The sun rose as quick as it set, and the next morning had dawned. I awoke with a yawn, my eyes tired and heavy from the remaining sleep in my eyes. At first, I didn't notice Edward's departure until I saw that I was no longer on his lap, instead I was in my bed, my duvet covering my body. Where had he disappeared to now? Last night he was sitting in the rocking chair in the corner of my room, and now he was gone, but where? The silence is my room was very uncomfortable for me, and so in order to break it, I pulled my body upright, and uncovered my duvet, placing my tiny feet into some slippers I kept nearest to my bed, and approached the CD player, placing a random disc in, and to my surprise, the disc that played was Edward's CD he gave me with his art on it. Almost instantly, I felt less worried, however my mind still pondered on where he could possibly be. I had a tugging feeling that he was at his house, which didn't bother me, not in the least, in fact, it made me even more calm, knowing he could be with his own kind, after all, he had to see his family, I knew that now seeing as I couldn't have him all to myself, or at least, not just yet.
As I thought about the upcoming wedding, I felt my stomach churn with butterflies. I was soon going to be Mrs Cullen. It was a big step for me to take, and I knew that very well, but I couldn't exactly live without knowing that one day I was going to die. The marriage thing wasn't really my idea that was just the catch Edward put on, but nevertheless I was glad he proposed. Loudly my stomach grumbled, and I flushed immediately, fearing that somebody would come in and hear. I walked over to the bathroom, and closed the door behind me, and took off my clothes, and entered the bath peacefully, sinking deeper into the water that flowed. My mind for once felt at peace as my eyes closed. Edward, surprisingly, wasn't even on my mind, which surprised me a bit, but I didn't linger. Sadly, the person who wandered onto my mind was Jacob, and quite frankly, I didn't like it. How was he? Was he mad at me? Did he really mean that he loved me? Oh, why did I care so much? We were just friends, best friends, nothing more than that. I thanked God that Edward couldn't read my thoughts in this time, mainly because I didn't want him getting hurt, however, he'd figure it out sooner or later, and then the questions would be shot toward me. Wasn't it great being me? I don't think so, somehow.
"Bella?" A voice asked, sounding as if they didn't believe what they saw.
I jumped, screaming, and this had alerted him. "Edward!" My voice was full of embarrassment, and I was sure he could tell. My eyes looked as if they were going to pop out of my head, and my reaction had caused Edward to roar with laughter where he sat, which was on top of the toilet seat. I glared at him, wanting to scream my lungs out at him, but his roaring laughter kept on distracting me. Not long after, I was joining him in the laughter, because I had to admit, him seeing me in a bath was probably soon going to be his daily routine when we were married. A smile soon formed after my laughing fit was done, but Edward was already serious once more, almost as if he was going to ask me to change my mind, which he probably would, knowing him. I wanted to speak, but my vocal cords just suddenly disappeared. At last, his butterscotch eyes stared into my eyes, looking deadly serious, not a single tint of mock was found. "I think you're making a mistake." He said after a long silence. I gulped, uncomfortable at how close he was to my body, which, thankfully, was covered by bubbles. Still, my voice was dead, disappeared into thin air somehow. Edward stared at me, looking as if he were hiding something, something important from me. "Bella, I do love you, but I personally think you're decision is foolish, and quite backwards." He explained, a smile flickering on his pale god face as he finished. I giggled slightly at the end of his sentence. It was true, my ideas, well, most of my ideas, were backwards, and quite odd, and put me in a dangerous spot, but no matter how foolish or idiotic they were, Edward always came to the rescue, and in return, when he was in danger, I'd save him, just like I did in Italy from the Volturi. Quite clearly what we had was true love, but I couldn't help but wander myself if my heart was in the right place. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, however the choice of choosing Edward over Jacob had suddenly caused me to regret. I loved them both, although Jacob's love was more along the lines of friend love, but Edward was my true love, who happened to make my heart throb against my chest, almost as if begging to belong to Edward instead. I had to admit, I was torn between two loves.
Werewolf and Vampire.
"Edward, I am so sorry for the confusion and doubt I've caused you." I murmured, tears threatening to fall down my pale cheeks. I wished I could tell him how I felt about all of this, but I just couldn't, something held me back, and refused to let me take foot in front and confess. "I didn't mean for anything of this to happen, when you left, I didn't know how long I could walk Earth, knowing you weren't there beside me." I began to confess, but then I felt as though I was choking on my words. One day, one day, I would probably thank myself for saying this, but for now, all I felt was regret. Stabbing regret. As fast as he could, Edward grasped onto my shoulders, looking at me with eager eyes. He wanted to know more, but I couldn't push myself to say the words. On television they made it so easy, but in reality it was hard, and this was the hardest thing I'd ever done. "I can't." I finally surrendered, and Edward's grasp softened until he let go, no longer eager, but scared, and worried. His words came out rather weak, and pained, for some reason. "I understand, Bella." He replied quietly, not looking at me anymore. "You don't want me anymore, you want that mutt, Jacob." As he said this, he sounded harsh, and colder than usual. He let the engagement ring fall to the ground. "Isabella Swan, I wish you luck in life." And without a second word, he was gone, nothing but the ring on the floor, and it seemed to of shined less brightly now.
My heart broke, and my life ended before my eyes, all meanings gone. Nothing was left, Edward was the reason I breathed the air, and with him gone, I had no reason to take in airs sweet scent anymore. All I had left was the ring he dropped. Why had I opened my big mouth? Foolish. My move was a foolish one, and I came to terms with that now. My memory left of him was terrible, but better than none. The wedding was off, and I couldn't see the bright side, well, apart from the fact that I didn't have to worry Charlie shooting me any time soon. But jokes were nothing anymore either, I felt somewhat empty. My dream of becoming Mrs Cullen had just shattered down in front of me before my very eyes. I entered out of the bath, and covered my soaked, cold body with a towel, I was dripping wet, but I didn't care at all, the colder I was, the more I reminded myself of him. His cold touch, the chills I got, the closest to even feeling that feeling anymore was freezing myself. Sure, I'd get Charlie concerned again, and now I knew I couldn't even step foot near Jacob, so there went my personal sun. This was my fault anyway; I had to take the blame, no matter what. I heard the loud screeching of a car, and turned my attention to the window, seeing a shiny silver Volvo, it was Edward, but why was he still here? I grimaced to myself, cringing every time I thought or even spoke of his name, exactly like before. I stared at him from the bathroom window, and I was sure I saw him stare back, I caught his lips move with much difficulty, but I couldn't make out what he had said to me. I doubted strongly that it was; 'I love you', but perhaps I was wrong, maybe I jumped to conclusions too soon, either way, he made the signs clear.
It was over between us.
Slipping my clothes on, I walked out of the bathroom after emptying the bathtub, and turned off the disc that had calmed me down earlier. Instead, it made me want to cry now, but I knew I was strong, so I held them for as long as I could. The hours I spent alone felt like eternity. Eternity – something I wanted more than anything before, but now I didn't want it, in fact, I saw death a much more appealing choice. What would the point be living forever when you had nobody to spend it with. Reality had sunk in, and I seriously hated the feeling. I had finally came out of my dreams, and saw reality. Reality here, reality there, it was everywhere. I couldn't escape it, without Edward near my side, life was too horrible, and it was torture to me. If I hadn't of spoken earlier, none of this would've happened, I'd soon be Mrs Cullen, and I'd be a Vampire. Charlie was soon hammering at my door within minutes, and with a loud groan, I rolled out my under my bed sheets, and then opened the door, not caring that my hair was standing on end. I noticed the look of curiosity of Charlie's face, and for some reason had a feeling he was going to give me a lecture of some sort, however, I was surprised to find out I was wrong.
"I couldn't help hear the unusual silence in here, where's you're boyfriend?" He had asked, scanning the room, suspiciously, before looking back in my direction. I had to admit, I looked very untidy, even for having a bath, but why don't you try and have a peaceful bath, but having of been dumped afterward. Truthfully, I didn't want Charlie knowing about what happened between the pair of us; after all, it wasn't a very nice memory worth remembering. Instead, I put on a brave face, and looked back at him, forcing a smile; one that made him believe I came out of a daydream of sorts. "Hmm?" My voice sounded dreamy, and the smile on my face would probably make Charlie think I was thinking about Edward. In response, he wrinkled his nose in disgust. A well know fact was that ever since the first time Edward left me, Charlie hadn't really forgave me, after the state he left me in. "Well, never mind." He replied, smiling, but I knew it was fake, and watched as he left my room. I quickly let out a loud sigh as the door closed, and fell back on my bed, but then stood up soon after, and walked toward the window, and opened it, hoping Edward would enter, but to my disappointment, he didn't, and my heart shattered a fraction more.
The sun still shone in the bright blue sky, but I refused to admire it. What was the point? I might as well take my chance and go and visit Carlisle and Esme, somehow it just didn't feel right that Edward had lost his temper at me earlier, and I wanted to know what was going on, and perhaps find out why he was still stressed. His family were bound to know; there was no doubt about it. Finally, my mind was made up, and so I grabbed my coat, and slipped it on, then ran down the stairs, until I heard Charlie yell and I froze. "Don't come home too late, Bells!" I nodded my head, and flung the door open, before entering my truck, and putting it on ignition. I drove down the icy streets, and through the fog, my windshields clearing my view so I could see. The house wasn't too far away, and for that, I was thankful, at least I didn't have to drive for hours. As I made it to the house, I unbuckled my seatbelt and stopped the car, before entering out of my truck.
Walking forward, I confronted to the door, and then knocked, hoping, and praying that Edward didn't answer it, for I couldn't face him in the state I was in now. I waited in the cold, almost freezing, wishing somebody would answer. After my seventh knock, the door opened, which caused me to sigh in relief. Slowly, I looked up, seeing pale skin, and then a grin on the face. I blinked, not exactly exciting about this turn of fate. It was Alice, and she was happy as happy could be. I just hoped that she wasn't going to treat me like a Barbie doll today, like she did every other day. "What brings you here, Bella?" She asked in a child, bubbly voice, gesturing for me to come in with her spare hand. I laughed nervously, before catching sight of Carlisle and Esme, but no Edward. "Edward's gone hunting." Alice had said, before I blinked again. Was he living his life like normal? Where as she was grieving for her loss. I find it difficult to tell or not, but I had a feeling Alice was hiding something from me. There are no secrets in Forks? Hah! As if. I heard Esme talk soon after, which startled me slightly. "Have you decided on you're decision, dear?" She asked, staring at me with warm, mother eyes. I attempted to reply, but was cut off by Carlisle. "Not now." He murmured at his wife, who instantly looked as if she remembered something. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion before looking around.
What was everyone hiding from me?