Chapter rating: T

Author's note: I hope you're all still enjoying this story, there are some 300 hits per chapter, so I know it's being read :-) (though really, some reviews would be nice :p) So I thought I'd ask your opinion on a dilemma I'm facing. The next chapter will revolve around "Night Terrors", which is a pretty Troi/Crusher heavy episode. As a result, I'm half way done with the chapter and it's already 12 pages long. I'm estimating the whole thing to be around 15 thousand words. So far each chapter has averaged around 3 to 4 pages or 2000 words.
I'm thinking of taking the most important scenes and post those as Chapter Nine of Parterre, and post the whole "Night Terrors" story as a separate file. What do you guys think? Any suggestions would be appreciated

Okay, enough of that, time for Chapter Eight b and a dive into Beverly's past. I'm not sure what the consensus is on the events on Arvada III, presumably during which her parents were killed, so I came up with an explanation of my own. No idea if it holds up against scrutiny of the Beverly-fans, so I'd sure appreciate comments/criticism :-)

Feedback: Pretty, pretty, pretty please? I live for feedback, sort of, and any kind is welcome…

Chapter Eight b "Galaxy's Child"

With a heavy sigh the counselor let herself fall into the chair next to Beverly. "I'm going to be sore tomorrow."

"Me too," the doctor agreed.

"I haven't danced like this since the Academy."

"Hmmm, fun though."

"Yes." Troi smiled and for a second Beverly forgot about the hundred people dancing and talking around them.

Somehow, over the course of Beta-shift, the celebration had turned into a full blown party. People were dancing and drinking like there was no tomorrow and Beverly had happily joined them.

Will had finally convinced nurse Hudgens to dance. The couple almost collided with Data who swept nurse Powell across the dance floor without much regard for others. "Nothing like a birth to cause a celebration," she murmured, glancing out to the stars again.

"Everybody is certainly in high spirits," Deanna agreed.

She found herself unable to think of a response. The evening had been fun, she'd laughed and danced and had finally stopped worrying about the tension between herself and Troi. Yet, for the entire evening she had felt disconnected. She'd watched Troi twist her butt, Riker being told off and Geordi reluctantly keeping himself in check as if she was a scientist, observing an ant colony scuttle about.

Deanna's eyes were on her face, but she couldn't meet them, or look away. Perhaps it was the liquor, or the desire to get away from the cold stars looming outside that kept her from objecting when Deanna took her hand and tugged.

For a few seconds she thought the counselor was leading her to the dance floor and relaxed in relief when they crossed to the exit doors. It was only when they were standing in front of her quarters, two decks up, when she realized they were still holding hands. Blushing, she pulled hers back and glanced down the empty corridor.

After a slight hesitation she followed Troi inside, a little unsure what to do with herself while the other woman ordered beverages from the replicator. Awkwardly she sat down in her favorite chair, her back turned to the stars and accepted the steaming cup of tea.

"So talk."

"A-about what?" Suddenly she realized the counselor had her cornered. Unbidden she imagined Deanna telling her everything would be all right, that they could be lovers, taking her hand and kissing her like that evening in Troi's quarters. Panic rose in her chest.

"About today's encounter, what bothers you so much?"

Relieved, but somehow disappointed, Beverly took a deep breath and brought her mind back to safe territory. "I honestly don't know," she admitted, "I've been in this weird mood all day and I can't seem to shake it."

The Betazoid's black eyes shone with sympathy and she couldn't escape the feeling of Deanna knowing what had eluded her all day. "It is connected to what happened today?" When she didn't reply Troi pressed on, "or maybe it's because you miss Wesley? Or…?"

She was grateful the counselor didn't verbalize the other option, as there had been only one other thing, or rather person, on her mind. "It's not Wesley. Of course I miss him and worry about him, but I know he's doing well and can handle himself."

Troi nodded, her hair shifting slightly, "the encounter with the aliens then?" A flash of guilt hit her and suddenly the doctor felt wholly uncomfortable. "You delivered the baby successfully, it's going to be fine thanks to your quick thinking."

"We killed the mother." The words rushed out before she could even think about them.

"It was an accident," Troi countered, "we were trying to help."

Beverly huffed and met Deanna's eyes head on. "Some help."

"We tried," Troi insisted, "and we saved the baby."

"Yeah, but not the mother. We don't know anything about how it was supposed to grow up. Maybe it needed anti-bodies from its mother, or maybe none of the others can raise it. We don't know the impact it'll have. What if-" She halted mid-sentence and looked down at her hands, now held in Troi's.

"No one should have to grow up without a mother," Deanna whispered ever so softly, her voice so soothing it was painful.

Tears sprang to her eyes, but Beverly refused to let them fall, or even acknowledge them. "I never knew mine," she whispered, defeated. "I don't even know why I suddenly miss her this much."

"There have been a lot of changes in your life this year."

"Yes. I can talk to you, to Nana, but it's not the same. I wanted to talk to her when Wesley left, when I was treating the Captain, when…" She didn't finish, unwilling to admit that her mixed up feelings about the woman holding her hands were another reason why she missed her parents so much. "It's silly," she continued when Deanna didn't speak, "how can I miss what I never had?"

The counselor's expression didn't change, possibly because she didn't know either. "You know what you could've had," she said, squeezing her hands. "You deal with concerned mothers almost everyday, you are a mother."

"I was five and Nana raised me after that. She's my mother for all intents and purposes."

"You are not belittling what she did, who she is to you, by missing your mother Beverly."

Crusher swallowed, fighting tears again. She'd lived with the absence of her parents for almost forty years, why did she still get choked up when talking about them? "Sometimes it feels as if it does. Nana saved my life. She's the reason I became a doctor."

"What happened on Arvada three?"

The question hung between them, looming overhead like a dark cloud. Troi had never asked her so directly. Chills covered her body and she swallowed, fighting the memories. She didn't have many memories, but the few she had were ceaselessly ruthless. Images no child should have to see. Every muscle in her body tensed up.

"We called for help," Beverly said tersely, "but there were no ships close enough. Almost three hundred people died of infections and poisoning." Silence interrupted, giving her a chance to cover her emotions, at least outwardly. Images of disfigured bodies flashed through her head. The black bullseye lesions, sometimes the size of her father's fist, covering skin like a hungry predator. "When we ran out of medical supplies, Nana figured out how to use the planets herbs and plants to slow down the infection and counter the poison. Only a dozen people lived."

Tears fell down her face and while she could pull her hands away from Troi's and erase the evidence of her emotions, she didn't. The warmth of Deanna's skin on her own, the reassurance of the touch was all that kept her from succumbing to the tears. "What about your parents?"

She shook her head and looked at the photo's on her desk. "They were among the first people to die." Troi's grip tightened and she was grateful for the anchor the other woman provided. "My mother was a botanist. She'd gone into the southern forest with a biologist and a science team, headed by my father. They went in deeper than anyone had gone until then and discovered new species of wildlife. After a couple of days they came across a cave system, inhabited by animal and plant life that didn't need sunlight to survive."

It had been a major discovery, she remembered her parent's excited log entries well. They had been so proud of their discovery that they'd taken too much risk. "Deep in de cavern they found a massive plant. Nearly a hundred meters tall. So little life can be sustained without sunlight and here they'd found a plant that hadn't only sustained itself, but grown immense. They took samples of its leaves, roots and buds and made their way back to the colony."

The memories were so clear it scared her. The whole colony had celebrated the discovery when the teams had come back. Arvada III was a volatile planet and life had been hard on all the colonists, but finds like the one her parents had made were the reason for the settlement to endure the hardships. They had proudly unpacked the samples and displayed them, still in their protective casings. But in all the excitement, no one had thought about the rising sun. She shivered and closed her eyes, forcing herself to continue. "They displayed the samples, kept them protected in their containers. Somehow, the samples ended up in sunlight." Swallowing, she fought the fear that threatened to overwhelm her.

"They didn't, couldn't have known that the reaction would be so volatile. Most samples were unaffected or simply withered." The words rushed out of her mouth as if trying to keep up with her raging heart. "But the buds, they seemed to soak up the light. Everyone gathered around to watch, I wanted to too, but Nana was firm and ordered me to bed. When I wouldn't listen, she dragged me off. I didn't see what happened, but some kind of chemical reaction happened in the buds and it caused a pressure to build up in the containers. A few security personnel tried to pick up the containers and take them out of the sun, but the energy released had caused the containers to heat up. The security officers burned their hands and dropped the casings. They broke and the buds exploded on impact."

"At first everyone thought it was just dust, but it burned like acid into the skin of the people who got hit. The smell was horrible." Even in her room, half a mile away the stench of burning skin and the plant had reached her. "Nana realized something was wrong." She remembered her grandmother taking her to the colony's medical center and being given an air-filtering mask. The mask had saved her life. "With the masks she went back to the gathering. I was supposed to stay behind, but I couldn't. At first the damage seemed minimal, only the people who had been standing closest to the containers sustained burns. But soon people started to feel sick. Dizzy and nauseous. My mother had come to me, to tell me everything was going to be all right, when lesions broke out on her hands."

She couldn't speak anymore. The lesions had spread quickly and three days later her parents were dead. They'd been too close to the containers to have a chance. Breathing raggedly she finally dared to look up from her hands and face Deanna.

The counselor's face mirrored the emotions she tried so hard to suppress. Black eyes were watery with tears and sorrow and Troi's lips were drawn into a thin, quivering line. "I'm so sorry Beverly."

She laughed, ending on a sob. "I never told anyone this, not as an adult," she said awkwardly, still holding on to her tears. Troi just nodded in acknowledgement and wrapped her arms around Beverly's torso, pulling her close. After a moment she let go of her anxiety and relaxed against Deanna's warm body, her head resting on the Betazoid's shoulder. "I love my life," she murmured, "Wesley is such a joy and I love my job, my friends and I know I wouldn't be who and where I am today if things had been different back then." She paused and listened to Troi's heartbeat, it was noticeably slower than her own and only her medical training kept her from thinking the counselor had fallen asleep.

"But every so often, I wish things had been different. I'd gladly give all this up just to know my parents."

A hand smoothed over her hair, strangely reminiscent of what she remembered about her mother. "I know it doesn't mean much," Deanna said softly, drawing out each word to emphasize its importance, "but that's human Beverly, we all want to know where we come from."

"Hmmm, I guess. I just think sometimes that it would've been nice to grow up carefree. Arvada III was harsh and although Caldos was gentler, it was a relatively new colony when Nana and I moved there. It must've been wonderful growing up on Betazed."

For a second she felt Troi freeze and immediately realized the insensitivity of her statement. "Dea," she shot upright, "I'm--"

"It's alright." The sharp interruption stunned her. "I suppose my childhood would seem privileged to many."

"I didn't mean--"

Again she was interrupted, though this time Deanna's voice was softer and held no accusation at all. "It's alright Beverly, truly. We all like to think the childhood of others was easier than our own. I didn't have to face the horrors you did."

Beverly relaxed a little, but still couldn't shake the pangs of guilt. "Still--"

"Shh," she froze when a long, slender finger was pressed against her lips and suddenly felt exposed under the dark gaze of her friend. "What you went through was horrific, many children would have suffered lingering trauma as a result. But you managed to take that tragedy and deal with it, even turn it into a motivation for your career." The undertones in Deanna's voice were strong, forceful even and she couldn't deny feeling flattered by the words of praise. "You are so strong, because of what happened, because of your grandmother, but, also because of who you are. To know your mother Beverly, you only need to look into your heart."

She breathed the words Deanna offered and allowed pride to beat down her earlier fears and sorrows. "Thank you."

The counselor just smiled, affection alight in her eyes, and slowly stretched and stood up. "It's getting late, I had better get some sleep."

Glancing at the chronometer, Crusher startled. "Oh no! My shift starts in four hours!"

Deanna laughed and pressed a fleeting kiss on her cheek. "No worries, I arranged for you to have the day off tomorrow, Counselor's orders. I, however, have a patient at oh nine hundred."

"Thanks!" She called after the retreating woman, "and good luck in the morning."

Troi snorted and disappeared into the corridor, leaving Beverly to confront the sudden emptiness of her quarters.