Itachi returned home sadly, wondering what happened to his divine beauty. He sat there on the couch, thinking only of her.

"Oh, what has happened to my peaceful dove?" Itachi sobbed. "What if she is lost in the desert? What if she is stuck in a jungle? What if she is drowning in the sea!?"

It then occurred to Itachi that the whale was made of rock, and the scenarios he listed would have no effect on the stone mammal.

"But even so…" Itachi sighed. "I still would like to know where she is… so I can give her flowers… and candy…"

Just then, Kisame slammed the front door open with a bang.

"Why are you wet and dripping on my ninja carpet?" Itachi asked.

"I just took a dip in my lover!" Kisame replied. "OH, HOW SHE REFRESHED ME SO!"

"How I wish I could take a swim in my lover." Itachi groaned. "But I cannot find her, for she is lost from me! Oh, where art thou, my beautiful Whaley?"

"I have seen your lover!" Kisame mumbled, while eating a meat sandwich. "She is at Sea World! She was relocated into the polar bear cage."

"What? But that doesn't make any sense!"
"Yes it does. What are you talking about?"
"Oh yes, I see your point now. It makes perfect sense now. To Sea World!"

It was then quite late, so Itachi had to sneak into Sea World by barreling over the gates. He ran towards the polar bear cage, where his voluptuous little pea pod dwelled.

He jumped into the area where the polar bears rested. He ran towards his beloved statue, only to find that his beautiful swan was all scratched up.

"Oh no! It seems that my princess has been used as a scratching post for these horrible creatures! Here, let me tend to your wounds, my dear."

He then began to rub the whale with both hands tenderly. It was a good thing that no one was around for this, for they would feel like they were not wearing pants. It was during this tender rubbing moment that Itachi made a frightening discovery. It seemed that Itachi's self-proclaimed girlfriend was not a girl at all!
"Ack! Why did they sculpt that!?" Itachi screamed, in a fit of horror and realization. Unfortunately, this loud noise awoke the polar bears, and they promptly ate Itachi.

The End

A/N: I sincerely hope you all enjoyed this. If you perchance did not, I suggest going back over this and reading it out loud, in a quavering, suggestive, British accent. It adds a lot to the depth and emotion of this serious, serious story.

Also, I do not own Naruto, Itachi, or Kisame, nor would I want to.