A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed. It really means a lot to me ( :
And it might seem that the characters are acting a tiny bit weird, (okay, more than that) but it IS a comedy story, so please don't PM or review to say "this is so OOC!" I've exaggerated for comedic effect, is all.
So, here's chapter 3, where all the REAL action/ craziness really begins.
CHAPTER 3
Deputy Masen and Deputy Black (Edward and Jacob)
"Could you slow down a little?!" Jacob asked as he clutched onto his seat. "Why did you get to drive anyway?"
"Because you can't even hold a gun with out it going off, no way in hell I'm going to let you drive me around." Edward answered, as he got an idea.
"Wait a minute! I didn't do that, it was Bella!" Jacob looked over to see a smile hit the other man's face. "…why are you smiling?"
Edward looked towards Jacob. "We are in a cop car…"
"So…" Jacob said nervously.
Edward reached his hand out, and before Jacob could say anything, the sirens were on and they were speeding down the road.
"Edward, you're going to kill us!" Jacob shouted.
Edward let out a laugh. "Stop being such a baby, you're on TV."
"Please stop!" Jacob said.
"Alright!" Edward said, sighing as he slowed the car down.
Just as he slowed down some stranger flew past them, and shot them the finger.
"Oh-no-he di-nt!" Edward said, as he turned on the sirens once again, and began chasing the vehicle.
Jacob looked towards the sky with tears in his eyes. "Oh God, please let me live through this."
Once Edward pulled the guy over, he opened his door to get out of the car, only stopping when he noticed Jacob wasn't moving.
"You are coming, aren't you?" Edward asked.
Jacob slowly shook his head. "You can get this guy, I'll get the next."
"But you're my partner. What if he has a gun?" Edward asked.
Jacob shrugged. "I thought you were bullet-proof."
"Jacob, come on, it's for a reality show." Edward said.
"I just can't!" Jacob said. "I had an accident."
Edward stifled a laugh as he climbed back in the car. "What happened?"
Jacob looked down. "I got a little scared."
"Did you?" Edward asked.
Jacob slowly nodded.
Edward then began to laugh out loud. "Oh my God; I can't believe you peed your pants!"
"Shut up!" Jacob said.
"It doesn't matter, they got that on film!" Edward roared.
Jacob blushed as he looked into the dashboard camera. "Great, just great! I knew I shouldn't have done this stupid show!"
Just then, the guy Edward had pulled over drove off and sped out of sight.
"Oh great, look what your wet pants did." he said.
"Shut up, and drive me back to my house so I can get some dry clothes!" Jacob said.
Edward began to laugh some more, as he started the car and headed down the road.
Deputy Whitlock-Hale-Cullen and Deputy Brandon. (Jasper and Alice)
"I can't believe I'm a cop!" Jasper said. "Let's go find someone to shoot!"
Alice let out a giggle. "Just because you're a cop, doesn't mean you can go around and shoot everyone."
Jasper nodded. "I can shoot who ever I want. I'm the authority, and if no one listens they'll have to answer to me and my gun."
Alice just shook her head. "You probably shouldn't…draw blood. And it's not like you've killed anyone with a gun since the 1800s."
Jasper snorted. "You just wait and see."
A half hour later:
"We have been driving for nearly an hour and haven't seen any crime…is this really Seattle?" Alice asked.
Jasper sighed. "I know, I thought for sure we would get some action."
"Wait!" Alice said, as she pointed out the window. "Is that a crime?"
Jasper barely turned his head. "No," He sighed. "Just people dealing drugs."
Alice sighed and fell back in her seat.
"How about that?" Jasper asked.
Alice followed his finger to see a little 12-year-old girl being dragged into a dark alley, by an old creepy man. "Nope, just a little girl and her father."
"What about the guy over there, running out of that convenience store with a bundle of cash?" Alice asked.
"He's probably just in a hurry." Jasper said as he watched the guy run down the sidewalk.
They drove around a little bit longer, until they finally saw a crime.
"Did that guy just...litter?" Alice asked.
Jasper nodded. "He did!"
They eyed one another. "Let's get him!"
They both jumped out of the car, and ran to the scrawny man.
Alice pulled out her badge and flashed it, while Jasper pulled out his gun.
"Freeze! Police!" Jasper shouted.
The guy looked around, and when he noticed they weren't talking to anyone else he put his hands up. "What did…I …um, do?"
Alice lowered her badge. "You know exactly what you did."
"No…I'm sorry, I don't." The guy answered.
Jasper slowly walked to the trash that was thrown on the ground, while he held his gun directly in the guys face. "You threw that bottle on the ground, which is legal."
"Illegal, sweetie." Alice corrected him.
Jasper shrugged. "Meh. Same difference."
"I'm sorry. I'll pick it up." He said as he bent over.
"DON"T MOVE!" Jasper shouted.
The guy jumped back and threw his hands over his head. "Sorry!"
"Now, you'll do as I say, and when I say it." Jasper said.
Alice smiled. "Wow! You're a good cop."
Jasper smirked. "Okay, now bend over slowly, and pick up the trash."
The guy did just that, and waited for more instructions.
"Walk over and place it in the trash can." Jasper said.
The guy fretfully walked one step to the side, and placed his garbage in the garbage bin.
Jasper lowered his gun and smiled. "Now was that so hard?"
The guy slowly shook his head.
Alice nodded. "You can go, and just think about where your garbage should go the next time you're walking the streets."
"Yes…" He said as he ran in the opposite direction.
"Good work Alice." Jasper said as they both walked to the car.
"I like being a cop!" Alice said as she climbed in the cop car.
Deputy Swan and Deputy Cullen (Bella and Renesmee)
"This is so much fun!" Nessie chirped as she clapped her hands.
Bella shrugged. "I don't know, we haven't even had any action yet."
Nessie smiled. "So? It's still fun to be riding in a cop car."
"What's that?" Bella asked, as she pointed out her window.
Nessie took a glance. "Someone is waving us down, pull over!"
Bella pulled the car over, and the two got out.
"I know we can do this, Ness! Police blood runs in our...er...well, you veins."
A frantic woman ran over to the two with tears in her eyes.
"What seems to be the problem, ma'am?" Bella asked, in her best cop voice.
"Oh thank God you are here! There are these bums harassing me for money!" She cried.
"Bums?" Nessie asked.
The women nodded. "Yeah, come quick!"
The pair eyed each other as they followed the woman. When they arrived they saw a guy strumming a guitar.
The guitar player looked up and smiled. "Money, from you two lovely ladies?"
Bella smiled as she reached in her pocket; pulling out a dollar bill she placed it in his case.
"Thank you." He said as he began playing some more.
The girl looked towards Bella, repulsed. "Why are you supporting this?"
"This is his way of life. He isn't doing anything wrong." Nessie replied.
"Yes, he is! He is polluting our streets with no good unsuccessful artist music!" She yelled.
"That's it miss, you are coming down town." Bella said as she began hand cuffing her.
"What! Why what did I do?" She asked. "You should be arresting the filthy…musician!"
Bella put the hands cuffs on and dragged her to the cop car. "Get in."
"But I didn't do anything!" She yelled.
Nessie looked towards her mother. "Shit, what can we say about her?"
Bella shrugged. "Um, she had drugs on her!"
Nessie smiled. "Good one, mum! This will show her not to insult my father…however indirectly!"
They both climbed in the car, with the women yelling in the back seat.
"You are the worst cops ever!" The girl shouted.
"C'est la vie." Nessie said, as she gave the woman a smirk.
"You won't get away with this!" She shouted.
"She said C'EST LA VIE!" Bella said in a firm tone.
The lady just huffed and threw herself against the seat.
Deputy Cullen and Deputy Hale. (Emmett and Rosalie)
"This is so cool!" Rosalie said as she started pressing random buttons in the car.
"Rose, be careful." Emmett warned her.
Rosalie looked around. "So where do you think the camera is?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. I always see them on the dashboard when I watch reality shows."
Rosalie smiled towards the dashboard. "Hello America, I'm Rosalie Hale: the next big thing. Sit back, get comfy and enjoy the show."
Emmett smiled as he watched her talk to the dashboard.
"Oh a radio!" Emmett said, as he picked up the end to talk into it.
Rosalie sighed. "Leave the radio alone. It's so we can hear police calls."
"Relax, I am the police!"
Emmett pressed the button and began talking into it. "Hello, Deputy Emmett here."
"Hello, Deputy Emmett, this is deputy Bella." The radio said.
Emmett squealed with delight. "This is so cool!"
"Rosalie, say something!" Emmett said while holding the talking end in Rosalie's face.
"Not now, I'm driving," she said as she pushed Emmett's hand out of the way.
"Fine, I'll have my own fun." he said as he brought the mouthpiece back to his mouth. "This is the world's hottest vampire, calling all humans to respond."
Rosalie just shook her head, as he played around.
"This is trucker man Joe; I'm big, hairy and sexy." The radio responded.
Emmett started snorting at the response, and went to answer. "Hello big Joe, what are you wearing?"
"Emmett!" Rosalie warned.
"Shh." Emmett said as he waited for an answer.
"Clothes, but I can pull over and take them off for you if you want."
Rosalie began to laugh.
"Say something else!" Rosalie said, now interested.
Emmett laughed. "Okay, um." he took in a deep breath and changed his voice. "This is the police, and I would like anyone who is listening, to pull over, pull down their pants and bark like dog."
Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Now, that is just dumb. No one is going to do that."
"Is there anything else, officer?" A guy answered seriously.
Emmett eyed Rosalie with a smile. "Is it still dumb, Rosalie?"
She stifled a laugh and turned her eyes towards the radio.
Rosalie talked into the radio this time, changing her voice to sound like an innocent little girl. "Hi, this is Candy, and I'm stuck on the side of the road, only wearing a string bikini and nothing else, and I think I need someone to rub lotion on me."
"Where you at?"
"I'm on my way!"
"I'll be there in five minutes!"
Emmett laughed at all the responses.
"Okay let's take this seriously now," she said.
Emmett sighed as she put the radio down. "Okay."
Five minutes later:
"This is big Joe, is sexy Candy still out there?"
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A/N: Review, please. I must know what you think.