Chapter 2: Longing
It was a grey, rainy morning. The clouds covered Seattle completely. As if made for my current mood, I thought embittered.
It had been a day since I had left Bella. It felt wrong, so damn wrong. I needed my whole strength not to run back to Forks. Forks… the once most beautiful place in this world, the place where I had met my Bella. Bella… I tried desperately not to think her name. For everytime I did, I felt her sadness in me, as if we were still connected, as if I still held a part of her within me. I couldn't help thinking something was missing. It felt as if I had lost my other half, my Bella. How could I have been so stupid? But it was too late. I had made my decision: Bella should live a normal life, without supernatural creatures trying to kill her. I wanted to make that life possible for her. I didn't want my egoism to be in her way. I ddin't want myself forcing me to stay with her. She magically attracted dangers, even if I wasn't around. She didn't need an additional vampire coven behind her back.
Her image was displayed in front of my eyes. Over and over again, I saw her face, wet from crying. I wanted to run back to her, take her in my arms and dry her tears, anted to look in her deep brown eyes and tell her I had made the biggest mistake of my life. But I wasn't allowed. I had promised to disappear entirely.
After I had turned away from her in the woods and ran away, there was no other way to put it, I had run for some time without exactly knowing where. Somewhen my promise came to mind. I had promised to disappear entirely, as if I'd never been there. Soon I had run back to Forks, to Bella's home. On my way, I'd prayed neither she nor Charlie were at home, so I could use the front entrance. I had quickly got the key from its hiding place. Then I'd carefully oened the door. As soon as I was in, I knew for sure Bella wasn't at home yet. Her scent had lain faintly in the air, not as heavily as it would have been if she were present. I'd run up the stairs to her room and searched it for items connected with me. First, there had been that CD I'd given her for her birthday. Second, there'd been the huge amount of photos she'd lovingly put in her album. I'd collected everything and assembled it in the middle of the room.
Then I'd sat in front of a great number of memories and hadn't known what to do next. I hadn't really wanted to take them from her. And as absurd as it might sound, I'd wanted some part of me to remain by her side. Deep inside I hoped she wouldn't forget me. But this hope wasn't appropriate, for I had left her to make her forget. While thinking, I'd got up, pushed her bed aside and loosened a few floorboards. Quickly I had put all down there and fled the room I most likely would never enter again.
So then I sat under the dark skies of Seattle , gazing into the pale blue yonder. I was wondering how to protect Bella without her noticing. An old thought had taken root in my brain: Keep Victoria from her, kill Victoria.
I desperately tried to find a way how I could manage that, because I didn't know where she was currently strolling around, killing innocent humans...
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Special thanks again to Anna Scathach, who translate this into english for me. Thank you so much!!