Chapter 8

Elliot tapped a pen on his desk impatiently. A voice echoed out from behind him. "Where are we with the Carlton case?"

He pushed aside the file in front of him, his eyes seeking out the source of the voice. "Captain, we're just spinning our wheels here on this one." Spinning seemed to be the understatement of the year. Drowning was more like it. Elliot knew it wasn't fair to his captain, but for the first time in his career, he didn't care. He didn't want to be sitting at his desk hashing out the Carlton case. He wanted, no, he needed to be sitting at Mercy General Hospital making sure his partner was okay. The only problem was, his partner didn't want anything to do with him.

As if sensing the rising tension in the room, Fin crossed over to where Cragen stood. "It's lookin' like she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time," he pointed out.

Cragen eyed his two remaining detectives. "So we still think the Carlton case is connected with Olivia. Any luck with recent parolees?"

Elliot dropped his pen, cracking his knuckles and reclining back in his chair. "We've interviewed a few of them, but no one that looks good for this. Maybe we're going about this all wrong."

Fin nodded in agreement. "We've been thinkin' Olivia's the target the whole time, but why dump her at Elliot's doorstep? That can't be a coincidence."

"Yeah, and how the hell did he know where I live?"

"Okay, so maybe Olivia's not the real target," Cragen mused, staring up at the web of photos on the board. "What if this guy is really after Elliot? He goes after Olivia to try to send him a message." Cragen scanned his eyes from one photo to the next, hoping against all odds that something new would jump out to him.

"Ok, but why go after my partner? If this guy wants to hurt me so bad, why her? Why not me? Why not my family?" Elliot interrupted, the frustration in his voice rising.

"This guy's a rapist, not a pedophile. Maybe he's not into kids," Fin suggested. He glanced over at Elliot, knowing that he was walking a fine line. Elliot was ready to snap at any moment, and he knew none of them were prepared for what would happen if he did. There was only one person who could soothe him when he got like that.

"Elliot, what about your wife?" Cragen ventured slowly. "The divorce is still pending, right?"

Elliot nodded, not quite sure where he was going with this. "Yeah, not a matter of public record."

Fin closed his eyes for a brief second, hoping that his next words wouldn't send him teetering over the edge. "So what if he goes after Kathy, finds out you're getting a divorce, and goes for Olivia instead?"

There was absolute silence as they each considered the possibility. When he finally spoke, Elliot's voice was flat and emotionless. "All right." He scooped up his jacket from the back of his chair and grabbed his phone. "I'll talk to Kathy."

"I'm sorry." The tentative voice that permeated the silence was so quiet Jeffries leaned closer to hear it.

When she did, she squeezed her eyes shut to force back the wave of emotion that hit her. The fact that Olivia felt the need to apologize tore at her heart.

"Olivia, you have nothing to be sorry about. What happened isn't your fault," she reminded her gently.

"I know that," Olivia admitted quietly. "But it is my fault if I let it happen to someone else." Jeffries heard the catch in her voice. She swallowed hard and remained silent. She knew now was the time to tell her, but she couldn't bear to do it. She couldn't bear to tell Olivia that it was already too late for someone else.

When their eyes finally met, Jeffries could see a new determination behind them. She hesitated. "Olivia, is it okay if…" She didn't have to finish. Olivia nodded her consent. Cautiously, Munch stepped out of the shadows and began to advance toward her slowly.

"Hey." His voice was soft and tender. "I'm sorry I haven't been here. The doctors wouldn't let me near you until this virus cleared out of my system." As he approached her bedside, he saw the panic in her eyes and realized it was directed at him. He froze mid stride. Quietly, he observed her, noting every bruise, every cut that colored her body. He had heard the doctor's reports, but he still wasn't prepared for what he saw.

As if to counter her own body language, Olivia smiled. "It's okay. I won't break."

Munch took two cautious steps forward and hovered over a chair for a moment. "Olivia, if you want me to leave at any time, just…"

"No, it's okay," she interrupted sharply. Her eyes darted back and forth between the two of them, as if questioning where to begin. With a suspect, she always knew when to initiate an interrogation. With a victim, she always knew how to approach them. But suddenly, Olivia had no idea where to start.

"What do you remember next?" Munch encouraged her gently, silently letting her know what she had already suspected. She didn't need to repeat herself--he had already heard.

Olivia blinked hard, fighting back the tears she refused to allow escape. When she spoke, her voice was tentative. "My arms were pinned over my head. They were cuffed to the bedpost, and I thought that I might be able to bust off one end of the rail. But I couldn't do it." Her fingers instinctively traced the deep purple bruises and cuts on her wrists.

God, she hated feeling so damn helpless. Olivia forced herself to harden her words, hoping that the edge behind them may somehow transform the words into something more recognizable, something less passive. "I didn't hear him, but he must have been watching me try. When I finally gave up, I heard him come up behind me."

"Can you describe him?" Munch asked gently.

He was lying next to her before she even realized he was there, his body pressing up against hers. His skin was cool to the touch, but at the same time, Olivia felt it searing an impression in her body that could never be erased.

Olivia blinked hard to erase the image. "He was a white male, maybe mid thirties with dark brown hair and blue eyes. He was tall--a little over six foot, just over two hundred pounds."

"That's good," Jeffries encouraged her gently. "What else?"

She was pinned up against the headboard with nowhere to go. His right arm held her hands in place as his left hand closed around her throat, forcing her head to turn toward him. As he pulled her closer, she could see the muscles in his arm flexing with exertion. A flash of color protruding from beneath a white cotton t-shirt caught her attention. The image faded away, and her screams were muffled as he pressed his lips to hers.

Olivia's chest tightened as she fought for a breath. "Olivia, lay back down." Jeffries' voice was stern, and she reached over gently and helped her lower her body back. As she eased back into the pillows, Olivia was finally able to draw in a shaky breath. "It's okay, sweetie," Jeffries whispered. "You broke a couple of ribs in the attack. If you try to sit up too much, it makes it harder to breathe."

Olivia felt the wave of panic subside slowly as the words sank in. Her face flushed slightly. "I'm sorry," she repeated, hanging her head. She took a deep breath, determined to continue. "He had a tattoo on his left arm. It was a blue skull in the center of a red star."

Munch jotted down a note in his notebook. "Did you notice anything else that was different about him?"

"He had a scar on his right hand." Olivia turned toward them, silently pleading with them to move on, to erase the image ingrained in her head.

Jeffries took the hint. "Okay. Can you tell us what happened next?"

A sharp pain erupted from her wrists as her feet pushed against him. His chest was a solid mass of muscle, and he staggered back just long enough for her to escape his burning touch. Pure adrenaline coursed through her veins, and she seized the temporary reprieve to push back away from him. It wasn't until she felt the cold metal bar digging into her spine that she realized she had nowhere else to go.

"He tried to touch me, and I fought against him. That's when he pulled out the knife."

The knife. It had come out of nowhere, the blade pressing against her skin. She was afraid to breathe. Her lungs strained for oxygen. When she could hold it no more, she finally drew in a shaky breath. As she did, she felt the blade digging into her throat, felt the trickle of blood. She didn't even recognize the sound that escaped from her lips.

Munch was scrawling illegibly in his notebook when he heard the soft whimper. He was frozen in place--unable to speak, unable to move. Olivia was unrelenting. She was resilient. She confronted her past day after day with a vigor that each of them acknowledged, but never really understood. She relied on an intuition and an inner strength that could unnerve even the most unsuspecting perp, but at the same time inspire a victim to trust her with the most intimate details of their attack. She was tough. She was strong. She was...vulnerable. In a mere couple of days, the man who had attacked her had managed to do what a lifetime of hurt, pain, and utter depravity had failed to do. He had shattered her spirit, stripped her of her confidence. He had broken her.

Jeffries was the first to recover. "Olivia, it's okay. He can't hurt you anymore."

"He attacked me," Olivia whispered. "When I tried to get out from underneath him, he trapped me up against the headboard." Her voice changed, her words tinted with anger and resentment. "No matter which way I twisted, I couldn't get away. He kept hitting me and kicking me." Even as she fought for control, she could hear her voice breaking, rising to a feverish pitch as anguish twisted with anger. "He started stabbing me, and I turned my back to try to protect myself. I…I begged him to stop, and finally he did."

Olivia dropped her head to hide the expression on her face, and Munch felt his eyes burning. He wanted to protect her, wanted so much to take away her pain. He wanted to tell her that she didn't have to relive it, but he knew he couldn't.

Her shoulders hunched forward, dejectedly. "When he stopped, I realized what he was doing. I heard him pull his pants down." She raised her face to meet their questioning eyes and fought to control the tremble in her lower lip. "I kept kicking and screaming. I tried so damn hard to get away from him, but I didn't have anywhere to go."

She blinked hard, fighting back the tears that burned behind her eyelids. When she spoke again, her voice was barely above a whisper. "He wrapped his hands around my neck and forced me to kiss him. I begged him to leave me alone, and all he did was laugh at me." She let out a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob.

Jeffries stared into her haunted eyes, searching for a truth she didn't want to hear. "Olivia, did he rape you?"

Olivia's eyes dropped ever so slightly as she drew in a shaky breath. "I didn't realize…" She stopped, and her lips parted slightly as she swallowed the knot in her throat. Then silently, she nodded. "I didn't know until I felt him push inside me that it wasn't the first time."

"Elliot, what are you doing here?" The door swung open, and Kathy stood in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest. "The kids aren't even home."

"I'm not here for the kids right now. Kathy, I know this isn't a good time, but we need to talk."

She pushed the door open further and silently motioned for him to come in. Elliot hesitated as he stepped through the door. His eyes scanned the living room, and he felt a knot in his throat. He hadn't been inside the house in months. He could instantly see the changes--small, subtle changes to the décor that seemed to scream out to him that she was moving on in her own life, erasing the memory of the one they had once shared.

"Talking is not one of your strong points, Elliot. What's this about?"

For the first time, he hesitated. He hadn't thought about what to say to her when he got here. He had only known that he needed to know the truth, needed to know why it was Olivia in that hospital room. "Look, Kathy. Have you…" He cleared his throat. "Have you been seeing anyone?"

Her eyes dropped instantly, and she started to rise to her feet. "Elliot, I don't want to talk about this right now."

"Kathy, I need to know." Elliot's voice had a certain desperation to it that stopped her in her tracks. "Have you been seeing anyone? Have you had any new friends, maybe anyone you don't recognize who has been around recently?"

"Elliot, what's all this about?" Kathy stared back at him, the confusion on her face evident.

"Olivia was attacked the other night," he blurted out. He heard the sharp intake of breath, but somehow it didn't register. His mind was reeling, turning over the events from the past few days.

"Elliot, I'm sorry. Is she okay?"

"No, Kathy, she's not okay. The bastard kidnapped her, raped her, and left her to die after setting fire to my apartment. She's not fucking okay!" He turned abruptly, suddenly not even sure when he had risen to his feet, and he allowed himself to drop back on the couch, his head in his hands and the tears that he refused to acknowledge burning behind his eyelids. He let out a sound that vaguely resembled laughter. "I don't know what I'm doing here."

"Elliot, wait." Kathy hesitated, not sure what to say, not quite sure what to make of his outburst. She had seen him lose his temper more times than she could count. She had seen him hurt and angry, but she had never seen him like this. With a trace of bitterness, she wondered if he would have felt the same way if something had happened to her. She let out a long, low breath. "What can I do to help?"

"Just talk to me, Kathy. Tell me the truth. We think he went after Olivia to get to me."

Kathy's head snapped up. "The kids…Elliot, I have to…" She stumbled to her feet.

"Kathy, the kids are fine." She froze as she took in his words slowly. "Fin picked them up from school an hour ago. They're okay," he reassured her. "But I need you to talk to me now."

She nodded dully, carefully considering her next words. "I haven't seen anyone around that I don't recognize, but I…I did go out on a date with this guy I met at the hospital. Elliot, it was one date. We didn't click, and I haven't seen him since."

Elliot's head snapped up. His voice took on a new urgency. "Kathy, think hard. Did you ever mention Olivia to him?"

She averted her eyes away from his and drew in a long, deep breath. "Yeah."

"What did you say?" His words were sharp, his eyes widening in horror.

"Elliot, I'm sorry. I…I told him that things didn't work out between us." Her words softened. "I told him that I felt like I could never come close to having the type of relationship you shared with Olivia." Her words were barely above a whisper as she realized the implication behind her words. "Oh, God..."

Elliot crossed over to her and took her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him. "Kathy, what was his name?"

"Roger." She sighed. "Roger Hammond."