Disclaimer: I ,MercilessAngel, do not own Naruto.
Chapter four. Yay! Ok if you haven't you might wanna check out my Naruto poems. The one I'm proudest of is 'If Akatsuki Were in Charge of the World'.
I've decided to start dedicating my chapters to reviewers(hint hint), so this one is dedicated to no one! Because no one reviewed and you are all ravenous butt-monkeys!
We left off with Itachi's comrads quite frightened of him and giving in to his every whim. And we heard another convo between crazy fangirls, which you will understand later.
How to Woo an Uchiha
Chapter 5: Through the Looking Glass
"..."
No one knew what to say to that. Quiet, calm, reserved Itachi had finally finished cracking. It was obvious. He killed his entire clan, not becasue he was a murderous criminal like they had believed but no, becasue Orochimaru had told him to. And now he wanted to save what was left of his clan, aka his brother Sasuke, who hated him, becasue he read a prophecy. Hello Crack-House hotline? One of your lunitics has excaped and invaded our home. Please come remove him. But Tobi was happy to point out a flaw to Itachi's rant.
"Soooo you still haven't told us what you want us to do."
As one, everyone turned and stared at Tobi. Now what was it that Kisame didn't want? Ah yes! No one wants the mass murderer to hate them. Tobi didn't seem to get that.
"Want I you to do is be quiet. What I want everyone else to do is find a girl with no linage, that has uncommon knowledge, that would entice my brother."
"Itachi what exactly did this proghecy say?" Kisame asked.
"That the fate of the world depends upon my angsty brother and this woman that I'm not even sure exists."
"This woman... would she happen to be blond with green eyes, and a frightening sense of humor." Hidan didn't look up, not wanting them to see the perverted bluss on his face.
"I have no idea, why?"
"Well I have been watching this female. Obviously to kill her...and erm she seems to have uncommon knowledge. Especially concerning your brother." Hidan figeted as he rushed through his explanation.
"What kind of uncommon knowledge?"
"She could probably tell you his shoe size if you asked. And what he ate for breakfast two weeks ago and if he had a middle name she would know it and I bet she knows the color of his boxers."
"This creepy woman. She stalks my brother?"
"No... she kinda just knows."
They all shared a knowing look, besides Tobi, but that's because he wasn't following the conversation. Ok one atribute down, two to go.
"Would she entice my brother?"
"...well she is erm attractive and very developed. I mean if your brother likes em big, I guess."
And the truth reveals itself. Hidan was a pervert. A very big pervert who spied on girls with large assests.
"And her lineage?"
"As far as I can tell she dosn't seem to have a very significant one..."
Kisame smirked suggestivly at Itachi.
"I bet he has no idea about her linage, becuase that's not what he pays attention to."
"Well since this is the only lead we have. We will follow it. Hidan where does this woman live?"
Tobi, who had been drifting through devious thoughts of his own, perked up at the sound of a woman.
"What woman, Itachi?"
"The one that we have been discusing for the last hour. Weren't you paying attention Tobi?" Itachi growled angrily. His Sharingun flashing dangerously as he took a step toward Tobi.
Tobi knowing this could mean walking away with all of his limbs, and crawling missing some, nodded and tried to avert Itachi's attention elsewhere.
"So Hidan, where was this woman?"
"Well she dosen't live arround here. She lives really far away. In a diferent universe infact."
Kisame stopped admirering his sword and looked at Hidan.
"If she lives in a diferent universe, then how do you know so much about her?"
"Through the looking glass." he shrugged.
"A looking glass, how the hell-"
"Not a looking glass, THE Looking Glass. I stole it a few years ago. It allows you to see things."
"What kind of things? And why have you kept this from us."
"Well the lady I took it from started spueing nonsence before I killed her. She said, "In times of light this glass will be filled with the things you want to know, and in times of dark this glass will be filled with things you should know." She was at her witt's end. Complete nonsence if you ask me. And I didn't tell you becasue so far the only thing the damn thing's showed me is this weird woman."
"... Hidan, I am going to let Kisame shave you into teany tiny peaces and them I am going to bast them in terryaki sauce and eat them. 'times of darkness' are you that dense. We are up to are ears in darkness, meaning we need to know about his woman, meaning she is the one."
Itachi said this all with his deadly calm and only started growling like an angry dog toward the end. Tobi and Kisame who were looking between Itachi and Hidan. They spoke at the same time.
"Itachi 'is he' 'am I' really going to shave Hidan into tiny peices?"
Kisame looked hopeful at the thought of killing someone and Tobi looked hopeful at the thought of Kisame killing someone.
"Hidan go get this glass..."
Hidan got up and left the room. He came back minutes later with what appeared to be a small pocket mirror. They gathered around it to finally see this weird woman.
The glass fogged with a green mist and then cleared to show an empty room. The room had a large bed situated under a window that toched the floor. They were odd things thrown across the floor here and there. Clothes, books, candles, a plushie that looked like Sakura with pins sticking out of it...
"Look Kisame, she has a violent streak just like you." Tobi pointed to the Sakura doll.
"Shut up."
They looked toward the door when it was pushed open and three girls walked in. They were laughing and walking almost drunkenly, holding their sides. The blond one grinned and cooned.
"Oh Sasuke-kun, you can kick pinecones at me!"
"I am to busy to kick pinecones at you. I must continue my ocd-ness and find my brother. Merely so he can throw me into walls and other hard objects."
"You know if Itachi like died of old age, Sasuke would have no point in life? All he lives for is killing Itachi.That isn't really much to live for. And he can't even accomplish that small thing because he's weaker then Itachi."
"Girls, girls. You see if he did kill Itachi-
"or Itachi died of old age!"
"Yes Fox if Itachi died of old age. Then he could comense repopulating his village. I mean he has to start sooner or lating. He has a lot to do."
"Ewwwww."
"I bet Botton wants to help him repopulate his village."
"Ewwwww!"
Itachi looked appaled. These weren't woman. They weren't even human.
"Wow Itachi... your brother is really the lady's man." Tobi and Kisame were snickering.
"'Oh Sasuke-kun, you can kick pinecons at me!'" Now they were rolling on the ground in mirth.
"Oh-oh wait. Itachi maybe you can help Sasuke repopulate the Uchiha clan? pft!"
Itachi grabbed the glass and shook it to rid himself of looking at the crazy females. He then turned to Hidan who had been quiet the whole time.
"Hidan which of the females was it?"
"The blond one."
"...the blond one. I want you to work on a way for us to get to that place she is."
"Why?"
"We're going to go get her."
I have the fifth chapter out and finished. Yay! Ok the sixth should come soon, but remember I'm typing 4 stories at once here. Review fpr the next chapter.