The Leatherface Song
By
Barry Eysman
Now Jason and Freddie
Think they're ready,
Cause old Hockey Mask
Gets the kids
Making love in the open
Air,
Slashes them,
Dashes them,
How do they dare?
But they don't get served
As no bill o'fare.
Uh huh.
While Mr. Christmas Sweater
Burn face
Catches 'em in their nightmares,
But that ain't cool,
Cause they never went to
The Leatherface school.
Uh huh.
Old Farmer Vincent
Says a man's got to eat,
And we all love his
Critter Meat.
Oh it's an evil motel
Sure as hell.
But he ain't the one
Who's got 'em in his
Spell.
Uh huh.
But there's one man who stands
Alone.
Ain't waiting for a date,
By the telephone.
Just making music the best
Way how.
He goes
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..
And he ain't seen any difference
Between bones
Or Platters.
Ain't no one not gonna scatter,
When he comes to town,
Ain't no one around.
He just goes
bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..
Lives kinda sloppy.
Don't matter none.
Can't drive a jalopy
And seems there's nobody home
In his wild mask eyes and
Crooked teeth,
But he knows what to do for
A slab of good prime beef.
Uh huh.
He just goes
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Alarm clock for getting severed.
Ain't no one got a clever
Saying to make him go or stay.
Like Candyman
One fine looking mirror day.
He just goes
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..
Man of few words,
This Leatherface dude,
But he gets what he wants,
And is sort of rude,
But the woods tonight are
Dark and deep,
Let's play a little game
Of run from the saw.
Let's see what tonight
In chainsaw fever,
It wants to gnaw.
Uh huh.
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..
Well, it's crystal clear
What Leatherface wants,
Joe Lansdale got it right,
A man of action who likes
To hear the scream,
Likes to make his own rancid
Fly dreams.
Good vittles there in Texas
Rama.
Gonna teach some things with
A hammer on the head,
Or a pig sticker when you
Think he can't get sicker,
He just whips out his
Friend
The old chainsaw and arms
And legs fly in massacre
Heaven.
Uh huh.
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
So you can keep your Freddie
And your Jason too.
They ain't got the recipe
That Leatherface do.
And he ain't dead.
Don't let the movies fool ya.
When the phone rings late at
Night
Get real prepared
For your sleepy hello to
Be greeted
With the gilded shard of
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Uh huh.
Uh huh.
Uh huh.