Change back?

Summary: I loved the regeneration from 9th to 10th Doctor so much that I think it should be told in more detail. 9Rose & 10Rose

Disclaimer: All official Doctor Who stuff belongs to BBC etc. - I only borrow it for this story.

Notice: Thank you all for your kind reviews of the first chapter! It's nice to know that some people are reading and even liking this.

Very helpful beta-reader for this chapter was again StarSurfer. And dartigan was once more the guardian of my quotation-marks ;)

This chapter has been partially rewritten and re-published with some additions but without being beta-read again on 21st June 2008.

What frightened him even more was that, in a short while, his mind might not think of her like it used to. At last these thoughts distracted him from the growing pain that began as a dull tug in his head.

Chapter 2 – Not like this

„Rose Tyler ..." She liked it when the Doctor called her in that way, sounding kind of proud and with this certain, fond smile. Somehow it made her feel special - and she wanted to be more than the average 'little ape', which was his favorite nickname for a human. It didn't matter to Rose that she didn't really know what he saw in her, as long as she was allowed to travel with him.

Smiling, the Time Lord told his young companion how he had wished to take her to many more places, like the planet Barcelona, and that he believed she would have loved it. He was babbling now – a trait they had in common. But they also knew when to keep silent and listen to each other. So, Rose still just sat there and took in his words. However, she didn't really pay much attention to them, because she was wondering why his smile didn't quite reach his eyes. She did not like this at all – it usually meant trouble.

One of his favorite jokes – the one about the dogs without noses – momentarily distracted her. It always made her laugh, and he knew it. But the Doctor had not considered that Rose wouldn't be tricked so easily anymore. Thus, when he offered no explanation for his strange mood, she inquired: „Then, why can't we go?", and he realized that he had to tell her the truth. After all, she would soon see it for herself, and it wouldn't be fair to leave her unprepared for what was about to happen.

The problem was, he didn't know how to start without frightening her. So the Doctor chose one of his favorite tactics and spoke in this confusing way which told the truth but concealed it at the same time. „Maybe you will – maybe I will. But not like this."

Rose finally stood up, straightened her clothes and declared: „You're not making sense." It wasn't entirely true, though. She had a bad feeling now that had nothing to do with the strange memory-loss she obviously suffered from. Her friend was talking as if they were about to part!

'No, he surely is just making more jokes', she tried to reassure herself and gave in to laughter at his speculations about him having two heads or even none at all in the future. The blonde woman decided to dismiss his weird speech as something she didn't really need to understand, just like most of his explanations about technology or alien races. It was easy to just enjoy and laugh about it.

However, when the Doctor suddenly became serious, Rose couldn't fool herself any longer.

„It's a bit dodgy, this process." She was aware that he the wanted to tell her something very important. „You never know what you might end up with."

Before she could find out what he was talking about, an electric shock seemed to hit him. Its force made him cry out and double over. Yellow flashes ran through his body. Without thinking, she started forward to help him, crying his name - but despite his obvious agony, he stopped her with a commanding voice.

All masks had dropped now. The Doctor clearly was in pain, clutching his body as if it would fall apart if he didn't hold on tight. Although he managed to steady himself by leaning on the console, he couldn't stand upright. His breathing was heavy and he had to pause while talking to gather strength. Rose obeyed and didn't come closer, but she demanded an explanation. Her fears and worries were showing openly in her eyes and voice. Suddenly it was easy for the Time Lord to tell her what had happened, most likely because he felt that his time really was running out now.

Rose tried to wrap her mind around his explanation, but it was hard to think when she was so worried about him. 'Absorbed the whole energy of the Time Vortex ...?!'

She knew the Tardis travelled through that unfathomable place to reach any destination in time and space, but the concept of its power was beyond her. On the other hand, how could she understand something that even the Time Lords of Gallifrey had not unraveled completely. And after all, there was still a strong shield around the memory of her own experience with this energy.

Nevertheless, Rose still would have known that it wasn't good to absorb this power into one's body, even if the Doctor hadn't added that no one was meant to do that. When he looked at her, there was a rare dread clouding his face. And his next, strained words made her realize that this wasn't something he could easily handle with his superior alien biology: „Every cell in my body is dying."

She felt suddenly cold and numb. 'He can't be dying!?' was the only thought she could manage. But then that strange burning determination deep inside her awoke again, just like when she had set out to rescue him with the Tardis. „Can't you do something?" Rose's voice was quite shaky, but it sounded more like a demand than a request anyway.

Self-confidently the Doctor assured her that he already was doing 'something'. A Time Lord trick to cheat death. He almost convinced her that everything was going to be alright. But then he started talking about 'changing' again, and she just couldn't understand what he meant.

„I'm not gonna see you again. Not like this. Not with this daft, old face." He couldn't completely keep the strain out of his voice.

The young woman was in shock and just stared at the man who had become so important to her in such a short time. Was he going to die after all? He said he could cheat death. What was happening? Would he leave her?

She had already lost him once when the Reapers had devoured him. The world was going to end back then anyway, but she still had felt awfully empty without him. Everything had happened so fast in that alternative past, without any chance to do anything about it or to say goodbye. Now she didn't want to hear what he had to say.

The Doctor gave up. It was no use to explain to her what was going to happen, she was too frightened to listen and his time was running out. There were so many things he wanted to tell her, his Rose. He wished she wouldn't have to witness this. But at least she was safe.

He still couldn't believe what she had risked to save him and that she actually had destroyed the Daleks and their emperor. In fact he didn't even fully comprehend what she had done or how, but there was no time left to find out.

So, the only thing to say, without distressing her even more, was simple: „You were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic."

The Doctor knew, he couldn't hide his feelings for her anymore now and was afraid that they were plainly written on his face. His only remaining mask was a last joke: „And you know what? So was I." His bright smile lit his face one last time and even passed on to Rose. To her, there was no doubt about the truth of his final words.

She didn't have the chance to answer anything. Suddenly, the Doctor was assaulted by the strange force again and got pulled into a rigid posture - arms and legs wide, head thrown back. Only this time there were no flashes covering his skin, instead he appeared to be burning with golden fire. Although there was no heat and only his skin seemed to be affected, the being in front of Rose looked more like a living flame than a man - only held together by the Doctors clothes. More frightened than ever, the girl clung to a pillar of the Tardis and could do nothing but watch.

To be continued ...