Chapter 24

Elliot's eyes fluttered open slowly. As his eyes adjusted to the soft light in the room, he searched for a familiar face and froze instantly. He was there. After all this time, he was right there in front of him. Elliot tried to remember what had happened, but his only indication was the sharp pain radiating from the right side of his head. Then suddenly he remembered. Damn it. He groaned quietly.

"You're awake."

Elliot stared back at him, his mouth set in a tense line. "I would have been to begin with if you hadn't knocked me out."

Jamison shrugged casually. "Sorry about that."

"I can tell you're really broken up about it." Elliot shifted his gaze up to the handcuffs around his wrists before finally settling on the Glock pointed at his chest. "Just tell me," he began quietly. "Why my partner? You could have hurt anyone else in my life. Why the hell did it have to be her?"

Jamison moved closer, kneeling down beside him. "I wanted you to feel what it's like to let your partner down. I wanted you to feel what it's like to know that you're responsible for what happened to her."

Elliot blinked hard. "Alex Jamison was my father's partner. My father never let him down. He was a good partner."

"Your father was a good cop. He was a lousy partner," Jamison retorted.

"My father lost his job, his pension." Elliot's jaw tightened. " He lost everything he had because he refused to testify against your father. How the hell is that being a bad partner?"

Jamison returned his gaze for a long time before he finally responded. "You cops are all alike." He leaned closer. "Well, let me tell you something, Stabler. A good partner isn't just someone who abides by some damn thin blue line code of silence. A good partner is someone who realizes when his partner has gone too far and steps in to stop him."

His words slammed into Elliot with a force that momentarily stunned him. Then suddenly, everything made sense. "This has never just been about what happened to your father, was it?"

Jamison moved closer, pressing the Glock to Elliot's temple. "I don't want to talk about it," he returned tersely.

"Elliot." Olivia's voice was trembling with uncertainty. She took a tentative step forward. "Elliot, it's me."

"Get out of here, Olivia."

Olivia heard the catch in his voice and ignored it. She swallowed hard, trying to gauge the direction of his voice. She turned around to face Tucker and held out her hand. Stay here, she mouthed silently. She stared into his eyes, silently pleading for him to understand. His rushed explanation on the car ride over had done little to prepare her for this moment, but she didn't care. She didn't care if he had as much at stake as she did. She didn't care if Cragen had ordered him to tag along. She was going in there to save her partner, and she had every intention of doing it alone.

"Olivia, I'm not letting you go in there by yourself." Tucker's voice was hushed, barely audible.

"Yes, you are." She turned around to face him slowly. "Tucker, if you want your brother to come out of here alive, you better damn well let me do my job. He wants me in there, and he wants me in there alone." She gave him a look that stopped him in his tracks. She took a deep breath, dropping her Glock slightly as she rounded the corner into view.

The scene in front of her left her momentarily paralyzed. In the rare moments she had managed to sleep since her attack, she had dreamt of this moment--of seeing him again, of confronting him. But nothing had prepared her for this. Nothing had prepared her for the harsh reality in front of her now. This was every nightmare from the last six months rolled up into one earth-shattering moment. This was memories of Victor Paul Gitano and Bradley Garrett Jamison in an inextricable struggle that suddenly left her unable to distinguish where one had left off and the other had begun.

"Elliot, I'm not leaving you here alone." She had no idea how the words that escaped from her lips managed to sound so strong when everything inside of her had instantly been turned upside down. She had no idea how she managed to hold her Glock in front of her with steady hands when her entire body seemed to be trembling violently. She turned toward Jamison. "You wanted me here, you've got it. Just please let him go."

Jamison smirked back at her. "Looks like your partner here has a soft spot for you," he announced smugly. His eyes flickered briefly over to Elliot before returning to her. "Or did you just miss me?"

"Let her go, Jamison," Elliot commanded, his words suddenly hoarse. "She has nothing to do with this."

"That's where you're wrong, Stabler. She has everything to do with this. She's your partner."

"Yes, Bradley. He's my partner. That's what this is all about, isn't it?" She tilted her head slightly before continuing. "You told me that I was special, and I didn't understand at the time what you meant by that. But now I think I do."

"You were different. You were the true test." Jamison stared back at her as if somehow willing her to understand.

Olivia nodded. "Because of our partnership, you mean. Elliot and I have been partners for a long time. He's always been there for me."

"He wasn't there for you last week." Elliot heard the words as they fell from Jamison's lips and felt his jaw tightening, felt the beginning signs of anger pulsing within him. He felt himself beginning to lose the tedious grip on control that he was so desperate to cling to.

"That's where you're wrong." Olivia's voice was quiet, soothing. There was something in its soft, even timbre that managed to extinguish every last bit of anger in a way that Elliot had never been able to explain. There was something in her eyes that instantly connected with him on a level that he couldn't even begin to describe. There was a comfort there, a familiarity that he knew and understood. Every other person in the world seemed to vanish until it was just the two of them left alone in that moment to communicate every emotion they had been holding back for months.

"Our partnership is different from your father's, Elliot." Olivia's voice softened. "Because even when you're not right there with me, I know that you're still there. When I completely screw up, I know you're going to be the first person to tell me and the only one to help me through it."

"Olivia, I'm the one who screwed up." Elliot's voice was suddenly devoid of anger. It was gentle now, his eyes searching hers for forgiveness, his word filled with regret. "I never told you the truth. I was so afraid of admitting that I needed you that I let you walk away after Victor Gitano. But Liv, I can't do this job without you."

Elliot bowed his head, somehow willing her to understand the one thing that up until now he'd never been able to comprehend himself. "Olivia, I've done nothing but screw up. Every time I've lost control, you've brought me back. Every time I've pushed when I shouldn't have, you were there to reign me in. Every time I gave up on a case, you reminded me why I should keep going."

"Elliot," she protested softly.

"No, I'm not done yet, Olivia." He drew in a shaky breath. "When Cragen put me with Blaine, I had no idea how to be the strong one. I had no idea how the hell you'd managed to put up with me for so long when I had never given you back anything in return."

"Elliot, that's not true." Olivia's voice had dropped to a whisper.

Elliot raised a tear-stained face to meet hers, completely oblivious to the gun that was still pointed at his head. Because it didn't matter. Nothing else mattered. He didn't care if he never made it through this day because it wasn't worth it if he couldn't finally tell her the truth that they'd been dodging since the moment Victor Gitano had turned their lives upside down.

"Yes, Olivia, it is true," he admitted sadly. "You've never asked me for anything, and all I've done is demand that you be strong enough for both of us."

Olivia stared back at him and saw the fear and insecurity in his eyes. She watched the fight draining from his body, and for the first time, she stated to panic. Because Elliot was all wrong. She had never been the strong one. Her strength was only as strong as the bond that held them together. Her strength only existed as long as he refused to give up. Her strength was his. At some point through the years, she had forgotten what it was like to exist as one person and had come to know only existing as one half of a pair, a set, a partnership.

"Elliot, that strength comes from you. Don't you remember what I was like when I first joined this unit? I had no idea what it meant to be strong. You were the one who told me I could do it when all I wanted to do was cry. You taught me that my life could be about more than just my past. El, you're the only person in this world who's ever been there for me."

"And that's exactly the problem, Liv." Elliot drew in a shaky breath. "You've always settled for whatever I was willing to give you instead of asking for everything you deserve."

"Elliot, you've given me everything I've ever wanted."

"Stop it." Jamison's voice tore through her words. "Both of you just shut the hell up."

Fueled by pure desperation, Olivia whipped her head back around to face Bradley. She searched his eyes, the eyes of a complete stranger that were somehow hauntingly familiar. For the first time, she allowed herself to absorb his appearance, to look beyond the list of facial features she had committed to memory in an effort to identify him in the inevitable line-up. And finally she saw in him what her subconscious had already realized. She saw in him the reason for her emotional breakdown in the squad room. She saw in him a young, insecure version of Edward Tucker.

"Your brother told me about what happened with your father." Olivia allowed her words to soften again. She needed to find out the truth. She needed to find answers for both of them. She needed to find closure.

"You don't know anything about my family."

"You're right," Olivia affirmed quietly. "The man who fathered me was a rapist. He raped my mom, but I never knew him. Your father raped your mother, and you had to face him every day of your life."

Bradley rose to his feet unsteadily, pointing an accusing finger at Elliot. "I wouldn't have had to face him if your father had done his job in the first place. If your father hadn't tried to cover it up, my mother would still be alive."

Olivia stepped closer. "Tell me what happened the day she died."

"He was scheduled for arraignment that day," Bradley began bitterly. He laughed. "My father didn't just rape my mother. He used to beat up on her too. One day, she finally had the courage to report it." He glared at Elliot. "Your father tried to get the whole case thrown out, and it worked. My brother and I were too afraid to tell the truth, and the only other witness was Joseph Stabler. Your father refused to testify against his partner."

Olivia nodded as the pieces finally began to fall into place. "What happened next?" she prodded gently.

"My brother was supposed to stay home and watch me, but his best friend had a birthday party that day so my mom rushed home from court to be with me instead. When they dismissed the charges, my father came home. My mother tried to call Joe for help, but my father wouldn't let her. He told her that his partner would always stick up for him, that he'd just proven that in court. He raped her just like he always did and then he started to hit her. He kept telling her he'd make her sorry she'd tried to turn his partner against him. He kept hitting her until she stopped moving."

Olivia exhaled softly. "You watched him beat her to death."

"He didn't just beat her to death. I watched him murder her, and then I watched him turn around and kill himself," Bradley corrected bitterly.

Olivia drew in a deep breath. "Bradley, I'm sorry for what happened to your family, but that wasn't Joe's fault and it wasn't Elliot's fault either. It was your father's, and I know that you don't want to be like him."

"I'm nothing like my father."

Elliot laughed. "You're exactly like your father. You raped and killed Leslie Carlton. You raped my partner and then set fire to my apartment with her inside."

"I met Leslie outside the dress shop. I needed her help, and even though she wouldn't admit it, she needed mine. She was all alone." He paused. "I know what that's like. I had to save her."

"And Olivia?" Elliot challenged.

"I had no choice. I thought it was all over when I heard your father died. But then I found out that you were a cop too. My brother told me how you had assaulted another officer in the bathroom at the courthouse. And that's when I knew that you were exactly like him."

"I stopped my old partner from beating up his son!"

Bradley's eyes flickered with the slightest hint of doubt. "No, you're lying. I've been watching you. I talked to your wife. You're just like him."

"I would never hurt my family."

Bradley began to back away, his hand trembling as he pointed the gun back at Elliot. His fingers eased toward the trigger. "You and your partner are too close. When partners get too close, they lose sight of what's right. They lose their ability to do their job and to protect others. I am not going to let that happen again."

"Bradley, put the gun down."

Bradley whirled around at the voice behind him. As he shifted, Olivia sprang into action, but he was too quick. He turned the gun back toward her before she could get close. "What are you doing here, Ed?"

Tucker's voice was raw with emotion. "I know what happened is all my fault. If I had been there to protect you, we wouldn't be here right now. But Bradley, you have to let me protect you now. You have to give me the gun."

Jamison laughed bitterly as he edged closer to Elliot again. "You always think you can protect everyone. You always think that you can make everything better. Well, guess what, Edward? You can't make it all better. No matter how many bad cops you take off the street now, you're never going to be able to change what he did."

Tucker recoiled as if he'd been slapped. "I'm not going to let you hurt anyone else."

Olivia never heard him. Her eyes were focused straight ahead on Elliot and the gun now flush with his temple. But not just any gun. She closed her eyes briefly. It was her gun. Bradley had her gun to her partner's head.

"I'm sorry, Ed, but there's only one way to get justice now."

Olivia saw her helplessness mirrored in Tucker's eyes. She swallowed hard. There was no movement, no sound as Elliot's eyes held hers, speaking to her, urging her…apologizing to her. She shook her head. "Elliot, no!" She dropped one arm, taking careful aim. Her eyes burned with a torture she had never known. There was no time left. Bradley was ready to snap at any moment, and nothing she did could make a difference. It was a helplessness she had never felt before, the utter certainty that no words or movement could ever have any effect on the man that stood before her now. "Elliot," she echoed softly.

Olivia watched the hollow, empty look in his eyes change to resignation. She felt his eyes passing over her face as if memorizing every detail. They met the utter anguish in her eyes, and she felt her throat tightening in her chest.

"Olivia, I'm sorry," Elliot whispered dejectedly.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the look of resolution in Bradley's eyes mirrored by the look of total acceptance in Elliot's own eyes. "Elliot, no!" Tears clouded her vision as the first shot rang out, and the world before her melted away in one earth-shattering moment.