Chapter Five

Left Behind

For a moment everything was silent. It wasn't the relaxed, comfortable silence I had gotten used to with Ian, but fearful and tense. Nobody moved. Then Jeb seemed to snap out of his thoughts and barked:

"Aaron! Brandt!"

I had no idea what that meant, but the two men understood immediately. They didn't ask any questions, but nodded tensely and left the room without other word. No one looked at them as they went - no one except me. I wish I had known where they were going.

They hadn't been gone for long, when the shocked silence finally broke into heated conversation. Everyone was talking simultaneously. Their voices sounded edgy, almost hysterical. Every once in a while someone glanced suspiciously at my direction, obviously wondering how much I had to do with this. Ian saw it, too. His grip on my fingers tightened in anger. I wish he hadn't been so angry. It was obvious this did have something to do with me.

Ian noticed my miserable expression and pulled me into his arms.

"Let's not worry yet", he murmured in a low voice. "Maybe it's just a false alarm. It wouldn't be the first time. People just get upset every time there are Seekers near."

"Yes, and it would be just like Sharon to exaggerate this. She'd just love to ruin your wedding", Mel spat bitterly. "If I had known what she's like nowadays I would never have bothered to look for her in the first place."

She didn't bother to lower her voice, even though Sharon was standing very near. They looked at each other, their eyes full of loath.

"At least I'm not the one who's friends with a parasite", Sharon said very clearly.

Ian growled. "I swear, Sharon, if you don't shut up right know - "

"All right, that's enough!" Jeb said gruffly. "Now shut yer mouths! We ain't playing any games here!"

Everyone obeyed, and within minutes all of the conversations had died out. That didn't ease the tension at all, though. They still kept eyeing me speculatively. Sharon and Ian stared at each other with pure hatred, clearly trying to decide how to kill each other.

It was all too much for me to handle. The silence, the atmosphere, the stares... I fell on my knees and buried my face in my hands.

"Wanda!" Ian knelt beside me, forgetting all about Sharon. He cradled me in his arms. "It's okay. It will be okay. None of this is your fault."

"He's right", Mel said firmly. "It's my fault."

"What do you mean?" Jared turned to look at her sharply. "Of course it's not your fault."

"I was the one who insisted on going on a raid last night", Mel reminded him. "And, apparently, I was the one who wasn't careful enough. That old man across the street... He must have seen us. He must have called the Seekers."

Jared stared at her with a mixture of love and disbelief. For once in my life it was easy for me to understand what he was feeling. Maybe it was because of I had spent so much time in Melanie's head. I knew Jared well enough to know that no matter what else he was, first and foremost he was a survivor. It was in his blood to avoid getting caught. And now, thanks to Melanie, that was what had happened to them. To all of us.

Mel was wrong, though. It was not her fault at all. Of course, she had been the one who had gone on the raid... but she would never had done that, had I not existed. No matter what she and Ian said, this was my fault. Everyone seemed to think they had to make me happy, though I could never, ever give anything back. I could only make their lives more difficult and dangerous. If Mel hadn't thought she had to please me...

I shook my head. "I should never have come here."

"Wanda! You have nothing to do with this!" Ian said desperately. He took my face in his hands and forced me to look at him. "Do you hear me? You didn't do this. This didn't happen because of you. Understood?"

I didn't say anything.

"Repeat it after me", Ian commanded, his voice angrier than it had been in a long time. "This is not my fault. Say it."

"Don't", I whispered, my voice breaking. "Leave me alone."

"Wanderer - "

"Ian, please! Just - just leave me alone."

He looked at Mel as if praying that she would know what to say. But she only shook her head, knowing that I wouldn't want to talk about this right know. Ian sighed and let his hands fall from my face to my shoulders. He hugged me against his chest.

"This is not your fault. Remember it."

Then he turned around and walked away, Mel and Jared behind him. I didn't bother to look where they went. I didn't want to see them, to hear them say that I hadn't done anything wrong all over and over again. Why couldn't they see how much it hurt? I didn't have to do anything wrong. Even my presence here was enough to hurt them.

I should go. I saw that clearly now. But where would I go? The souls were coming. We were trapped.

"Jeb!"

Aaron and Brandt ran into the room, breathing heavily. Everyone gathered around them, waiting for news.

"Well?" Jeb asked gruffly. "What did you see?"

"Sharon's right. The Seekers are definitely coming this time", Aaron said, out of breath. "They aren't circling around like they usually do. They are walking straight towards us."

"Walking?"

"They have two cars, but they aren't using them."

"Why?" Lily whispered.

Aaron looked at her sharply. "So we wouldn't hear them coming, of course. Jeb, you should know that there's also a helicopter."

"A helicopter?"

"It's flying above us. Looks like they're trying to get us trapped."

Jeb nodded, thoughtfully. "Did they see you?"

"No, they couldn't have."

"Well, that's good, at least. All right, folks", Jeb said, raising his voice so that everybody could hear. "Sorry to tell you this, but game's over. They've found us. We better get out of here, quickly."

"Wait!" I breathed. "We don't have to go yet. I - I could talk to them! I'm sure I could lie us out of this."

My heart jumped up and down in my chest. They had to let me do this. I had to try and repair the damage I had caused there. This was their home - and now they would have to leave it, all because of me.

Jeb shook his head at me, his eyes full of pity. "Sorry, kid. Talking's not gonna save us now. It's game over."

"What do we do?" Ian asked sharply. He had appeared to my side out of nowhere and put his arms tightly around me, pulling me into his arms. No one else was paying us any attention. They were too shocked, too afraid to do anything but shout, trying to get their voices heard. There were arguments, there were accusations. It was a perfect chaos. I wished Jeb would have tried to control them, but he let them go on.

"The emergency plan", he said bleakly.

"The emergency plan?" I repeated.

He laughed mirthlessly. "Honey, you don't really think we lived here this long without an emergency plan?"

I blushed. Of course they wouldn't have done that.

"We'd better get started then", Ian said rationally. "There's no time to lose."

Jeb nodded. "Well said."

He turned around and clapped his hands together. "All right, everybody! If you want to get out of here alive and human, stop panicking and listen up! We don't have much time, but we're gonna use that time as well as we can. Now, does anyone hear remember a little thing called emergency plan?"

Most of them nodded.

"Good", Jeb said. "That's the plan we're gonna follow. First, is there anybody here who is interested in driving the truck?"

Nobody moved. It was as though they tried to be as still as possible - as if something bad would happen, if they accidentally moved an inch...

"I can do that", Aaron said and lifted his hand in the air. His voice was weird. Of course, he never sounded happy around me, but this was different... As if he was preparing to do something terrible. Fear gripped my insides so hard it almost hurt to breathe.

"Me too", Heath volunteered. The others looked at him with a strange expression. Like they were preparing to tell him farewell.

My head was spinning. What was going on?

"Thank you, Aaron, Heath", Jeb said sincerely. His tone was gloomy. "Two is enough."

A relieved sigh passed through the crowd.

"Go get the truck ready", Jeb ordered. "Everyone else, start loading stuff to the van."

"Take the necessities only", warned Jared. "Remember, there has to be enough room for almost thirty people too. Water and food are the most important things you have to take. Everything else can stay. No books or clothes, and definitely not pillows."

I gripped Ian's hand tighter. This was serious.

"All right, what are you waiting for?" Jeb growled. "Go!"

All of sudden, the games room was full of movement again. People began to run towards the door, all in a hurry to get out and start loading our things in the van. I saw Jeb mutter something to Heath and Aaron, then they exited through the back door. What they were up to, I had no idea.

I started to follow the others.

"Oh, no, kiddo", Jeb stopped me after a few steps. "You're not gonna do any packing until you've switched clothes."

"I don't need to switch", I disagreed. I had done so much bad already, I had to help my friends somehow.

"Yes, you do", he said, and somehow managed to give me a dry smile despite the danger. "We might have some running ahead us. Would be better if we wouldn't have to worry about you falling down because of that thing."

I could see he was serious.

"All right. But I'll help when I'm done."

"No one said you couldn't", he muttered and walked after the others.

Ian bent down and scooped me easily in his arms. "I'll take you to our room. I run faster", he added, as if you prevent me from protesting. I wouldn't have done it anyway, though. Not this time. I was too scared, I had to feel Ian's heartbeats against my chest. What if those lovely beats stopped?

He used the back entrance and started running towards our bedroom cave faster than he had ever run. I squeezed my eyes shut, unwilling to look around. If this was the last time I went down these corridors, I didn't want to see them. I didn't want to say goodbye. It hurt too much to even think about it.

My heart ached in my chest again as I realised that these caves weren't just the caves anymore. At some point, somehow, I had started to call them home. And now I would leave, and never come back.

I opened my eyes only when Ian put me back on my feet and began fumbling through my clothes, trying to find me something practical to wear. I fought with the buttons of my dress, but they refused to open. Finally Ian came to my aid and yanked them open, pulling the dress on my waist. I was about to take it off, but he turned around and captured my hands in his.

For a while he just looked at me, a sad smile tugging his lips. Then he raised his hand and stroked my cheek tenderly.

"It seems that we didn't get married after all", he said, downcast.

"I'm sorry", I whispered, not able to tear my away from him.

"Don't be." His hands travelled into my hair and entangled themselves there. "We still have time."

"You never know how much time you have left", I said sadly, remembering the phrase I had learned from Mel.

"I know", Ian said sternly. "Nothing's going to happen to you. I'm not going to lose you."

"I'm not afraid for myself. I'm afraid for you."

"You're not going to lose me either", he promised and leaned in to kiss me. At first it was gentle and soft, somehow comforting, but then it began to change. His kiss became more passionate as his hands travelled up and down my back and my fingers pulled at his hair. In seconds, we were both gasping for air.

"Ian", I said hoarsely. "We have to - "

"You're right", he nodded. "We better get you changed."

He helped me get rid of dress and let it fall to the floor. It made me sad to see it there, laying on the dust. I had been right. It had never been right for me to try and marry Ian. This at least proved that, and I had to accept it. I was not good enough for him.

I pulled on a grey t-shirt and a pair of pants. Then Ian picked me up again and carried me out of the room. It felt terrible, as if someone had gotten a hold of a piece of my heart and wrenched it out of my chest. I didn't want to leave our room. Living there with Ian had been the happiest time of my life, and giving up on it was like giving up on my dream. Where would we go now? Would we ever find a home again?

Tears sprang into my eyes as I thought about our child. Still unborn and already homeless. It was so wrong.

I dried my eyes in Ian's shirt, hoping he wouldn't notice. This was hard enough for him without me breaking down, too.

As we got to the storage room, everyone was already there, rummaging through the stash of food. Only Aaron and Heath were missing. That made me remember something.

"Ian?"

"Yes?" he asked and put me on the ground again. He was about to go and help the others with the food, but I stopped him.

"Why do Heath and Aaron take the truck?"

"They are going to create a diversion", Ian said matter-of-factly. He didn't look me into the eye.

I nodded. That much I was able to understand.

"But why won't they take the van? Or the Jeep? I mean, there's only two of them, but there's so many of us... Wouldn't it be more rational for us to take the truck?"

"Yes, it would", Ian said honestly. "The Seekers would think so too. That's why they will take the truck."

"I don't think I understand", I said quietly.

"Wanda, the Seekers have a helicopter. As long as it's flying above us, we can't get out of here or they will shoot us. All of us. Aaron and Heath are going to distract the helicopter. They are taking the truck, because it's so big that when Seekers see it, they will think that we all are in the truck. They will go after it. As soon as the helicopter has landed, we will escape with the van, and there's nothing they can do about it."

My eyes widened as the realization hit me. "But if the helicopter goes after them..." "Yes?" Ian looked at me warily.

"It will catch the truck. It will shoot it."

He didn't answer.

"Ian?" I prompted.

"Yes", he sighed wearily. "Yes, the Seekers will stop the car."

My eyes filled with tears again. I could see it all clearly now - way too clearly. When the Seekers had stopped the truck, the only thing Aaron and Heath could do was run, run for their lives. But to try and outrun a helicopter? There's was no chance they could win. That was why they had looked so grim when they had accepted the task. They knew they would have to sacrifice themselves so the others could escape.

"No", I moaned. "No, no, no..."

I would have fallen down, had Ian not been there. He gripped me tightly and hugged me against his chest.

"I should be in that truck", I cried. "Not them."

"Wanda, stop it!" Ian commanded and shook my shoulders almost roughly. "You can't blame yourself for this. Not now. Not ever, but especially not now. We have to get us out of here."

I nodded, still trembling. My mind was filled with sorrow and horror, but I knew that Ian was right. I couldn't just stand here and let the others do all the work.

"Here." Ian handed me a box of bottled water. "Take this to the van. Quickly."

The box was very heavy, but for once Ian didn't care about it. That of all things made me realise how serious the situation was. I ran as fast as I could, though it was very dark and the heavy box made me stumble all the time. By the time I had lifted the box into the back of the van my arms very aching as if someone had pierced them with a knife, but I ignored the pain and went back to get another box.

"How much time do we have?" I huffed and puffed as Mel handed me another box. It, too, was filled with bottled water.

"Honestly? I don't know", Mel answered. She squeezed her lips tightly together. "Jared is spying on them. He will let us know when they are getting close."

"Why does it take them so long?"

"They don't know where the entrance is."

"Do you think... Do you think there's a chance they won't find it?"

"They won't give up until they do", Mel said grimly.

"This is bad", I breathed.

"Yes, it is. But we'll find a way out of this one. We always do", she said firmly.

I didn't understand how they could think like that. Mel, Ian, Jeb - they all seemed to think that this was just another problem, another close call we would escape. Had it even occurred to their minds that someday they might not survive? I picked up my box and started running towards the van again. My legs were shaking so badly I almost fell, and the only thing that kept me on my feet was willpower. I had always wondered, what a real nightmare was. Now I didn't have to wonder anymore. I was living in one.

I promised to myself that if we got out alive of this one, I would leave. No matter what they said to me, no matter what they did in order to stop me, I would go. I didn't know where - probably somewhere remote, where I could live my life without disturbing or hurting anyone. They would be angry at me first, especially Ian and Jamie, but I was sure that after some time they would understand. They would see that I couldn't be with them, not when they all were so adamant on helping me when in reality helping me only made things worse for them. I could leave them. I could leave them because I loved them.

"Wanda?" Trudy asked. "Let me take that box."

"No, I can carry it", I muttered.

"You've carried it this far", she managed to laugh through all her fear. "Now let me take it so I can add it to the pile. It's too tall for you."

I sighed and let her take the box from my arms. I was about to go and get another one, when suddenly a blue whirlwind passed beside me, so fast I could barely see it. But even that one glimpse was enough. It was Jared, Jared in his blue shirt and jeans. And he was going to the storage room... to tell them something...

"They're coming", I exclaimed. "Jared went to tell the others the Seekers are coming!"Jeb seemed to realise this too. "Okay, folks, the loading-time's over! Climb to the van, everyone!"

Jared and Mel came running from the storage room, followed by the others.

"Get in the van", Jeb ordered again.

"Jeb, there's no time!" Jared shouted. "They're on our doorstep! They're here in five minutes!"

"Then we'll leave in five minutes", Jeb said grimly.

"Don't be crazy, Jeb, there's no chance!"

Jeb glared at Jared. Jared glared back.

"Are you saying we should stay here, Howe? When did you start to fancy a suicide?"

"I'm saying someone has to go and stop them. Delay them. Whatever", Jared panted. "You need time to get everyone in the van."

It wasn't difficult to see that Jeb didn't like the idea, but still he was considering it.

"Jared's right", Kyle commented. "We have to go in there."

"We?" Jared raised an eyebrow.

"How many Seekers are there?"

"Twelve, as far as I know."

"Right. And you were planning to delay them all on your own? Do offence, Howe, you can think as highly of yourself as you want, but you'll need help or you're going to die for nothing. I'm coming with you."

"No!" Sunny whimpered.

Kyle turned to look at her. "I'm sorry, Sunny. Someone has to go. Someone who knows what he is doing. Might as well be me."

"But I don't want to lose you!"

"You won't lose me", Kyle said firmly and pulled her into a hug. He glanced at Jeb over her shoulder. "You have guns here somewhere?"

Jeb nodded gloomily and handed him a Glock.

"Thanks, Jeb. You coming, Howe?"

Jared nodded and picked his own gun from the ground. He looked at Melanie, and it seemed to me that they were having some kind of silent conversation that no one else could here. Mel looked like she was asking him for something, but he shook his head with a crooked smile and turned around. Melanie looked after him. Her expression was a mixture of sorrow, worry and anger.

"Wait, I'm coming too", Brandt said quickly and grabbed a gun from the pile.

"Me too."

I didn't need to look up to recognize the speaker. It was Ian. He had let go of my hand and stepped forward with an adamant look on his face.

I stared at him in horror. "Ian!"

"We don't need your help, O'Shea", Jared said quickly. His eyes flashed from Ian to me, noticing the horrified look in my eyes.

"Very funny, Howe", Ian said dryly. "Three against twelve? You need more men. Besides, I'm the best shooter around here."

No one could deny that. But still I had to try.

"Ian, don't go", I pleaded, hating myself as I did so. Of course the others needed his help. Jared needed his help so he could stay alive and come back to Mel and Jamie. And Kyle, too. Kyle was his brother. Of course he couldn't leave them to fight on their own. But still... Did he have to leave me?

Ian turned to look at me, a tender look in his sapphire eyes. "I am sorry, Wanda. But I have to."

"Then I'm coming too", I uttered.

A horrified expression flashed on his face. "No! No, no, no! You are getting into the car."

"No. Not without you."

Ian shook his head, almost angrily. "I'm not putting you into a danger like that."

"You aren't putting me in danger! I'm putting myself."

"No, you won't. I won't allow you to."

"I'm not asking for your permission."

"Wanda." He came to me and took my face in his hands. "Wanderer. I love you. I can't lose you. I have to know you are safe."

I started to open my mouth to speak.

"Listen to me", he begged. "You have to do this. For me. For our child."

All of sudden, his eyes filled with tears. I swallowed. He was really serious. And he was right, no matter I wanted to deny it. Had it been just me, I would have gone with him no matter he said. But it wasn't just me anymore. It was our child too, and my responsibility as a mother was to ensure that nothing happened to it.

Slowly, very slowly, I nodded. He smiled and kissed me in relief.

"Thank you, Wanderer."

"I'm so afraid", I whispered.

"We'll be all right. We'll take the Jeep and come after you when the way's clear."

"How do you know where to go?"

"O'Shea, if you're going to come, you better move now", Jared said warningly. "I can hear them. They are coming."

"I'm coming", Ian said over his shoulder. Then he turned his eyes back to me. "I love you, Wanderer. I truly do."

"Don't say it like you're saying goodbye", I muttered.

He grinned. "Hey, you tried to get rid of me once, but that didn't work. It's not going to happen now either."

"You sure."

"I promise you. Be safe", he told me, and then kissed me as though his life was depending on it. I had barely had time to kiss him back, when he already let go of me, took the gun from Jeb and ran after him.

I stared at his back, my eyesight blurring with tears until I couldn't see him anymore. Would I ever see him again? Or was he gone for ever?

"Wanda", Mel tugged at my hand. "Get in the car! Now!"

Unwillingly I obeyed and climber in to the back of the van, sitting down next to Trudy and Geoffrey. My mind felt numb. My hands were shaking. I felt like my whole world had just been taken from me.

"Let's go!" Jeb shouted and stomped his foot on the gas pedal.

TBC

A/N: Thank you again for the reviews! It was so sad to write this chapter... Now I'm so depressed :(