A/N:
PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE CONTINUING.
1. I know Ryuk would never do what he does in this chapter.
2. Also, is Rem a girl, or what? I have no idea. Anyways…
Chapter Four: imagaY otiaR passes 'Judgment'
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I've been Kira for five years, today.
I can tell you now; it's an amazing feeling.
I feel as if I should go on one of those talk-shows, where the hosts are loud mouthed and rude and talk in all capitals.
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"SO RAITO, YOU'VE BEEN KIRA FIVE YEARS TODAY?"
"THAT'S RIGHT, KENT. IT'S AN AMAZING FEELING."
"WHAT'S THE MOST AMAZING FEELING YOU'VE EVER HAD?"
"PROBABLY THIS, KENT. AS FAR AS I CAN THINK."
"WHAT ABOUT A REALLY AWESOME BLOWJOB?"
"… YEAH, THAT'S PRETTY AMAZING."
"THERE YOU HAVE IT FOLKS. KIRA, AT FIVE YEARS YOUNG, LOVES BLOWJOBS."
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Everyone was giving me gifts. It was pretty awesome.
Ryuk let me have the eye trade for free, for a whole day.
He said it was for all the apples I gave him.
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So, I looked in the mirror and it showed my name as "imagaY otiaR".
Then I realised…
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"I'M GAY?!"
"Seems so."
"… Damn it. Everyone knew except me. No wonder everyone writes LxRaito fanfics. THEY KNEW!"
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Why didn't anyone tell me? (emo)
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"Raito… you're gay with your mom…"
"STFU!"
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How dare he?!
I am NOT gay with my mom!
She's a girl, after all.
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"Don't feel bad, Imagay."
"That isn't my name, Shinigami…"
"Tch… I'm also gay. Don't feel bad."
"What? Rem? I thought you were a guy!"
"So did I… until I fell for Misa!"
"… You realise male/female relationships is how it works in the Human Realm, right?"
"What, really? That's weird."
"…"
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The new thing at the work place is to annoy me.
Everyone knows I'm Kira, but due to the fact they're currently unable to prove it, they sit around and piss me off all day.
L likes to play that ridiculous Imogen Heap song, "Hide and Seek".
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Every time I walk into the room, it's-
"MMM, WHATCHA SAAAAAYYY?! OOOH, THAT YOU ONLY MEANT WELL? WELL, OF COURSE YOU DID, MMM, WATCHA SAAAAAAYYYY?! THAT IT'S ALL FOR THE BEST, OF COURSE IT IS!"
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It's like… Kira's National Anthem.
Like, the Queen has "God Save The Queen"?
I have "Mmm, What'd Kira Say?".
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I can just imagine those fools now…
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"Psst… psst! Ryuuzaki! He's coming! Get the stereo ready!"
"Hehe! We'll get him this time!"
"Ha, this is gonna be great!"
"Shh, you guys! He's coming! He's coming!"
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I walk though the door,
They start playing it,
Laughing like idiots,
And I die a little on the inside.
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(mumbles) "Stupid co-workers… I'll be passing judgment on you soon enough…"
"Ew, do you smell that? Seems like judgment isn't the only thing you can pass, Raito!"
"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, RYUUZAKI!"
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Dumb bastard.
He's stupider than Mogi's ex-girlfriend.
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"Whazzup, mah pimp dawg, yo, maxin' out da creditz on da side wif da hoes, ya diggin'?"
"Er… hi, honey. What are you doing here?"
"Chillin' on da west side, pimpin' in da east, ya diggin' me, home fly?"
"Did… did Watari let you in, or did you storm in without permission? Sweetie, you can't be here. This is top secret stuff."
"I boughtchya'll some foodz and Japanese spoonz. Enjoy, niggaz."
"Please… just leave. I'll see you when I get home. I'm sorry, you really shouldn't be here."
"You bein' wigga, yo? Don't wigga me, wigga! Yo jive ass! Ya'll got some nerve, dawg! (storms off)"
"Okay, Mogi. Explain. What the hell just happened?"
"I have… no idea."
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Apparently, while dad and myself were busy investigating Kira… heh, it sounds funny when I say that… Sayu (the dumb bitch) flushed a tampon and our house became flooded with sewerage.
Not only that, while trying to save my things from being submerged in last weeks meals, she accidentally found my porno stash.
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This situation brings whole new meaning to the term, "in deep shit".
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XD ZOMG RAITO UR SO FUNNEH
… why hasn't anyone said that yet?
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"Hey, Raito,"
"What do you want, Ryuuzaki?"
"I heard about your house, man. Tough break."
"Yeah, I guess."
"What did you do, pass liquid judgment?"
"Well, I… HEY! WAIT!"
"Owned."
"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, RYUUZAKI!"
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It's a real shame I passed judgment on our plumber, for being an ex-child molester.
He was good at his job, I grant you…
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ZOMG KLIF HANGA DAWG LYKE ROFL
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(find out what happens when I an be bothered to tell you)
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imagaY otiaR, signing out.
A/N:
Um… yeah.
XD