jeb thanked us for "continuing the species". Kyle made some comments no one really wanted to hear. Even Violetta, who usually didn't really talk to me offered to give me some tips. It so appeared that she had been pregnant, but lost her child while escaping to the caves. The only ones who weren't happy for us where - of course - Sharon and Maggie. As I entered the kitchen later that evening, I caught them talking about how "they couldn't understand how Ian could be anywhere near it." Not that they were trying to keep their voices down; from the menacing glances I understood they had wanted me to hear.

Tears sprang immediately to my eyes, and I would have turned around and left the room, if Ian hadn't held me still. He took my hand and told Sharon and Maggie very clearly, that he loved me and would not listen to any kind of rubbish from them.

"I really do not understand how anyone can be near you", he said and shook his head in disgust.

"You shouldn't have done that", I murmured, when the two women left the kitchen shooting angry looks at Ian. "I'm not worth it."

"You are worth every fight, and I don't want to hear another word about it", Ian said firmly and led me to the table.

We ate in uncomfortable silence. Afterwards I couldn't even remember, what had been for dinner - I only knew I had eaten it, mechanically. Ian kept his free arm around me as if trying to protect me from whatever that was trying to attack me. For the first time in my life that arm felt like a burden. His words kept ringing in my ears. You are worth every fight. He was wrong; I wasn't. I was an outsider, someone who had intruded their peaceful life and made everything more dangerous. For goodness' sake, I was one of those who had overtaken their planet! I didn't belong here, and I certainly didn't want Ian to fight because of me. If he got hurt...

My eyes watered.

"Hey!" Ian squeezed my shoulders. "Forget Sharon and Maggie! You shouldn't listen to what they say. They are just a pair of hags who are too proud and prejudiced to get to know you."

"I wasn't thinking about them", I mumbled, although their words had certainly been enough to make me sad. There was no use for being upset about it, though. They had just reminded me about the truth I was so keen to forget.

"Then what were you thinking about?"

I shook my head. "Nothing."

"Wanderer!" He pressed his lips together in exasperation. "You should know better than try to lie to me. We can all see right through you, you know."

I was about to answer, when Lily spoke up in a hesitant voice.

"Umm, I don't know if this is a bad time, but..."

"But what?" Ian asked, not taking his eyes away from me.

"We girls had made something for you."

Someone cleared his throat.

"Well, the girls and Jamie", Lily corrected with a smile. "We would like to celebrate your lovely news."

She disappeared for a while, and when she returned, she was carrying a huge cake in her arms. It was a real cake, with cream and everything. My mouth hanged open. How on Earth had they managed to get whipped cream? It was one of the things I missed most from the outside world. Sometimes I thought about getting it while we were on a raid, but it felt wrong to take it just because I craved for it, though I was not able to give nothing back. But there it was - it covered the whole cake. There was also strawberries. Where had they found strawberries?

"The men did a little raid to Tucson in the morning", Trudy explained.

"You shouldn't have", I said automatically. "You shouldn't put yourselves in danger only because of whipped cream."

"And strawberries", Lily reminded. "Besides, it wasn't because of it. It was because of you. We wanted to celebrate."

"These are the best news we've received since Jared told us about the other human groups", Heidi added. "It looks like we humans aren't going to die out, after all."

I couldn't find anything to say, so I stayed quiet and let them place the cake in front of me. It looked absolutely delicious; my might began to water just at the sight of it. Still, I hoped they wouldn't have gone through so much trouble just for me.

"I know what you are thinking", Mel warned, leaning closer to me so that no one else could hear. "There's no use, you know. They'll be much happier if you just eat your cake and thank them with a smile."

Though I still felt like complaining, I obliged without protesting. Ian and I cut the first pieces, then everyone began to argue about whose turn it was. It turned out that none of them had eaten real cake for years.

"Last one was three years ago, when I had a birthday", Jeb said. There was a look in his eyes which told that here was enjoying a trip down the memory lane. "A damn good cake it was, too. Almost as good as this."

"See", Ian smirked victoriously at me. "You've made everyone else happy too. No problem."

I elbowed him lovingly.

After all it turned out to be a lovely party. Thanks to the special treat the women had provided, everyone was on good mood. There was laughter, joking, banter... It felt good to see them like this, happy and relaxed. Things had been a bit tense for a couple of days.

Ian and I were bombarded with questions. Everyone wanted to know, whether we thought it was a girl or a boy, who we were going to pick as grandparents, had the whole pregnancy been planned... I had been a teacher, yet I was sure I'd never talked so much in my whole life. It warmed my heart to see them so interested about me, not because they were afraid of me, but because they were happy for me.

It didn't take long until the whole cake was gone. I liked my spoon contented. After this treat I'd eat bread rolls for weeks without any kind of complaints.

Ian set his glass on the table and yawned.

"You reckon we should head to our room?"

"Yeah, go ahead", Andy laughed. "You better sleep while you can. I'm sure you're gonna have many sleepless nights in the future."

"You really think they are going to sleep?" someone muttered so quietly, it barely reached my ears.

There was a sound of smacking, then a voice that sounded a lot like Jared's complained:

"Ouch! That was unnecessary."

"No, it wasn't", Mel said and smiled at him innocently.

I shook my head with a smile. Sometimes I though Jared had had it easier while I had still been in Mel's body. At least I hadn't tried to hit him every other second, like Melanie did. In the beginning it had seemed wrong to me. How could she try to hurt him, if she loved him? Then Ian had explained to me, that it would take a lot more than Mel to actually hurt Jared, and that it was just her way of showing how much she loved him. Humans, I thought, as I saw them kiss each other gently. Sometimes they didn't make any sense at all.

We carried the dirty dishes into a pile and got on our feet.

"Thanks for the cake", I said. "And the party. It was... lovely. Really."

"Did you hear that?" Lily turned to look at Mel. "It sounded like she was almost... happy with us."

Mel laughed. "Guess miracles happen, then."

"Don't get me wrong", I scowled. "I still think you shouldn't have wasted your time. But since you did it anyway..."

"Might as well enjoy it", Ian finished and ruffled my hair. "That's my girl. Now you're starting to get it."

Laughter ripped the room. It wasn't mean, though - just friendly.

"Let's go to bed", I sighed and tugged at Ian's hand. It was better to go before they could make me accept more things I didn't like.

"Goodnight, folks! Play nice!" Ian waved his free hand to the others.

"You too, mommy and daddy!" someone - that sounded like Kyle - snickered.

"Remind me that I strangle Kyle in the morning", Ian muttered.

"No, I won't. He's your brother."

"Sometimes I'm not so sure about that. Maybe his father was a milkman."

I frowned. "What makes you think that?"

"Forget it." A smile played at his lips. "Just a joke. Human joke. Very lousy one, might add."

"I think I'll never get a hang of your human jokes."

"You're getting better", Ian assured me and pulled me into our room. He dropped my hand and closed the door before taking off his shirt. I had been about to open my shoelaces, but couldn't help but stop and look at him. It was very strange. Everything about him was so big - especially when compared to my tiny frame - but still he somehow managed to look beautiful and graceful. I probably could have watched him for years in a row and never get bored.

Ian noticed my stare and smiled.

"What are you looking at?"

I blushed. "You. Did you know, that you are beautiful?"

"Am I now?" He raised his eyebrow and came closer, taking my hands in his. "Now, you must be exaggerating, because there's nothing as beautiful as you."

He smiled in a teasing way.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and lifted my face to kiss him. It was a long, wonderful kiss that made my insides crumble together. He tugged at my hand and pulled me to our mattress. His laugh ran quietly in my ear.

"What?"

"Can you imagine it?" Ian asked, his blue eyes gleaming in the last weak light. "We're going to be parents."

To be honest, I really couldn't imagine it; I didn't have enough experience about human parents to form a good picture. Still, in a way, I could see it in my mind: the two of us, smiling to each other, as I held a tiny little creature that owned Ian's blue eyes. I was afraid of it... but still I longed for it. Sometimes human feelings didn't make any sense at all.

He laid down on the mattress and pulled me along, cradling me in his arms. He buried his face in my neck and kissed my shoulders lightly. I shivered.

We lay in silence for so long time, I thought he had already fallen asleep. That's why I was surprised when he spoke up, his words muffled against my skin.

"Wanda. Wanderer, do you think you could - "

"What?"

Ian pulled away from me and lifted his head so he could look at me properly. His expression was weird. Was it - was it nervous?

"What?" I repeated, when he made no sign of continuing.

He ran his hand through his black hair.

"Nothing - it's just a - I know that our traditions probably don't mean very much to you, but - "

"What are you going to say?" And why did it take Ian so long to get to the point? Usually he spoke so effortlessly, just like any reasonably self-assured person would, but now it seemed he wouldn't finish his speech before I started to throw up again.

"Ian?" I pressed my hand against his cheek. He took that hand and held it there.

"All right." He took a deep breath and looked at me deep in the eye. "Wanda, you know that I love you - more that I knew I was even capable of. What I'm trying to say is... Wanderer, will you marry me?"

TBC