Chapter Four

Found

I woke up in the morning and realised I was alone, for the first time since Ian and the others had been on the raid. It felt strange, like there was too much room on our mattress. I sat up quickly and glanced around the room. It was empty, like I had already known it was. When Ian was around, he always stayed at my side and waited for me to wake up before getting up. He would hold me in his arms and stroke my hair, and then, when I had opened my eyes he would lean closer and kiss me. He did that every morning. Except today.

My mind was instantly filled with worry. Had Ian gone on a raid without telling me? Or had something happened? Something bad? But no, he would have shrugged me awake, had we been in danger. Unless he had tried to protect me...

And then I remembered. It wasn't anything dangerous. It was just the day. Our wedding day. How weird it felt to think about those words? It was such a human thing. Everyone else was so excited about it, and I just... I was just worried that I'd do something wrong and somehow end up spoiling everything. I could probably do it. It wouldn't be very hard, since I still didn't exactly know, what I was supposed to do and when.

I shrugged the blanket off myself and got on my feet. The room felt even colder without Ian's warming presence. I really hoped he hadn't gone too far - and that he wasn't doing anything dangerous, for that matter.

Depressed, I put on my clothes and walked to the kitchen. Everyone was there already, enjoying their breakfast and chattering about the wedding. They looked happy, and not at all disturbed by the fact that I had arrived but Ian hadn't. Strange. I would have thought they would be at least a little surprised, because it wasn't often that I was alone these days.

"Morning, Wanda", Geoffrey greeted with a smile. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, thank you." At least until I'd woken up and realised that Ian was gone, I added to myself.

"Ready for the big day?" Trudy asked teasingly.

"I suppose", I said and managed to smile. "I don't know where Ian is, though. Have you seen him?"

I tried to slip the question casually, as if it didn't really bother me, but they caught me in a lie as usual. They laughed at me, but it wasn't mean laugh - just understanding.

"Ian was right", Heidi said with a compassionate smile. "He said you'd be worried when he left."

"Left? Where did he go?"

"Not very far", Trudy chuckled at my shocked expression. "But you can't see him. It's a rule. A man is not allowed to see his bride before the wedding. That brings bad luck."

"Really?"

"No, not really", Heidi smiled. "It's just what people believe. But still, it can never hurt to be too careful."

I sighed and sat down on the counter, not really hungry anymore. What was I going to do until I was allowed to see Ian again? I was so nervous. I had hoped he would take me in his arms and make some of the fear go away, but now it seemed like I had to manage on my own.

I ate my bread in silence and wondered where my independence had gone. Before I had come to these caves, I had been brave. Not a superhero - no, not anything like that. I had just done what I had to do in order to save myself or my friends from danger. Still, everyone had seemed to think I was brave - at least brave enough to get rid of Melanie. But I couldn't do that. Mel had won, and my courage was fading. I didn't understand how that was possible. I had been in so many worlds, some of them full of danger and fear. Still I had managed there on my own. Here it felt like I was afraid all the time. Was it because the dangers here were so different from the ones I'd experienced? I had seen death many times before, and I wasn't afraid of it. It only meant... not existing anymore. It wouldn't even hurt. But to exist without Ian - that certainly would hurt. It would tear me to small pieces. Was that the reason I was so afraid? I knew I couldn't lose him, yet I also knew that losing him would be very easy. I could do something wrong, or Seekers could find him and kill him... And not just him, but my other friends too. Jamie, Mel, Jared, Lily, Heidi, Trudy... I loved them all so much. Especially Jamie and Mel. They were my family, the way Ian was my partner.

Glancing around, I realised that Mel and Jared were nowhere to be seen.

"Am I not allowed to see Mel and Jared either?"

"Of course you are! Unless you're getting married to them", Trudy said with a laugh.

"Then why aren't they here?" I knew for a fact that Jared never missed breakfast. He was way too hungry for that.

"No idea", Lily shrugged. "I haven't seen them the whole morning."

"Strange", I mused to myself.

"Well, I wouldn't worry about it", Heidi said confidently. "Probably they just overslept."

"Or overdid something else", Geoffrey muttered.

Trudy slapped him playfully. "There are children present!"

"Stop calling me a child", Jamie crumbled, though I could see he wasn't really serious.

"Do you have any idea where Mel and Jared are?" I asked. If Mel had gone somewhere, Jamie would be the first one to know.

But he merely shrugged. "Nope. No idea."

His expression looked a bit too innocent.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Wanda, I wouldn't lie to you, now would I?" Jamie asked, pretending to be offended.

The answer was that he probably would, but, being a soul, I would never find out.

With a sigh I gave up. "I suppose it doesn't matter."

"Good!" Jamie shouted, excited. "Then you can come to the games room with me. We've been decorating it the whole morning!"

"Who's we?"

"Umm... Me, Lily, Geoffrey, Trudy, Heidi, Violetta, Aaron, Sunny, Heidi..."

"Basically, everyone", Jeb said dryly "Except some of my dearest relatives, of course."

I cringed at the thought of Maggie and Sharon. Like Ian, Mel and Jared, they were also gone - and I hoped they wouldn't come back anytime soon. It felt wrong to think things like that, but I couldn't help myself. They made me feel so... awful. Like I was the worst person left in this world.

"Come on, Wanda!" Jamie tugged at my hand. I got on my feet slowly and followed him out of the kitchen.

"So, are you excited?" he wanted to go, as we strolled towards the games room, where the wedding was to be held.

I tried to smile. "I guess."

"You're really an alien", he grinned. "Any human girl would be bursting with happiness."

"Oh?"

"It's supposed to be the happiest day of your life. But I guess it isn't the same for you", Jamie said with a frown. "I mean, you've had ten lives, so - "

"But none of them were as happy as this one", I said honestly. "I've lived all of my best days on this planet."

"Then why aren't you jumping up and down with joy?"

I looked away, embarrassed. Jamie was still so young, though he was beginning to act more like an adult every day. How could I tell him, that I had a bad feeling about this? That I was sure something would go wrong? He wouldn't really understand - even I didn't understand!

"I'm just a bit nervous", I said with the most unconvincing smile anyone had ever seen. "It's all so new to me, you know? Everyone around here knows what a wedding is about, and I'm only beginning to understand, though it's my wedding!"

"It will do fine", Jamie said with a shrug. "You don't have to understand everything. It's just a human ceremony."

"One that's important to Ian", I reminded him.

"I'm sure you're more important to him", he answered. Wait, no, it wasn't him - it was a female.

I turned around and smiled at Melanie.

"Where have you been?"

"I'll tell you in a minute. First you have to get rid of that stupid idea that you have to get everything right at that ceremony. The important thing is that you love him and want to be committed to him. Everything else is just sheer nonsense that we crazy humans have invented." She winked at me. "The phrases aren't really that important. Did you know that in some cultures slaves marry each other by repeating three times I'll marry you? And then it's official."

"What are slaves?"

Mel sighed. "Doesn't really matter. Just follow me."

"Where's Jared?"

"Getting his ears yelled off by Jeb."

"Why? What has he done?"

"Just follow me!"

"But she was supposed to come to the games room with me", Jamie protested.

"She can do it later, this is far more important", Mel said, her voice full of authority.

Jamie shrugged, not exactly pleased. He, however, knew better than to start an argument with Melanie. After all, she was the big sister in the family.

"I guess I'll see you around, Wanda!" He waved at us, as Mel took my hand and started pulling me towards the corridor that led to the storage cave. I had been there loads of times, but still didn't like it very much. It always reminded me about the first few days I had spent there. I remembered the pain, the fear, the hate...

I shuddered.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Right", Mel mutter in an unconvinced tone.

"What?" I asked, a bit more defensively than I'd planned to. "Every keeps telling me it's natural to be nervous on your wedding day, and now when I am it's suddenly wrong?"

"Don't forget that I know you, Wanda. You're not nervous. You're terrified as hell."

She pushed me into the storage room and followed quickly behind.

"Right, I've got you something here."

"What?" I asked suspiciously.

"Just something we grabbed from the raid."

"From the raid?" I shouted.

"Shh! Don't shout!" Mel hissed. "It's bad enough that Jeb knows we were gone, but if the others hear... they'll have our heads. On a silver plate." "Why on Earth did you go on raid?"

"Because we needed to get something. This, in fact." She thrust a large, white box in my hands. It wasn't very tall, but heavy nevertheless. I set it on my feet.

"You went on a raid to get something for me?" I realised, horrified. "Oh, no! You shouldn't have done that! I'm not worth it." "Yes, well, I was definitely not worth of you almost killing yourself, but you did it anyway", Mel said, scowling at me until I decided it would be less painful to give up and picked the box up again. I peeked carefully under the lid. Inside the box there was something white - white and shiny. I glanced at Mel, puzzled. She only smiled at me innocently.

I opened the box and picked up the white, shiny thing. It was a garment. A dress. Beautiful, flowing dress that was so long it would easily reach my ankles. It was strapless and very simple. The hem was embroidered with silver flowers that shone like the smallest of stars.

"It's so... pretty", I breathed.

"I know", Mel said, satisfied with herself. "I chose the most beautiful one I could find. Not that there was much time to choose", she added with a frown. "And it was very dark too. But at least I got the size right."

"Oh, Mel, please say you didn't - "

"Of course I didn't steal it!" she said quickly. "Thanks to your little soul-friends, there is no such thing as stealing anymore, is it? I just needed it, so I... took it."

I nodded absently. In a way she was right - there was no stealing in our world nowadays, because no one needed to pay for anything. Still, the souls never took anything without giving something back, which - I was sure - Mel had not done.

"Now, don't look like that", she pleaded. "I wanted you to have it. You have deserved a wedding dress."

"I thought it wasn't the traditions that mattered", I murmured, gliding my finger along the silky material. It felt so soft and light.

"It isn't. That's why I'm not going to get started with old, new, blue and borrowed", Mel said firmly. I had no idea what she was talking about. "I just... try the dress on, will you? You'll love it, I promise."

I sighed. "I love it already, Mel. It's the prettiest dress I've ever seen. I... I just hope you wouldn't have put yourself in danger because of me."

"Danger", she laughed. "There was no danger. No one even saw us."

"Are you sure about that?" I asked anxiously. I had to be sure. If there was even the slightest chance that something had happened because of me -

"Well, to be perfectly honest, I think that this man might have ... But he was in his eighties, and besides he had no time to react at all. We were gone before he even realised we were there. I promise."

"Eighties." I shut my eyes tightly. "Mel, he might have been old - but the soul inside him wasn't. We don't get old. Our thoughts remain quick and sharp, no matter how old our bodies grow."

"But you still need your body's eyes in order to see anything", Mel reminded me rationally. "And trust me, when you are eighty years old, your eyes are not that good anymore."

"If you say so", I said, unconvinced.

"Wanda, I promise you! We're safe as always", Melanie laughed at my worried tone. "You know you can trust Jared."

I nodded. She was right, again. Jared wouldn't do anything reckless or careless. That I was sure of.

"Wanda? Are you ready?" Mel's voice asked through the door.

I swallowed. "Sure." "Please, no need to sound so excited", she said sarcastically and opened the door. Her eyes widened. "Oh my God, you look lovely!"

"Do I?" I asked uncertainly, eyeing myself from the mirror. I certainly didn't look like myself. The flowing dress made me look even smaller than usually, if possible, and definitely older. I wasn't at all sure I could walk in my dress without falling down. While being in Mel's body, I had never worn a dress, and after coming to the caves it wasn't even a possibility.

"Really. You look lovely", Mel said and touched my hair, which was knotted up in an old-fashioned style - that's what Lily and Heidi had said, anyway.

"Thanks."

"Nervous?"

"Yes."

Mel squeezed my hand. "That's part of the game, sister. It'll be fine. Trust me."

"I'll try", I said in a thick voice.

She laughed. "Come on! Let's not keep Ian waiting."

After a few seconds, I followed her. To be honest, I had no idea of what would wait for me in the games room. After Mel's arrival I had not had time to go and check the decorations Jamie and the others had made - Mel had taken care of that. She had told me to get dressed, and then sent Lily and Heidi to do my hair. And now I was walking towards the games room with Mel, ready to commit myself to Ian for the rest of my life.

Or was I?

Don't be silly, I scolded myself, as Mel would surely have done, had she known what I was thinking. Of course you want to be with Ian. You love him.

I know, my other half answered. I love him more than anything. But... It doesn't feel right.

Then what would feel right? The more rational one of us asked.

I don't know. I just... Do you really think I deserve this? That I deserve him?

It's not about deserving. It's about what you want.

In a human world, maybe, my weaker part said miserably. But I'm a soul.

I'm a soul too. I'm part of you, silly.

Are you sure about that? Because you sound like Melanie.

Maybe I got some bad influence. You could use it, too, you know.

I don't need bad influence, I need courage. What if I do something wrong? What if I hurt Ian?

The Melanie-like part of me groaned in frustration. You love him! He loves you! What could you do wrong? You're just having cold feet, that's all.

My feet at perfectly warm, thank you.

"Wanda?" Mel asked in a strange voice. "Wanda, are you listening to me?"

"What?" I flinched in surprise.

"I've been trying to get your attention for the last two minutes! Where were you?"

I felt a warm flush on my cheeks. How could I tell her I was having an inner conversation with my other half, who sounded a lot like Melanie?

"I was... concentrating."

"All right", she said, but kept shooting wary glances at my direction. "Well, if you are fine... We are here."

Here. I looked at the enormous cave in front of me. The doors were closed, but I could see a faint light shining through the small holes between wood and rock. It was strange to see that kind of light in the caves. Mostly, we lived in between the dim light and the darkest of darkness.

"Ian's waiting for you", Mel said with an encouraging smile. "Are you ready?"

I swallowed. My throat felt thick, as if there was something wrong with me. As if I was coming down with something. But no, I was fine - I had to be, for Ian's and for everyone else's sake. I would walk through that door, and take Ian's hand, and do whatever was expected of me. If I only knew what it was! I knew that Ian had tried to explain it to me, but still... This was new to me. So new. Even too new?

No, the Mel-part in my head exclaimed. Of course it's not too new. And they won't care even if don't say all the right words. Ian won't care. He loves you, do you hear me? He. Loves. You. More than anything. So deal with it.

I laughed.

"What?" Mel asked sharply.

"Nothing. It's just..."

I couldn't finish my sentence. What would I have said? It's just I think I'm going crazy. I didn't think Mel would have appreciated that.

"All right. Let's go", I said and took a deep breath.

She smiled and me and took my hand, then pushed the doors open. I tried to stay calm, but just the sight of the games room made my faltering courage back down and disappear. It was so full. Full of people. Of course, it wasn't anything I hadn't seen before. It was one of Jeb's rules that everyone should be present at trials, but this was no trial, and I had not expected all of them to come. Lily and Heidi were there, and Jeb, and Trudy and Geoffrey, and Heath and Violetta... Even Lucina had come with her children, and Aaron and Brandt, though they didn't look as happy as the rest of them.

And then there was Ian. He was standing at the other end of the cave, between the two tall, white candles. I blinked. How on Earth had they found candles?

Forget about the candles, a voice inside my mind growled. It's Ian!

That was true. It was Ian, and it felt good to see him after the whole day of restless loneliness, though it felt even better too him smile. He looked so happy. As if someone had just given him the whole world.

See? The fake-Mel asked victoriously, as I started to walk towards Ian. Mel walked beside me, holding my hand and smiling in encouragement. Everyone else was smiling too, as I passed them by.

See what? I asked myself. I knew I probably shouldn't have done that - I should have been concentrating on the fact I was getting married - but I couldn't help myself. It was so annoying to hear someone so victorious without understanding the reason.

See how happy he looks, of course! The voice sighed. Apparently, he doesn't care whether you deserve him or not.

But I care, I protested. I love him so much, I don't want to hurt him. And I think it will hurt him when he realises that I'm not good enough for him. You know how he's always trying to spare my feelings. He wouldn't dare to tell me, even though he suddenly stopped loving me. And then he would be miserable.

Oh, you're so clueless! Why can't you see that he can't stop loving you? Oh, why do I even bother? You won't listen to me anyway. Just go to him and make him happy, all right?

All right, I agreed weakly as I stopped in front of Ian. I was startled at how close he was, all of sudden. I had been so engaged in my inner argument I hadn't even noticed that I was getting closer to him. But here I was, gazing into his joyful blue eyes as he reached towards my hand. I let him take my hand and smiled at him nervously.

"Everything okay?" he whispered in my ear so silently that no one else could hear. "You looked a bit worried out there."

"No, I'm fine. I just - it's been a long day without you."

"Tell me about it", he grinned. "Now, let's get married."

He led me towards Jared, who was already waiting for us with a tense smile on his lips. It was not difficult to see that he was not at all excited about the task Ian had thrust at him, but at least he did his best not to show it to everybody.

"All right, let's get started", Jared said and cleared his throat. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to witness the - "

"Oh, come on, Jared", Jeb's voice from the audience complained. "We all know you haven't been acting like a priest, so please don't pretend to be one!"

Jared grinned. "Thanks. That was all I remembered from the Bible anyway. All right, as all of you know, Wanda and Ian have decided to get married and commit to each other for the rest of their lives. For some reason they wanted me to make it official for them, so here I am. To be honest, I have never been in a real wedding, so I think I will have to improvise - "

"Go ahead", Ian promised generously. "As long as you won't remember the part where I may kiss the bride."

Everybody laughed. I frowned. How could they be so at ease, when a soul - an alien, an intruder, for goodness' sake - was getting married to one of their most trusted men. Weren't they worried at all? Didn't they think Ian was making a big mistake?

He squeezed my hands gently. "Relax."

"Sorry", I whispered.

He only shook his head, smiling.

"Concentrate, people", Jared commanded. "I'm not going to make a fool out of myself for nothing."

"Sorry", Ian said, clearly amused. "Please, proceed."

"Thanks. Do you, Ian O'Shea, take Wanderer - " Jared fell silent. "Sorry, Wanda, but do you have a surname?"

"No", I shook my head. "Just Wanderer."

"All right. Let's try again. Do you, Ian O'Shea, take Wanderer as your wedded wife, and promise to love her and respect her until death do you part?"

"I do", Ian said, smiling at Jared's weak quotations.

"Nice", Jared muttered. "Do you, Wanderer, take Ian O'Shea as your wedded husband, and promise to love him and respect him until death do you part? My advise is that you shouldn't."

"Priests are not allowed to make comments", Ian growled. "You're supposed to be objected."

"Okay then. Wanda, what do you say?"

"I do", I whispered.

Ian gave my fingers a little squeeze.

"That's nice. All right, is there anyone here who thinks these two shouldn't get married? If there is, you should speak now or shut your mouths for the rest of your lives."

A silence fell upon the games room. Then -

"I think."

Everyone turned. Sharon was standing in the doorway with her arms crossed.

My heart twisted nervously. I had known this would happen. Of course someone should think that I wasn't good enough to marry Ian. Even I thought so - or, at least the other half of me did - so why shouldn't Sharon? And if she thought that way, why shouldn't she say it out loud?

"Sharon", Ian growled. "I swear to God that if you don't walk out that door right now, I will - "

"I think the two of you shouldn't get married", Sharon said in a loud, clear voice. "Frankly, it disgusts me. But that's not why I'm here. I came to tell you that your fiancées little parasite-friends are coming."

"What?" Jeb jumped up from his sit. "What did you say, Sharon?"

"The parasites are coming. Apparently, they've found us."

TBC

A/N: Thank you for such a nice reviews! It would really make my day if you wrote some for this chapter, too :)