Disclaimer: I do not own avatar or any of the characters.
Author's Note: So I was watching the boiling rock part 1 and 2 and it inspired me to finish this chapter. I had started writing it a long time ago and got stuck, but the newest episodes of avatar made me want to finish it.
Mai watched her children play with Kiela. She smiled almost imperceptibly as her children frolicked and splashed in the garden pond. It was a childishness she would have to rebuke them for later; it was inappropriate behavior for royal heirs. However, right now she enjoyed their innocent display.
Despite all outward appearances, Mai did love her family fiercely. She would never let any harm come to her boys or Zuko which is why she kept such a careful eye on the water bender's child. Kiela could never physically harm her family, but she had already caused plenty of political problems since her arrival. Prejudice did not just disappear after the war, and Zuko's treatment of the girl left room for gossip and political speculation.
After the defeat of Lord Ozai, Mai had thought she had lost Zuko forever. He had fallen in love with the water tribe girl some time in their journeys. Maybe things could have been different if she had left Azula sooner, if she had sided with Zuko, but it was too late. She saw the way he looked at her like she was the center of his universe. Even the throne and his honor paled in comparison to Katara.
However, Katara did not stay and did not marry Zuko. Mai hadn't known the details at the time, no longer being privy to royal information. She knew Zuko had been angry and upset for months after her departure; He always wore his heart on his sleeve. She had been surprised and ecstatic, not that anyone would have been able to tell except for Ty Lee, when she received an invitation to the palace for a celebratory ball in honor of the dragon of the west.
It was at the ball that they had become reacquainted. Zuko had been different than the boy she had loved, still loved. The courts had been flooded with rumors of Zuko and his temperamental moods after the departure of the water tribe girl. She had been expecting something different than the charming collected prince she came face to face with. His anger had burned away his emotions and all that was left was a calm collected leader. Mai was shocked to discover his poise and manners reminded her deeply of Ozai and she found nothing of Zuko's former passion.
Of course, she didn't comment on the change. They spoke politely to each other with all the political correctness they could muster. He engaged her for two dances and as the night came to a close invited her to the palace for an upcoming event.
She continued to see him on a more regular basis at functions. He was always very polite and cold. His behavior sent her reeling. All she wanted to do was shake him and shout at him to wake up. She wanted to tell him that the water bending wench was just a stupid girl that didn't know what she had. She wanted to scoff and criticize him for letting his world revolve around and be destroyed by one person.
She was such a hypocrite. She accepted his proposal without thought. She forgot about him hurting her in the past and ignored the fact that he was miserably in love with another woman. She didn't care about any of that. All she cared about was that she would get to be close to Zuko again even if he wasn't exactly the man she fell in love. She still loved him and he was the center of her world. She hated herself for it; love had always made her play the fool.
She just didn't realize how much of a fool she had been until she came back. In over a year of marriage Mai had almost convinced herself that Zuko did love her. She wanted it so desperately that it was easy to lie to herself. Besides sometimes at night he would whisper, "I love you too". But Mai realized his words were empty when she saw Zuko look at Katara.
Katara had been there on some sort of diplomatic mission. Mai didn't remember the reason for the visit. All she remembered was the longing look of desperation when he looked at the dark skinned woman. It broke Mai's heart. You think she would be used to it by now, but it still hurt.
The look would have been more than enough to torment her for the rest of her marriage, but of course the cruelty of the universe knows no bounds. She had been walking through the palace gardens listlessly stroking her stomach. Mai knew she was pregnant, but she hadn't revealed it to Zuko yet. They had actually conceived shortly after marriage, but she had lost the baby within two months. It had been a difficult time for Zuko; she didn't want to put him through that again. She was such a fool; always trying to protect him, save him.
Mai felt the tension in the air before she heard their voices. She slipped into the shadows and listened. She already knew what was going to be said, so why did she stay? She was such a fool.
"Please Katara. Please understand?" He asked in a trembling voice. Mai had never heard his voice filled with such emotion. It was the voice of the old Zuko; the man he kept locked away, the one that was just for Katara. "I don't love her." Mai didn't stop breathing, her eyes didn't prick with tears; she knew this she had always known this. Still when his voice said those words, a profound hollowness opened up inside of her.
Katara looked up at him tears making her eyes shine. Mai distantly felt anger, but emotion seemed so far out of her reach at the moment. What right did that girl have to cry? Katara had everything. "Oh, Zuko," Katara said her soft voice quavering as well. "I understand. You don't need my forgiveness for doing what was right for your country. I understood all those years ago," Katara told him tears seeping down her cheeks.
"I've never stopped loving you," He told her passionately bringing his pale hand to her browned skin.
"I know, but I wish you would," she told him turning her face away. Mai felt something inside her relax just a little. "But how can I ask you to stop when I can't," she confessed.
Mai bit her lip until she tasted the familiar metallic tang of her blood. The pain was so much better than the emptiness that engulfed her darkened form. Even now, a distant hope plagued Mai. If Zuko walked away, if he remained loyal to his wife, it would mean he must feel something. She prayed to every deity she could think of to allow his sense of honor triumph over his feeling. She should have known that Zuko figured out honor wasn't everything years ago.
Mai just watched as her husband ran his hand against the young woman's jaw line cupping her chin. He brought his face slowly to meet hers and kissed her softly, lovingly, in a way Mai had never been kissed. She collapsed against the pillar that provided her cover; her knees no longer able to support her.
"Aunt Mai, please don't cry," a soft voice interrupted her recollections. Mai turned her blurred vision toward the face that looked so much like Katara's. Her hand had moved without her brain registering the motion. She heard a resounding smack and saw that Kiela was clutching her cheek tears streaming from her wide blue eyes.
Mai covered her mouth with her offending hand and looked down at Kiela with surprise. She tried to reach out for the girl, but Kiela scrambled away from her, fumbling backwards with her hands and feet. Mai recalled herself squashing any motherly instinct that told her to comfort the girl. This girl had the same thing her mother had, the only thing Mai had ever truly wanted in her life. She had Zuko's love. Zuko loved this adopted brat more than his own wife, and Mai would never allow herself to feel guilt for any cruel actions toward the girl. Though a small piece of Mai's heart felt sympathy for the girl who didn't know why her Aunt couldn't love her, but those thoughts only caused her heart to ache more.
She thought it would start hurting less with time, and it had for a short while. When Rukon was born and then Zoren, the two boys became Zuko's world. Mai realized that loving their children didn't mean he loved her, but sometimes she could pretend for just a short while. Sometimes she hated herself for being so pathetic; she had been a strong capable woman once. Love had changed her, and she wasn't sure if it was for the better or worse.
I hope you enjoyed it. I always love your reviews. We are quickly (or more accurately - slowly) approaching the beginning chapter of this fic. I know a bit confusing, but I'm rather fond of it myself.