Eh, this is a little weird... I'm not sure how to express my feelings for this chapter. I can say, however, that the plot (Readers: What plot?!) has gone up a notch. Maybe.

Warnings: bad spelling, bad grammar... I'm sure there are more.

Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing in this life.

GRAVITATION

Remembering the Streaks

GRAVITATION

For the sixth time in his life, he was scared. He knew it, and that's what made it harder. Before he could have played it off as nervousness but now that he understands the feeling, he knew it wasn't because of nerves.

He, Uesugi Tatsuha, was scared.

And that's what scared him; being scared. He never liked being scared. It was never on his top ten list of happy feelings.

The first time happened a few days before his fifth birthday. It had been snowing for a while and when it finally slacked off some, his parents allowed him and his siblings to go outside. They had immediately rushed off to the frozen lake near their house. Arriving, Mika had left them to go after her friends with Eiri soon following. Tatsuha was alone but he had liked it that way.

Soon, they started playing a game that Tatsuha was never invited to join. Tatsuha had watched with glee when Eiri had made a scoring move with a kick to knock the small ball away from the goal. The ball, however, went way past the original landing point and stood alone in the middle of the unused space on the frozen lake. The other kids started booing and Eiri had smiled sheepishly, ashamed at stopping the game. Tatsuha had wanted his brother smiling wide again, so he had decided to get the ball himself.

But the other kids never told him why they didn't go there. The area the ball sat in was a weak spot. One touch could send the ice and anything there into the cold water below.

They never noticed Tatsuha waddling over there. Not until a scream and a splash alerted them.

Five minutes.

Tatsuha was in the icy, freezing water for five minutes before they had saved him.

For those five minutes, Tatsuha was certain he would never feel as scared as then.

But he was wrong. Soon, the second time came.

The Uesugi family had been squeezed into the small hospital room where the Matron of the family spent her days. She had decided it was time for the truth. "No more lies," she had told her husband, and he reluctantly agreed. Eiri and Mika had acted accordingly, crying and saying comforting words like "We'll miss you." and "It'll be okay."

But Tatsuha didn't.

No, he remembers running out the room with his family's worried voices lingering in the hallway. He remembers storming out of the hospital into the pouring, non-stop rain and falling to his knees. He remembers beating the harsh ground with clenced fists. He remembers Mika wrapping her arms around him and Eiri holding his bleeding hands in his own. He remembers losing consciousness not long after.

But most of all, he remembers waking and seeing his Mother's tear-streaked face looming over his in the hospital bed. Apparently, his Mother had refused to let the Nurses put her son in another room and they allowed him to stay in the same room. He remembers her shaking arms curled around him, and her snowy voice whispering, "Shhh. It's alright, darling. I'm here now. You'll be okay."

Instead of him speaking the caring words, she said them. He remembers his Father telling him that's what she needed at the time. So many people had comforted her and she had been doubting they needed her anymore. But when she saw her youngest boy crying with bandaged hands, she had known it wasn't true. They needed her but they were trying to be strong. And with him at the time, she could be one that comforted her baby boy, instead of being comforted by him.

Again, Tatsuha believed that he would never feel scared; not after the last two times.

Just like the second time had crept upon him, the third time came crashing to shore.

When Eiri had left for New York, Tatsuha felt like a part of him was ripped away. Him and Eiri had been close before then, and Tatsuha would admit that he was mad at his brother for leaving him.

Then Eiri had came back.

The Uesugi family was outside on the front porch, waiting for the eldest boy to return. When the car pulled in the driveway and Eiri stepped out, Tatsuha remembers thinking that nothing would ever be the same. But he had ran to his brother and when he was a few inches away from wrapping the elder in a bone crushing hug, Eiri had merely pushed him backwards. Tatsuha could still feel the pain when he had connected with the ground. Eiri had raised an eyebrow and after grabbing his luggage, walked past his little brother and into the house.

He wasn't scared because he wouldn't have his big brother. No, Tatsuha was scared because the boy who had came back, wasn't his brother. He was a stranger and he didn't know why his Father allowed him to live with them. He wanted his brother, not this look alike.

It had taken Tatsuha a while, but he soon realized that his big brother was still in that stranger. And Tatsuha was happy he didn't have a reason to be scared again.

Until Sakuma Ryuichi had left a note for him on his seventeenth birthday.

Tatsuha, meet us at the park near your house, 'kay? With lots of hugs, Ryu and Kuma.

With his heart attempting to beat its way out of his body, Tatsuha had made his way to the said park. Seeing Ryuichi sitting on a bench with Kuma on his lap, Tatsuha had felt some of the fear inside him fade away. Then Ryuichi turned towards him and the fear rushed back with vengence. It had taken over an hour of talking and little games for Ryuichi to tell him the reason of the meeting. To say Tatsuha had been surprised was an understatement and he showed it with his voice.

"What? You're joking right?!"

Ryuichi had merely shook his head and said, "No."

Another five seconds passed before the two came together in an air-stealing kiss.

And then the fifth scare held Tatsuha in its arms and refused to let go. He had to say goodbye to the one person that made him feel loved and cherished because his Mother's disease told him to. After two confusing weeks, Tatsuha had told Ryuichi he wanted to see other people, to get the chance to be on his own before settling down. Ryuichi had understood and Tatsuha had walked out of their shared apartment with no struggle.

But underneath the understanding laid a promise both made involuntarily; to be together again. They both knew it was there and Ryuichi had been silently waiting for it come out, but Tatsuha wasn't. Tatsuha had ignored the promise and promptly left the world of the living. Somehow - Ryuichi had told Shuichi he felt it had something to do with Tohma- Tatsuha disappeared.

Now Tatsuha was sitting laying in the very hospital bed his mother had years before. It had been a request of his, to be with his mother during the upcoming stay in the place he despised.

He was scared for the sixth time in his life.

He knew what was coming. The tests, the neverending surgeries to cancel out the disease, the pain. He didn't want to do this. There wasn't a chance he would survive and he knew that, no matter how much he told his father he believed.

He felt the hand holding his tighten and Tatsuha sighed. Without the man next to him, he didn't know what he would do. Feeling a calming hand roam through his hair, Tatsuha let himself be taken to dreamland with the voice of his Father whispering calming words.

GRAVITATION

So? How was it?

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