Tim shut off his cell phone and grabbed his jacket. His initial acceptance had worn off and now he was getting angry. Once again life had spun around on Tim and kicked him in the teeth without so much as a blink. He was losing another person that he loved and thought would be with him as he grew older. He had buried his mother, his father, Stephanie, and now his older brother Dick was dying. He wanted to run down to the Batcave to say goodbye but something stopped him. No. saying "Goodbye" to him would seem so final. If these Monitor people were to be believed, he would be alive again in 24 hours but he would be a little twerp.
Tim strode out of the house to the large garage, ignoring Alfred. He knew he would catch it later but right now he did not care. The universe did not seem to give a damn about him so why should he give a damn about anything either. He was going to take his bike until he caught sight of Dick's antique custom cycle. "Well, Bro, you won't need this for a loooong time. I might as well take her for a spin." He said quietly with a light bite of sarcasm. He hopped on the cycle and started it up. He was momentarily in awe of the awesome power of the motor and the loud roar that filled the garage.
Dick would normally kill him for daring to touch the bike. Tim got a smirk that there was nothing Dick could do about it and by the time Dickie found out, he could kick the twerps butt. He was angry at Dick for breaking his promise and dying on him. That was not supposed to be how the game was played. It was against the rules. He could not yell and take it out on Dick but he could do the next best thing. He could take it out on the cycle. The cycle would feel his wrath and take his abuse.
Tim sped down the driveway, watching the speedometer and shifting gears. Suddenly he jammed on the front break, pulled back and popped a wheelie. The bike was not made to pop one. It felt really cool to Tim, a huge adrenaline rush, from the speed and power to the fear that the bike was going to tip over on him. He could smell the dust mixed with the burning rubber. He dropped back down and electronically opened the massive gates. There was always something about the gates that seemed to separate Wayne Manor and its occupants from the real world as far as Tim was concerned.
Right now he was of the opinion that everyone in his family was certifiable, himself included. He wondered if Bruce should not just start building a special Wayne wing to Arkham. He sometimes wondered at these dark times if he had made the right decision all the way around when he tracked down the original Robin. He had not known at the time what kind of a dark altered path he had set his feet on from that moment. He did not know some days if he really wanted to stay in this life anymore. It was not anywhere near the initial visions he had had, the dreams he had savored in his safe boring bed at night. He had seem more death, destruction, and mayhem in this life than he could stomach. He was not sure he wanted to remain a 'hero' anymore, but he did not know how anyone would ever leave the Family Bat except in a casket, and Jay was proof that even that was no guarantee.
That is what was hurting him the most. Dick had always been the sanest of the lot. The one person who, even if he personally could not understand how one would ever willingly give up Robin or be a hero, was sympathetic and would hear him out. He would then always take Tim to the overlook where he was heading now, just off the shore of Lake Gotham. It was a high hill that overlooked Gotham. When you stood there at night, the lights twinkled and sparkled like diamonds.
Dick would slip an arm around Tim's shoulder and give him a squeeze. He would not say anything for a few minutes as they just stood there like Tim was now. Tim was hugging himself, imaging again that firm but gentle guiding arm. He let the tears fall freely tracing light paths down his face. Dick would walk Tim to the very edge so the tips of their toes were suspended into nothingness.
"See all those lights Tim; do you know what they are for?"
"For the people to see in the dark, duh."
Dick would then quickly put him in a headlock and apply a noogey, grinding his knuckles into Tim's head and laughing. "No Knucklehead. They are lit because they are not afraid to be seen anymore in the dark. They do not fear what lurks in the dark. They light them to say a silent thanks."
Dick would drop the headlock and then reverently drop to his knee watching his City. "They thank us, Tim. Not just you and me, and Batman. They thank those who came and died before us, the heroes of the older earth, and the heroes of this earth. They thank the men and women who wear a uniform every day and risk their life to keep them safe."
"We don't have an easy job Tim. I guess no one explained it all to you when you took the uniform. I didn't because I guess I did not think about it. Robin is not you and Robin is not me. Robin was not Jason. Robin is the spirit of youth, of Justice, of the belief that in the end the good will ALWAYS triumph over the evil. Robin was meant to be the light, the spirit of those lights the bright colors and impractical outfit. It stands for fighting past what your mind and body tells you is your limit because you are fighting for something bigger than yourself."
"Honestly Tim, you and me are like the lights. We come out of the darkness and burn brightly for a while. Shine to show a better path but one day something is going to come Tim, and I am going to die, you are going to die, Batman is going to die. Then we go and become like the stars, a beautiful memory to remind people that the darkness will never win, you know though Tim; we will never truly die, not like some people. No, not us. As long as Robin stands, as long as Batman stands we live forever, immortality. See the wearers of the suits may change, Gotham may rot and fall around her, but evil will never beat them because Justice Rules All."
Tim bowed his head as his heart said the last words from Dick that night "Tim, I don't ever want to leave you but some day I am going to die. I hope to die old and in my bed but most heroes dies young and gloriously. It really does not matter. If I go before you and you ever need me, Little Bro, just look up to the stars, look for the cocky blinky one, that will be me. Close your eyes and talk to me and then listen with your heart and you will always hear me. I will always listen and will always tell you what you could do."
"Does that work now, Big Brother? Is your older you up in the stars still so you can guide me while you are younger again? I bet you were blowing smoke up my butt. Getting a big laugh on stupid old naïve Tim, huh?" Tim looked up through his tears and his mouth dropped. There just above and to his left where Dick often liked to stand was a blinking star.
Not wanting to break the spell, Tim closed his eyes. "If you are really somehow still there and you are really going to be able to hear and help me Big Bro, give me some sign. It doesn't have to be a big one. Just give me a sign that you are still there and I am not all alone down here."
'Yeah, I'm here twerp. I'll always be up here for you when you need me. Now, get my bike safely home and don't touch it again or mini me is going to dump a snowcone down your butt. Oh and you can have the calendar. Save it before Lois and Alfred find it. It is from someone very special. Tim watch over Oracle for me and tell her I love her and set her free. Now please watch over mini me and don't let Alfred dress me as too big a dork.'
Tim felt an incredible peace fill him as his anger evaporated like rain before the sun. He smiled and felt it light his whole being. He was losing his big brother. Yes he was dying, probably dead based on the conversation, but he still had his older spirit in the stars, and he would live again as an eight year old little brother and grow up again. Tim now could make sure Robin became the light and the joy again and did not change. He would make sure Bruce did not mess everything up again. He would become Nightwing in honor of the legacy of his Big Bro. It was only the fitting way of things. Tim got on the cycle and carefully drove it towards the Manor, not wanting to test Dick about the snowcone.