-1The Music of the Night
The Fourth Measure
It wasn't until the next day when Asuka and Shinji were walking home from school that she felt like she able to approach him again. The rehearsals that day had focused mainly on Omi and Asuka, but when the time came for Shinji to sing his parts, something wasn't right. The notes were there, but the magic that everyone had come to expect wasn't. Asuka wasn't sure if anyone else had noticed, but she certainly had. Even Mr. Sakamoto had noticed and had asked Shinji if there was anything wrong. Shinji just muttered some sort of noncommittal answer and left it at that.
"Oh, Shinji…" Asuka called out from behind him in a sing-song way. She saw the Third Child cringe as he slowed down for her to catch up.
"Aw crap," he thought to himself as the redhead came up even with him. "What do you want, Asuka?" he asked sullenly, then yelped in pain as Asuka slugged his arm.
"Hey! There's no need to be rude, Third!" she barked, fire blazing in her eyes as Shinji began to rub his sore arm.
"S-sorry," he mumbled as he began to stare down at the ground again. His depression was beginning to come back and bite him.
"Pfft! Whatever!" Asuka snorted as the two began to walk back to the apartment again. "Anyway, I was going to ask you what was going on in class today?"
"W-what do you mean?" Shinji stammered back, hoping beyond hope that she hadn't noticed that his heart hadn't been in his music today.
"What I mean, dummy, is that you didn't sing as well as you normally do today!" Asuka shot back, somewhat exasperated. Shinji cringed once more, as his AT field had yet to reform itself from the damage caused by the young German who stood before him.
"I-I-I don't know what you mean," he stuttered as he refused to look at his pretty room mate. "I sang all the note right. You must be imagining things!"
"Bullshit!" Asuka spat back, "Sure, you sang all the notes right, but something was still wrong! So spill it, Third Child! What is it that let's you sing like a god one day and like a trained monkey the next?" Shinji kept looking down at his shoes as they continued to walk. Asuka sighed as she reached out and grabbed him by his shirt to get him to stop and face her, eliciting a yelp from the young man.
"Come on, Shinji," she said in a softer tone of voice, doing her best to set him at ease. She realized that she had gotten to the point that she needed him to sing to his full potential if she was to get any peace, but she was going to be damned if she let anyone else know it. She knew that her normal mode of speaking to Shinji wasn't going to help the situation, so she was going to try something that was completely foreign to her: Compassion. " I know something's wrong! We've lived with each other long enough for me to see it. You really need a great grade in this class if you want to pass the year, so tell me what's wrong and we'll see if we can find a solution, okay?"
"Uh, okay," Shinji replied, somewhat startled by her change in attitude. He didn't know what he was going to say or do, since she was both the heart of his strength as a singer, as well as the source of his pain. He looked up and saw something in her bright blue eyes that he rarely ever saw. He saw wanting and compassion, like she really needed an answer and really wanted to help. Shinji took a deep breath and did his best to come up with an answer before the fire returned to her eyes.
"When I was practicing for the auditions, Mr. Sakamoto heard me and gave me some advise. He told me that there were two things I lacked: confidence and focus." He began as he tried really, really hard not to blush and turn away. Instead, he continued to look into her eyes, the same ones that haunted him in his dreams.
"Well, duh!" Asuka barked. "I could have told you that! So, how did you overcome those deficiencies?" Shinji winced at her tone while Asuka kicked herself in the butt for it. She was trying to get him to open up, not shut him down.
"Uh, to bring my confidence up, he suggested that I should imagine a glass wall between me and the audience. That way, nothing they could do could hurt me. Being an EVA pilot, I went with what I know. I imagine myself in my EVA with my AT field on full power. Nothing could hurt me that way, or so I thought," Shinji explained, but muttered the last little part as he glanced back down to the ground, breaking the contact with her eyes.
"Okay, that explains the confidence, but how did you gain focus, and what does this have to do with how you sang today?" Asuka huffed, hoping that this wouldn't take much longer. The thing that seemed to upset her the most, however, was the fact he was no longer looking her in the eye.
"Well, he said I needed to focus on something while I sang. It could be anything, whether it was the message of the song, or the emotions involved. I actually took his third option. I focused on something completely different, or rather, someone." Shinji whispered, almost too softly for Asuka to hear. He prayed she didn't hear the last part.
"Someone?" she asked, her eyes widening somewhat as she watched the young man before her shrink back, looking like he was ready to flee.
"Uh, yeah," he mumbled shyly, still unable to look her in the eyes.
"You actually were singing to somebody?" Asuka pressed, a smirk developing in her face, despite her best effort otherwise. Shinji gulped and nodded his head. Asuka was doing her best not to laugh. She was trying to help, not hurt. "How could that be? I've heard you sing in the shower, in the kitchen, hell I've even heard you sing in your room at night. So, how can you sing to someone that isn't there?"
"Well, I picture her in my mind if she isn't there right in front of me. It allows me focus on what the song is saying. I just haven't been able to do that today, though." Shinji braced himself for the incredible amounts of teasing and insults he was about to receive.
"Why is that?" Asuka asked, as part of her was doing it's best to not make fun of him, while another part was a little upset that there was someone out there that Shinji was pouring his heart out to. Obviously, something had happened between those two to really set Shinji back. Asuka felt an anger build up within her that confused her greatly.
"She…kinda said some stuff yesterday that upset me some, and then when you said something about people just wanting to be around me because of the play, about them abandoning me…it kinda bummed me out. I haven't been able to sing to her since." Shinji was really starting to look down as Asuka mentally cursed herself. "Besides, like you said, who would want to be around me anyway?"
"Shit!" Asuka thought as Shinji turned and began to walk back home. She hurried to catch up. "You're not going to try to blame me for this, are you?" Shinji merely shook his head.
"No, maybe I should thank you instead. It opened my eyes to how people really think about me." he replied sadly, refusing to look back at her.
"Fuck! Way to go Asuka! You did a damn good job at destroying his confidence!" she scolded herself as she looked at the down young man beside her. "Besides, it's not all my fault, he did say she said some things that had upset him yesterday!" That thought brought up some more questions she needed answered.
"Well, what did she say that upset you?" Asuka began, "Just who is she anyway?"
"It's not important, Asuka," Shinji replied as they walked into their building.
"I'll decide what's important! So, if you're not going to tell me what she said, you could at least tell me who she is! Maybe I can put in a good word for you!" Asuka said as pleasantly as she could when they entered the elevator. Shinji shook his head.
"Come on! Tell me! Is it someone in our class? Do I know her?" Shinji's lack of a response served as her answer. "It is someone in our class! I wonder who?"
"I'm not telling you, Asuka! You'd just make fun of me!" Shinji said as the elevator reached their floor and opened. Asuka quickly followed behind a very angry Shinji as he rapidly walked to their apartment.
"Come on! I wanna know! Is it Mana? Or is it Kikyo? No, she's not you type!," Asuka said as she followed him inside, calling off names of girls in their class. Shinji refused to answer, other than to growl as he stormed into the kitchen to start preparations for dinner, Asuka hot on his heels.
"You know I'm gonna find out eventually! So let's stop all this before it gets too painful and just tell me!" Asuka pleaded. She hated the fact he was keeping something from her. "I know it's not Hikari, she's got a thing for that jock friend of yours. Oh my Gawd, it's not Rei, is it? Oh, that is rich! You and the Doll!" Asuka laughed until Shinji slammed the cutting board on the counter, making her jump.
"Damn it, Asuka!" Shinji barked, causing her eyes to widen in shock and anger. Before she could begin her tirade, he cut her off. "No, it's not Rei! I could never feel that way about Rei! Rei would never say anything to hurt me like this girl! I'm not going to tell you who it is because you would just make my life a living hell if I did! Now just leave me alone so I can fix dinner, please!" Asuka stood there for several seconds with her mouth open before she was able to say anything, utterly shocked at what the quiet young man had just said to her.
"I was just trying to help, Ikari! There was no reason for you to raise you voice at me, little boy!" she shouted at him, angry tears beginning to form in her eyes. This wasn't going anywhere close to what she expected. She had figured that if she berated him enough, he'd breakdown and tell her what she wanted to know and then she could fix things. She needed his music, whether she wanted to admit it or not. "See if I ever try to help you again!"
"I had more than enough of your help yesterday! Thanks!" he shot back sarcastically as he buried the knife he was holding into the cutting board and placed the fresh vegetables into a pan to simmer. The combination of his biting words and actions were more than enough for Asuka, as she spun on her heel and retreated to her room, slamming the door loud enough to wake up anyone unfortunate enough to be sleeping at the time.
"What, what the hell is going on?" Misato asked sleepily as she came out of her room. It had been her day off, so she had stayed up late last night, drinking into the wee hours. She had obviously been sleeping it off all day long.
"Nothing, Misato," Shinji growled as he mangled the crap out of the fish he was trying to fix for dinner. He threw it into the pan with disgust as he turned to fix Pen-Pen's dinner.
"You sure, Shinji?" his guardian asked, somewhat worried about her young charge. Shinji sighed as his shoulder slumped, before turning back to Misato.
"Yeah, I'm sure Misato. Just go back to bed and I'll call you when dinner's ready," he answered back as he shuffled a sleepy Major out of the kitchen.
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Asuka sat on the edge of her bed, feeling rather frustrated. Her whole plan to get Shinji to open up and tell her what was wrong had blown up in her face like a cheap firecracker. After she had found out he was actually singing to someone in their class, she kept pushing and pushing to find out who it was. He had finally snapped, but not in the way she had hoped.
"When the hell did he grow a set of balls?" she wondered as she laid back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. "Why the hell did he blow up like that? Because he was afraid of a little teasing?" Snorting with disgust, she stood up from her bed and began to pace her room.
"Why the hell should it matter to me who he was singing to?" she grumbled softly, shaking her head and sending waves of fiery hair cascading across her shoulders. "Why the hell wouldn't he tell me?"
"Because you would have made his life hell, just like he said," a soft voice within her head called back.
"No, I wouldn't have!" Asuka spat back to herself, before a sniggle of doubt nibbled at her heart. "Well, maybe a little. I probably would have told Misato, and we would have had a serious teasing fest."
"How do you think that would have made him feel?" the voice came back, causing Asuka to growl somewhat.
"Why should I care? He's just a silly little boy!" she whispered back.
"Has he ever teased you about Kaji?" the voice asked, causing Asuka to come to a screeching halt. "You know you will never have a chance with him, but you keep a hope alive inside."
"Shut up," Asuka commanded, to no avail.
"Maybe this girl doesn't know how he feels? Maybe he's afraid she'll reject him? You should know how that feels." the voice said sympathetically.
"That's not fair," Asuka complained as she sat back down on her bed and contemplated the inner voice. "Why should I care?"
"Maybe, just maybe, you're just a little jealous," the voice said, making Asuka jump.
"What?! No way in hell!" Asuka seethed as the inner voice continued on.
"Oh really? How have you felt ever since he began to sing? Hasn't it made you feel good? Hasn't it helped to chase away the dreams? Hasn't it lifted your spirits, even if you don't want it to? Haven't you felt that he was singing to you, no matter how silly it seemed?" the voice chided. Asuka hung her head in shame.
"Now that you found out that's he's actually singing to someone else, doesn't that upset you just a bit? His singing makes you feel so good, but it's not aimed at you? That must hurt some." Asuka shook her head, eyes downcast.
"A little," she admitted. That was something she never wanted to admit. She was actually jealous that she wasn't the center of Shinji's universe.
"And so you lashed out, trying to find something on him you could use to hurt him. Is that how a friend would act? He needs a friend right now, not some jealous girl who never paid him any attention until he became the lead of the play!" the voice added, using her own words against her.
"Ouch," she muttered, having never seen herself in that light. "Yeah, okay, I screwed up. I guess I should go apologize."
"Good girl!"
"It doesn't mean I have to like it!" she mumbled, hoping the voice would stay silent.
"Pride is a hard thing to swallow, but your friend needs your help, or else the magic won't come back!" the voice admonished. Asuka nodded her head and made to get up when she heard a soft knocking on the door.
"Asuka?" Shinji called out softly on the other side of the door as the redhead leapt up and opened the door. Sliding it open, she saw Shinji standing there, eyes downcast and shamefaced.
"Hi, Shinji," she said softly, almost choking on the words she needed to say, "look, I need to tell you…"
"I'm sorry," he said softly, causing Asuka to stop in mid-sentence. " I shouldn't have blown up at you earlier. You were just trying to help, I know that. It's…I've just had a rough couple of days."
"Uh…that's okay," she replied quietly, completely shocked. She knew she was the one at fault, but he was the one that was apologizing. It wasn't one of his automatic, reflex apologies, either. This was a straight, heartfelt one. "I'm the one who should apologize. I shouldn't have been pushing you like that. I was just curious and wanted to help. I'm sorry."
"Oh. Okay. Thank you," Shinji stammered, totally shocked that the fiery redhead of his dreams was actually apologizing to him without the threat of punishment of any sort. "Uh, dinner's ready, if you're hungry?"
"Starving, actually!" Asuka said as she and Shinji walked back into the kitchen, the hearts of both young people feeling tons lighter. Later that night, as she made ready for bed, Asuka heard the song start up once more, and the magic was there. Her heart once more broke free of it's earthly bounds and floated throughout the heavenly spheres. She knew the music wasn't aimed at her, but she claimed it as her own, nonetheless. Her sleep was peaceful once more.
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"Places, everyone! Let's get this going as soon as possible!" Mr. Sakamoto called out as Shinji, Asuka, and Omi took their marks. Since the previous day's rehearsal had been a disaster, their teacher was in a hurry to get things going on the right track again.
"Right! Now, remember, Mr. Hanzo and Ms. Soryu, you two are supposed to be playing a young couple who have just discovered their love for one another. That means, Mr. Hanzo, you are NOT supposed to grope Ms. Soryu, nor are you to act like an octopus! While I understand Ms. Soryu's reaction, let's not have a repeat of yesterday, please!"
"Hey, as long as doofus here doesn't touch me where he's not welcome, I won't kick him in the balls again!" Asuka growled, looking fierce despite the beautiful vintage grown she was wearing.
"I understand, Ms. Soryu, as long as Mr. Hanzo understands as well!" Mr. Sakamoto replied, shooting a warning glare at the longhaired young man who stood close to Asuka, but eyed her warily.
"I still think the little hothead over-reacted yesterday," Mr. Masataka commented, looking at Asuka with distaste. "I still think she should have been reported and expelled for her little temper-tantrum! It was just acting, it's not like Omi would have anything to do with someone like her!" There were murmurs of agreement from many of the female students in the audience, but everyone was silenced between the vicious glare of the redhead and the raised hand of Mr. Sakamoto.
"Mr. Ikari, are you feeling any better today?" Mr. Sakamoto asked, causing Shinji to come out of his reverie and focus on him.
"Uh, yes, sir. I'm sorry for yesterday." Shinji called out, sounding much better as he glanced over at Asuka, who gave him a small smile before turning away.
"Good, good! Now remember to focus on the emotions of the scene. The woman you love is in the arms of another man and you feel utterly betrayed." There was a smattering of laughter amongst the students that sent a blush over Shinji's and Asuka's faces. "Oh, come on, folks, you know what I mean! Anytime your ready, let the duet begin!"
Asuka turned to the audience and feigned a frightened and worried look as Omi stood about five feet behind her on his beginning mark. Shinji took his place behind a gargoyle, out of sight of the couple, but well within sight of the audience. With a wave of his hand, Sakamoto signaled Kensuke to start the soundtrack. Omi started to walk up behind Asuka as he opened his mouth to sing.
No more talk of darkness!
Forget these wide-eyed fears!
I'm here! Nothing can harm you!
My words will warm and calm you!
Let me be your freedom!
Let daylight dry you tears!
I'm here! With you, beside you!
To guard you and to guide you!"
After Omi came up and placed his hands on her waist, Asuka took a step forward, just out of his reach, much to Omi's chagrin. She looked out toward the back of the theater, like she was looking toward her future, as her hand played with the single red rose that was tied with a small black bow. She began to sing.
Say you'll love me, every waking moment!
Turn my head with talk of summertime!
Say you'll need me with you, now and always!
Promise me that all you say is true!
That's all I ask of you!
Asuka turned and stared at Omi, a look of anticipation on her face, looking for all the world like she was entranced with the possibility of spending her life with him. Asuka was a pretty good actress, since she couldn't stand to be anywhere close to her co-star. Omi took her hands as she dropped the rose she had been holding. He started to sing once more.
Let me be your shelter!
Let me be your light!
You're safe! No one will find you!
Your fears are far behind you!"
Asuka kept looking at Omi, explaining what she needed, but not really giving a damn what Omi thought. Shinji was listening in, and he felt his heart grow heavy.
All I want is freedom!
A world with no more night!
And you, always beside me,
To hold me and to hide me!"
Omi grinned his brightest smile, flashing his perfect white teeth, as he did his best to convince Asuka what a great guy he really was. He threw more power into his voice, which did nothing whatsoever for how well he sang. Mr. Sakamoto cringed.
Then say you'll share with me,
One love, one lifetime!
Let me lead you from your solitude!
Say you need me with you,
Here, beside you!
Anywhere you go, let me go too!
Christine, that's all I ask of you!"
Shinji peeked around the large prop he was hiding behind and saw Asuka and Omi come closer to each other, practically hugging each other as Omi sang back to Asuka. He had to swallow a large lump that had formed in his throat. He knew that this was just a play, but seeing the two of them together hurt nonetheless. Asuka seemed earnest when she sang back to Omi.
Say you'll share with me,
one love, one life time!
Say the word, and I will follow you!"
Together, the pair grew closer as they embraced each other, sending a dagger straight through Shinji's heart. The audience could read his body language and could see the sadness and anger build. Asuka and Omi looked deep into each other's eyes as they sang together.
Share each day with me,
Each night, each morning!
Asuka leaned back and smiled, sending waves of joy through Shinji's heart, until he realized her next words were not for him. He had a hard time reminding himself this was just a play, but he couldn't help it. The young redhead was his light in the darkness.
Say you love me!
Omi replied, leering at Asuka and doing his best to look down her dress. Shinji's anger continued to grow.
You know I do!
The young couple drew closer still, holding each other like the best of lovers as their foreheads touched each other as the sang to each other.
Love me! That's all I ask of you!
Omi picked Asuka up by the waist and spun her around in circles, looking for all the world like a young couple whose worlds revolved around each other. Omi bent forward for a kiss, but Asuka bent her head to keep his lips from making contact with her. Shinji was, unfortunately, unable to see that from his angle, and looked to him like the two shared a passionate kiss. He felt his heart being torn in two.
Anywhere you go, let me go too!
Love me! That's all I ask of you!
As the song concluded, Omi released his hold on Asuka as she backed off, continuing her lines.
I must go! They'll wonder where I am!
Come with me, Raoul!
Omi laced his voice with all the false sincerity he could as he sang his line back to her.
Christine, I love you!
Asuka did what she did best as she sang a command to Omi as the two turned from the audience and began to walk out the doors built into the set.
Gather your fine horses, be with them at the door!
Omi sang back as he wrapped his arm around her waist and did his best to grab her butt as they walked off. Asuka quickly snatched his hand and guided it back up to her waist.
And, soon, you'll be beside me!
Asuka's words echoed through the theater as she and Omi disappeared from view. Unbeknownst to the audience, or to Shinji, she promptly elbowed Omi in the ribs.
You'll guard me and you'll guide me!
The applause for Asuka's and Omi's performance was loud and rewarding, and continued until a sad figure appeared from behind the gargoyle. Nearly everyone had forgotten about Shinji as they concentrated on the duet. Now, the applause vanished as if turned off by a switch. The crowd could feel the overwhelming emotion that expressed itself through the young man's movements as he walked over and fell to his knees as he reached down to pick up the rose Asuka had dropped on stage. Shinji held it close to his chest as his head was bowed low, tears threatening to pour from his eyes as the image of the girl he cared for most in the world walked with someone else out the door and out of his life. It was a powerful image in Shinji's mind. There was a collective gasp from the audience as Shinji opened his mouth to sing.
I gave you my music,
Asuka stopped dead in her tracks as she felt a spear pushed through her heart. The power of Shinji's voice hit her like a berserk EVA, as the pent up emotions of the past few days were finally unbound for all the world to feel. She gasped as her eyes grew big, and she did everything she could to keep from turning around and rush to the side of the sad young man on stage.
Made your song take wing!
And now! How you've repaid me!
Denied me and betrayed me!
Asuka shook her head to try to keep the feelings from burrowing further and further into her soul, but it was of no use. The pain and anger she heard in Shinji's voice was almost more than she could stand. She wanted to go and tell him that she had never betrayed him, that it was only an act. She didn't like Omi, nor would she ever. Her emotions were in turmoil as she tried to convince herself it wasn't real, it was only a song, a stupid play.
He was bound to love you,
When he heard you sing!
Christine
Christine
Shinji said those last two lines as softly as he could, pouring all his sadness into them as he pictured Asuka walking off with Omi. Tears fell from his eyes as he clutched the rose as close to his heart as he could. The same tears were in Asuka's eyes as she turned and faced the stage, doing her best to stare through the scenery and gaze upon Shinji. All that hurt and pain had shut down the logical part of her mind, so when Omi elbowed her to get her attention, she looked at him like a lost little child before she remembered they had to sing once more.
Say you'll share with me,
One love, one lifetime!
Say the word, and I will follow you!
Share each day with me!
Each night! Each Morning!
As the duet floated from behind the scenery, Shinji felt the heat rush to his face, his anger building to levels he had only felt before in the seat of his EVA, as he protected the city of Tokyo-3 from the threat of the Angels. His breathing grew hard and ragged as a growl slowly built up in his throat, raising the hackles of everyone who heard it. Crushing the rose in his hand, his AT field burning once more at full power, Shinji stood and ran up the steps that were on the back of the gargoyle until he stood at the top. With one foot on the gargoyle's head, he faced outward, his eyes feverish as he glared at the heavens. His fists were clinched and he held his arms open as if to challenge all the gods that dared stand in his way. He drew in a deep breath and released all the anger he had stored at the unsuspecting universe.
YOU WILL CURSE,
THE DAY YOU DID NOT DO!
ALL THAT THE PHANTOM ASKED OF YOU!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Silence reigned in the theater as Shinji finished the last note. Nobody dared to challenge the young god that stood before them, as he scanned the crowd with a dark look that could melt the armour from an EVA. No one moved. No one breathed. No one even blinked as the power of the song and the stare rebounded over the audience over and over again. The half mask that Shinji wore only made it worse, causing a few of the students to almost lose control of their bladders. However, when the mask of anger fell and the normal expression of Shinji returned, there was thunderous applause, as well as many a sigh of relief. Shinji stood there and bowed, enjoying the limelight.
Asuka shook with fear behind the scenery when Shinji had sang the last part of his solo. The anger she heard was the same anger she had seen time and time again when they faced off with the Angels. She knew that the anger was turned against her. She had betrayed him, she had hurt him more than words could actually express. It made her feel lower than dirt, and she wanted so desperately to go out there and show him exactly how much she cared for him. That thought struck a chord, a very unnerving chord indeed.
"NO! Damn it! No! It's just a stupid song! It's just stupid Shinji! It's only a play!" she repeated to herself over and over again in her mind. She shook her head to clear it of the unwanted thoughts that kept flitting throughout her mind. She walked back out through the door she and Omi had departed through and stopped in her tracks yet again.
She saw Shinji standing upon the gargoyle as their fellow students stood on their feet and gave Shinji the reward he so richly deserved. Asuka noticed that there wasn't a dry eye in the house, to paraphrase a well known Pre-Impact rock singer. Asuka actually smiled at how happy Shinji seemed to be, all thoughts of his anger and pain leaving like the morning mists before the bright day.
Shinji turned and began to walk back down the stairs, and when he saw the smile on Asuka's face, his heart felt like it was going to burst through his chest. Asuka noticed he was looking at her and turned her head away as a blush lit up her face. Shinji took a another step downward just as the gargoyle creaked, then swayed, then fell to pieces, sending Shinji to the floor with a sickening thud.
"SHINJI!" Asuka screamed as she rushed over to his still form, which was partially buried under bits and pieces of lumber and plaster. Shinji gave no reply as the young redhead fell to her knees beside him.
End of the Fourth Measure.