Chapter 15

Elliot stared back at Olivia in silence. He was afraid to move, afraid to breathe. He watched her eyelids flutter shut, watched the tension from every muscle in her body slowly fade. He listened to the sound of her breathing as it evened out. His heart reached out to her as he watched her slip away into the slumber she so desperately needed. He swallowed hard as he watched her fading away into oblivion, watched the hurt and pain silently melt away. He tried to tell himself that it was what she wanted. It was what she needed. But the truth weighed him down with a guilt he'd never known before. She had trusted him, and he had betrayed her trust. As he watched her chest rise and fall silently, he wondered if when she awoke she could ever forgive him again.

Elliot felt a vibration from his jacket pocket. Before it could wake her, he snapped his phone open without looking to see the name displayed on the front. "Stabler," he whispered quietly.

He listened to the voice on the other end of the line before he finally spoke. "I stopped by to pick it up on my way over. You were right. It was just what she needed." He paused, only half-listening to the voice that spoke to him now. "Okay, thanks. I'll see you in a little bit."

Elliot flipped his phone closed, slipping it back into his jacket pocket. His eyes returned to Olivia's sleeping form, and he hesitated. Moving carefully so as not to disturb her, he slowly drew himself up to his feet. He wrenched his eyes away from her and let them fall on the two mugs left abandoned on the coffee table. Fighting back the unsettling guilt rising within him, he took one in each hand and crossed back over to the kitchen. He dumped its contents in the kitchen sink and with trembling hands, turned on the tap water. With tears swimming in his eyes, Elliot held a single mug under the running water, willing it to wash away the final traces of a betrayal that he would never be able to forget.

A desk drawer slammed shut followed by a shuffle of papers. Cragen snapped out of his reverie at the realization that the squad room was no longer empty. His eyes flew to the clock on his computer--5:54 am. Who the hell was here this early? He fought back a yawn. Planting his feet firmly on the ground, he stood up and crossed the room. He flipped open the blinds, allowing the bright light to filter in through the darkness. He blinked hard, forcing himself to focus on the form in front of him. He hadn't realized he had moved until he noticed that he was no longer standing in his office.

"Olivia?'

Her eyes jumped up, her body suddenly tensing at the intrusion. "Captain, I didn't realize you were here."

He stared back at her as if she'd grown a second head. "Olivia, what are you doing here?"

She barely even glanced back up at him, her gaze intent on the computer screen in front of her. "I work here," she mumbled absentmindedly.

"Olivia, it's 5:54 in the morning."

She finally tore her eyes away from the screen and allowed them to settle on him. "I know. I'm sorry I haven't been here the last couple of days." Her eyes darted back to the screen.

He cleared his throat. "You know, Olivia. You have plenty of vacation time. No one here will question you for taking it."

She straightened in her seat and glared back at him. "Are you questioning my ability to do my job, Captain?" The words were filled with defiance.

Cragen met her steely gaze. "No, but I do think you could use a few days off." His words were soft.

"Look, I appreciate the concern. Really, I do, but I'm fine. I don't want a few days off. I just need to be here. I need to work." She set her jaw stubbornly, daring him to refute her.

He came up behind her, his eyes settling on the image on her screen for the first time. "Olivia, we're going to find him."

She simply nodded in response, her eyes intent on the photos before her. She scanned over them before clicking ahead to the next page. Cragen stared back at her helplessly, the words for every argument in the world dying before they reached his lips. He remained silent, searching for the words to let her know that he still trusted her, but somehow he came up blank. He sighed reluctantly. "You know where to find me if you need anything."

She didn't look up, but he saw the defensive wall around her begin to soften around the edges. "Thank you." The words tumbled out as barely more than a whisper--two words masking what neither of them knew how to communicate. He nodded, sensing her need to be alone and turned away, tracing his steps back to his office.

The seconds ticked by slowly, but Cragen refused to stir from his post. His eyes followed her every movement. At 7:52 am, he watched her push her chair back away from her desk. She stood up, stretching her legs, and he watched as she turned toward the staircase. He exhaled slowly, somewhat relieved to find she had abandoned her desk, but unsettled by the fact that he knew she was now camped in the file room, digging through one binder after another filled with old mug shots that he was fairly certain would yield no clues to the answers she was so desperate to find.

As the clock continued its race toward the beginning of another day, he finally saw them approach. He slipped out of his office, motioning silently for them to join him within. Munch and Fin traded looks as they each took a seat.

"What's up, Captain?" Fin was the first to break the silence.

"From now on, this office is command central. No one speaks a word of this case outside this room."

Munch arched his eyebrow. "Is there some reason for the sudden surreptitious clandestine operations?"

Cragen drew in a deep breath. "Olivia's back at work."

They both stared back at him in shocked silence. "And you let her come back?" Fin's voice was incredulous.

"You know as well as I do, there's no stopping her once she's made up her mind," Cragen sighed, his words resigned. "So let's make this as painless as possible. Remember, she still doesn't know about the other victim."

"We're going to have to tell her," Munch interrupted quietly.

Cragen nodded. "I know. But let's spare her the pain as long as we can. Now what did you get on this post office box?"

Fin was quick to fill him in. "The box was cleaned out just before we got there, and it was listed under the name Roger Hammond."

The expression of anticipation on Cragen's face fell immediately. "Damn it. Did we get anything?"

Munch smiled. "Yeah, apparently our mysterious Mr. Hammond has quite the penchant for an up front parking space. We managed to pull the footage from a traffic cam at the closest intersection."

Cragen turned back to them, not sure if he dared to raise his hopes again. "And…"

The two exchanged looks again. "And I think you need to take a look at this."

Fin reluctantly handed a photo over to Cragen. "A dark red Chrysler Town and Country. License Plate J39-S1H8."

Cragen stared back at them. It took a moment for it to register. "Elliot drives a dark red Chrysler Town and Country."

Munch nodded. "Yeah."

Cragen wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer to his next question. "What's Elliot's plate number?"

"J39-S1H3," Fin noted grimly.

As the last digit rolled off of his lips, Cragen's head snapped up. "Are you positive the video has an 8, not a 3?"

"Positive," Munch conceded.

"Someone's gone to a hell of a lot of work to set Elliot up," Fin added.

Cragen closed his eyes before he finally spoke. "Did you run the plates?"

"Car is registered to a Bradley Jamison." Munch noted. "His home address is just a few blocks from Maloney's."

"Okay, go. I'll call Novak and get a warrant to search the home and the car." Cragen saw the look of hesitation. He sighed. "What is it?"

Fin turned around slowly. "Captain, do you think we should show the photo to Olivia to make sure?"

Cragen heard the words, but wasn't sure he was ready to acknowledge the truth behind them. He closed his eyes, seeing the calm, determined façade that had clouded Olivia's features only hours earlier. His words were quiet when he spoke. "Not until we're sure."

They accepted his judgment without question, silently filing out the door as quietly as they had come in. As soon as they were gone, Cragen lifted the receiver, his fingers fumbling for a number he knew all too well.

"Casey, Munch and Fin are on their way over. I need you to have a search warrant ready for them when they get there." He paused, waiting for her to take down all the info. As he was getting ready to hang up, he hesitated. "Casey, just one more thing." He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that he was ready for the truth behind his next request. "I need you to do me a favor…"

"What is Olivia doing at her desk?" Casey's words came out sharper than she intended as she burst into Cragen's office.

Cragen raised his eyes to meet hers. "Don't ask."

She raised an eyebrow inquisitively. "You're asking for a hell of a lot of faith in me right now." She thrust a packet of papers in his hand. "Do you want to tell me why I couldn't just give this to Munch and Fin when they stopped by earlier?"

Cragen stared at the packet in his hand. "I need to review it first." He remained silent, not willing to give her anything more.

She sighed. "Don, you can't keep me in the dark."

Cragen rubbed his eyes wearily. "Agreed, but Casey, right now, all I have are my suspicions. If I get anything to back them up, you'll be the first to know."

She started to protest, and then stopped, noticing for the first time the emotion clouding his eyes. "Make sure you do," she responded softly instead. "And Don, take care of yourself. Everyone around here needs you to be strong."

He nodded, knowing it was as close as they'd ever come to the words neither one of them could speak. "Thanks Casey."

He waited until she disappeared out the door before he turned his attention to the paperwork in his hands. There was always something to be said for knowing that the innermost instincts that pushed you forward in an investigation were justified. Sometimes it was fulfilling. Sometimes it was exhilarating. Sometimes it was just plain scary as hell.

Cragen blinked, hoping that the image before him might somehow mold itself into something other than the truth. But it was right there in front of him, and he had no idea what it meant. His eyes shifted to the phone in front of him. There was only one way to find out. He reached for the receiver, allowing his fingers to dial the number listed on the LUDS in front of him. When he finally heard the voice pick up on the other end, he hesitated, allowing silence to take over for what seemed like an eternity. Finally he spoke. "It's Captain Cragen. I need you to meet me here in an hour. We need to talk."

"Olivia, what are you doing here?" Elliot dropped the file in his hands on his desk, turning toward his partner.

"Working," she answered quietly, glancing up to catch his eyes. She waited for a moment as he settled in at his desk as if struggling for a response. Finally she took a deep breath. "El, thanks for being there when I finally fell asleep."

He froze instantly. Emotions he wasn't even sure he knew how to identify coursed through his veins. He wanted to deny it, he wanted to hide from it. But he knew he would never be able to look at her again if he did. He shifted in his seat, avoiding her gaze. "Liv, I don't know how to tell you this. But I…"

"Elliot." Cragen's voice rang out from behind him. "My office," he barked out.

Elliot turned toward him in confusion.

She nodded, smiling softly. "Go, we can talk later."

Hesitantly, he stood up and crossed over toward Cragen's office. "Captain, what's going on?"

Cragen didn't answer. His eyes were riveted on the scene before him. Elliot whipped around, following his blank stare and for a brief moment, he wondered if it was really possible for all time to stand still. He had no doubt that hell really could freeze over. And he had no doubt that the familiar figure who just walked in the door was the reason for the whimper that suddenly escaped from Olivia's lips.

He watched as the file in her hand flew to the floor, scrambling the photos and paperwork within it. Her face was deathly pale, her eyes frozen in horror. He recognized that pain. He recognized that fear. There was no way he could ever forget it.