Batman's burn out
« So this is where you live, Bruce? »
« Yep. It's my big and modest house. »
« It's so big, it's so beautiful, it' so-"
« -Bwahahahaha!! »
« What was that!? » said the frightened young lady, hiding behind the billionaire.
« You heard something? I didn't. How about some music? »
Nervously, Bruce went to turn on the radio and turned toward the beautiful young lady and, to change the atmosphere, said:
« So, Rita. Would you like to dance? »
Hypnotized by his beautiful blue eyes, the young woman agreed to the invitation, and they started dancing. Locking their eyes, the two lovers were contemplating each other, their lips almost touching; Rita could feel her breath mixing with his own and-"
« AHAHAHAHAHAHA!! »
"That's it! I'll be right back, Rita."
Bruce walked toward the cave, opened the door and yelled: « SHUT UUUUP!! »
The bats' flapping could be heard, and then silence. The billionaire smiled before closing the door behind him.
« So Rita, where were we? …Already gone? Women! No patience at all."
Bruce turned his attention toward the clock.
« ..Well. It looks like I have a clown to feed anyway. »
So he went to the kitchen and took a food plate before going back to the Batcave.
« BATSY!! Oooh, and with food, too! My love for you just increased. »
« Do you want to eat or what? »
« Yees. »
Batman gave him the plate through the Batcage's bars. "What were you laughing about?"
« Oh come on, Bats. You were dating someone who's called Rita! Just for that I should change her into a clown. »
« …You could hear everything we said?! »
« Just some parts. » The Joker started laughing. « Rita, would you allow me this dance?? »
« I never said- and why am I talking to you anyway? You're a prisoner. Eat."
« Because you think I'm funny and joyful and you like my presence?!"
« In fact, two minutes ago I would've kill it… »
The Joker gasped.
« ..Er… forget what I just said. Killing is bad, killing is bad, killing is bad –I am a lawman, I save lifes, I don't kill them. Even if they are…"
« …Yes? »
« ..Even if they are… »
« Yeeeeesss?! »
« …Just eat. »
The Joker continued laughing while eating his plate of Kraft diner.
« By the way, since I didn't have anything to do in my cage, I've decided to domesticate some of your bats! You'll recognize them pretty quickly."
At the same moment, three bats with red lipstick flied above their heads.
« …I knew letting you keep your make-up was a bad idea..."
« Hehehe. »
Several days passed by and crime rate continued to lower. This surprised a lot of people… but Batman. And as days became weeks they became used to the Joker's presence… well, Batman did. Although Alfred felt uneasy and was worried about his master's health, who lately did not seem to be himself.
« …Sir? »
« Yes Alfred? Just a minute. Say : Aaaah. »
« Sir!! Stop right now! He is not an animal!! »
« Aaaah! »
« I know Alfred. He's a prisoner. But I'm forced to feed him this way; imagine what he could do with a simple spoon."
« Yeah Alfred. » munch munch. « I could do a lot of things with a spoon."
Yep, Alfred had finally decided to show himself to the Joker after all. Of course, it has been a whole month since he was the there- and anyway, who knew Alfred in Gotham city? (A/N: We love you Alfred.)
« Mister Batman, we need to talk. »
« Go on Alfred, I'm listening. »
His attention went to the Joker, who was looking at him with the biggest smile on the world.
« Aww.. Alfred, you're hiding things from me? I'm hurt… Even if I've been such a good clown."
« Yeah Alfred, I don't see where's the probl-"
« SIR!! »
« Allright, allright. »
So they left the Batcave.
"Allright Alfred. What is it?"
« He has to go, sir! You've been –you changed since he's here, and he looks too pleased to be here, and you too seem to be happy! That's what worries me sir; for him it's normal, but you?!"
« Alfred, I really don't see what you're talking about. You should know that I'm upset by his presence as well."
Alfred gave him a cold look.
« I'm just used to his presence now, Alfred. And who knows? Maybe he'll stay here forever."
Those words echoed in Alfred's mind, and he felt panic creeping on him. He had to do something now or things will start to be… stranger then they already were.
But what…?
He then waited for Mr. Bruce to go shopping (indeed he had sent him for grocery shopping, which risked to take a lot of time because it was so new to him); now he had time to think of something…
At the grocery store…
« Excuse-me sir. »
« …Yes? »
« It's the first time that I come here. »
« …You mean it's the first time you come to this market? »
« No, no, no, in fact it's the first time that I shop. »
« …Uh huh... »
« So I guess it's you that I have to talk to. Do you see this list?"
« ..Yes… »
« Bring me everything that's in it. Go on, hurry up!"
« Er… »
Back to the mansion…
At that moment Alfred approached the Joker's cell and opened it.
« My dear Joker, I believe that you can go now. »
The Joker looked up at him, unmoved. He was reading the book that his precious Batman had bought him some days ago: Madness is curable!
« You didn't hear mister Joker? You are free. Go! The city is waiting for you. »
« Uuh… actualy Alfred, I think I'll stay here. »
Alfred stared at him. « WHAT?! »
« I like it here. I have my Batsy, the food is ten times better then at Arkham, and I always have people to talk to. Naaah, I think I'll stay."
He gave him a deathly smile.
« ..Sir, I don't know what you hope to find here, but you won't."
« All I want is my little Batsy. »
« You should know that 'Batman', as you call him, has a social life! He won't always be here."
« Oh we'll see Alfred, we'll see. » The Joker grinned.
At the grocery stores…
« Okay, if I give you thirty dollars, would you do my groceries? Come on, just a little service."
« Sir, I have work to do and you're starting to scare me… »
« Fifty dollars then? Come ooon. »
« Boss!! »
« Okay, okay; I'll write you a cheque."
« BOSS!! »
It took two days before Bruce came back to the mansion.
………….
« Sir?! What happend to you? Did something happen?? Did the Batman had to interfere?? »
« Er… »
« You had to fight crime, was that it? »
« Eeeer… »
« …But where are the groceries, sir?? »
« Um.. I don't have them Alfred, and I didn't fight crime either… but didn't come back empty handed: see…"
« …Wait… you are being charged with aggression of a minor? »
« Er… »
« …This is the last time I'm letting you do groceries, sir. »
« Heheh… »
Authors' note: I've always dream to see Brucey grocery shopping. XD Okay, we exaggerate a bit, but admit it, it's funny to imagine it.