Author's Note: Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

Four

September 30th, 2008

Edward paced a hole into his living room floor; ok, 11:30, close enough. He had spent the night before unable to sleep, so he went through his apartment in an attempt to learn the differences between this life and the other. He learned that he had flown through college, graduating in three years and had just received his master's degree the previous spring. This was his first year as an assistant professor, he taught two 300 level courses. He looked for photographs, a journal, anything that would tell him more about himself; there wasn't anything. For a while, Edward had no idea why and then it struck him. I have no life. It's not that I have no journal; it's that I have nothing to say. He checked his private e-mail, which thankfully, had the address and password saved; there he saw an e-mail from his bank thanking him for his prompt credit card payment and another one for male enlargement.

He opened his work e-mail and found ten new messages.

Hey, feel better soon. I got Darrell to cover your classes for the week; he says you owe him a beer, actually probably a case. See you next week.

Christopher

He checked another one.

Hi Professor Cullen, or is it alright if I call you Edward? I've been having some trouble understanding Pynchon and I was hoping you were available for private tutoring. If you're up for it .

Jessica

Edward went through the rest of his e-mails and most were a variation of the one from Jessica. He couldn't help but laugh at that; one girl even gave him her phone number. Well, that's a switch. He looked through his older e-mails, most were from colleagues, but sprinkled in were more propositions from students. Edward opened up his sent mail; he had replied to a few of the messages, but all were very professional. At least I'm not a scumbag, just boring.

He parked his car on the street a few doors down from the coffee place. It was only about 11:40, but he watched for her anyway. It was a one of those perfect fall days, crisp with a light breeze, with sunlight that made the leaves blaze. There were a few clouds in the sky, but it just added to the picturesque feel of the day. He sat at the same table as the day before to wait for her. Edward tried not to think too much about the last few days, but he found himself looking for the woman with the blue coat, both hopeful and scared that he'd see her. Please, just a little more time.

At 11:45, he saw Bella approach. Her hair was long past her shoulders and Edward found himself wondering if it was as soft as it looked. She wore slim, brown tweed trousers and a dark blue sweater; the sleeves went just past her elbows and set her skin off beautifully. She smiled when she saw him and he stood, trying not to look too eager. He examined his own appearance; he had on dark jeans and a cream fisherman's sweater, the sleeves pushed up on his forearms. Edward looked at Bella again; he hadn't realized it before, but she was little. He could easily rest his chin on top of her head if he wanted, which he did, want to that is.

He wanted to kiss her on the cheek again, actually he wanted to kiss her anywhere, but he got nervous and then the moment passed. "Hi, are you hungry?"

"Starved."

He took her down the street to a little diner that made the best milkshakes in the world; they sat at the counter and got cheeseburgers and shared some fries. Edward felt no less nervous than he had before, but conversation seemed to flow more easily between them. After a while he found himself relaxing; it was easy to pretend this was the way it had always been for them, it came as naturally as breathing.

Bella was laughing, her head tilted back. Edward wanted to freeze this moment and live in it forever, forget the rest of his strange, sad life; he just wanted her. He leaned forward to brush a loose strand of hair away from her face. She looked him in the eyes for a moment and then stiffened, "I should tell you, I have a boyfriend." Of course, he knew that already, but it made the news no less acute. He leaned back in his seat, trying to come up with the best way to play it off. However, he found that frequently when he did this it sounded good in his head, but when it came out it was floundering and awkward.

"That's alright, I wasn't trying to – I mean, I didn't expect that you would, you know, go…for me," he cursed himself mentally and ran a hand through his hair. He looked down at his mostly empty plate. "It's not what I'm looking for," he met her eyes, "I just wanted to know you." It was partially true.

She nodded at this and rested her chin in her hand thoughtfully; she was quiet. It was helpful that Edward was good at repressing urges, because watching her like that, all he wanted to do was grab her and take her away, where he could protect her and make the heartbreaking look in her eyes disappear. He cleared his throat, "so, is he in town with you?"

Bella looked at him grudgingly, knowing where this was headed. "Yeah, he isn't familiar with the city either, but he's less interested in seeing it."

"He should come out, we're friendly," he said, feigning casualness.

"Yeah well, the small town atmosphere isn't really his thing, I guess." She played with her napkin, folding it into smaller and smaller squares. She sighed, "I really like it here, I mean really. This is the last stop for my book before I head back home."

"Where is home?" He had a sinking feeling.

"New York."

"When are you going back?"

"Tomorrow."

He laughed quietly to himself, because the boyfriend didn't make it difficult enough. He stopped before she could question his reaction. Hopping off his stool, he put a hand on her shoulder, relishing in the contact, "then today needs to be really good." She smiled and offered to pay for the meal, he tried to refuse, but then caved and convinced her to just leave the tip instead. He touched her back while he led her out.

Edward was quiet on their way down the street; they'd agreed to walk off the lunch downtown.

You have the rest of today and then she'll still be gone. She has her own life and it's not with you, maybe that's how it's supposed to be. You should let her go live her life, she seems happy enough. No, that's not right. Bella deserves more than 'happy enough', she should be delirious, ecstatic every day.

Am I supposed to be the one to make her that way? In this version of my life, whatever that means, we aren't together. In the other version, we aren't together. That must mean something. And what would happen if I tried to be with her? Is that who I am? Can I break up her relationship? Could I get her to stay here with me? Would she even want to? I don't even know if she has feelings for me, I've known her for two years; she's only known me for one day…and not even a whole day, really.

Stop thinking so much.

He stole a quick glance in her direction; she looked content which made Edward wonder if he had anything to do with that. She let out a happy sigh and he fought the desire to tell her he loved her, that he couldn't remember a time when he didn't.

She's worth it.