Pretty Boy Haven Chapter One, a naruto fanfic

(o)(n)(e)

Oh my pretty, pretty boy I love you
Like I never ever loved no one before you
Pretty, pretty boy of mine
Just tell me you love me too.

STANDARD DISCLAIMER APPLIED.

Hey you!

Yes, you!

I'm Haruno Sakura, 5'2" in height and 115 in weight. Currently worth 18 years of heartbeats and am one hundred percent Japanese despite the genetic mutation of my hair.

Besides the pink hair and the fan boys, (Facebook is never really the same when you actually have stalkers on it.) I'm also famous for my stubbornness, angriness and obsessiveness.

Yeah, I'm cool like that.

I'm a happy supporter for "D.Gray-Man Pwns All. Yes, your mom too." including "Fellow fan girls sworn by our blood, we will find out which shampoo Kaname uses!" and "Enough with Team Rocket blasting off again!"

By the way, Strawberry Milk Tea is the best thing mankind has ever created.

That also goes for Tiramisus, French Vanilla Cappuccinos, Hershey's Cookies & Cream Chocolates and Skittles.

Gotta love the Skittles.

Spiders scare the crap out of me along with soap operas, Elmo's pet fish and Vanessa Hudgens without her clothes on. Actually, people without their clothes on in general.

My ambitions include world domination or becoming a doctor. And since the former can't be accomplished before I start wearing wrinkles, I'm going with the latter.

Reasons include dying is bad. It's ugly. It's sad. It's so horrifying in so many ways. But I'll save them. I'll get rid of the sorrow and loneliness it brings.

Especially…

The loneliness.

That's the worst feeling you can ever get.

Being all alone…

Someone…

By yourself…

Save me…

And no one else.

I'm lonely…

Tick.

Tock.

Tick

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Time seeming to stop.

Silence engulfing your five senses.

Just like when daddy ran away.

And nothing else.

Whatever it takes,

I'll bring smiles and relief into this world.

"Sakura, Mommy's going to be at work so you have to take care of yourself okay?"

"Okay…"

Even though I said that, my mind was begging.

Don't go.

Don't go!

Don't leave me mommy.

I'll stop the crying.

Don't leave me all alone like daddy did.

I'll make sure of that.

Because when something's gone, it's irreversible.

Don't leave me all alone like daddy did.

The pain is forever existent.

And daddy…

You made me all alone.

S e v e n P r e t t y B o y s

"A pleasure to meet you too." I said as calmly as possible, bringing all the sarcastic skills I've practiced over the years before me, but it sounded a bit muffled. Hello! Pie in the face, remember?!

Oh life is sweet, really.

Especially when you have a pie stuck to your face and you absolutely abhor bananas to the fruit's very stem.

These guys are so dead.

The smirking and snickering had cease.

The lazy ass with the pineapple head had finally woken up from his dreams and is currently staring at me dryly.

It's either I'm really out of date with hair trends or…that guy really needs a haircut.

"Welcome to our dorms, Haruno-san."

I raised a perfectly trimmed eyebrow; a bit surprised that one of them had actually spoken to me civilly. I swear there was going to be an all out pie war.

"Shizune-san had informed us already. We've meet expecting you, Haruno-san."

It was difficult with cream on your sclera but I tried to focus my eyes to the one who spoke.

Alabaster skin.

Charcoal orbs.

Dark flat locks.

And fake smile.

"Whoopee, a pretty girl with jaw muscle problems."

I instantly clamped a hand over my mouth.

Holy crap. Did I just say that out loud?!

"Whoops…" I squeaked out.

"…"

A smile was still maintained on her face but I couldn't help but feel the temperature dropping a few degrees.

Swish of a blizzard.

But it's not winter yet!

The pineapple dude snorted. "He's a man."

Oh...

Oh.

…OH!

That would make much, much, more sense.

I thought something was off. His voice was way too low to be a female's.

Then again, I've seen a lot of creepy things in my life. Like that one time where I've mistaken this romance manga for shoujo but it was really yaoi, oh my god—

He was still smiling, taking two steps forward.

"I-I'm sorry." I chirped out nervously.

"Oh no, it's okay Haruno-san." He reassured calmly.

My tensed shoulders slackened.

"I guess it couldn't be helped because my face, compared to your ugly one is a thousand times more attractive." His teeth sparkled when he smiled.

A vein pulsed painfully at the top of my normal sized forehead.

He introduced himself with forced politeness and bowed mockingly. "My name's Sai."

I smiled back, my fists unconsciously clenching and unclenching itself. Calm down, Sakura, calm down. No matter how much you want to bash this pretty boy's face in, it's still a crime and you have way too many witnesses.

Suddenly, something furry with floppy ears pounced onto me, knocking me over. This is usually the moment where I scream if a tongue didn't start slobbering my face with saliva.

"Ah! Akamaru! Don't eat trash off the floor!"

Trash…?

Oh, it is on.

I glared through my uneven vision.

Sharp canine eyes.

Mop of chocolate-brown hair.

Deeply tanned skin.

Pointy-looking fangs. (I think those are teeth.)

And red triangle tattoos.

A dog boy huh?

"Tch. Takes one to know one, you zoophile." I snarled back.

He practically dropped Akamaru and glanced back at me blankly.

"…"

"…Zoophile? The heck's that?"

The Lazy Ass slash Pineapple Dude smirked. "Individuals that suffer Zoophilia. Heh."

"..."

"…I'm still lost." Dog boy remarked, clueless eyes searching Lazy Ass slash Pineapple Dude's.

"You're awfully troublesome Kiba." Lazy Ass slash Pineapple Dude complained. "It means you have an sexual attraction to a non-human animal."

"…?"

He yawned sleepily before continuing, "So she's pretty much saying you're in love with your dog."

"I'm what?!"

A blur of yellow faded in front of me. A gigantic smile that could stretch a mile was fixed onto a stretched-up face. Oh, a boy on crack.

"Hi there Sakura-chan!" The boy before me screamed, volume beyond the limit.

"The name's Uzumaki Naruto! It's an honor to meet you!" He stuck his out his hand and shook mines rapidly. I swore my arms were going to pop out of its sockets. A foolish smile was plastered onto his face as he tried to control his laughter. "And I like you! I so agree on Kiba being in love with his dog, ahahahaha…" He started laughing. But I was distracted…

Sakura-chan?

Chan?

Oh, I'll chan you alright…

It was only then that I took a good look at him.

Cerulean eyes.

Tanned Skin.

Genuine Smile.

Flashy yellow hair.

And a dumb aura.

One word: bright.

Oh no, not the bright as in "smart" bright but more like a physical bright. Is it just me or is he glowing? Probably just me, I still have the damn pie on my face, remember?

But that was when the door decided to open. With a creak, a boy sporting scruffy red air, sea-foamed eyes surrounded by dark bags from insomnia I noted (my medic skills paying off) walked in. A kanji of love was engraved onto the side of his forehead and he…had no eyebrows.

"Oh my god, an insomniac killer!"

He was about to walk pass me without giving any acknowledgement when he promptly halted in his step.

I said it out loud again didn't I?

His sea-foamed gaze fell on mine. Hee, it reminds me of a panda.

A puzzled look marred my expression when I felt a deadly aura blazing around Panda-kun.

Mother always said my mindless babbling would eventually kill me one day.

…Why didn't I listen to my mommy?!

"Ahahaha…Sakura-chan! Why don't you get yourself cleaned up? I'm sure having a pie in your face is very uncomfortable don't you think?" A flash of golden waves appeared in my peripheral vision once more.

But I didn't even bother to reply because I was already in the bathroom.

5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

Breakdown.

OH.

MY.

GOD.

WHAT.

THE.

HELL.

WAS.

THAT?!

Someone, please tell me I did not did what I just did.

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

How stupid can I get?!

Oh my god. I made enemies before the semester has even started!

And a pretty, pretty girlie boy and a pretty, scary insomniac killer PLUS a zoophile at that!

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Oh god.

I should get shot.

Oh my stupid god.

How can someone be so retarded?

Oh yeah, me.

Someone, shoot me now.

Actually, don't!

Panda-kun'd probably kill me anyway.

So long peaceful college days!

No, wait—

Wait a minute.

Wait just a minute.

Was it really my fault?

I was just defending myself, it was self-protection.

So technically it wasn't my fault right?

Yeah.

So there's no need for me to regret it.

Yeah, that's right.

It was their fault.

Those bastards.

They threw the pie first.

Yeah.

It's not my fault at all.

THAT'S WHY MEN SUCK, PERIOD.

But I still have to get back out there.

…Crap.

After spending almost an hour in the bathroom, I finally got rid of the pie residues.

Just for hitting me with the pie, I'm emptying out all their hair conditioners and bath cleansers.

I got out of the tub, wrapped a pink towel around my small frame all the while grabbing another smaller towel out of my luggage for my soaked hair.

I smiled contently at the empty bottles finding home in the garbage can.

Take that, Filthy Rich Banana Cream-Glaring-Pot-Smoking-Wanted Bastards.

I was about to take out some clothes to put on when the door suddenly slammed open and a dark figure strode in.

I shifted to stare, appalled.

…How the hell did he open that?

I could've sworn I locked the door.

Oh for the love of god, I'm half naked!

And I forgot my glasses—

Wait—

I stared at him.

He stared at me.

"…"

No reaction…?

He stood by the doorway unmoving.

I stared at him.

He stared at me.

No reaction.

"…"

"…?"

"We need to talk. Come out to the living room after you're done." And with that, he slammed the door hard. The wall hangings beside the door trembled from the force.

Oh, did he just speak?

I stood there dumbfounded, a bit mesmerized.

I think...

I just saw God.

That's saying a lot because I was starting to prefer manga bishounens over real men. I mean seriously, the latter aren't as pretty as the former nowadays.

My mind squealed but my outer was still looking on dumbly. I shook my head to get rid of the dirty thoughts.

Good god, I'm 18! Stop acting like a stupid schoolgirl!

Well technically, I am one but it's still no excuse!

An image of the boy was clearly imprinted in my mind. Spiky raven hair, aristocratic nose, dark, smoldering eyes that you could drown in; the colour of onyx and the most gorgeous face you could ever imagine! His skin tone was so pale.

I curse you photographic memory.

Ahh, maybe he's born with it.

Maybe it's Maybelline.

I smacked myself for the stupid pun.

His skin was so smooth too.

I shook my head furiously, slapping my face back and forth to rid of the dirty thoughts once more.

Great, now my cheeks hurt.

After realizing what the god, err—boy said before he left, I speedily rummaged through my packed clothing.

Deciding on a baby blue Bebe Sport shirt, with a white V-neck blouse over it and a pair of faded denim capris, I rushed out the door. I felt my damp hair flying across my shoulders.

I stopped though, finally remembering a piece of vital information. I dug through my backpack and exclaimed quietly when I found what I was looking for.

My fugly glasses.

I slid them on and scrambled out into the living room, heaving my luggage so it can sit in front of me.

My pretty "roomies" were all lined up on the sofa,

Is that leather?

They were giving me their full attention. It felt a bit unnerving but I kept my cool façade.

My first observation was correct because they were indeed handsome. Damn men and their prettiness, makes my hatred a whole lot harder.

BLAME THE HORMONES!

"So…what's up?" I started lamely, getting uncomfortable with the glaring. You would think they would have something so much better to do like bathing in money or something.

"Hey Ugly Hag." Sai waved happily.

Twitch.

"I read in a book that you should give the people around you pet names to create a more comfortable and friendlier atmosphere."

Ah. An emotionally retarded girlie boy with jaw muscle-problems. Hallelujah.

"As an artist, I feel that you're the perfect example of a lonely woman that will live with ten cats during her sixties in a one-bedroom condo that plays bingo but never wins at the local community center every Sunday."

And a self-proclaimed artist who apparently finds comfort in others' miseries through verbal exchanges and probably likes Bingo.

"You're cute!" Naruto declared randomly, jumping out of his seat. "You wanna go on a date with me later, Sakura-chan?"

One side of me was muttering, You're kidding me…right?

But another side of me was screaming, Kya! Say yes! Say yes! He is such a hottie! Jump him! Jump him now!

I should really get rid of my alter ego.

"Or do you wanna go a little downtown?" He wiggled his eyebrows. "If you know what I mean…" Offering me a perverted expression.

Where was I before? Oh yes, I was going to chan him.

Before I could respond, a hand reached out and smacked him.

"Hey—I was going to ask her about ramen!" Naruto shrieked furiously, smacking the arm back.

As my eyes traced the arm back to it's owner, it only left me blushing.

Kyaa! It's the GOD! My insides screamed, telling me to tackle him to the floor and rape him on the spot.

Didn't you just tell me to jump the Ramen Pervert On Crack seconds ago?!

His orbs darted toward me. Our visions aligned. My viridian and his onyx, connected.

OVERLOAD!!

Stop staring. Stop staring now!

I quickly averted my eyes, feeling my face heating to the max.

The guy beside him scoffed. "Sasuke, it seems like you have another fan girl."

"Hn."

What's a… "Hn"? And I'm a what?!

Flashback of memories.

Giant mobs of boys chasing after me.

Replace boys species' chromosomes y with girls species' chromosomes x.

Imagination taking effect.

"Kyaaa! Will you go out with me?"

"I love you so much!"

Repetitive flashing cameras.

Mountains of gifts piling over my desk and mailbox.

Love letters flying everywhere.

"You're the greatest!"

Stop touching me.

Good god, stop touching me.

You're too close!

Kissy faces aimed at you.

It's crowding.

Ringing of the cell phone and home phone.

I'm not picking up!

Just GO away.

I was brought out my trance when I noticed Naruto staring at me intently, a concerned look adorning his innocent expression.

Was that supposed to be cute?

Well, it was working… until he started giving the pervy look. Stupid Ramen Pervert.

But back to business, that guy did not just lower me to those levels.

My viridescent eyes narrowed down at him.

Long silky, smooth hair. Damn, nicer than mines.

White-eyes with a dash of lavender.

Milk-coloured skin.

Passive face.

So will someone please explain to me how a blind transvestite keeps his hair so nice? Then again, the feminine thing works on Sai but dude for him…it doesn't work at all except the hair. As a matter of fact, how does he know how to judge a person when he can't even see?

I realized I unconsciously said that out loud because everybody's face distorted into one of surprise, amusement and anger. But most of the anger was generating from the blind transvestite in question.

I think I should really get rid of this habit of blurting things out without passing the info through my brain first.

I saw him glare in my direction, all it's whiteness focusing on me.

Naruto and the Zoophile boomed with laughter with the former patting onto said Blind Transvestite's back. "Haha, Neji. Ahahaha…" The action seems to be making it worse because veins were pulsing dangerously on Neji. I wonder if he has high blood pressure too?

But I was immediately distracted when I noticed Sasuke's appearance. Honestly, there's no straight guy that can keep his skin so perfect. It was flawless. Mother says there is no straight guy that can ever keep his visage so intact. All except for…

I just had to ask.

"Hey, are you gay?"

His head immediately whipped in my direction. Dude, didn't he get whiplash?

But seeing him giving me his full attention, I babbled on, "Can you teach me how to keep your skin so clear? Because sometimes I get these really disgusting pimples that facemasks can't even get rid of! Will you teach me, pretty please?"

I turned my body in his direction, eyes expectant.

"Actually, can you recommend me some face wash too? You use Neutrogena? It's Neutrogena isn't it? Oh and which brands of makeup do you recommend? I'm actually running out of stock and it'd be great to have a shopping girlfriend."

For some reason, everyone stopped.

All was quiet.

I could've sworn I heard crickets creaking in the background.

I watched as Sasuke's stoic face twisted into one of surprise, following with one of trying to regain his composure before one of disgust before ending it with a look of annoyance.

"Tch." And he looked away, pouting…?

Naruto choked on his own spit and started rolling around the floor laughing hysterically.

"Teme's gay?! Ahahaha…!!" Tears flooded his eyes as he kept on laughing.

"Oh my god…Aha-Ahahahaha! Shopping girlfriend?!" He laughed on, clutching his trembling stomach. "Ahahaha…Sakura-chan! Please marry me! Ahahaha…"

His face was turning red. "S-Shikamaru! Hahaha…isn't she hilarious?! Ahahaha…"

"Shikamaru" The addressed man aka the Lazy Ass slash Pineapple Dude merely stared at him before muttering something his breath. "Troublesome…"

Assuming Sasuke won't be answering me anytime soon, I shrugged dejectedly. Gay men and their prettifying secrets…

I decided to pursue another subject. "So, where will I be sleeping?"

Sasuke's eyes peered at mine before reciting monotonously.

"It's recommended that you move out. But if you don't, then you'll be sleeping on the fold-up couch." With a jerk of his head, my viridian gaze fell on a white couch positioned near the door.

"The rules in here are simple, please refrain yourself from unleashing your hormones. Privacy is given to each individual so our rooms and bathrooms are off limits."

I blinked once, twice, three times.

"You expect me to sleep by the door?! What am I? A dog?" I yelled out.

God or not, he needs some ass kicking.

Shikamaru sighed and replied nonchalantly. "No, Akamaru is." He pointed in the direction of a small couch where Akamaru laid sleeping soundly.

"I actually think of you more as a hag, Haruno-san." Sai commented sweetly.

The insult left me unfazed because I was too pissed at Homo here. "And what the hell do you mean by 'bathrooms' off limits, are you expecting me to go in a bush?!"

"It's your problem, not mines." "Homo" replied.

Akamaru woke up from his slumber, doggy eyes zooming back and forth, spotting me before landing onto the floor and pitter-pattered toward me. He hopped onto my lap, eyes staring at me expectantly before he rubbed his head on my arm all the while snuggling against me.

I felt a rush of fluffiness coursing through me. At least someone won't judge me.

I started patting its head gently, gaining a tender lick in return causing me to giggle.

"Heh, seems like Akamaru likes you." I lifted my head to see Kiba grinning at me. I smiled back softly.

I watched as he whistled for Akamaru to come over and the latter did. Akamaru hopped off my lap and found comfort on Kiba's head.

I snickered quietly.

I saw a hint of red highlighting his cheeks. Is he…blushing?

But it was gone when Naruto coughed loudly beside him all the while glaring at him.

Kiba glared right back before returning his eyes back on me.

He scoffed. "Well, just because Akamaru and this dumbass here," He referred to the boy beside him aka Naruto. "Dog-Breath, I'm sending you to hell—"

"Doesn't mean I'll like you. I mean, who in the right mind would dye their hair pink of all colours these days?"

Twitch. Twitch.

My knuckles turned white as I restrained myself from beating him to a pulp. "It's natural." I hissed out through gritted teeth.

"Troublesome women these days…"

I guess my tolerance snapped, there's seriously a limit to how much shit a girl can take in one day.

"Says the guy with the pineapple head who's lazy as a pig and is apparently a sexist too."

Shikamaru blinked back at me, eyes widening a bit at my tiny outburst before muttering, "Troublesome woman…" He buried his head in his arms, trying to wipe out my existence and probably everyone else's.

Silence reigned once more.

"Speaking of rules, you'll be in charged of the chores too." The Blind Transvestite added.

Yup, totally snapped.

"I am not your freaking maid—" I tried to argue but was frozen into place by the murderous glare courtesy of Panda-kun over there. I zipped it.

I'm so not giving in. I'm going to give them a piece of my mind… when Panda-kun's not around. Yes, that's right. They'll be vulnerable then.

But memories hit me like a bolt of lightning.

I recalled slaving over homework and studying until 3 in the morning. After that I would go to school and endure long hours of tedious lectures, getting tasks from teachers where we might as well call slave drivers. Only to come home and see a strange man in the house your mother bought over. And from time to time you would hear moans and groans coming from the next room over.

I shuddered at the thought.

I remembered forgetting to eat breakfast, sometimes lunch and all the time, dinner and getting cramps while working. I've even fainted from the lack of nutrition once.

I remembered sleepless nights. My dreams—

Nightmares were always being plagued by pictures of dad. They would always begin with happy memories before it transitions into heart-wrenching waves of crying and searching. It sort of reminds me of a bad soap opera.

It hurts.

It really hurts.

For some unknown reason, I would always wake up with tear-stained eyes.

But it eventually stopped. After getting my acceptance into this college, a portion of weight was lifted off my shoulders. I didn't need to burden my mother any more.

Another reason I pursued for Konoha Leaf was for the dorms. I knew my mom could take care of herself. After all, she's a big girl now and with Taco Bell taking care of her I wouldn't have to worry as much.

But my point is, I've tried so hard.

I stood up, uneven bangs shadowing my eyes. My "keeping cool" nags have been long tuned out.

"You guys…"

They all gave me their full attention, a little taken aback by my sudden behavior.

"…are the most conceited, arrogant, selfish lowlifes and bastards I've ever met!"

I inhaled, "You think life always goes your way when you have so much money you spoiled brats?! I know you provided most of the funds for the school and I'm a dirty commoner who got a scholarship to even attend does not, I repeat, DOES NOT make you better than me because apparently, my attitude is so much better than yours!"

"Well kind of…" I berated myself inaudibly before continuing my angry rant.

"But you started it!" I stomped my foot childishly.

"I've been through way too much crap in my life and I'm not about to let seven assholes stop me!" I spat out vehemently.

"And if you don't get it, it means you!" I shot out a finger at the blonde who jumped in surprise. "The Ramen Pervert On Crack! And you!" I pointed at Kiba who also jumped, Akamaru cowered a little, "Ugh, you Zoophile! I'm not the only one whose genetic code had been messed with!"

I pointed two fingers at Panda-kun and the half-napping teen. "And you two! The Insomniac Killer and The Sexist Pig!" The two's mouths dropped slightly.

"And especially you two!" I twisted my whole body around to face the worst two of the gang. "Hn-ing Homo In Denial and the Blind Transvestite! There's no way in hell I'm sleeping on the fold-up couch! I can go to the bathroom whenever I want to! I'm not a mutt!"

"No offense, Akamaru." I interjected briefly, giving Akamaru a knowing look before resuming my scary yelling.

"And I'm definitely not doing any maid work around here! So fucking live with it!"

The remaining two merely stared at me impassively, faces showing hints of meeting me for the very first time.

"Language, Haruno-san." Sai commented, still wearing that smile of his.

I smacked my normal sized forehead. Do I even have to bother telling him off? The Emotionally Retarded, self-proclaimed girlie artist? Okay, that's long. Let's just go with ERSGA. Ers-Ga!

"You guys are insufferable!" With that, I stormed out the door with a slam, leaving my belongings behind because I will be back!

"Annoying." Muttered an irritated Sasuke.

"I think she hates us." Naruto spoke, a grin still hanging on his face.

"You think Ramen Perv?" Shikamaru muttered sarcastically, before burying himself into his arms once more.

Naruto frowned at the sarcastic comment, "Sexist Pig…" he muttered to himself.

Neji was grumbling to himself too though barely audible, but you could pick up a few mentions of, "Transvestite?"

"It's because of your girly hair you idiot!" Naruto called out gaining a smack on the face from a very peeved Neji.

"Dobe." He heard Sasuke breathe out before marching into his room.

Naruto rubbed the sore spot where he was smacked. "I live in a world of bullies." He glowered.

Heh. But today sure was intriguing.

It's not a scene you see on a daily basis.

Sakura was entirely opposite of normal and practically the definition of what they never seen before.

She was different, definately interesting.

He sprang off the couch. "Maybe college would be fun after all…"

In the east wing of the school, a girl with bubblegum tresses sneezed, rubbing her nose hastily.

"I really shouldn't have done that…" She whispered to herself, the breeze picking up causing tiny goose bumps to rise over her exposed skin.

5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

Breakdown.

"Ahhhhhhhhh!" A muffled scream.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid."

Nonstop chanting.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid. Sakura you're so stupid!"

Lots of stomping.

"Ugh, I am so stupid!"

More mumbling.

"Why the hell did I do that?!"

A bit of screeching.

"My college days are over!"

And some bawling.

"This is even worse than Ron and Kim getting together! I mean, what about Rufus?!"

Kicks and punches aimed at thin air.

"Ugh, this is why I hate men!"

Author's Note:

MY EXAMS ARE LONG OVER! So here's a quick update.

I HOPE EVERYONE ENJOYS HIS/HER SUMMER VACCAY. :)

& Review. :3

! Kat.

P.S. (WARNING: Chapter 405 Spoilers.)

"Hi! Nice to meet you! I'm Jiraiya, you can give me a love letter later!"

That actually made me a bit sad.