Chapter Four: In Which Tragedy Befalls Xemnas.
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Therefore, this chapter is dedicated to those who have reviewed and/or faved! (Keep it up please!) And, I'm dutifully sorry that this is late, because I've spent months writing and plotting and scheming and self-betaing Passages of Naught (Also known to my two best friends as 'The One Thing That Matters In My Life.' It's unhealthy, really. I have a bijillion of chapters of this written out, and so I need to just post them, henceforth I am lazy.. So with out further adeu….
Humoresque Chapter Four
Poor Xemnas. Poor Poor Xemnas.
Ergo, Poor Poor Saix. As well as the reason why Demyx and Marluxia couldn't find either nobodies: They were in hiding. Well, humiliation really.
"You're kidding. You cannot be serious, Superior," Saix gasped, a little flicker of emotion highlighting his normally stoic face.
"Yes Saix, I am afraid it is true."
"This can't be happening!"
"How are we going to go through with this." Xemnas moaned.
"Holy Kingdom Hearts." Saix breathed.
The worst thing that could ever happen the day of a meeting.
Xemnas's cloak's zipper was broken. Really broken.
It was split, caught on the zipper chain just above the uniform's trousers, and part of it was torn.
"Can't you fix it?!" Saix said exasperated, albeit trying to keep his eyes off of his Superior's chisled body, finding it rather, difficult.
Xemnas sighed.
"It would cost about three thousand munny."
"Fine. Saix said, portaling to his room before Xemnas was done explaining, and returned with his piggybank. "Fine." Said he.
"…And take about three days."
Saix's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates, his hands dropped, smashing the piggybank which, considently had about three munny in it. Saix mentally slapped himself. He should have just looked in his wallet. Finally…
"Three…Days…!" He exclaimed in a panicked voice barely above a whisper. "What about your spares?" Saix was quickly becoming desperate.
"I sent them for dry cleaning."
"Xemnas!" Saix was now thoroughly horrified.
"We could borrow a cloak from another member!"
"No can do, Superior. You see, you are the tallest member of the Organization second only to Axel who's rail-thin. Also you're more…muscled…" Saix was blushing now.
"I get it, Saix." He mumbled.
"You'll have to go all day like that!"
"I'm afraid so." Mumbled Xemnas, dejected and freaked out. This was a meeting he could not miss. The building of the new hedquarters was too important not to discuss…
Something caught Xemnas's eyes, snapping him out of his reverie.
"Saix, have you looked in the mirror lately…"
"No, why?" He asked running to the Superiors lavish bathroom SURROUNDED in mirrors to see. Sooner footsteps were replaced with a horrified shreak.
"HOLY SHIT XEMNAS!"
"Heh, heh.." Squeaked Xemnas.
"I'M COVERED IN GODDAMN HICKIES!"
"You don't have to put it so crudely, you know," Xemnas mumbled.
Saix's rampaging through his room trying to find a scarf put Xemnas into silence, as he watched the Berserker go, well, Berserk.
"This can't be happening." He groaned.
Saix, now tighting a rather western-style bandanna around his neck whispered.
"We must endure…"
"The organization meeting."
"Shit…"
2 hours later
The meeting room was filled with an awkward silence that almost everyone found to be the best way to proceed with the meeting, completely ignoring Xemnas's half nakedness and Saix's odd attire, until, well…
Axel came in (late).
Now, the room with all the big chairs that moved up and down based on failure, was closed down when Demyx's chair decided to play 'Twilight Zone Tower of Terror' without seatbelts and creepy doormen. That's why. The Nobody slaves of Vexen, and the clones of Zexion were in there trying to repair it as quickly as possible.
Until then, they were in a little white room with a big white table and thirteen little white chairs and thirteen non-monochromatic, very awkward-fied Nobodies.
Anyways, the Flurry of Dancing Flames waltzed into the room, whistling a tune, but stopped and said the worst possible thing.
"Shit, man! What happened to you?" He addressed Xemnas.
Roxas, along with everyone else in the room, visably winced.
Apparently, (except to Axel) everyone was avoiding the question out of a fear that they all shared: A fear of getting light sabered to death.
Xemnas sent the renegade a look that could freeze liquid mercury on spot. That was Vexen's job, and his eyes were none too warm as well.
But Axel, so wrapped up in what could have caused such visible distress in numbers I and VII, just didn't catch on. So he had to continue to speak due to the annoying silence in the room.
"I mean, you look well, shitfaced."
"Number Eight. Sit. Down." The Superior said through gritted teeth.
"I mean seriousl-"
"AXEL SHUT UP!" Roxas screamed desperately.
Axel complied, stunned by his quiet Roxy's little outburst.
Xemnas made a makeshift attempt to get things rolling with the meeting.
"Now that we are all present, let us talk about the issue at hand.."
"Lack of budget?" Asked Demyx.
"Lack of women?" Said Xigbar.
Larxene glared daggers with her eyes.
"C'mon, Larxene," Xigbar started. "Not that you're not womenly or anything, you could just put out more y'know?"
Luxord chuckled. Xigbar bellowed at his own joke. Larxene growled. The men laughed some more. Finally, Larxene lost it, stood up, knocked both men out of their chairs, and castrated them in a most violent fashion.
After Larxene sat down satisfied, the meeting continued.
"Larxene…" Zexion muttered, but was cut off by Xaldin.
"Hey Larx! Get Axel while you're at it!"
Axel shrinked in his chair.
"ENOUGH!" Xemnas bellowed, making everyone jump in their seats. Roxas screamed rather girlishly.
Saix jumped causing the bandanna to flitter to the floor.
Saix just stared, mortified.
"Hey Fangface, are those bitemarks?!" Said Axel.
Saix froze. Xigbar, who was actually getting quite angry at the redhead manipulated the space under his chair, causing him to fall into the basement.
Roxas was relieved that no further damage would be done to the Superior's and 'Scary Number Seven's' bad moods. Xemnas was equally pleased, and promised Xigbar a steak for his trouble.
The meeting wient on normally, everyone ignoring Axel's cries of "You shitheads!" From under the floorboards.
A/N: Yay, humor!! This is cowritten by my Friend Savanna, who is the Axel of our upcoming freshmen class's Organization Thirteen. Therefore, we were rather satisfied with the outcome. Also, she's the beta. BLAME HER. Also, she is not he beta for P.O.N. claiming 'the almighty Zexion will not let her humble best friend touch the almighty Great American Fanfiction.' I laughed, because fanfiction is so not noble in its endevours.
That said,
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