A/N:
Thanks to all my reviewers!
Due too good response, I decided to update.
Chapter Two: Misa Watches Me Clean My p33n
PLEASE NOTE, Some of this chapter is based off a video I saw of Brian Regan, who is an excellent comedian.
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Misa decided to join my school in an attempt to be closer to me.
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"We have a new student today, so why don't we all make her feel welcome?"
"Misa feels welcomed!"
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It seemed to go pretty well, until our daily spelling drill.
You know, it helps us learn English faster.
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I, being the sexy stud that I am, of course top this class.
After all, I am none other than Raito Yagami!
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"Stop being a chauvinistic bastard,"
"I bet you don't know what that word means!"
"I bet you don't know where that chip has been."
"(frantically spits out chip)"
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I thought I was the only person in the world who liked that specific flavour that I like, whose name escapes me.
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Moving right along, our teacher began to bring out words to spell.
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"Misa-Misa, seeing as you're the newest student to our class, will you do the honor of spelling the first word?"
"Sure…"
"Spell, 'cat'."
"K-A-T."
"…"
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I wonder if Misa is dyslexic, or something.
Or maybe he suffers from that new form of Autism?
You know, where you get withdrawals from the computer and go psycho?
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"MISA NEED COMPUTER. MISA NEED COMPUTER. ME NO GOT COMPUTER! MISA GO CRAZY! RAAAAWR! MISA DESTROY CITY! RAAAAWWWR!"
And then L bursts in with a, "S.S L.L ALL SYSTEMS GO, GO, GO!"
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"I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady, all you other Slim Shady's are just imitating."
"… L, you are not Slim Shady."
"RUINER! RUUUUINNNEEERRR!"
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She seems pretty happy, so I guess I won't question her…
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"Raito,"
"Yes?"
"Misa knows… that it has two T's." (laughs)
"…"
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This is getting beyond weird.
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"Misa-Misa… erm… let's try something easier, okay?"
"OKAY!" (glee)
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I suddenly find her less attractive.
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"What's the I before E rule?"
"I before E… Always."
"…"
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So then Ryuk bursts into the room and starts screaming about an old friend of his.
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"RAITO! RAITO! I JUST MET UP WITH AN OLD ARMY BUDDY DOWN AT THE LOCAL WOMEN'S CLUB! IT WAS AMAZING!"
"… Ryuk, a) you were never in the army, b) have no friends and c) this isn't Las Vegas; there aren't any women's clubs for miles."
"I was just trying to impress you, Raito. BUT I GUESS IT ISN'T ENOUGH."
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Misa began to twitch a bit at this point, her eyes clouded with what appeared to be tears, but it could very well have been sawdust.
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"What are you, Misa? An idiot?"
"Apparently."
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The class began laughing.
That damned Misa!
Stealing all the popularity from people who deserve it!
LIKE ME!
KIRA!
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"Raito, I don't suppose this is a good time to say so, but you're thinking out loud."
"Damn it."
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The teacher began to explain the I before E rule… I wasn't really listening.
Misa should understand, since she knows L's last name.
SHE SHOULD KNOW THIS BLOODY RULE.
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"No, Misa, it's I before E except after C,
And when sounding like A as in neighbor and way,
And on weekends and holidays and all throughout May,
AND YOU'LL ALWAYS BE WRONG NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY!"
"Misa thinks that… that's a… hard rule right there."
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I never knew my English teacher could be so cruel.
I suppose, teachers aren't paid to be nice to eyeliner-wearing, gothic dressed sluts.
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"Raito, Misa is not a slut. In fact, Misa has never had sexual relations."
"… YOU LIE! YOU LIE!"
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B-But… I thought that I was the master liar!
FOR I AM KIRA!
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"You shouldn't shout that outside a police station,"
"Would it kill you to tell me when I'm thinking out loud, Ryuk? Huh? Before I make a jack ass out of myself?"
"Yes, it would."
"Fuck you! I AINT DOIN' LAUNDRRRYYY!"
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"Misa, how do you make a plural?"
"MISA KNOWS! With an S!"
"Where?"
"… On weekends and holidays and all throughout May!"
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The teacher called on me to help Misa with her English homework on plurals.
Considering we're currently sharing a hotel room, it shouldn't be hard.
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"Uuummff… R-Raito… we should be doi-aaahhh… doing homework…!"
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HARD LIKE KIRA'S DICK!
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"Oh, sorry Raito. I wasn't paying attention."
"Damn you!"
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"Okay Misa, now. Plurals. The plural of ox is oxen."
"Yup."
"So, what is the plural of box?"
"Boxen."
"…"
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This HAS to be an elaborate sham.
No person can be this stupid.
Especially not a famous person.
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IT'S A PLAN TO PROVE THAT I'M—
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"Raito! Don't say Kira! You're in public!"
"I wasn't going to say Kira. I was going to say 'not as smart as she'."
"… You're a liar! LIAR!"
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Liar, liar, burn in Hell!
Liar, liar, pants on fire!
Hanging from a telephone wire!
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I told Misa I was busy with my science fair project and that she had to go home.
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"MISA DOESN'T WANT TO DO SCIENCE! MISA WANT TO BE WITH RAITOOO!"
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Ryuk was spying on her and Rem later on that night.
Apparently, there are hidden cameras in my shower.
And she watches me.
CLEAN MY p33n.
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"Misa likes it when naughty boy Raito cleans his dirty, dirty wee-wee."
"…"
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It was the day of science fair.
Misa's project sucked the hairy testicles of Kira.
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"Raito, you should shave."
"STFU RYUK!"
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"Misa… what is this?"
"MISA KNOWS! It's a cup of dirt!"
"… Explain."
"Well, it's a cup with some dirt inside!"
"…"
"Misa got it from her garden."
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Misa got an F and decided to leave school forever.
She obviously never attended anyway.
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"Misa just wanted to be closer to naughty boy Raito's dirty, dirty wee-wee!"
"STOP CALLING IT THAT! IT'S A PENIS!"
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By the end of the day, I was tired, horny and in the mood for some erotic interaction.
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"You're watching Crime Scene Investigators; we show the toughest criminals in the world and their stories on how they got off Scott Free."
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"Raito, killing people is like sex for you, isn't it?"
"Yup! Except, I'm doing it! RAITO SEME ALL THE WAY!"
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At least, I think so.
A/N:
Yup.
Go to YouTube and type in the search box,
"Keiichi Is Stupid In School" to see the AMV this chapter is based off.