thank you to my reviewers...though this may go in a direction you don't like!!

Hope To Make It Through Another Day

Twenty minutes later and Ianto was perched on the edge of an exam couch in a cubical at Cardiff AnE having a light shone in his eyes. Jack was hovering about and getting Ianto more annoyed by the minute, because he was sore and tired. The pretty Asian doctor reminded him too much of Tosh and he couldn't look at her as he answered her questions. Ianto was advised he'd need a skull X-ray and some stitches. Great. He sighed as the doctor left pulling the curtains closed behind her.

"Jack you should go, I could be here for hours."

Jack stood beside him his hands firmly wrapped around one of Ianto's.

"I'd rather stay. Anyway once all this ……."

His mobile starting to ring and he pulled it out of his pocket and cursed. It was a rift alert.

"Shit."

"It's ok Jack, you go. I can get a cab home later." Ianto assured him.

Jack hesitated, not wanting to leave Ianto alone to deal with this.

"Go Jack. I'll send you a text."

Jack kissed his hand. "Ok, I'll see you back at home in a little while."

Ianto was quietly relieved to see him go, but pleased that Jack had come to regard his flat as home.

As Jack left he could have cursed himself for letting that 'Home' thing slip, and damn it why was he getting so……Shit. He tried to focus on work as he strode toward Ianto's car. It didn't happen, all he wanted was to go back to Ianto's side and be with him. Ianto had done that for him often enough in the past and Jack knew he should be reciprocating. It scared him slightly because he felt like Ianto was pushing him away on days like this. Maybe Jack had taken too much from the young man.

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Jack awoke in his bunk from a doze at 7am the following morning. The weevil had got the better of him and God only knew how he had made it back to the Hub before bleeding to death in his office. Ianto would be furious at the mess in his car and upset that Jack had 'died' alone again. Jack didn't want to contemplate it. His thoughts went straight to the young man and he grabbed his mobile to ring him. There was a text message that had been left at 3am.

I have a skull fracture and some dodgy blood work so they're keeping me in the clinical assessment ward. but I'm ok, take care of yourself. Yan x

After waving his Torchwood badge at anyone that'd look Jack was finally sitting at Ianto's bedside watching the young man peacefully sleeping. Half his face was under a gauze dressing and an IV drip was in the back of his right hand. It was in the rare times like these, when Ianto was truly asleep that Jack remembered just how young he actually was, a boy really. An infant compared to Jack. Ianto's life experiences though had put centuries on him and many times when Jack had looked into his eyes he only saw himself reflected there. Too much life and experience in too few years. Jack had eternity to manage his own demons and all he had succeeded in doing was cursing Ianto with them along with his own personal collection of horrors. Seeing him like this, so vulnerable Jack wondered if he even had the right to be in the man's presence, let alone in his heart.

Jack had not wanted this. He'd thought himself capable of biting back his own ability to care in favour of protecting himself from hurt. After he'd left Estelle, he managed it quite happily for years, decades even. Then Alex had murdered their colleagues and blown his own brains out. Jack had never seen anyone take his or her own life before. The memory of it haunted him and changed him. Now he cared too much about the people he had become responsible for. He'd fucked up of course, especially with Suzie and Ianto, not recognising their fragile humanity when it was screaming out at him for attention, because they had known that they couldn't save themselves. In reality though it was Ianto that had saved Jack in much the same way that the Doctor had saved him centuries before, before Rose Tyler had thrust this undying curse upon him. Part of Jack hated her for it and part of him loved her for it too because with out her he would never have met Estelle or Ianto.

Jack rested his elbows on the side of the bed and watched wondering what he should do. Part of him wanted to let Ianto go, to send him away as far as possible from all the pain and harm that had been inflicted upon him. Jack knew that Ianto would never leave because he had no other reason to live. Retconning him would only take away his soul and leave him broken and incomplete and Jack couldn't bare the thought of doing that. So, what to do? Jack wished he had an answer. His mobile started to ring and Jack was painfully aware of the glare from the ward sister as he answered it. It was Gwen.

"Hey Jack. I came in to an empty Hub. Don't tell me you boys are still in bed?"

Jack couldn't help but smile at the remark, Gwen seemed to think they were a couple these days and perhaps they were.

"Actually Gwen, Ianto's still in hospital. They kept him in over night. I'm with him now."

"Is it serious?"

"No. I think they just want to run tests, but he has got a skull fracture….Look he's waking up. I'll call you later OK?" He hung up and focussed on his drowsy lover who was now trying to sit up, looking and feeling like shit.

"Jack?"

"Hey. Let me help."

He assisted Ianto into a sitting position and got him settled against the pillows.

Ianto took a moment to take in his surroundings. Oh, still in hospital then.

"What happened?" He was blearily looking at Jack.

"You were hit on the head yesterday. In the absence of the good Dr Jones at the Hub, I brought you here last night to get you checked over. Glad I did now."

The memory vaguely seeped in, a large lump of concrete being hurled at him, Jack shooting something, an awful lot of bad language and a dead cat. Ianto sagged in the NHS bed, which was about as comfortable as the autopsy table in the Hub. He closed his eyes. So, he had another concussion. Fourth one since starting at Torchwood Three or was it the fifth? He couldn't recall exactly. It was another one too many either way and Owen was no longer there to fix it. Owen, where was he when you needed him most? Tears managed to find their way out and roll down his pale cheeks.

Jack grasped his hand. "Ianto?"

Ianto sniffled. "I'm ok Jack. I was just thinking about Owen." He replied quietly. Jack squeezed his fingers. It was the first time Ianto had spoken of their dead friend since……..Jack refused to allow that thought any further progress. Ianto had been the one not to cry. Jack recalled how the young man had held Gwen and Jack alike and allowed them to vent their grief openly. Ianto had not done the same for himself and Jack reflected rather guiltily that he had not allowed Ianto the time and support he had needed to grieve. Ianto was good at never letting on; he had hidden his despair over Canary Wharf and Lisa from all of them. Yet here he was tired and vulnerable and finally letting the world see just how much he was hurting in his own private Iantonian way. Jack's reverie was interrupted by the presence of a staff nurse at the other side of the bed. She looked worriedly at her patient as she took his blood pressure.

"You all right Mr Jones?"

Ianto nodded wiping at the tears on his face.

"Can I go home now?"

"No, not yet, the consultant will be doing his rounds in a bit, but I think you'll be in for a couple of days. You've slept through breakfast, is there anything you'd like me to get?"

Ianto shook his head but didn't reply. The woman focussed her attention toward Jack.

"You really shouldn't be here. I know you're Torchwood but your presence has clearly upset my patient so I'd like you to leave. Visiting hours is from 2pm."

Jack opened his mouth to respond.

"I mean it Mr….what ever your name is. Mr Jones is my patient and we do have rules on this ward, so say your good byes and come back this afternoon." She filled out Ianto's chart placed it over the end of the bed then strode away. Ianto watched her depart with a faint smile on his face. Jack was speechless.

"Feisty one that."

Jack nodded and stood up. "She's right too. I'll stop by the flat and pick up some things for you and come back later after dragon lady has gone off shift. Sorry I know it was stupid of me, I just wanted to make sure you were ok."

"You're not stupid Jack. I'm pleased to see you. I'll be ok, just have a headache for a few days I guess. Don't worry."

"Do I look worried?"

"Yes, you do. Go on get back to the Hub. Gwen'll need you there."

Jack leant over and gently brushed a kiss into Ianto's hair.

"I'll see you later."

Jack walked away wondering when he'd finally fallen in love with Ianto and why it had taken so long for him to figure it out.

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Gwen looked up from the work on her desk on hearing the roller door open. Jack stepped through the threshold looking distracted. He pulled off his great coat and after hanging it up he went to the coffee machine.

"How's Ianto?" She called out abandoning her work to join him in the little kitchen area. Jack made them both lattes.

"He'll be ok. Looks like he's gonna there for a couple of days though, but they kicked me out off the ward before the doctor came round to see him. I don't like leaving him there."

Gwen squeezed his shoulder. "It's best place for him at the moment. At least it means he might get some rest. Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. I shall be glad when Martha's back to check him over though. I don't trust the NHS. Mind you if I hadn't insisted on dragging Ianto into casualty last night, he'd be here now trying to work with a skull fracture and a serious concussion. I could kick his arse sometimes. He is so stubborn."

Gwen sipped her coffee. "And have you?" She ventured cautiously.

"Have I what?"

"Kicked his arse?"

Jack froze. "What do you mean?"

"You know damn well what I mean. I know domestic violence when I see it Jack, remember I was a police officer long before I came here." There was no accusation in her tone, only worry.

"So what makes you say such a thing?"

Gwen sighed. "The fact that he flinches whenever anyone touches him, that he's had bruises on his face and wrists and probably under those pristine suits, he won't talk to anyone but you and he's lost weight. Are you hurting him Jack or is he hurting himself?"

Jack was horrified by the idea that Ianto would harm himself. More horrified by that than his own actions. Domestic violence? Was that really what it was? Fuck, Jack hadn't realised. What must Ianto think of him?

"It's not your concern."

Gwen's eyes flashed with anger. "It is when you are hurting my friend. Come on Jack I want an answer!"

Jack lowered his mug and placed it on the bench.

"It's not what you think. It's been hard for us since…..I've been having these….moments and I've just lost it. Ianto has been trying to help me. He is helping me."

"And you beat the crap out of him in return?"

"No! I would never hurt him, not like that. Leave it Gwen, you don't understand."

Gwen was shaking her head and trying to keep a lid on her temper. "He loves you. He finally knows where he is at in his life. He's so devoted to you and you treat him like a slave. He'd do anything for you, he does far more than he should and you always take him for granted and Ianto is stupid enough to let you, but I will not stand back and watch you harm him."

Jack gaped at her.

"All you seem to do is use him for venting your frustrations sexual or otherwise. He runs around cleaning up your shit and you should really fucking start treating him with a little respect. Do you love him?" She glared straight at him and Jack shrunk away under her intense look.

"Jack!"

It was the first time anyone had asked. Even Ianto had not broached that question with him and Jack wondered once again what the hell his relationship with Ianto actually was.

Gwen shook her head in disgust "I come here everyday. You protect me and the world and Ianto watches over me, keeps me fed and watered and smiling. What does he have Jack? Who does he turn to? It should be you, but you've never allowed it. Shit, whenever you want something that's bloody fine. He's afraid of you carrying his burdens so he keeps them all locked with in him and one day he is going to break, if you don't kill him first. After every thing we have been through Jack!"

Jack raised his hands defensively.

"Alright enough!" He bellowed. "I get the point. I can't afford to love him because I WILL lose him. Do you not get that? He will die like everyone else I'll ever meet."

"Then let him go and when you do be gentle about it."

Jack suddenly realised that tears were streaming down his face and he angrily wiped at them. "I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't live with out him!"

"Then tell him that, not me. He needs to know and you need to stop being angry with what you are." Gwen grasped his hand. "Tell him Jack. I know it will hurt you in the future, but Ianto doesn't have that option. If you really want to hold on to being human then being in love is the best and worst bit about it and you and I both know how much love Ianto is capable of."

Jack's mobile started to ring and exceedingly grateful for the distraction Jack answered it.

"Am I speaking to Jack Harkness?"

It was a voice he didn't recognise from a with held number. "Yes, who is this?"

"I'm Doctor Patil, it's regarding Ianto Jones……."